Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[Leajess99]

I have read most of the replies on this thread. Thought I'd share that I'm going through this same issue right now. First let me say that I sent my DD to Kindergarten when she just turned 5. She is very petitie the size of most 3 year olds and still is. It was hard for her because kindergarten in our district is 7:55 to 2:55 which I think is terribly long school day. She was more than mature enough and was academically were she needed to be. Size is not the issue here at all. She gets A's and B's this year and third garde and school is super easy broing for her. So sending her at 5 was right for her.

Now my DS4 will be 5 this summer. I don't think he is ready to start Kinder in August. He is way too immature and I don't want him to struggle. His learning is right where it should be in my opinion. A few kids in his preschool are ahead with writing & reading skills. The preschool and pediatrician do not think he is mature enough for full day Kindergarten. this is such a struggle making this decision. I want to send because I don't want him to bored when he is 6 and ahead of the other kids. Also him and DD would be in the same school when she is 4th grade and he is Kinder. The following year she will be in middle school for 5th grade, so they would be in two different schools. I honestly don't think he is ready though and I want to do what is best for him. He is the kid who cried at preschool the first 2 weeks and is really quiet most of the time there . I guess well have to see how he does in a few more months.

I would recommend giving him a chance in Kindergarten and if it doesn't work out you can always pull him out. Having peers in Kindergarten can pull that quietness out of him as we have seen it in my dd's class this year with one of her preschool friends. I was so amazed 2 weeks ago when I saw him for the first time in a while and he is just such a different child. He was more outgoing and has made such strides in Kindergarten than he did in preschool.
As for my dd, the teachers still do not believe me when I say she is not shy. They don't see her real side. They see this quiet little girl who barely talks to anyone but her friends and never in the classroom.

 

[Leajess99]

Honestly, I have "redshirted" two out of my 4 kids, and will "redshirt" the other two as well. (all 4 happen to have very late birthdays...) Did I do it because I wanted them home another year, you bet I did.
Kids are pushed to grow up way to fast as it is, that extra year home did not hurt my kids in any way, shape or form. My child has an extra home with her parents, her siblings, and extra year to play, to have no responsibilities, to be a little kid. Why push them? They have the rest of their lives to grow up and have to be in school?
Was that the only reason we kept them back a year, nope, there were lots of reasons. None being that I wanted my child to be the "smartest" in the class. Study's prove that kids even out around 3 grade anyway, so really that had nothing to do with it.
If I had sent my kids at 4 (going to be 5) I would of expected as much out of them as I did when I sent them at 5 (going to be 6). My expectations of them did not change because they were given an extra year of childhood. I did not do my kids a "disservice" by keeping them home an extra year, I personally think people who push their kids into school are giving their child a disservice. Let them be kids for as long as they can be.
To the OP, I would find out what your curriculum is, talk to the preschool staff, the kindergarten teachers, the grade school principal (all of which told us to hold them a year), find out what most parents in your area are doing as well. Most people in my area hold back their late summer birthdays, so my child was one of 15 last year in kindergarten who could of gone the year before. My daughter in kindergarten this year is one of 13 who were held back this year.
Could my kids done find in kindergarten, I am most certain they would of done fine at 4 (almost 5). But, then they would also go to college at 17. It will never hurt my child to be the oldest, but could impact them if they were the youngest.

Do statistics mean anything? No not really, but in all the research we did about this subject, we found drop out rates higher, quitting college rates higher, teen pregnancy, drug, drinking, early sex, suicide rates all significantly higher in kids with later birthdays. And, I mean 60-75% higher. Does it really mean anything? Not sure, but, I figured if I could stack the odds a little higher in my kids favor why not.

I am thrilled we held our kids back a year, I know for us it was the right choice. I know I will never say, "what would of happened if we had given our child that extra year to grow a little"
You have to do what you feel is right, but go with your gut.
Good luck!

Just curious but since you feel starting school is such an issue why not just homeschool and then your kids can be home all the time?? Then they can have that extra time at home with their siblings and not have to deal with the school??

