Single parent dating.

[MouseLovingMom]

I can not help but notice ... there are no guys on this thread? (EDIT: looks like a missed some comments I did NOT think there were any guys on here) lol Single mommy from TX here stayed single for about 3 and half years dated someone a few months did not think it was the real deal so got out no need to waste years of my life or his. Been almost 2 years now single again. The 1st 3 years or so I was single that is what I wanted I grew a lot as a person and it was wonderful. Now that I have less than 2 years till I'm 30 and want more babies someday at least one Lord willing... well I want to find my prince like tomorrow. Not like a perfect prince either he can be more like a Eugene LOL just someone to spend the rest of my life with and be a father figure to my beautiful bright little girl. Loved being single it was sssoo good for me after the turmoil with her biological dad but so ready for the next chapter to share with someone special.

PS. I want to get married and runaway to Disney World for the honey moon of course or a Disney Cruise could do!

 

[MouseLovingMom]

From the opposite side of things...

I've been single for a bit over 6 years. I dated one girl in that time period that I met on OkCupid, she was great. No children, but great with my son. We talked for a while, I really tried to force it, but I didn't feel a strong chemistry.

Online dating gets frustrating. I message very few women because I know I what I'm looking for, but seldom get messages back.

I did the same thing!!! I have been single for almost 6 years. Dated a guy I met a music class in college and he was GREAT with my daughter even though he did not have kids. The chemistry was not very strong but I tried to force it. *sigh* I think because it felt safe. My DD's biological father who is not in the picture at all was not a nice person and put me through a lot. I knew the guy I was dating would never hurt me or my daughter so I just thought feelings would grow stronger and they didn't... ssooo I broke things off which was the right thing to do for both of us. Hey aren't you going to WDW in November?

 

[AZNative]

Dating is so overrate.

Here is what I've learned. Everyone is crazy. It's simply a matter of finding the level of crazy you're willing to tolerate.

 

[MouseLovingMom]

Dating is so overrate.

Here is what I've learned. Everyone is crazy. It's simply a matter of finding the level of crazy you're willing to tolerate.

True that!

 

[elcmum]

How do you date as a single parent?

How do you go about meeting new people?

When do you find the time?

I've been divorced for over ten years now, and I tried to date when my youngest was a toddler, but it didn't work out. The tough thing is that I couldn't raise my kids and focus my attention on them when I was otherwise distracted by men that weren't a priority in my life. That said, I also grew up in a blended household and while I love my stepmother now, I was pretty darn horrible to her as a teenager.

Sooooo... after much thought and decision, I made the conscious choice to not date and just enjoy my kids while they were young. When they were younger, it was definitely more difficult and every day was an emotional battle and I was just trying to survive, taking care of their needs and their lives and their schedules, until suddenly it became obvious that I made the right choice.

My oldest is a senior in high school and is busy volunteering (about 800 hours this year) at a historical museum and has less than a year left at home before she heads off to uni. My middle child is a stereotypical middle kid, and really felt the divorce the hardest and still needs extra love and attention. My youngest is a complete extrovert and swims competitively, so I spend about 8-10 hours a week sitting on a pool deck watching him practice while trying to catch up on work and staying in touch with my family back home. I realize now I would have missed the greatest years of my kids' life when my main job is to simply raise them. (Don't get me wrong: I have a great social life... it's just that it's with friends who also have kids the same age as mine, so I don't actually miss out on anything.)

Honestly, my head is in the best place and I'm happy and content and fulfilled with just being a mum. That said, my fun will come in a few years when my son won't need me as much. For now, I like to think that there is someone special out there who is going through the same motions with their own children and making the same priorities, and when the timing is perfect we'll come together and our kids will all be better for knowing that during their formative years we put them first.

 

[CaoilinnsMom]

I am over online dating right now. I am pretty busy, but it does not seem worth the hassle. I decided to take a step back and just let it happen with someone who I meet because of real life commonalities instead.

