Single parent dating.

Carie Baker

Mouseketeer
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
From the opposite side of things...

I've been single for a bit over 6 years. I dated one girl in that time period that I met on OkCupid, she was great. No children, but great with my son. We talked for a while, I really tried to force it, but I didn't feel a strong chemistry.

Online dating gets frustrating. I message very few women because I know I what I'm looking for, but seldom get messages back.
V3rs3...
I think it's great that you responded to this thread. I think we Moms forget that there are single dad's that had things rough too. It's human nature to turn inward when you've been hurt and start blaming people for the pain. We forget we aren't alone. It helps me to know that it isn't just single moms that struggle, so thank you. I wish none of us had to go through the hurt and pain.
 

Mike_M

Mouseketeer
Joined
Mar 8, 2008
From the opposite side of things...

I've been single for a bit over 6 years. I dated one girl in that time period that I met on OkCupid, she was great. No children, but great with my son. We talked for a while, I really tried to force it, but I didn't feel a strong chemistry.

Online dating gets frustrating. I message very few women because I know I what I'm looking for, but seldom get messages back.
Another Male Perspective. :)

I've dated some in the 3 years since my divorce. Tried a couple of the online sites. I've met some very nice women, but haven't yet found someone with similar enough interests to feel like we were on the same page in life (Where are the Disney fans in the NW? lol). I don't think its impossible to meet someone good online, but I do think that meeting someone through your own circles (friends of friends, activities, interests) has the possibility of starting out on firmer footing.

To address a couple comments from earlier. As a single father, I can honestly say that there are plenty of us guys out there who actually prefer dating a woman with kids. I've found that the couple times I've dated someone without kids of their own, they just didn't understand how different life is with children. This is even more important as I'm approaching 40. Again, it's back to being on the same page with someone. For me, similar experiences are just as important as similar interests. I'm not saying that I need to find a carbon copy of myself, but I'm finding that too little in common doesn't seem to be a recipe that's worked out well either.
 

Carie Baker

Mouseketeer
Joined
Feb 25, 2015
I've been divorced for 13 yrs. I tried an online site after the first year...it told me that I was incompatible. Haha I tried again about 5 years later. I went on two dates. One...nothing in common and the other asked me back to his place to watch pornography within 15mins of meeting. I gave up online sites. I've gone out with a few set ups but all that did was make me question how well my friends don't seem to know me. Now I seem to have given up completely on dating. I'm ready to be a part of a couple I just can't seem to find the other person. I just keep hoping he will show up when it's right for both of us.
 
  • MsMamaBear

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Mar 29, 2014
    Another Male Perspective. :)

    I've dated some in the 3 years since my divorce. Tried a couple of the online sites. I've met some very nice women, but haven't yet found someone with similar enough interests to feel like we were on the same page in life (Where are the Disney fans in the NW? lol). I don't think its impossible to meet someone good online, but I do think that meeting someone through your own circles (friends of friends, activities, interests) has the possibility of starting out on firmer footing.

    To address a couple comments from earlier. As a single father, I can honestly say that there are plenty of us guys out there who actually prefer dating a woman with kids. I've found that the couple times I've dated someone without kids of their own, they just didn't understand how different life is with children. This is even more important as I'm approaching 40. Again, it's back to being on the same page with someone. For me, similar experiences are just as important as similar interests. I'm not saying that I need to find a carbon copy of myself, but I'm finding that too little in common doesn't seem to be a recipe that's worked out well either.
    I feel the exact same way! After dealing with an ex who I had little in common, I'm not doing it for the rest of my life!
     
  • kimblebee

    now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents
    Joined
    May 28, 2009
    I was a single mom to a 12 year old when I innocently started to talk to a guy on Facebook that I went to high school with. I was 36 at the time and dating was the last thing on my mind. I had been divorced for about 7 years and was quite happy to be alone. No one to have to answer to or worry about..just me and my girl. Yeah, the bug got me and after 10 months of dating he asked me to marry him. We got married last Boxing Day and I've never been happier. Never say never!
     

