Should I make my son go?

[Disfan1968]

I like a lot of what I have read here. One thing I'll disagree with is the idea of letting him plan entire days as a way to entice him to come. Someone suggested Universal Studios, for instance. I guess if you are well off, adding Universal wouldn't be a big deal, but even then, the message you send with this is the wrong one. I am lucky enough to be able to travel as an adult, but when I was a child we could not do much. I was extremely happy with WHATEVER my parents were able to do and would have been horrified to sulk my way out of a trip or require "planning rights" for a chunk of it in order to agree to go. I would never have presumed to judge or try to manipulate the way my parents were spending THEIR money.

Don't get me wrong, there is NOTHING wrong with planning some activities geared towards this guy, even giving him some input about which ones here and there, but that's as far as I'd go.

OP, these comments are NOT meant in "specific" reference to your son. He might be a lovely kid for all I know. I am just responding in general to the idea of incentivizing unhappy teenage participants in some of the various ways suggested.

I like the idea of giving him a deadline to decide.

I agree that if he doesn't want to come, then fine, let him stay.

It's just a shame is all. You'd hope he'd recognize that vacations are not really intentionally tailored for anyone in particular. They are a time to spend together as a family and experience some things together.

I know I sound like an old codger saying "kids these days," but maybe the old codgers are onto something.

 

[EMode]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides. I am on the fence about whether to make him go or let him stay at home with his grandparents. It would certainly be cheaper to let him stay at home, and it would be nice not to have to listen to his teenager attitude for a week. On the other hand, it is a family vacation, and we wouldnt get to all spend time together, and I am wondering if later when he sees all the pictures without him in it if he might wish he would have gone. (He says he wont). We homeschool, so we are together all the time, it's not like this is the only time we have to spend together. Has anyone ever had the experience of leaving a child at home because they didnt want to go? Did they regret it later? Opinions on what I should do? Our last trip to Disney was 2 years ago.
If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride? Can I take them both through the line and leave the one that doesnt want to ride waiting on the platform for us to come back?

Was your last trip your first trip or have you been multiple times with your now 14 year old? Since he's been before and knows exactly what he'd be missing and is still not wanting to go I wouldn't make him. Its really a tough age for boys at WDW, there really isn't much geared toward them.
My 13 year old has no desire to ever go back to WDW and I wouldn't make him, we'd just make a plan to go somewhere else. I think its important for everyone on a family vacation to do something they enjoy so even if you make him go I would plan a day at Universal just for him.

 

[roomthreeseventeen]

I would let him stay home. If you homeschool, he could probably use a break from being with his siblings ALL the time.

 

[Betty Rohrer]

I guess I have a different take on his not wanting to go, I would give him ability to change his mind but give him the 2 week time frame. just guessing the younger ones ages, he may be not wanting to stuck on "babyish" rides with a younger child or sitting with one while other rides. even the Universal trip would have him riding the big rides by self as younger may not reach height. let him miss the fun and stay with grandparents. even though my girls are close now as adults, it was not until younger one was old enough for the big rides that they enjoyed parks together. the summer they were 9.5 and 13 was the toughest one but by the time older turned 15 and both enjoyed same things, they wanted to do on own

 

[TomiRocket]

I know 14 seems old enough to make a decision like that but when it comes to a family vacation I would not allow him to decide. There are simply things children (and he is still a child) should be required to do and one of them is participate in a family event. And I'd let him know before the trip(!) if he tries to make to make sure everyone knows he's unhappy then there will definitely be consequences when he gets home. You are the parent, not the friend.

 

[Minniesgal]

To be honest I think he is right Disney doesn't have much to offer a 14 year old boy if he really doesn't want to go I wouldn't make him.

 

[Nayan]

I know 14 seems old enough to make a decision like that but when it comes to a family vacation I would not allow him to decide. There are simply things children (and he is still a child) should be required to do and one of them is participate in a family event. And I'd let him know before the trip(!) if he tries to make to make sure everyone knows he's unhappy then there will definitely be consequences when he gets home. You are the parent, not the friend.

Sorry but I disagree. If he doesn't want to go, then he shouldn't be forced. I was forced to go to Disney around that age. I hated it, hated my parents for making me go and didn't set foot on property until 30 years later when my son wanted to go. No one, not even children, should be forced to do something that is voluntary and this does sound voluntary. Let him stay home.

 

[Disfan1968]

I know 14 seems old enough to make a decision like that but when it comes to a family vacation I would not allow him to decide. There are simply things children (and he is still a child) should be required to do and one of them is participate in a family event. And I'd let him know before the trip(!) if he tries to make to make sure everyone knows he's unhappy then there will definitely be consequences when he gets home. You are the parent, not the friend.