 

[Princess Angi]

I an 41 and never married mom of 4 kids (3 left at home, I was with their dad for a long time but we never married) and have been single for a LONG time. Off and on for 12 plus years basically. I did date a guy for 4 years and another for a year but other than that everyone I dated was 6 months or less. I mostly use online dating as a vehicle to meet people because I don't seem to be able to meet people in person ever (well I think the guy at GNC was hitting on me today but I think my son got the hint too and told him I was 57! LOL!). I have met some really nice men, just none that have been "the one". It gets very wearing on a person to date someone and get your hopes up, things are looking good and then it is over. To meet the nice ones though it seems like I have to weed through so many VERY bad ones. One day I WILL be writing a book.
I have had unsolicited ***** photos galore.
One who basically told me to use him.
More than one who sent things to my job after only telling them the name of the company I work for, always after I have told them to get lost.
The extra creepy one who I went on one date, had to cancel the second date because of a kid issue, he sent me a photo of the gift he made me based on every detail of my online profile.
The ones who you tell them you will chat later because you have to go to a work meeting only to come back to 20 messages from him sounding more and more desperate (one hour meeting) and you haven't even went on a date.
The ones who will message you still a month after you stop responding.
The one who lives down the block from me and stopped me on my run and THEN messaged me on a dating site.
The 80's rocker guy who's photo not only featured dated over bleached hair longer than mine, more rings than I own, a vest with no shirt under it but also white jeans and a moose knuckle.
The ones who can't understand I can't leave the house on a moments notice (I state very clearly in my profile I have 100% custody)
The guy who told me to f- off because I told him I needed to go to bed for the night.
The guy who after 3 dates and he kept telling me how he wished we were together while he was with his kids. Wanted to see me daily. First date he revealed he was a recovered alcoholic (ok fine), second he had gastric bypass (ok fine) and the third he proceeded to drop no less than 200 in pull tabs. I realized he couldn't control anything...he had to go to rehab to control his booze, surgery to control his food, and still had an issue with throwing money away and he was trying to control my time. After I told him it wasn't going to work he basically BEGGED Me to give "us" a chance. I told him I never consider someone on a third date an "us". He told me he didn't want me and my "nigglets" (my kids are biracial) anyway!
My most recent is I just went on a 3rd date and he was wearing a ring!!! (he had not been on the previous two!)
This is only a partial list and I am not a fiction writer. LOL!

 

[Mindertaz]

I have been a single mom for just a hair over 4 years and I haven't dated. At all. But, both my kids are begging for a Dad (I adopted them as a single mom) and my son has been on a quest to fix me up with every single man he ever comes in contact with. Apparently my son plotted with his bus driver and they decided to fix me up lol. We went on a lunch date last week and have spoken on the phone a lot over the last couple of weeks. He is a divorced dad with 50/50 custody and I am feeling very out of my element. He seems nice, and in theory he understands the demands of my special needs son and my non-special needs daughter, but we shall see. I have gotten here before and I have yet to find anyone that still wants to try to date, much less attempt a relationship and it just isn't my top priority. But, most have baled by now, so I am confused and cautiously optimistic. Scary.

 

[MouseLovingMom]

I have been a single mom for just a hair over 4 years and I haven't dated. At all.... But, most have baled by now, so I am confused and cautiously optimistic. Scary.

I wish you the best! Being a single parent is hard sometimes. I am at a place where I have been alone so long I am starting to feel so out place when I even try to pursue anyone. I totally understand not having a dad in the picture my daughter is getting to an age where its getting to her as well. Breaks my heart when she asks the hard questions and expresses wanting a dad. I honestly never dreamed I would be single this long I was very optimistic thought she would have a father figure and maybe even a sibling before she was even old enough to remember life without. Now here we are us against the world she will be 6 this coming spring. The struggle is real. I am the opposite finding someone is a priority though I am not really looking no time no social life lol.. I want so badly someone to call mine and to be a father figure for my girl.

 

[jevs]

I an 41 and never married mom of 4 kids (3 left at home, I was with their dad for a long time but we never married) and have been single for a LONG time. Off and on for 12 plus years basically. I did date a guy for 4 years and another for a year but other than that everyone I dated was 6 months or less. I mostly use online dating as a vehicle to meet people because I don't seem to be able to meet people in person ever (well I think the guy at GNC was hitting on me today but I think my son got the hint too and told him I was 57! LOL!). I have met some really nice men, just none that have been "the one". It gets very wearing on a person to date someone and get your hopes up, things are looking good and then it is over. To meet the nice ones though it seems like I have to weed through so many VERY bad ones. One day I WILL be writing a book.
I have had unsolicited ***** photos galore.
One who basically told me to use him.
More than one who sent things to my job after only telling them the name of the company I work for, always after I have told them to get lost.
The extra creepy one who I went on one date, had to cancel the second date because of a kid issue, he sent me a photo of the gift he made me based on every detail of my online profile.
The ones who you tell them you will chat later because you have to go to a work meeting only to come back to 20 messages from him sounding more and more desperate (one hour meeting) and you haven't even went on a date.
The ones who will message you still a month after you stop responding.
The one who lives down the block from me and stopped me on my run and THEN messaged me on a dating site.
The 80's rocker guy who's photo not only featured dated over bleached hair longer than mine, more rings than I own, a vest with no shirt under it but also white jeans and a moose knuckle.
The ones who can't understand I can't leave the house on a moments notice (I state very clearly in my profile I have 100% custody)
The guy who told me to f- off because I told him I needed to go to bed for the night.
The guy who after 3 dates and he kept telling me how he wished we were together while he was with his kids. Wanted to see me daily. First date he revealed he was a recovered alcoholic (ok fine), second he had gastric bypass (ok fine) and the third he proceeded to drop no less than 200 in pull tabs. I realized he couldn't control anything...he had to go to rehab to control his booze, surgery to control his food, and still had an issue with throwing money away and he was trying to control my time. After I told him it wasn't going to work he basically BEGGED Me to give "us" a chance. I told him I never consider someone on a third date an "us". He told me he didn't want me and my "nigglets" (my kids are biracial) anyway!
My most recent is I just went on a 3rd date and he was wearing a ring!!! (he had not been on the previous two!)
This is only a partial list and I am not a fiction writer. LOL!

