Should I ask family to help pay for cabins?

[chiefmickeymouse]

DH is retiring from the Air Force in a few months. Some of the family is coming for the retirement ceremony (his dad is also retired AF, so this is a big deal to them). We reserved three cabins at a military recreation facility so that everyone will have somewhere to stay and we could have a semi-family reunion. Our house is very small, and we really would only have room for two extra people.

We had to reserve the cabins super early because they are usually booked in the summer. They are about $75 - $95 a night, and we reserved for three nights. We have planned a big barbecue, fishing, etc.

Those included are my parents, my sister and family (these aren't the issue because I know my dad will offer to help). DH's parents, his brother and his wife, his niece and her husband and three sets of aunts and uncles (four of these people I have never met and they live an hour and a half away - DH hasn't seen them in over 20 years).

The question is: should I ask for help paying for the cabins? DH thinks we shouldn't ask. Obviously, I think we should. What do you guys think?

 

[burnurcomputer]

Since the event is directly related to your DH's retirement I would eat the $ and let it go. If anyone asks if they can contribute $ (*I* wouldn't expect to be put up) to the cost of the stay , then I would allow them to do so or to contribute to the cost of meals while they were there.

 

[girli565]

If you can afford it I wouldn't ask but if it's a struggle for you just say, "I booked these cabins, they're $xx.xx a night, your portion is $xx.xx." I would never go to something like that and expect someone else to pay for me, especially if I haven't even met you or seen you in 20 years.

But I see that you said your husband doesn't want to ask, so you might be in a tough spot.

 

[Pigeon]

I would expect people would realize that you can't put everyone up. I would just include the information and cost of the cabins and the names of local hotels with the invitations. That way you wouldn't be telling the guests that they must stay in such and such a place and pay X.

But I think that if your husband wants you to pay for all this, it is his event.

 

[eliza61]

DH is retiring from the Air Force in a few months. Some of the family is coming for the retirement ceremony (his dad is also retired AF, so this is a big deal to them). We reserved three cabins at a military recreation facility so that everyone will have somewhere to stay and we could have a semi-family reunion. Our house is very small, and we really would only have room for two extra people.

We had to reserve the cabins super early because they are usually booked in the summer. They are about $75 - $95 a night, and we reserved for three nights. We have planned a big barbecue, fishing, etc.

Those included are my parents, my sister and family (these aren't the issue because I know my dad will offer to help). DH's parents, his brother and his wife, his niece and her husband and three sets of aunts and uncles (four of these people I have never met and they live an hour and a half away - DH hasn't seen them in over 20 years).

The question is: should I ask for help paying for the cabins? DH thinks we shouldn't ask. Obviously, I think we should. What do you guys think?

I think you have to foot the bill. First, you have invited them to a celebration that you are planning. Generally I don't ask folks to pony up money for events I'm hosting.

I've had relatives coming in for out of town events we've always covered lodging for the night of the event. (for close family only though. I do realize everyone is different) For my dad's 80th bday celebration, my siblings and I picked up the tab for his sisters coming in from Charleston SC.

Next, you sort of took it upon yourself to arrange lodging. Have you mentioned this to your guest? I just can't image inviting some one to my retirement party and saying "oh by the way I've got you book in X hotel for 3 days, the bill will be Y dollars". You've invited 3 sets of aunts that you don't know, what happens if they can't do it?

Basically if it's a strain on your budget I would simply include in your invitations, lodging options giving them a choice. realize though that they may not pick your cabins. If you definitely want people to stay as a family in the cabins I think you have to foot the tab.

 

[momof3ds]

I would probably foot the bill for the cabins but then ask for help with the food items.

 

[Kellydelly]

I think that when you extended the invitation to the ceremony you should have mentioned the lodging options. I would never expect someone to turn a retirement ceremony into a paid vacation for me, so as your relative I wouldn't expect you to pay for my cabin if I decided to stay for 3 nights. You should pay for the party or meal after the actual ceremony, but it looks like if you don't speak up you may end up paying for an expensive 3 day reunion. Not fair to you, but you need to let others know how much they are expected to pitch in. That is a lot of people to cover for that many days. This event you are planning isn't just a retirement celebration, it's a party for the family .

 

[Doodlebug939]

My husband retired from the service two years ago so I understand the situation. I would eat the cost. To me it matters more if the people come to the ceremony that the cost of a few cabins. I would rather pay the bill and know that they are going to come to this important transition in his life. With gas prices and other things becoming higher would it cause a financial hardship to them ?

I mean three cabins for around three hundred a night is a deal and without the cost of taxes it is even better. Pay the bill and enjoy the time with the family which will matter more in the years to come than the lodging. Is there a military lodge that would be a cheaper option?

If someone wants to chip in then you accept and say thank you but the focus of the weekend is to celebrate your hubby. Be proud of your man and celebrate his great accomplishment.