Maybe I agree with you. I said above that if he doesn't want to go, then fine. But I also see wisdom in this perspective.

 

[disneyfantotheend]

I am a single mom of 3 kids. My oldest (14) does not want to go to Disney with us. He says it is boring and for little kids, and he doesnt want to ride any rides.

Has he been to Disney before? If so, I would say let him stay home, if he feels it is boring and for little kids. If not, he just needs to do a little research and see that there is plenty for kids of all ages and adults at that. If he does look into it, and still feels he doesn't want to go then leave him stay home. But don't just let him make an assumption without looking at some of the facts.

 

[WDWmom23]

I am also a single mom with 3 children ages 16, 11 and 7 and we are actually leaving for 9 days on Saturday. My 16 year old DS is as "masculine" as you get-alpha male, jock, middle linebacker on his football team and thank God he still loves it.

However, we have definitely adjusted our vacation style as he's gotten older to accommodate everyone. No, I would never make him stand in line for princesses but he does understand it is a trip for everyone when we're doing our Fantasyland day. We now visit the water parks more, try different table service restaurants, and focus on the more thrilling rides. He is also allowed to choose to sleep in or return to the hotel if he wants.

Being a single parent traveling with three children alone, Disney offers me a sense of safety other vacations don't. Renting a car and paying for Universal tickets are not in our budget so we make the best of the many options Disney World offers. I'm sure there's something for your son to enjoy! Not sure what your financial situation is but I have always told my son that he is pretty fortunate we even get to take such a nice vacation to Disney World considering he has a single mom. I have always taught them family time is important and that traveling together is part of that.

So I would make him go. I can't imagine I could enjoy my trip knowing he was at home possibly regretting his decision. It's a normal part of being a teenager and having a "teenage attitude" so don't take it personal! I would miss him (even crabby) too much and I think your son may be surprised at how much fun he ends up having. Besides, I always use "You're never going to see these people again anyways." Haha!

 

[EMode]

I know 14 seems old enough to make a decision like that but when it comes to a family vacation I would not allow him to decide. There are simply things children (and he is still a child) should be required to do and one of them is participate in a family event. And I'd let him know before the trip(!) if he tries to make to make sure everyone knows he's unhappy then there will definitely be consequences when he gets home. You are the parent, not the friend.

In our house a family event would mean that we make sure the whole family would enjoy it and then we do it. I would never knowingly plan something one of my kids hates and then force them to go. I am their parent and I value their feelings, that doesn't mean I'm trying to be their friend, it just means my house isn't run like a dictatorship

 

[JennyMP03]

I would let him stay home. If you homeschool, he could probably use a break from being with his siblings ALL the time.

I was thinking this too. It can be stressful to be the oldest sibling if you never get a break from it.

I would let him stay home and enjoy your time with your family members who are interested in the vacation.

 

[Disfan1968]

I was forced to go to Disney around that age. I hated it, hated my parents for making me go and didn't set foot on property until 30 years later when my son wanted to go. No one, not even children, should be forced to do something that is voluntary and this does sound voluntary.

Holy cow. I disagree strongly. Thank God my step-kids are not like this. One of them once started to complain a bit about our itinerary while on a trip to the Boston area and I simply explained that this is my money, I try to plan activities that people will like, but that there is no way I can make everyone happy. I further explained that when he started to work and pay for trips, he could do the planning. Until then, be glad you vacation at all. A LOT of people don't.

He totally got my point and was great about the rest of the trip and has been every trip since.

 

[Disfan1968]

By the way, Disney is all what you make of it. Some boys love it. My 22 year old stepson is coming this summer as is my 16 year old stepson along with my 4 and 3 year olds. They older ones are super psyched. Food (DDP), water parks, plenty of good rides, and they like family time.

 

[leebee]

Holy cow. I disagree strongly. Thank God my step-kids are not like this. One of them once started to complain a bit about our itinerary while on a trip to the Boston area and I simply explained that this is my money, I try to plan activities that people will like, but that there is no way I can make everyone happy. I further explained that when he started to work and pay for trips, he could do the planning. Until then, be glad you vacation at all. A LOT of people don't.

He totally got my point and was great about the rest of the trip and has been every trip since.

I agree with this viewpoint, and the several others that are in the same line. Fourteen year olds do NOT dictate what the family is doing. Sorry, my money, my family, my vacation. Nobody is asking him to do "Naked and Afraid" or anything like that. Suck it up, Buttercup- and no attitude necessary. (of course, it was never an issue here, as DD knew it wouldn't be tolerated from Day 1!)