You should be a comedy writer! I was giggling until the bolded. That one should have received a stiletto up the backside and then some.

So glad I'm more focused on travel at the moment. And always plenty of cats needing a home

 

[Princess Angi]

Yeah, he was a real winner! After that I pointed out EXACTLY why I had rejected him and that his racism confirmed I was right that he was a loser.
I had told him I wasn't going to see him again which had basically produced begging for me to try. It was at least a week or two later that I heard from him again, I again told him I wasn't interested and that is when he started in on my children.

 

[sdjen]

I've been single for a little more than 10 years now and am struggling with this. My dds dad cheated on me multiple times and we broke up while I was pregnant. I moved 700 miles from him before she was born. I make sure she sees him every summer (usually at my expense and my time) and he manages to call her every couple of weeks. I'm very grateful I didn't marry him because I see how his lack of effort in parenting is affecting his older children who live very close to him. He's not a horrible person just a crappy (lazy) parent. So, I've been a 100% single mom her whole life.

I've dated twice since she was born. First one when she was about 2. Lasted a couple of months before he dumped me in an email - nice.

Second was only two dates but OMG! After the second date he sent a dozen roses to my job and wrote I love you on the card. He then proceeded to call my cell and house phones non stop even though I told him my nephew was in the hospital and I was busy. Needless to say that ended quickly! Way to needy and desperate for me to handle.

Here is where I need some feedback. About a year ago, a good friend set me up with the brother of one of her longtime friends. At the time, he lived about an 8 hour drive from me. In the last year, he came to visit 4-5 times as he has family here. His dad passed away this summer but even before that he was talking about moving here to help with his mom who isn't in great health either. He moved here permanently about 2 weeks ago.

He is very nice, has a good career, is financially stable, has a great family etc... No kids of his own and has been divorced for a couple of years after a 20 year marriage. He's really good with my daughter and she likes him too. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm so used to doing everything for myself and can't handle having someone around all the time. He now lives about 15 minutes from me and wants to spend every day together. Also, it's been a year and other than a peck on the lips, he hasn't made any moves at all! That seems kind of weird to me.

I'm trying to decide if I am sabotaging everything or if I have valid concerns. I told him directly that I was used to doing everything myself and on my schedule so I was worried about having someone there all the time. Apparently that didn't sink in because he will call multiple times a day when we have plans for later. I am feeling a little smothered. Help!

Any advice?

 

[jevs]

No real advice. I would have to stop the multiple calls a day as that is just ridiculous and gets annoying very quickly after a certain age i.e. over 16 It sounds like you need to be very assertive about the visiting, it would drive me nuts to have someone (anyone) always calling in. Do you have any feelings for him? Make your heart flutter? Drag him to bed kind of thing? If not, then might be wise to ask yourself why you're continuing with the relationship, and ask if it's going to go anywhere. Then talk to him. One thing I'm 100% sure on is never to 'just settle'. Good luck!

 

[ourpartyofsix]

I divorced three years ago and have my kids 50% of the time. I did online dating and had a fine time, to be honest. I've been dating a man I met there for 1.5 years. Definitely difficult figuring out if we will/can have a life together with the kids we both have, different school districts, etc. Dating as a single parent is not for the tender hearted!

 

[sdjen]

No real advice. I would have to stop the multiple calls a day as that is just ridiculous and gets annoying very quickly after a certain age i.e. over 16 It sounds like you need to be very assertive about the visiting, it would drive me nuts to have someone (anyone) always calling in. Do you have any feelings for him? Make your heart flutter? Drag him to bed kind of thing? If not, then might be wise to ask yourself why you're continuing with the relationship, and ask if it's going to go anywhere. Then talk to him. One thing I'm 100% sure on is never to 'just settle'. Good luck!

