Should I make my son go?

[TinkerElsasMom]

Sibling time is not encompassed in school time. School time, should be school time regardless of home, public, or private schooling. School time is a child's job. It's their work day. Forty hours a week, plus additional work on their own, is not time spent as a family. Family time is independent of work and school. It is time to spend doing activities with them, not just in proximity to them. Vacations are a luxury of childhood. They are not a right.

Now, I do believe the 14 year old should be taken into consideration when planning. Of course. His thoughts, desires, and wants matter. But as a parent, I will not allow my vacations I be hijacked by anyone of my children who claim they refuse to go because they just don't want to. That's different. I'll build Universal, seaward, cape Canaveral, the beach. I'll think of activities he would enjoy, days at Disney Quest for example, typhoon lagoon, blizzard beach, etc.But staying home is not an option. Family trip, family time, family vacation, family. Children are part of the world, not the center of it at the expense of others.

 

[JennyMP03]

^ What Hannathy said. I would have a totally different view on this if the children weren't homeschooled together. But because that's the case, I can understand why he may want some time apart.

I say this as the oldest of four children (one brother, two cousins who lived next door to us). I know how he feels!

 

[visitWDW]

This might be a ridiculous suggestion, considering the added cost, but have you thought about letting him bring a friend?

 

[EMode]

Am I the only one who pictures these 3 at Disney together driving mom nuts?

I just got this!

 

[TinkerElsasMom]

So, one thing I've noticed is people here are making a lot of judgements about the OP. You are drawing the conclusion that the only reasons he wants to bring her 14 year old is to be a glorified babysitter. That's a horrible thing to say about anyone. This woman came here asking for advice from a broad range of parenting styles and we should accept that all of us have different styles. Additionally we should be more Judicious about comments that seem accusatory. Parenting styles is a hot button issue, as every single parent does things a little differently.

Also, the presumption has been made about my post, in that I do not care about what the 14 year old wants to do. I fully believe he should be considered when planning the vacation, I just don't believe he should be the center of the planning process. He's one cog of the family wheel and everyone else's wishes, desires, and wants plays into too. You don't get the choice to not participate simply because you were out voted. He's part of the family. He should stick with the family. He should be expected to behave as such.

Some of you read way too much into "what ifs" and go on the attack. She wanted advice, and I do not believe she only wants her son to go so he can watch the younger kids while she rides rides. We shouldn't tear her, or anyone down, because they have differing advice. We each parent in your own unique ways, the OP was asking for advice from a a myriad of styles. So let's just give the advice, and stop the judgements and insults.

 

[EMode]

So, one thing I've noticed is people here are making a lot of judgements about the OP. You are drawing the conclusion that the only reasons he wants to bring her 14 year old is to be a glorified babysitter. That's a horrible thing to say about anyone. This woman came here asking for advice from a broad range of parenting styles and we should accept that all of us have different styles. Additionally we should be more Judicious about comments that seem accusatory. Parenting styles is a hot button issue, as every single parent does things a little differently.

Also, the presumption has been made about my post, in that I do not care about what the 14 year old wants to do. I fully believe he should be considered when planning the vacation, I just don't believe he should be the center of the planning process. He's one cog of the family wheel and everyone else's wishes, desires, and wants plays into too. You don't get the choice to not participate simply because you were out voted. He's part of the family. He should stick with the family. He should be expected to behave as such.

Some of you read way too much into "what ifs" and go on the attack. She wanted advice, and I do not believe she only wants her son to go so he can watch the younger kids while she rides rides. We shouldn't tear her, or anyone down, because they have differing advice. We each parent in your own unique ways, the OP was asking for advice from a a myriad of styles. So let's just give the advice, and stop the judgements and insults.

Who here said the 14 year old should be the center of the planning? I saw some suggestions thet he gets to plan something he'd like to do, not an entire tripbased solely on what he wants. Sounds like the trip is planned already anyway, he doesn't want to go, nothing about the trip is being changed.

The OP brought up what to do without him there to help her with the other 2 when one didn't want to go on a ride, or something to that effect. That is where the thought of him being a babysitter came from. Of course it may not be true, but it may be true because he may feel that way. None of us really know, there are alot of assumptions from both sides of the coin here.

 

[Hannathy]

, teenage kids should certainly expect to do a healthy amount of "baby-sitting duty."

Why? did they have them? Did they ask to have them?

Kids are the parents responsibility not the other kids. An occasional help out is one thing .devoting your entire vacation to being your Mothers other set of hands is another. I don't believe in older kids having to raise the younger ones, it isn't their job it is yours.

 

[Disfan1968]

Why? did they have them? Did they ask to have them?

Kids are the parents responsibility not the other kids. An occasional help out is one thing .devoting your entire vacation to being your Mothers other set of hands is another. I don't believe in older kids having to raise the younger ones, it isn't their job it is yours.

Because EVERYONE in the family helps with EVERYTHING they reasonably can. IF YOU CAREFULLY READ WHAT I WROTE (and it is clear you did not) I said, parents should NOT expect the teenagers to do an inordinate amount of babysitting but I (and I imagine a lot of people) disagree with the rationale that since they didn't ask for the siblings, they shouldn't have to help watch them.

Kids living on large properties didn't ask the parents to buy such a big place either, but they still sure as hell have to help mow it.

If you disagree with THAT, then you and I have a huge disagreement about the basic concept that everyone pitches in. It's a great message to send to kids.