    IloveDisney77

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 6, 2009
    Wow...based off of all of this, I'm not looking forward to getting back to this dating thing! I've been separated now for 9 months (in NC you have to be separated for a year before you can get divorced) and my only focus right now is on the well being of my DD10. My soon to be ex-wife was always gone and had numerous affairs in the last couple years of our marriage and at this point in time I have zero desire at this point in time to get back into it. Right now, I simply want to live my best life possible with my daughter and worry about this "dating thing" in a year or two.
     

    Maggie'sMom

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 26, 2008
    Wow...based off of all of this, I'm not looking forward to getting back to this dating thing! I've been separated now for 9 months (in NC you have to be separated for a year before you can get divorced) and my only focus right now is on the well being of my DD10. My soon to be ex-wife was always gone and had numerous affairs in the last couple years of our marriage and at this point in time I have zero desire at this point in time to get back into it. Right now, I simply want to live my best life possible with my daughter and worry about this "dating thing" in a year or two.
    I think you've got your head on straight and your priorities in order.
     
  • NCTwinMom

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jul 16, 2015
    It's been two years since we separated (only got around to actually divorcing a few months ago) and I have no desire to date at this point. Maybe in the future I'll want to date again, who knows.
     

    Mindertaz

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    May 15, 2015
    I didn't particularly enjoy dating before i became a parent (via adoption, as a single parent), and now I am really struggling to find the time or motivation. I was ok with being single before and I am content with it now. My kids say they would like me to date (mainly they want a dad), but our lives are so busy as it is, I just can't imagine it. Maybe someday, but I am ok with life as it is for now.
     

    PghPixie

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 30, 2015
    Nothing positive here either :-( I've been divorced for 3 years and I've been on a few first dates since, but nothing to write home about. I've dabbled in the online dating world and have come to the realization that I am NOT going to meet my Prince Charming that way. It's just not for me at all (plus, I watch a little too much Lifetime and have all of those online dating murder movies in the back of my mind). I do get lonely sometimes and wish I had someone to share the joys of being a parent with, but I guess I'm ok for the most part.
     

    englanddg

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jun 30, 2012
    I haven't even tried. When I left my ex...I didn't go back into dating. Though I still look at women and think "what if"...

    I think part of the issue is "what if" could turn into "what will"...

    And, I'd rather keep control over my own life than cede it to another, especially as it involves someone else. I don't need someone I'm dating questioning why I send x amount of dollars to my ex's account or some crap like that...and I can imagine it's really hard for those with joint custody.

    It makes the whole "Hi, I'm available" conversation very difficult, as I will always put my kid before you, and as a result, will put my ex (as she has primary custody) before you, and I will put my trips with my kiddo above you (though I will invite you along, but you are the third wheel, I'm not there for you, I'm there to spend time with my kiddo)...

    As a result...probably easier just to stay single rather than find someone who can understand all of that. Even though I would love the day to day interaction of a mate...
     

    Mike_M

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Mar 8, 2008
    I haven't even tried. When I left my ex...I didn't go back into dating. Though I still look at women and think "what if"...

    I think part of the issue is "what if" could turn into "what will"...

    And, I'd rather keep control over my own life than cede it to another, especially as it involves someone else. I don't need someone I'm dating questioning why I send x amount of dollars to my ex's account or some crap like that...and I can imagine it's really hard for those with joint custody.

    It makes the whole "Hi, I'm available" conversation very difficult, as I will always put my kid before you, and as a result, will put my ex (as she has primary custody) before you, and I will put my trips with my kiddo above you (though I will invite you along, but you are the third wheel, I'm not there for you, I'm there to spend time with my kiddo)...

