Sigh..to have a third child or not? Am I too old???

[mom2princessj]

Everyone wants different things for there children. I do not want my children to have to work in there teens. I want to buy them an inexpensive car so they can go to college and focus on school. I dont want my sons to start our there adult life with huge student loans. We plan to pay as much as possible.

We dont want to be the poor parents that cant pay for our customary financial parts of our sons weddings. We would also love to surprise them with a nice check to go towards a home.


We have had a lot of help from our parents. We want to do the same for our boys.

I wont have anymore children so I can provide the best life possible for the ones I have.

These are just some of the reasons we only have two and really we may only have had one if our son wouldn't have been a surprise My health is a huge factor but after that our other factor is financial and the life we want to give our kids. Kids don't necessarily need material things but I also don't want to be the parent that has to say 'no you can't play soccer after school with susie because we can't afford it'. We feel its important for the kids to be able to do as many activities as they would like to. We want to take them places and do things with them...all of which cost $$ and a bigger family just takes more. Is that selfish? Maybe. But for us, its what we are comfortable with. My dh is 1 of 10 children. They are all bitter about growing up with hand me downs, paying their own way through school, and never being able to do anything because of $$. Dh got to do the most because he was the youngest. The others never fail to point that out to him either. I don't want my kids growing up as he did. There was never enough $$ for much and they seem to not have the fondest memories of their childhood. To each their own. These are our feelings about how to raise our family and nobody should be judged on the # of children they want to have. I always wanted two and that's it. Dh originally wanted 3 but after dd was born he wanted only one. When ds was born he said THATS IT! DS is a busy child...always a hand full and enough for us to handle. Couple that with every other issue I've mentioned and our decision was easy!

OP good luck with your decision

 

[dogluva]

Everyone wants different things for there children. I do not want my children to have to work in there teens. I want to buy them an inexpensive car so they can go to college and focus on school. I dont want my sons to start our there adult life with huge student loans. We plan to pay as much as possible.

We dont want to be the poor parents that cant pay for our customary financial parts of our sons weddings. We would also love to surprise them with a nice check to go towards a home.


We have had a lot of help from our parents. We want to do the same for our boys.

I wont have anymore children so I can provide the best life possible for the ones I have.

I have six and my kids are far from deprived. I actually think working is good for kids. My daughter loves her job and making her own money. She just bought her own car (with cash) and can't be more happy about this. I think if I bought it for her, she would not have appreciated it. She is also a great student, in all honors classes. Her part time job helps her manage her time.

My son is in college. He is paying for some of his college. I think he will own it more and work harder knowing the sacrifices he has to make. I paid for my whole education (bachelors and masters). I was the best feeling of acomplishment. He won't have to do this but he can at least contribute something.

I also paid for my own wedding. My mother did not contribute. I have been married 21 years. Nothing fancy, just a celebration. Our marriage and happy family life is more important than the wedding itself.

If I had two, I would feel the same.

To the OP, if you feel you are not done then have another. I didn't feel done until number six was born. Then I knew. I don't regret having any of my kids, they are blessings. I also don't believe the world is made for two kids, that is crazy. Having six has not stopped us from doing anything.

 

[DVCJones]

I never singled out women as being selfish. Don't judge me in my capacity as a father compared to a mother. I love my kids just as much and worry as much as my wife.

Who is judging who? Your original post was VERY judgmental.

I am NOT judging you in YOUR capacity as a father to YOUR children. Nor am I questioning whether you love your children as much as your wife. Ridiculous!!!

I WAS simply stating it baffles me that someone (a man) would post about other people (women) being selfish in their reasons to have or not have more children. You even posted that "I might get flamed here but really don't care." You knew you were going to offend!!!

I am sure you love your kids as much as your wife. My DH loves our kids too. I am also sure that like most men, you do not do as much as your wife when it comes to taking care of the kids. It is not a fault. It is nature!!! Women are wired differently than men when it comes to caring for children. It is that simple. Not meant to offend men....call it nature, science, etc.

I won't even get into what it does to a woman's body.

 

[theprince&thepeas]

I was talking to my mom about how I was feeling the other day. She had four girls and my youngest sister is 27 and my mom is 50. She STILL has feelings about wanting to have more babies!! My girlfriend who is almost 40 and has 2 kids is feeling it too. I think it must be normal for us to crave having children.


You mean I won't quit having these feelings, even after I'm FIFTY!!!!!!

Uh oh. I'd have liked to have 1 more, but other than DH saying no way, we really can't afford it financially. Also, my oldest is 11, and at some point I'd like to have some time in our lives for just DH and I. My oldest was born when I was 21, just 1 year after we got married.

Anyway, the world is built for 2 kids, but so what. You'll never regret the ones you have, only the ones you didn't. Good luck!

 

[zarvgirl]

First the background. I am a SAHM of three. 9, 7, and 2.
Also, I am the third child in my own family, and my mother was 42 when she had me, (that's 34 years ago!!)

We love the five year gap between our last children. And our third has rounded out our family in ways that we didn't even realise was missing. Yes, of course we debated all the reasons on here that have been given to stay at two. In short, we love three kids. You make do in hotels, minivans, toothbrush holders that are all set up for families of four!! And as far as money, you do what you can with what you have.