 

[scrapquitler]

DH is retiring from the Air Force in a few months. Some of the family is coming for the retirement ceremony (his dad is also retired AF, so this is a big deal to them). We reserved three cabins at a military recreation facility so that everyone will have somewhere to stay and we could have a semi-family reunion. Our house is very small, and we really would only have room for two extra people.

We had to reserve the cabins super early because they are usually booked in the summer. They are about $75 - $95 a night, and we reserved for three nights. We have planned a big barbecue, fishing, etc.

Those included are my parents, my sister and family (these aren't the issue because I know my dad will offer to help). DH's parents, his brother and his wife, his niece and her husband and three sets of aunts and uncles (four of these people I have never met and they live an hour and a half away - DH hasn't seen them in over 20 years).

The question is: should I ask for help paying for the cabins? DH thinks we shouldn't ask. Obviously, I think we should. What do you guys think?

If I were attending an event like this, I would expect to pay for my hotel room, so yes, I think it's fair to ask them to contribute. $900 for three nights for eight family groups (if I'm counting right) doesn't seem like much to ask of them...if they each contributed just over $100 toward the rental it seems like it would be covered, and its not that expensive for them. I mean really, they'd have to rent a lot of rooms at a hotel and it would cost a lot more otherwise, and it wouldn't be fair for them to expect to stay for free.

 

[sunshinehighway]

If it were me, I would expect to pay for my own lodging, unless my relative took it upon themselves to book something for me. If your relatives knew about the cabins and ok'd it before you book, maybe they should help pay. If you just did it on your own, you shouldn't ask.

 

[mjkacmom]

No way would I ask for money. You can't dictate where people stay, and make them pay for it. You are the one turning it into a 3 day reunion. The folks who live 1 1/2 hours away could easily have made a day trip out of it. Now, if you sent out invitations to the event, and orchestrated a family reunion, letting them know their lodging options, and the costs involved, it would be different.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

Thanks for everybody's thoughts. Everyone is making some good points. I do see that I need to give a few more details though:

We didn't invite any of the aunts and uncles. We haven't invited anyone yet, as the event is four months away. My husband's parents invited the aunts and uncles. My husband's parents are flying into the town where his brother and sister and their families live. He is then planning for all of them to drive from there to here for the ceremony. For them, its a way to combine the retirement and seeing his family. Neither I, nor DH, had even thought of inviting them as they aren't close. DH's dad has gone to see his brother and sister (an hour and a half from us) without coming to see us in the past.

I didn't "dictate" where anyone should stay. I reserved the cabins months ahead of time, because that's what you have to do to get them. I reserved them for three days because dh's parents and my family have to travel a distance to get here and I can't put up everyone in my house.

I asked my parents, dh's parents, my sister and dh's brother about it beforehand so they could plan. They all said it sounded good. It has grown from there with all these other people coming. That is why we reserved an extra, large cabin. I'm am also keeping in mind that as it gets closer some of these people might back out. I can drop the cabin reservations without losing money if I give two weeks' notice.

Should I just drop the whole thing and let people figure out their own arrangements? Thanks for the input!

 

[mjbaby]

No way would I ask for money. You can't dictate where people stay, and make them pay for it. You are the one turning it into a 3 day reunion. The folks who live 1 1/2 hours away could easily have made a day trip out of it. Now, if you sent out invitations to the event, and orchestrated a family reunion, letting them know their lodging options, and the costs involved, it would be different.

Agreed. I totally get that you *want* to ask them to contribute but the circumstances really don't support you doing so. You may well receive offers of assistance and, if so, I think it's o.k. to accept them but now that you shouldn't start issuing invoices at this point.

 

[wishesuponastar]

Oh boy, your guest list really snowballed because your inlaws invited the aunts and uncles.

What I would do (if money is a problem) is send invitations for the retirement ceremony and include a note that cabins are available for $xx amount if they desire. Mention that refunds may be given on a cabin if cancelled two weeks prior. Maybe also include a note with a hotel name in case people don't want to stay in a cabin.

Oh, to me having a retirement party is no different than a wedding or 50th birthday party where guests are given a meal but lodging, if they require any, are up to them.

Congrats to your DH for his many years of service

 

[scrapquitler]

Oh boy, your guest list really snowballed because your inlaws invited the aunts and uncles.

What I would do (if money is a problem) is send invitations for the retirement ceremony and include a note that cabins are available for $xx amount if they desire. Mention that refunds may be given on a cabin if cancelled two weeks prior. Maybe also include a note with a hotel name in case people don't want to stay in a cabin.

Oh, to me having a retirement party is no different than a wedding or 50th birthday party where guests are given a meal but lodging, if they require any, are up to them.

Congrats to your DH for her many years of service

My bolding.. I'm glad you said this because it is exactly what I was thinking. This situation seems no different to me than having a wedding and telling people "A block of rooms has been reserved at XYZ Inn at a special rate of $XX.XX per night" People going to a wedding wouldn't expect to have the bride and groom pay for their room, why would a guest at a retirement expect that? And if they don't want to stay at these cabins, they don't have to.