 

[TinkerElsasMom]

Ok so here is a list of things he might like to do as a teenage boy at WDW
Lights motors action speed show
Star tours
Typhoon lagoon
Blizzard beach
Test track
Sum of all thrills
Soarin
Wild Africa trek
Kilimanjaro
Kali river rapids
Mount Everest
Dinosaur
Disney Quest
Rockin Rollar Coaster
Tower of terror
T-Rex at DTD

Here is a list of things to do in central Florida
Sea World
Universal Studios
Cape Canaveral
The Beach
Mideval times in Orlando


Tons of things to do in and out of WDW to make him feel like you are taking what he might want into consideration.

 

[TinkerElsasMom]

But again, don't leave him behind. It's a family trip, with family time, you won't get it back. Take him with.

 

[OnSpaceshipEarth]

Ask him if he can do it for you. Explain what these trips mean to you, and that all too soon they will be over - forever. He will move on with his life and your time for these trips (these connections) will be over.

Ask him to go for you, but only if he can go with a glad heart. If he can't - let him stay. Don't hold it against him if he can't see what you see coming - he is only 14.

Good luck.

Awww...this one brought tears to my eyes.

 

[Disneychick75]

OP, we have 3 grown children. The first 2 ( sons) came to WDW with us until they were about 13, then they were over it. Our second son then enjoyed WDW again when he was in college and went with friends. The eldest has never been back and probably won't go back unless he has children one day. It's not his idea of fun. The youngest ( daughter) has always loved WDW and has been my travel partner when I go because my husband can't stand Disney.
As hard as it is for some to believe, not everyone enjoys trips to WDW. I'd let your 14 year old stay home.

 

[wdwjeffc37]

At 14 I would make him go. It is a family activity and everyone should be included. Let your 14 year old in on the planning with the understanding that everyone will get some things that they want and everyone will have to compromise and do some things that they really might not like. You and the younger kids, too. All people need to learn about compromise. It's character building. I work with a lot of adults who still need to learn this lesson. I think at 14 a child is still too young to opt out of major family functions. Give him some input on what will be happening on this family vacation. Decide on what will be expected of him as an older sibling on this trip. (Watching his sibs, helping with rider swap, supervising at the pool, etc.) Also, you can show him what you are compromising on, and that he will not be a full time child care worker. Give him a little freedom.

 

[Mikie]

If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

I think if you're alone, you'll generally have to stick to rides they'll both do. Each ride is set up differently, but many (most?) do not have a place at the end where a child could stand alone and edit for you.

Allears.net has pretty detailed descriptions of each ride, height requirements, "scare factors" and how child swap would work at that ride, if available. Good luck with your decision and have a great trip!

 

[Saxsoon]

Glad I wasn't like that growing up.

I am 23 and have a job now, and just got back from a two week Disney Vacation with my family. 1 week at the World and a 1 week Disney Cruise.

 

[maxiesmom]

At 14 I would make him go. It is a family activity and everyone should be included. Let your 14 year old in on the planning with the understanding that everyone will get some things that they want and everyone will have to compromise and do some things that they really might not like. You and the younger kids, too. All people need to learn about compromise. It's character building. I work with a lot of adults who still need to learn this lesson. I think at 14 a child is still too young to opt out of major family functions. Give him some input on what will be happening on this family vacation. Decide on what will be expected of him as an older sibling on this trip. (Watching his sibs, helping with rider swap, supervising at the pool, etc.) Also, you can show him what you are compromising on, and that he will not be a full time child care worker. Give him a little freedom.

 

[mom2rtk]

I wouldn't be averse to letting him stay home with grandma and grandpa. But I would also take a look at how you vacation. With you being a single parent, do you expect more adult responsibilities out of him than is typical for his friends? It needs to be his vacation too. I would sit down and review expectations with him, and outline the things you will be doing that he might enjoy as well. Others have suggested more pool and water park time, as well as maybe adding Universal into the mix. I think those are great ideas. They might not be convenient since you need to occupy the younger kids too, but there needs to be some balance. Has he typically been the one to do the giving in on things like that?

I'm not one to let the kids set the agenda, but in truth the answer lies somewhere between "My way or stay home" and "Let's do what you want, honey."

 

[mom2rtk]

Glad I wasn't like that growing up.

I am 23 and have a job now, and just got back from a two week Disney Vacation with my family. 1 week at the World and a 1 week Disney Cruise.

It's really hard to say from a one paragraph post just how he is and whether he is justified or just difficult.

It's not a personality flaw to dislike Disney.

 

[nugov2]

In this particular case I would agree in saying kids should not be made to be "full-time" babysitters, but should certainly share in that responsibility instead. Any parents that completely unload the babysitting on their older age kids would be remiss to say the least, but at the same time, teenage kids should certainly expect to do a healthy amount of "baby-sitting duty."

Hopefully the family functions well enough that the older kids at least "like" the younger kids, making the baby sitting time a little more tolerable.

I disagree that a child should "share" in the responsibility in babysitting a child that they did not have. If you need a time to time sitter(once or twice a month)...sure, but to bring someone along on a vacation they have no desire in going on to share the responsibility, this is unfair. I had a friend who had to share in the responsibility of watching her little sister and she still resents it to this day and always says how she will never have her kids babysit her other children unless it is once and a while. Not that OP is going to use her older as a babysitter, but if she is that is more reason to give some preference to the older child and allowing him to plan a day or two. He may be willing to come along and help make it easier with the younger two if he has some skin in the game.

 

[Mikie]

It's not a personality flaw to dislike Disney.

WHAT?!? Are you sure??