Should I make my son go?

[Planogirl]

Why is it such a horrible thing to let a kid stay with his grandparents if all are in agreement? I had some amazing visits with both of my grandmothers and I cherish those way more than my mother making me babysit my younger brother. Every case is different of course but just writing off the grandparents with this notion of "family" way misses the boat IMO.

OP, do whatever you think will work best for your situation. Making him go won't turn him into a more rebellious teen and leaving him home doesn't mean that you're indulging him.

 

[NCDisneyMom]

And for everybody making the point about spending time with family, keep in mind that he WILL be spending time with his family...his Grandparents. She did not say that he will be staying at a friend's house, but with his own Grandparents. There is something very special about grandparents, and it could be very beneficial to him to cultivate that relationship by having some one-on-one time with them. I was never close to my grandparents, and I am so thankful that my kids have a close relationship with my parents. My 14yo son who, for example, will procrastinate mowing our lawn until the last possible moment, will jump to mow Grandpa's lawn, knowing that he is no longer able to. That is a very special relationship to have.

 

[Disfan1968]

And for everybody making the point about spending time with family, keep in mind that he WILL be spending time with his family...his Grandparents. She did not say that he will be staying at a friend's house, but with his own Grandparents. There is something very special about grandparents, and it could be very beneficial to him to cultivate that relationship by having some one-on-one time with them. I was never close to my grandparents, and I am so thankful that my kids have a close relationship with my parents. My 14yo son who, for example, will procrastinate mowing our lawn until the last possible moment, will jump to mow Grandpa's lawn, knowing that he is no longer able to. That is a very special relationship to have.

I highly doubt anyone would argue that spending time with grandparents, the special bond etc, is not a good thing. I guess I would just rather see my kids go spend a week with the grandparents bonding while I am working, not while I was hoping to vacation with them.

One poster here is right. This IS an extremely contentious issue, which makes it pretty interesting to read.

Everyone who says the OP should "do what she thinks is best" is of course right. I think the OP will do exactly that. But the OP wanted opinions and boy did she get em!

 

[BugsDaddy]

I think he should be given the option of staying with his grandparents if he doesn't want to go. When my son was 16 and bored of all things Disney, we let him stay with family at his request. He may have had a little twinge of regret at some point but probably enjoyed himself more not being at Disney, even with his family.

The truth is that many people who frequent this board go to Disney every year or even multiple times a year. To be honest, that kind of frequency might turn me off of the whole Disney vacation thing. To me, life is better with a little variety but to each their own.

 

[FancyNancy]

I would let him stay home with his grandparents. Either he will really enjoy some one on one time with them and enjoy being an only child for the week or he will be like "Mom I wish I would have come the grandparents drove me nuts!". LOL

 

[Disfan1968]

Why wow? Just b/c I don't believe my older children should have to play a significant role in watching my younger children...that is a wow moment No, she was not a brat...hence why I was using her as an example of someone who was overused and to this day remembers the impact it had on her childhood. Did she babysit every single day...no but at least 3 days a week and all day in the summer from morning to 5ish. IMO that is very extreme. She was 13 her sister was 5 and she could never leave her house on those days.

Well like I SAID, either she was over used in this capacity (your detailed description of her responsibilities implies she was, in fact, over used in this capacity) or she's a brat. Happily, it looks like it was the former. Or maybe unhappily. Neither option was awesome.

My "wow" was really in reference to how angry you seem to be about having had to watch your sibling as a child. I did this too. I am so glad I do not feel so angry about it as an adult. I believe you said you hated it. Hate really is a strong word. For me, I just saw it as something I had to do to help out. I never felt like anyone was taking advantage of me and I figured I got to do plenty of things I wanted to do, so it only made sense my parents did too. But anyway.

 

[lwyrwood]

You could take him with you to WDW and let him know that you will need his help on rides with his siblings. Of course, making time for him to do some of the "big kid" rides/activities too. I know when I was his age, I appreciated it when my mom was just upfront that she needed my help. I was happy to give it... most of the time!

