Should I make my son go?

[Ronda93]

The 14 year old isn't dictating what the family is doing. He's trying to dictate what he does. It's a normal thing. With a safe alternative, his grandparents, let him have some autonomy. He may regret it. And that's not a bad thing either.

 

[Nayan]

Holy cow. I disagree strongly. Thank God my step-kids are not like this. One of them once started to complain a bit about our itinerary while on a trip to the Boston area and I simply explained that this is my money, I try to plan activities that people will like, but that there is no way I can make everyone happy. I further explained that when he started to work and pay for trips, he could do the planning. Until then, be glad you vacation at all. A LOT of people don't.

He totally got my point and was great about the rest of the trip and has been every trip since.

I would have loved to have gone anywhere else. But, we were locals and Disney was close so we went at least 8 times a year. I never was given a choice to go or not. I did give my son a choice though and valued what he had to say, so we've had some pretty cool trips.

A PP said it's not being a friend, it's being a parent. True, but parent's should also listen to their kids as it's a FAMILY vacation, not just 'Mom is going and so are you so you have no say'.

 

[Nayan]

Maybe part of the reason he doesn't want to go is that he knows he will have to be responsible for the younger kids. The OP said that herself in her first post:

"If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride?"

Sounds to me that he will be functioning as a "parent" or at least a babysitter if he goes and he may know that. Not much of a vacation for him, is it. You may call it a family vacation, but it sure doesn't sound like fun for him. Let the guy stay home!!

This 100%. Let him stay home.

 

[Ametista]

I have never forced my son to go to Disney. He loves the other parks but won't do Disney, for the same reason your son has mentioned. Is there any way you can leave him with grandparents, then maybe grandparents can watch the other two while you take him someplace special? I have done that before and it lets them feel a little independent and they also get more one-on-one time with me. Maybe take your son to San Antonio, Williamsburg, or someplace else where there are really good parks for older kids.

 

[DaisyNY]

As hard as this may be...I would hate to give any teenager an out from a family activity I expect them to participate in. We're going on a family vacation...that's the whole family.

Allowing a fourteen year old to decide to opt out seems like you're setting yourself up for his making lots of decisions he just not ready for...and most teenagers would rather stay home with their friends, etc. at that age...Good luck, glad we're out of the teenage years!!!

 

[Hannathy]

I agree with this viewpoint, and the several others that are in the same line. Fourteen year olds do NOT dictate what the family is doing. Sorry, my money, my family, my vacation. Nobody is asking him to do "Naked and Afraid" or anything like that. Suck it up, Buttercup- and no attitude necessary. (of course, it was never an issue here, as DD knew it wouldn't be tolerated from Day 1!)

So if they did Disney 2 yrs ago why don't the other kids have to "suck it up buttercup" and go somewhere he wants to go? shouldn't it go both ways in a family?

I would never plan a family vacation that I knew 1 member absolutely hated, why would you do that to someone you care about?
I also agree that if they home school he may be familied out! 14 yr olds need some independence and autonomy and a week at his grandparents probably sounds like heaven to him.

 

[surferdave]

Am I the only one who pictures these 3 at Disney together driving mom nuts?

 

[EMode]

The 14 year old isn't dictating what the family is doing. He's trying to dictate what he does. It's a normal thing. With a safe alternative, his grandparents, let him have some autonomy. He may regret it. And that's not a bad thing either.

Exactly and at 14 there is nothing wrong with giving a little control over to your child. In 2 years he'll be driving a car, and 2 year after that an adult. A 14 year old isn't a baby, they are pretty good at knowing what they like and don't by that age. That isn't to say they should get to do whatever they want when they want it but there isn't anything wrong with letting them dictate their own lives a little when its not something that could harm them or anyone else, and not going to WDW isn't going to harm anyone.

 

[momto3boysillbe]

I have a 16 year old and two younger boys so I understand your dilemma. Teenagers can make you miserable when they are in one of "those" moods! We recently moved to FL from another state and he is still not happy about it and the teenage attitude is challenging. That being said, if there's anyway you can add in or substitute a day at Universal, and he likes the idea of that, I would do it. Also, I can't remember if you said whether you were staying on property or not, but let him do his own thing for part of the days that you're there. While we do expect our oldest to help out with his brothers when we need him, it's not his responsibility to be there all day in case we're short handed. On our last trip in Oct when he'd had his Disney fill for the day he would go back to the room. And that worked fine for us because we didn't have to listen to his complaints that would have ruined our moods. All in all I think it turned out to be a good trip for us. I wouldn't rule out not taking him either if he is just totally against it though. We've never had grandparents close by, but I've definitely thought about the possibility of letting him stay home before because we have had some moody trips with him over the last few years. And apparently he likes Disney! He's just at the age where he can make you think he hates it. But before I planned the last trip I asked him if he would want to go if we took another trip and he said yes. Anyway, the most recent was our most successful because we gave him more alone time. There were a couple of mornings that he didn't get up with the rest of us too so he just met us later on. Hope some of these suggestions help and good luck!

 

[Disfan1968]

As hard as this may be...I would hate to give any teenager an out from a family activity I expect them to participate in. We're going on a family vacation...that's the whole family.