As far as having older parents. It has been a blessing. They were settled when I came along, not trying to prove themselves anymore. And if you saw them you would be surprised that they are nearly 80. I think having me helped to keep them young.

Now the debate is do we have 4!!!

To the OP, there are so many opinions on this one. Good luck with your family no matter the size. Live, Laugh, and Love. All else will come together!!

 

[Colleen27]

Dh and I have two kids - age 7 and age 4 and just recently, dh said he might want another one but just can't decide for sure. I wouldn't mind a third one, but I will be 40 this year, and just not sure if pregnancy at this age is a great idea. So would you have another child at 40 if you already have two children? WHy does this decision have to be such a difficult one? I have an appointment with my ob this month, so I guess I could talk to her as well. I thought I was done with two kids, but I really wouldn't mind having another one...wish I was younger.

I wouldn't, but that's largely because when I'm 40 my kids will by 21, 17 and 11... Starting over at that point has ZERO appeal. In general, though, I don't think 40 is too old. Its just too old for me, because I had my older kids when I was young.

 

[SLK1]

First the background. I am a SAHM of three. 9, 7, and 2.
Also, I am the third child in my own family, and my mother was 42 when she had me, (that's 34 years ago!!)

We love the five year gap between our last children. And our third has rounded out our family in ways that we didn't even realise was missing. Yes, of course we debated all the reasons on here that have been given to stay at two. In short, we love three kids. You make do in hotels, minivans, toothbrush holders that are all set up for families of four!! And as far as money, you do what you can with what you have.

As far as having older parents. It has been a blessing. They were settled when I came along, not trying to prove themselves anymore. And if you saw them you would be surprised that they are nearly 80. I think having me helped to keep them young.

Now the debate is do we have 4!!!

To the OP, there are so many opinions on this one. Good luck with your family no matter the size. Live, Laugh, and Love. All else will come together!!

You have my family! My first two are two years apart, then five years later we added our third. Then, surprise, surprise (I obviously didn't pay attention in Biology class), five years later we had our fourth! I was very surprised at this fourth one, and actually went through a depressed state for a bit, but once I saw her little sonogram, I fell in love and never looked back. We LOVE having four kids...even more so than three! It rounds out the family, everyone has a "partner", and there is always something going on in our family. The age differences make it tricky (deal with teen angst and toddler tantrums all in a day - they are very similar experiences!), but it has really opened our eyes up to our children, how they interact with each other, how we all pitch in and help each other, etc. And, having those younger kids around will be a wonderful birth control for my older two!

Good luck with whatever you decide, but we just love our family of six!

 

[Mickeyluver37]

You have my family! My first two are two years apart, then five years later we added our third. Then, surprise, surprise (I obviously didn't pay attention in Biology class), five years later we had our fourth! I was very surprised at this fourth one, and actually went through a depressed state for a bit, but once I saw her little sonogram, I fell in love and never looked back. We LOVE having four kids...even more so than three! It rounds out the family, everyone has a "partner", and there is always something going on in our family. The age differences make it tricky (deal with teen angst and toddler tantrums all in a day - they are very similar experiences!), but it has really opened our eyes up to our children, how they interact with each other, how we all pitch in and help each other, etc. And, having those younger kids around will be a wonderful birth control for my older two!

Good luck with whatever you decide, but we just love our family of six!

Ha ha.....the pre-teen angst (first year of middle school) and the destructive toddler are what make us wonder if we really want to have a 4th! I love to hear the positives! Here's one thing I've been worried about though- what's your bedroom situation? I'm sure we'd figure something out, but right now we have the perfect setup with the 4br's, and the baby has the smallest room. We'd be even more worried about this if we had another girl! We do have a 5th br in the basement with a full bath, but no one wants to move down there, and with a sliding glass door exit, I'm not sure if I want anyone down there either! We haven't even lived here a year, and moving to a bigger house is NOT an option anytime soon.

 

[daisyyy]

Here's the story... I have 4 great kids... 10, 9, 5,&1.... the last one I had @ 40.... the 1st was definitely easier at 30.. being younger, and no other children to run around after.. & of course no matter what, the Dr. put you in this High Risk category after age 35... but reality is, that they are trying to cover their butts too. just incase something is wrong, they don't want to say they didn't warn you. when I was preg w/ #4, I was like how are we going to fit another child into our busy schedules. (he wasn't exactly planned... but not unwanted)... but now that he's here, I cannot imagine anything but... everything just fits.. we make it work... Only you can really decide... but in hind sight, I look back and think I wouldn't want anything else.. In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, I don't know if I'm done... I think you will just "know" when you're done. (Now I'm done).. I am proud to have a large family, it's not always easy, it can be challenging, but I think it's worth it... I tell the older children, that each one is a gift to each other... sometimes they don't always get along, but I think they like being in a big family too... I 've had some of my kids friends.. (only children).. tell them how lucky they were.. and my kids turn around and say, they agree... (most of the time)... Of course they might miss out on some "quality" one on one time.. but I don't think they are deprived. It's always a trade off... I agree about not always "fitting" into places.. for example Disney.. not very many places take 6 people in a room... but with a little creativity.. we can make it work.