Thought I would post an update. I finally had a conversation with him and told him what my concerns were. Told him I was feeling smothered and it bothered me there had been no physical interaction at all. Also let him know that I was not happy that there had been no typical dating behavior coming from his side. For example, he's never given me a compliment, planned a date, bought flowers etc... Virtually no effort to "woo" me if you know what I mean. I told him I needed some space and time to think about how I wanted to handle this. I told him multiple times I needed space and I would call him in a few days to set up a time to discuss again. He then proceeded to call me at least 2-3 times a day for that week. It totally pissed me off.

We then met for lunch to discuss face to face. I told him again what my concerns were and basically got nothing back. He just doesn't seem to be able to communicate as an adult. What was the final straw for me was when I told him that I felt like he was with me 75% because he liked my daughter. He said no, it was more like 50%! That told me that he wasn't right for me, I want someone who wants me for me - not because he wants an instant family. At that point I was done.

I know I did the right thing. It was hard on my kid but she's doing ok. One more thing that proved I was right was almost funny to me. Before we "broke up" he had agreed to keep my dog while we were on vacation. I told him if he didn't want to do it just let me know and I would find someone else. He agreed to do it. When we returned, he had the nerve to ask me if I was planning on paying him - I was blown away. After I calmed down, I responded that I figure we were even since I had driven 16 hours round trip - with gas and hotel at my expense - to help him move. I just cannot get over how clueless he is.

I've told him we can be friends but that's all it will be. I deserve more and won't settle for less. We actually went to a hockey game last night and while awkward was okay. My daughter likes him but understands we won't be anything more than friends. I won't lead him on but we will see how being friends work out. Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[firepuppy]

I am glad you were able to find out now and not later. I know it was hard, but I think you are in a better place.

 

[Talby]

Like many who have posted before me, I've dabbled in the online dating scene. I've run across several men who falsify information about themselves, whether it is age, weight, income, marital/attachment status--all sorts of things. That's why meeting someone in real life holds such an appeal to me. It just seems to have the potential to be more genuine and I'm all about genuine. I've found that of the men I have actively dated, even --those who have children, they've been dissatisfied with the amount of free time I have to dedicate to our relationship. And, honestly, I can't really blame them. I wish I had more to give, but my kids are always going to come first. I have ONE shot at raising them and I want no regrets about how I go about doing that. I already have this bit of guilt that their parents divorced. Their dad isn't very involved and it's caused some heartache for them, so it's exceedingly important to me that they know I am always going to make them my number 1 priority. Their dad has had a lot of women in and out of my kids' lives, so for me to introduce a man to them--well, it's going to be a very special man that I have serious feeling for. It's a tricky prospect, this single parent dating thing. It's great to have others to discuss these matters with!

 

[jmbarnes101]

I've gotta start by saying I'm sorry to all of you who've had your heart broken by someone because it sucks but the best thing we can do is forgive, move on, and do the best we can. Some days are easier then others and some days just flat out suck but that's what makes life worth living.

I've been divorced for about 5-6 years now and separated for longer. I've tried online dating which has been really not worth doing. I'm friends with one person and went on a few other dates. Typically I meet them and I'm not interested in perusing it farther or I message a person and don't get a response back. Apparently most women online here don't like dads with 50/50 custody and who like wrestling and football and love all things Disney. I have a full-time job and kids. Oh well, their loss. I've stopped trying to do the online thing.

I did date someone I met at work for a couple years and introduced her to my kids, 13 and 9, and while she got along with my highly functioning autistic younger daughter she completely clashed with my oldest. Personalities just didn't jive. I tried making it work but there were other issues and it just wasn't going to so I finally ended it and haven't spoken since. The last straw was when I took her on a vacation, paid for everything, and she did nothing but complain the whole time.

While I'd like to and am open to finding someone I think I'm just going to concentrate on my kids for now. They're getting older and we all want to travel more so in addition to paying off the last of my bills that's where I will be spending my time and money. It should be fun. If somewhere, sometime, something happens I hope to be ready to take advantage of if. My kids and I are going with my sister's family to WDW starting 9/30 for 8 days and We're all excited. Say hi if you're there. Should be fun.

Well that was therapeutic. Weird.

 

[firepuppy]

Thank you for sharing your story.

 

[jmbarnes101]

Thank you for reading. It was a nice diversion from packing for a move across town.