Allowing a fourteen year old to decide to opt out seems like you're setting yourself up for his making lots of decisions he just not ready for...and most teenagers would rather stay home with their friends, etc. at that age...Good luck, glad we're out of the teenage years!!!

 

[Disfan1968]

It sure is an interesting thread, really. You can really see the dividing line set up between two fundamentally very different parenting styles.

One side sees the other as "too permissive" while the other side sees the other as "too dictatorial."

I imagine, in daily practice, we are mostly a healthy blend of the two. But this particular circumstance sure does seem to spark a debate.

 

[TinkerElsasMom]

Ok, so, family trips are just that, family trips. Vacations are a privilege, not a right. Vacations offer an opportunity to spend time in a casual setting as a family. I hated a majority of huge places I was forced to go on vacation. However, the memories I made during those trips with my siblings have become some of huge best in my life. It's not about the place, or the activities, it's about the time. The one thing in hunks world we do not get back, and everyone wants more of. I do not intentionally plan vacations my child will dislike. I plan vacations with the idea of trying to please the most, including myself. Not everyone is going to like everything you do, but everyone should like participating in activities with their family. No writes on their gravestone, "I spent too much time with my family and was loved by too m any people." Your child, and 14 is still a child, is a member of your family. Indulging the desires of one, at the expense of all others is not teaching him a valuable life lesson. His siblings deserve to have their brother there. The world does not revolve around him, and he needs to learn that.

I am sorry if this seems harsh. But children are children, not mini adults. We are here to guide them, and make them into productive members of society, while showing them compassion, love, strength, and the meaning of family. We, as parents, are not here to indulge their every wish. Do not leave him behind. You do onto get that time a back. Giving it up now, voluntarily, would be a mistake that you cannot unmake. He will have plenty of time, when he is older, to plan an do pay for his own family's trips. This is YOUR family. Think of him in the planning process, but don't let him dictate the trip for you. You are the parent. He is the brooding teenage boy. He'll get over it.

 

[Disfan1968]

Ok, so, family trips are just that, family trips. Vacations are a privilege, not a right. Vacations offer an opportunity to spend time in a casual setting as a family. I hated a majority of huge places I was forced to go on vacation. However, the memories I made during those trips with my siblings have become some of huge best in my life. It's not about the place, or the activities, it's about the time. The one thing in hunks world we do not get back, and everyone wants more of. I do not intentionally plan vacations my child will dislike. I plan vacations with the idea of trying to please the most, including myself. Not everyone is going to like everything you do, but everyone should like participating in activities with their family. No writes on their gravestone, "I spent too much time with my family and was loved by too m any people." Your child, and 14 is still a child, is a member of your family. Indulging the desires of one, at the expense of all others is not teaching him a valuable life lesson. His siblings deserve to have their brother there. The world does not revolve around him, and he needs to learn that.

I am sorry if this seems harsh. But children are children, not mini adults. We are here to guide them, and make them into productive members of society, while showing them compassion, love, strength, and the meaning of family. We, as parents, are not here to indulge their every wish. Do not leave him behind. You do onto get that time a back. Giving it up now, voluntarily, would be a mistake that you cannot unmake. He will have plenty of time, when he is older, to plan an do pay for his own family's trips. This is YOUR family. Think of him in the planning process, but don't let him dictate the trip for you. You are the parent. He is the brooding teenage boy. He'll get over it.

 

[surferdave]

Maybe part of the reason he doesn't want to go is that he knows he will have to be responsible for the younger kids. The OP said that herself in her first post:

"If I do leave him at home, what do I do with my other 2 when one wants to ride a ride the other one doesnt want to ride?"

Sounds to me that he will be functioning as a "parent" or at least a babysitter if he goes and he may know that. Not much of a vacation for him, is it. You may call it a family vacation, but it sure doesn't sound like fun for him. Let the guy stay home!!

Yeah, I noticed that too. Probably because when I was 14 my brothers were 8 and 9. Vacations were no fun at all (especially somewhere like WDW) unless I was allowed to bring a friend and break away from the babysitting duty.

 

[Hannathy]

You did read where she home schools them right?

They are together 24/7!!
that is pretty intense sibling time for anyone let alone a 14 yr old!!

They aren't lacking time together.

 

[Disfan1968]

Yeah, I noticed that too. Probably because when I was 14 my brothers were 8 and 9. Vacations were no fun at all (especially somewhere like WDW) unless I was allowed to bring a friend and break away from the babysitting duty.

In this particular case I would agree in saying kids should not be made to be "full-time" babysitters, but should certainly share in that responsibility instead. Any parents that completely unload the babysitting on their older age kids would be remiss to say the least, but at the same time, teenage kids should certainly expect to do a healthy amount of "baby-sitting duty."

Hopefully the family functions well enough that the older kids at least "like" the younger kids, making the baby sitting time a little more tolerable.

 

[EMode]

Ok, so, family trips are just that, family trips. Vacations are a privilege, not a right. Vacations offer an opportunity to spend time in a casual setting as a family. True, but some families manage to spend alotof time together while not on vacation either. Vacations are not the only opportunity for that, if they are then I would say there is more of a problem in a family than a teen who doesn't want to go to WDW.