You could then let him go to grandparents after you return home for his vacation after the family vacation. This way, you get the help you need for a great WDW experience and he gets a break from little sibs, which he may need.

 

[Wood Nymph]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides. I am on the fence about whether to make him go or let him stay at home with his grandparents. It would certainly be cheaper to let him stay at home, and it would be nice not to have to listen to his teenager attitude for a week. On the other hand, it is a family vacation, and we wouldnt get to all spend time together, and I am wondering if later when he sees all the pictures without him in it if he might wish he would have gone. (He says he wont). We homeschool, so we are together all the time, it's not like this is the only time we have to spend together. Has anyone ever had the experience of leaving a child at home because they didnt want to go? Did they regret it later? Opinions on what I should do? Our last trip to Disney was 2 years ago.
If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

I would leave him with his grandparents. I have a sister who would complain like crazy and spoil family trips when she was a teenager. One year she went on a trip with her high school while the rest of us spent the most wonderful vacation we ever had without her. You owe it to your other children to spent some time with them.

Sent from my iPad using DISBoards

 

[Mome Rath]

The OP should definitely do what they feel they should, when it comes to the kids, the parents are in charge, period. My family has gone to Disney ever since I was in grade school. I tired of Disney in high school and early college, and was never "forced" or made to go from the time I could make my own decisions in a mature manner. So, I have a different take on all of this; if my family had forced me to go when I didn't want to, I can tell you I wouldn't be going with, and taking my family to Disney now that I'm in my 30's. I always tended to be mature and respectful, did well in school, etc... so I can indeed say that I would have really resented being forced to go on a trip that I'd been on again and again and again when I didn't want to be there, they knew I didn't want to be there and that I truly was making up my own mind.

I loved it when I was young, I tired of it as a teen, and now I love it again. My family has many memories and pictures without me there, and I'm still very pleased with my decision. As an interesting side thought; it was always a sobering span of time when I'd contemplate what life would be like if something happened to my fam when I wasn't with them... it tended to make me look at things differently and matured me, I believe.

 

[ConnieB]

Fellow homeschool mom here....I agree with those saying if he doesn't want to go, let him go to Grandparents.

He's at that age where he's seeking independence, from you and from the littles. This is a safe way for him to have that, but for you to have peace of mind.

Yeah, it's a family vacation, but as homeschoolers we know that we're lucky enough to get a lot more face time with our kids than the average public school family, so while you'll miss him, you can also devote a little more attention to the littles and do more of what THEY want to do....a win-win for them too.

As for him feeling sad when he sees/hears all the fun you had.....so be it. It isn't like he's going to be scarred for life because he misses a trip to Disney. He may really not care....or he may realize that even though he had fun being a little independent that maybe Disney isn't as childish as he thought.....or he'll be glad he didn't go. It's a good life lesson in the "we can't do it all" realm.

You don't mention how old your other kids are......I doubt that the CMs are going to let you leave a very young child alone on the platform while you ride (I'm fairly sure they can't be responsible for a child of any age) . if one of them is old enough to ride alone, I'd let them.....and you stay with the other. You can stay with them until they get to the boarding and then skip off to meet them at the exit. Obviously they need to be old enough to handle being on a ride alone, I'm not sure if Disney has an age. Otherwise, you may need to only do rides where both can ride.

Don't look at this as a separation of the family......he is starting to have his own interests and that's not a bad thing. It's important to his growing to be the strong person you know you want him to be. But as a mom it's also really really hard watching them grow up and not need you as much!

If you're really feeling like you're missing him, maybe plan a trip to somewhere he would enjoy for just you and him and leave the littles with Grandparents. each child will appreciate some "me and mom" time and you'll get to know your kid in a whole different way when it's just you and them. This coming from a mom with identical twins that still dress alike by choice.....but those are two very different personalities when you get them alone!

Enjoy!