 

[wishesuponastar]

great minds think alike

Also, I think all family reunion costs are up to each family to pay their way.

 

[eliza61]

Thanks for everybody's thoughts. Everyone is making some good points. I do see that I need to give a few more details though:

We didn't invite any of the aunts and uncles. We haven't invited anyone yet, as the event is four months away. My husband's parents invited the aunts and uncles. My husband's parents are flying into the town where his brother and sister and their families live. He is then planning for all of them to drive from there to here for the ceremony. For them, its a way to combine the retirement and seeing his family. Neither I, nor DH, had even thought of inviting them as they aren't close. DH's dad has gone to see his brother and sister (an hour and a half from us) without coming to see us in the past.

I didn't "dictate" where anyone should stay. I reserved the cabins months ahead of time, because that's what you have to do to get them. I reserved them for three days because dh's parents and my family have to travel a distance to get here and I can't put up everyone in my house.

I asked my parents, dh's parents, my sister and dh's brother about it beforehand so they could plan. They all said it sounded good. It has grown from there with all these other people coming. That is why we reserved an extra, large cabin. I'm am also keeping in mind that as it gets closer some of these people might back out. I can drop the cabin reservations without losing money if I give two weeks' notice.

Should I just drop the whole thing and let people figure out their own arrangements? Thanks for the input!

thanks for the information, that definitely gives you options. so here's my take.

1) Get a firm number (you can cut it off at the number your at) and you and dh do the math. If he thinks you should cover the expense, I would probably go with it.

2) If you decide not to cover lodging. I would get a few options. maybe call a local motel and the cabins. In a seperate note, with the invitations I would give this information about lodging. Stress that you must have a firm rsvp on the cabins by X date. give yourself an extra week, so if you can cancel up to 2 weeks without a penalty, I would put 3 week date on note.

that gives everyone advance notice that they are responsible for their own lodging and they can then decide how long to stay and where to stay.

Good luck and Congratulations to your husband.

ps. I would still probably pick up the tab for both sets of parents.

 

[BubMunkeyBles]

I think by booking the cabins yourself you kind of took on the cost. My family wouldn't mind doing it, but they would at least want the option on where to stay and have a choice in what the could afford to stay in. Maybe they'd rather go camping or stay in a regular hotel. We got married at Shades of Green and had LOTS of people stay off site in the $40 hotels off I-drive because that's what they could afford.

My DH is Air Force too (he's at 15). Congrats to your DH on his retirement!

 

[eliza61]

My bolding.. I'm glad you said this because it is exactly what I was thinking. This situation seems no different to me than having a wedding and telling people "A block of rooms has been reserved at XYZ Inn at a special rate of $XX.XX per night" People going to a wedding wouldn't expect to have the bride and groom pay for their room, why would a guest at a retirement expect that? And if they don't want to stay at these cabins, they don't have to.

See they are totally different to me. I would never invite some one to say my parents 50th wedding anniversary and then require them to pay to stay. I just wouldn't. I would invite who I could afford to lodge. So in my dads case with his 85th birthday, we invited his sisters and their spouse. We ( I have siblings) paid for them to stay 2 nights at the hotel where we had the dinner.

Same thing with my spouses 50th birthday celebration. I had a big party at an family style Italian restaurant. His sister and brother live out of state. I reserved a block of hotel rooms for 1 night and paid for it. I simply would not ask people to come to a party and then expect them to pay for it.

My 50th I wanted a girlfriend trip to Paris, (my dh did not want to go) so I invited my 2 BFF. I did not pay for their airfare but I did pick up the hotel room tab. It was my party, I invited them. it's not like a vacation we planned together.

I guess it's just there is no absolutes as long as everyone understands whats going on in advance.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

thanks for the information, that definitely gives you options. so here's my take.

1) Get a firm number (you can cut it off at the number your at) and you and dh do the math. If he thinks you should cover the expense, I would probably go with it.

2) If you decide not to cover lodging. I would get a few options. maybe call a local motel and the cabins. In a seperate note, with the invitations I would give this information about lodging. Stress that you must have a firm rsvp on the cabins by X date. give yourself an extra week, so if you can cancel up to 2 weeks without a penalty, I would put 3 week date on note.

that gives everyone advance notice that they are responsible for their own lodging and they can then decide how long to stay and where to stay.

Good luck and Congratulations to your husband.

ps. I would still probably pick up the tab for both sets of parents.

Thanks! That was very well put. I'm glad that family is willing to travel to be there for dh. I think I'm just going to do my best to not make a big deal about the money so he can enjoy his retirement and being with his family. That's what I would want. I guess it just bugs me because there are these extra people coming...but maybe it's just time to put on my big girl panties and get over it!