I hated a majority of huge places I was forced to go on vacation. However, the memories I made during those trips with my siblings have become some of huge best in my life. It's not about the place, or the activities, it's about the time. The one thing in hunks world we do not get back, and everyone wants more of. And what if OP's ds memories are just being a babysitter so that mom can go on a ride with one of his younger siblings and he's there to act as another caregiver? The OP said she was a single mom and there is nothing wrong with an older child helping but maybe that will all he remembers about this trip.

I do not intentionally plan vacations my child will dislike. I plan vacations with the idea of trying to please the most, including myself. Not everyone is going to like everything you do, but everyone should like participating in activities with their family. No writes on their gravestone, "I spent too much time with my family and was loved by too m any people." Your child, and 14 is still a child, is a member of your family. Indulging the desires of one, at the expense of all others is not teaching him a valuable life lesson. His siblings deserve to have their brother there. The world does not revolve around him, and he needs to learn that.
So what message are you sending to a child when you indulge in everyone elses in the family's desires but theirs?

I am sorry if this seems harsh. But children are children, not mini adults. We are here to guide them, and make them into productive members of society, while showing them compassion, love, strength, and the meaning of family. I guess some would disagree on how you do that. Personally I don't believe in dictating every aspect of my child's life because "they are a child and I'm the parent" and then expecting them to be productive members of society works. I think allowing your children some personal freedoms and control over their lives through the course fo their lives ensures they will become strong, independent and productive members of society. They aren't going to rely on someone always dictating what they have to do because their parents actually allowed them to make some of their own decisions.

We, as parents, are not here to indulge their every wish. Do not leave him behind. You do onto get that time a back. Giving it up now, voluntarily, would be a mistake that you cannot unmake. He will have plenty of time, when he is older, to plan an do pay for his own family's trips. This is YOUR family. Think of him in the planning process, but don't let him dictate the trip for you. You are the parent. He is the brooding teenage boy. He'll get over it.

He isn't dictating the trip, he just doesn't want to go. They were there 2 years ago its not like this is a once in a lifetime event.
Its not so black and white as to say he's 14 he doesn't get to make these decisions, if it was the OP wouldn't be asking for advice

 

[leebee]

Ok, so, family trips are just that, family trips. Vacations are a privilege, not a right. Vacations offer an opportunity to spend time in a casual setting as a family. I hated a majority of huge places I was forced to go on vacation. However, the memories I made during those trips with my siblings have become some of huge best in my life. It's not about the place, or the activities, it's about the time. The one thing in hunks world we do not get back, and everyone wants more of. I do not intentionally plan vacations my child will dislike. I plan vacations with the idea of trying to please the most, including myself. Not everyone is going to like everything you do, but everyone should like participating in activities with their family. No writes on their gravestone, "I spent too much time with my family and was loved by too m any people." Your child, and 14 is still a child, is a member of your family. Indulging the desires of one, at the expense of all others is not teaching him a valuable life lesson. His siblings deserve to have their brother there. The world does not revolve around him, and he needs to learn that.

I am sorry if this seems harsh. But children are children, not mini adults. We are here to guide them, and make them into productive members of society, while showing them compassion, love, strength, and the meaning of family. We, as parents, are not here to indulge their every wish. Do not leave him behind. You do onto get that time a back. Giving it up now, voluntarily, would be a mistake that you cannot unmake. He will have plenty of time, when he is older, to plan an do pay for his own family's trips. This is YOUR family. Think of him in the planning process, but don't let him dictate the trip for you. You are the parent. He is the brooding teenage boy. He'll get over it.

 

[Disfan1968]

You did read where she home schools them right?

They are together 24/7!!
that is pretty intense sibling time for anyone let alone a 14 yr old!!

They aren't lacking time together.

Eh, being home schooled just doesn't seem like a sufficient reason to ditch the family for vacation time.

Try to remember too, that when you have a thread this long, people are responding to all sorts of points made, and not all comments are connected to the specifics set forth by the "OP."

 

[Hummingbird]

I haven't read all of the replies but I wanted to give my perspective as the oldest child. I'm older than my younger siblings by 7 & 8 years. When we were younger and went on vacations without my father I always got stuck "helping" with the 2 younger ones. Ride rides that were geared towards them. Ultimately feeling like a chaperone instead of a teen on vacation. When it would be time for me to ride a "big kid" ride I'd have to ride alone (talk about alienation) or would have to skip the ride because one of my sisters was likely to have a meltdown from waiting for me to make it through a long line.

In the end I resented being forced to go on these trips and it really soured my view of "family" vacations for a long time. It also caused some tension between myself and my sisters because I felt like I was being over looked and my enjoyment wasn't as important.


So with that said, I would not make him go. My oldest did not want to go on our last US/IOA trip so I did not force her to. She doesn't regret not going at all because she had already been and them parks really aren't her "thing" she instead spent the time with her grandparents and visited St Augustine and she still raves about the interesting/educational city your they took.