 

[Betty Rohrer]

one other thing for mom to consider, if he stays with grandparents, mom could take a mothers helper with her. a 14 or 15 year old from her homeschool group or the like. someone who would love the trip instead of her son who is not wanting to go, he gets the vacation he wants and mother gets the help she needs. should not cost her much more than taking her son. just another idea

 

[momof3baldwins]

Yeah, I noticed that too. Probably because when I was 14 my brothers were 8 and 9.

That's how old mine are! 14,9 and 8, but I have 2 boys and a girl.
Wow! I never thought I would get 8 pages of opinions!
My oldest never has to babysit the younger ones, because I usually never go anywhere without them, and if I do he usually stays at home while the other 2 go to their grandparents who live around the corner. But at Disney, yes, he might have to sit with one while I go on a ride with another. He is not interested in riding any rides. He doesnt like coasters, so its more likely I would be riding the "big kid" thrill rides with the 8 year old who will ride anything. I have tried to include him in planning, we might even go to Universal, but he is not interested in going there either. I asked him if there was anywhere he wanted to go and he said no, he doesnt want to go anywhere! It's not just Disney, we do a lot of field trips since we homeschool, and he never wants to go anywhere. His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

 

[momof2n2]

Ask him if he can do it for you. Explain what these trips mean to you, and that all too soon they will be over - forever. He will move on with his life and your time for these trips (these connections) will be over. Ask him to go for you, but only if he can go with a glad heart. If he can't - let him stay. Don't hold it against him if he can't see what you see coming - he is only 14. Good luck.

I love this response.
I agree wholeheartedly.

 

[Disfan1968]

That's how old mine are! 14,9 and 8, but I have 2 boys and a girl.
Wow! I never thought I would get 8 pages of opinions!
My oldest never has to babysit the younger ones, because I usually never go anywhere without them, and if I do he usually stays at home while the other 2 go to their grandparents who live around the corner. But at Disney, yes, he might have to sit with one while I go on a ride with another. He is not interested in riding any rides. He doesnt like coasters, so its more likely I would be riding the "big kid" thrill rides with the 8 year old who will ride anything. I have tried to include him in planning, we might even go to Universal, but he is not interested in going there either. I asked him if there was anywhere he wanted to go and he said no, he doesnt want to go anywhere! It's not just Disney, we do a lot of field trips since we homeschool, and he never wants to go anywhere. His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

Hehe... sounds like the "do it for me with a glad heart" may not work then? You obviously have a tough decision to make. You'll either need to force the issue or let him stay. You've certainly heard lots of arguments for both sides of that coin! Good luck with your decision.

 

[Disneychick75]

That's how old mine are! 14,9 and 8, but I have 2 boys and a girl.
Wow! I never thought I would get 8 pages of opinions!
My oldest never has to babysit the younger ones, because I usually never go anywhere without them, and if I do he usually stays at home while the other 2 go to their grandparents who live around the corner. But at Disney, yes, he might have to sit with one while I go on a ride with another. He is not interested in riding any rides. He doesnt like coasters, so its more likely I would be riding the "big kid" thrill rides with the 8 year old who will ride anything. I have tried to include him in planning, we might even go to Universal, but he is not interested in going there either. I asked him if there was anywhere he wanted to go and he said no, he doesnt want to go anywhere! It's not just Disney, we do a lot of field trips since we homeschool, and he never wants to go anywhere. His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

Your son sounds like a typical 14 year old. If he's not interested in rides, I can see why he wold not want to go. I can say that when I've traveled alone with kids, we would have a meeting the night before each park day and decide who wanted to do what. There was give and take. You could try that with your 2 kids who want to go to WDW. It sounds as though you've been before. Maybe you'll go again and then both kids will want to ride the same things.
I'm a big believer in letting teens stay with their grandparents if they don't want to go on vacation. Why should your oldest son have to go on a trip to in order to enable his younger siblings to ride? I know you don't mean it to but it comes across as the younger children's wants top your 14 year old's wants and that is not fair to any of them. Your oldest might feel abused and your younger children might feel entitled.