 

[peoplemover]

I would let him stay home. I understand that the ideal outcome would be that he goes, has a great time & doesn't stop thanking you for a week for making him go... but what if he goes & makes everyone else miserable? A lot of money goes into taking each person on the trip. I would talk to him one last time, tell him his decision is final, & if he still says he wants to stay home, let him. I hope everyone who goes on the trip has a great time together!

 

[NCDisneyMom]

Holy cow. I disagree strongly. Thank God my step-kids are not like this. One of them once started to complain a bit about our itinerary while on a trip to the Boston area and I simply explained that this is my money, I try to plan activities that people will like, but that there is no way I can make everyone happy. I further explained that when he started to work and pay for trips, he could do the planning. Until then, be glad you vacation at all. A LOT of people don't.

He totally got my point and was great about the rest of the trip and has been every trip since.

I'm glad your child had a complete turn-around after one talk, but not every kid is like that, no matter how good the parents are.

I have a 14-year-old son, so I "get" the attitude. We had one vacation plotted out for this summer (nothing booked yet), when our 14yo expressed his sincere dislike for the place we were going to visit. My husband and I talked about it and came to the conclusion that since it is a FAMILY vacation, then we should go someplace where the whole family will be happy. Yes, we pay for it, but that doesn't mean that our children can't have opinions and input on the vacation. In 4 years, ds will be off to college, and may not join us on any more family vacations, so we'd like to enjoy our time together, not force him to do something he really doesn't want to do.

To the OP, I understand your dilemma in that the younger ones still want to go to Disney, so changing the destination would not be easy, as it was in our case. If I put myself in your shoes, and it was my 14yo, I would allow him to stay home with his Grandparents if that is truly what he wants, although I would definitely try to convince him to go, first. However, one thing I haven't seen mentioned as a possibility for him is a day at Disney Quest. If he likes video games, that will be great for him! I know my son (and husband) could spend all day there.

 

[nugov2]

Holy cow. I disagree strongly. Thank God my step-kids are not like this. One of them once started to complain a bit about our itinerary while on a trip to the Boston area and I simply explained that this is my money, I try to plan activities that people will like, but that there is no way I can make everyone happy. I further explained that when he started to work and pay for trips, he could do the planning. Until then, be glad you vacation at all. A LOT of people don't.

He totally got my point and was great about the rest of the trip and has been every trip since.

I just don't view things that way. To me a family vacation is deciding to do something we all want. If I viewed family decisions as my money my choice I guess my kids wouldn't play soccer or baseball b/c personally they are not my favorite sports. I think a vacation can be planned within a reasonable budget that makes all happy. Yes, it may cost more to hop over to Universal then just WDW, but if it would make my oldest feel more involved and getting his needs met, then I would. We took my ds 6 there b/c he is a big marvel fan and I just felt that was fair to him. There isn't a ton(IMO) boy related and can see why some just aren't over the moon to go to WDW. Now again, there is a fine line between staying on budget and everyone working together to plan a vacation all will love and a child demanding to do activity after activity. I may be way off base, but I'd think you'd be able to come up with a way to budget a park somewhere else into your trip if you really wanted to. Stay off site in a condo(more space and less money), cut out a few TS meals, 3 day at WDW 1 at Uni and a couple of days hitting the pool...there are lots of ways. I would do all that I could to stay in budget while planning a trip to make all happy. I can understand why a child would want to stay home if they felt completely left out of the planning and it is just not something I would want. Family trips should be just that..the whole family.

I would especially think in a place like Boston you could easily let each kid plan one fun activity they would want to do and luckily we have done this with all of our trips and my kids never complain while we are doing the activity another picked. Even when we do our winter trip my dd will pick ice skating and my boys while they don't love it make the best of it and vice versa. I just think when everyone's opinion is heard and respected(within reason) it makes for better family unity.

 

[Pinkflmngo]

Maybe part of the reason he doesn't want to go is that he knows he will have to be responsible for the younger kids. The OP said that herself in her first post:

"If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride?"

Sounds to me that he will be functioning as a "parent" or at least a babysitter if he goes and he may know that. Not much of a vacation for him, is it. You may call it a family vacation, but it sure doesn't sound like fun for him. Let the guy stay home!!

 

[TwoMisfits]

This is a toughie...Will the vacation be enjoyable for you and your other kids without him? Or will you get overwhelmed and a little upset without having an extra helping hand? Will he get upset about having to be that extra hand if he's there? If you are uncertain of the answers to these questions, maybe Disney this year isn't the best idea if you want good family vacation memories...

One thought is to push off the Disney trip until it can be enjoyable for everyone and find somewhere you all might enjoy now...since you homeschool, you can take advantage of off-season and homeschool discounts practically anywhere, so the world could be your oyster. It could be a lesson in how everyone sacrifices their desires sometimes so the rest of the family can have a good time and you hope he might do so again in the future for his little sibs...