    As a result...probably easier just to stay single rather than find someone who can understand all of that. Even though I would love the day to day interaction of a mate...
    In the time I've been dating since my divorce, one of the things I've learned is how common my story really is. I may not have met that one woman yet who has similar interests, but I've met many with similar experience. The ups and downs of having children with an ex spouse is something all of us on this thread can relate to.

    Our children will always come first. The women I've dated understand that, and I've understood that about them as well. When I have my kids, I am unavailable for dates. That sometimes means a week or more in-between dates because of the time I spend with my kids. Dating with kids is so much slower and scheduled. I'm sure as well, that most of us would rather not have to deal with our exes again, but we do for our children's sake and to maintain as healthy a relationship as possible with our kids in the new normal of multiple households. It takes time for a total stranger to begin to earn a place in my life near to that of my kids.

    I wouldn't look at this as a negative though.

    The majority of the women I've dated have seen this as a good quality, not a bad one. I've heard many stories about fathers not making the time for their kids let alone not having the responsibility to reliably support the financial needs of their kids. The fact that I have joint custody and spend as much of my time with my kids as I do, and continue to provide for their needs, seems to put me into a minority among divorced men, which is sad to think of, but something I take pride in as well. Anyone worth a spot in your life needs to not only respect that, but want it in a potential partner.

    Keep in mind too that as a relationship grows, that person becomes important to your children too and does not remain a '3rd wheel' forever. I don't introduce anyone I'm dating to my kids unless it has become more serious (Which has only happened twice and after months of dating). It is more of a chance to introduce her to the most important people in my life and conversely, to introduce my kids to someone who is becoming very important to me as well. Families blend and become new again. It takes patience and maturity on everyone's part. We'll all get there. :)
     

    Dayman99

    I'm the guy in the blue.....
    Joined
    Sep 4, 2013
    Has anyone seen the movie "Bye, Bye Love" with Matthew Modine, Randy Quaid, And Paul Reiser?? I think if you watched that movie, it would give you a good idea of the single scene for single parents. I am a single Dad to a DS11 and have been single for 9yrs. (The ex had a better time with her boss I guess, haha!!) I have tried online dating like most people, only because the bar scene gets old real fast. I think most men like me in their 40's are more attracted to women with kids because they understand certain situations, like the previous poster has said. All in all, it will end up working out one way or another for all of us, just when you least expect it. So until then, everybody keep their heads up and plan Disney trips to ease the pain!!

    Steve
     

    MommyMeNDisney

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 21, 2015
    Has anyone seen the movie "Bye, Bye Love" with Matthew Modine, Randy Quaid, And Paul Reiser?? I think if you watched that movie, it would give you a good idea of the single scene for single parents. I am a single Dad to a DS11 and have been single for 9yrs. (The ex had a better time with her boss I guess, haha!!) I have tried online dating like most people, only because the bar scene gets old real fast. I think most men like me in their 40's are more attracted to women with kids because they understand certain situations, like the previous poster has said. All in all, it will end up working out one way or another for all of us, just when you least expect it. So until then, everybody keep their heads up and plan Disney trips to ease the pain!!

    Steve
    I haven't seen the movie. I'll have to add it to my list, thanks.
     

    Iheart3

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jan 28, 2015
    I remember "Bye,Bye Love". All I can say is if only dating was half as easy as the movie made it seem. Somehow its even worse. I don't understand the attraction of being in a bar and online dating was just awful. So now I just hang out with my family(kids) and friends or putter around the house. Its really not too bad. I've got total control of the TV remote (Ultimate Power) and can eat and sleep whenever, except of course when DD11 is here(70% of the time).
     

    JaxDad

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Sep 23, 2014
    I'm a single dad with awesome kids (DS11 and DD8) that I have 50 percent of the time for one week at a time. I had friends who tried to get me into dating when I was first divorced 2 years ago. I finally realized I just wasn't ready, and now wonder if I'll ever even want to date. I'm 53, I put everything I had into my marriage and my family, but it still was not enough apparently. I think I'm doing great as a single dad, and I'm happy and fulfilled by that.
     


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