 

[TonyMouse]

I had the same problem. With myself! I was also 14 and didn't want to go but then when I got there I couldn't get enough and was so glad that my parents forced me. One of the best holidaays my family had

 

[Fire14]

I know at some point in my teen years I stayed home alone while rest of crew went to Cedar point or Great America. I took care of dogs and house. I explained to my parents that I was sick of CP/GA and would like to stay home and that I would watch dogs and house. My parents let me and I was a happy teenager. I know one year after I was driving I got to stay home and get my hair permed in place of going on trip.

Before this my parents allowed me to go off alone in park and ride whatever and I just had to meet backup at designated meeting spot every 2-3hrs. I also recall going off with my brother while mom and dad stayed w youngest brother.

 

[J and R's mom]

That's how old mine are! 14,9 and 8, but I have 2 boys and a girl.
Wow! I never thought I would get 8 pages of opinions!
My oldest never has to babysit the younger ones, because I usually never go anywhere without them, and if I do he usually stays at home while the other 2 go to their grandparents who live around the corner. But at Disney, yes, he might have to sit with one while I go on a ride with another. He is not interested in riding any rides. He doesnt like coasters, so its more likely I would be riding the "big kid" thrill rides with the 8 year old who will ride anything. I have tried to include him in planning, we might even go to Universal, but he is not interested in going there either. I asked him if there was anywhere he wanted to go and he said no, he doesnt want to go anywhere! It's not just Disney, we do a lot of field trips since we homeschool, and he never wants to go anywhere. His idea of a good time is fishing, riding dirt bikes, and watching Nascar, and if it is anything other than that he doesnt want to do it!

Fellow home-schooler here

I'll try to be brief. There's been ALOT of this already.

I vote for allowing him to stay home largely for these reasons already mentioned:

The 14 year old isn't dictating what the family is doing. He's trying to dictate what he does. It's a normal thing. With a safe alternative, his grandparents, let him have some autonomy. He may regret it. And that's not a bad thing either.

And for everybody making the point about spending time with family, keep in mind that he WILL be spending time with his family...his Grandparents...That is a very special relationship to have.

But as a mom, I know you will try to persuade him some before you admit defeat and let him stay with the grandparents. You mentioned NASCAR. Maybe one thing that might change his mind is making a visit to the racetrack over by MK????

Best of luck. Teenage years ...well they don't last forever...even though it may feel like it at the time.

 

[nugov2]

Well like I SAID, either she was over used in this capacity (your detailed description of her responsibilities implies she was, in fact, over used in this capacity) or she's a brat. Happily, it looks like it was the former. Or maybe unhappily. Neither option was awesome.

My "wow" was really in reference to how angry you seem to be about having had to watch your sibling as a child. I did this too. I am so glad I do not feel so angry about it as an adult. I believe you said you hated it. Hate really is a strong word. For me, I just saw it as something I had to do to help out. I never felt like anyone was taking advantage of me and I figured I got to do plenty of things I wanted to do, so it only made sense my parents did too. But anyway.

Then I think your wow was misused. I never had to watch a sibling...I don't have a younger sibling. I said she(my friend) hated it(her words not mine) and I recall going to her house and how disappointed she would be to be missing out on her summer to watch her 5 yr old sister. In her parents case they could afford daycare, they choose not to do it. I know this b/c it is something as I said before that she speaks of to this day(not a lot, but enough I know she will not do that in her parenting) that and they drove very expensive cars, took lots of vacations and even used her for when they wanted to go out.

I am very much a believer in you do what is best for your family. I have never grown up, nor do I live now in a household that is scraping by and needing two incomes. So since I have yet to walk in those shoes I am aware that it is sometimes easier said than done in some situations, but it is a message board and opinions are given freely. At this time based on my experiences I would never make that choice and it is my opinion that I don't feel it is fair. It doesn't make me angry that others do it, nor do I feel it makes them a bad parent. Some of my closest friends make parenting choices I don't agree with, just like I am sure that I do.

 

[Disfan1968]

Then I think your wow was misused.

If so, my apologies. been lots of different comments from lots of different folks to mull over.