 

[hmacmahony]

Just wondering where, in anything I said did you find that I have a problem with school? Really, just wondering how you made that jump.
I have a problem with kids starting kindergarten at the age of 4 still. Seriously, I was thrilled for my kids to start school, just not at the age of 4. I think it is insane that schools still expect kids at the age of 4 to be ready to go to kindergarten, espically when so much more is expected of kids in kindergarten these days.

Just curious but since you feel starting school is such an issue why not just homeschool and then your kids can be home all the time?? Then they can have that extra time at home with their siblings and not have to deal with the school??

 

[bgirl29]

OP if your pediatrician and sons teacher feel he is not ready to start school that is who I would listen to. Not some people on a discussion board that have their own feelings about why someone should start kindergarden at a certain age. I would trust the people that KNOW your child and are used to helping people make this decision.

For what it is worth we had to make this decision for 2 of our children and I know it is a very tough one.

 

[christa112]

I personally wouldn't wait either. If there are issues with his maturity him being around other children will help that. At the end of the year if his teacher feels he is not ready then you have him repeat. There is no harm in exposing him. A

Also, check with the school you maybe able to send him half day at 1st. I know in my town they allow parents to do this.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

Just curious but since you feel starting school is such an issue why not just homeschool and then your kids can be home all the time?? Then they can have that extra time at home with their siblings and not have to deal with the school??

Home schooling is not always an option or the answer. IMHO, children should be educated by someone qualified...and I do not mean the episode of The Cosby Show when Rudy said she didn't have to continue schooling because she would teach the grade below her. Parents DO teach their children; however, teachers are trained to teach. If teahers were not needed why have schools? Not sure of the rules in each state or what they are currently, but at one point the stay at home teacher had to have certain qualifications. When I posted about my DS having problem in school nearly everyone came back with the suggestion of homeschooling...when I asked for ways to motivate him.

I agree with the poster you commented to. These days children seem to be expected to grow up so fast. Schools put much pressure on kids with grades and testing...think they don't know how important the state/schools/parents, THEY DO! Some schools offer learning through play...but how many grade 1 students are sitting in a desk or infront of a computer most of the day? I put my child in gr 1 at just 5 yo (no K in the Bahamas) and man do I regret it now! However, as far as the school part goes he is learning and working for his teacher in some subjects more than he would for me. There are also some supplies that she has access to that I would not. He is also getting the socialization that I feel is very important...maybe in the US this is not as much of a concern with community rec centers and sporting groups.

If we were in the US I would have sent DH to K this year because the program he would have been in offeren learning through play and we would have had the option of 3 or 5 days.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

The reason kids are being pushed is because they are ready for it. If they weren't then there would be a huge failure rate. Kids are like little sponges. They soak it all up. A classroom is only as good as it's teacher.

 

[ilandrazdsw]

A classroom is only as good as it's teacher.

And the curriculum. A FANTASTIC teacher that has to follow a lousy, inappropriate, uninteresting curriculum won't necessarily turn students in to smatie-pants if they do not find the material interesting or even relatable. Teachers can only do so much and provide so much out of pocket to enhanse student education.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

And the curriculum. A FANTASTIC teacher that has to follow a lousy, inappropriate, uninteresting curriculum won't necessarily turn students in to smatie-pants if they do not find the material interesting or even relatable. Teachers can only do so much and provide so much out of pocket to enhanse student education.

Yes, but a fantastic teacher will be creative and inventive with it and she/he will work to find a way to make it better. Unfortunately not every teacher is fantastic. Nothing against teachers, not everyone is the best at any career.

 

[Leajess99]

Home schooling is not always an option or the answer. IMHO, children should be educated by someone qualified...and I do not mean the episode of The Cosby Show when Rudy said she didn't have to continue schooling because she would teach the grade below her. Parents DO teach their children; however, teachers are trained to teach. If teahers were not needed why have schools? Not sure of the rules in each state or what they are currently, but at one point the stay at home teacher had to have certain qualifications. When I posted about my DS having problem in school nearly everyone came back with the suggestion of homeschooling...when I asked for ways to motivate him.

I agree with the poster you commented to. These days children seem to be expected to grow up so fast. Schools put much pressure on kids with grades and testing...think they don't know how important the state/schools/parents, THEY DO! Some schools offer learning through play...but how many grade 1 students are sitting in a desk or infront of a computer most of the day? I put my child in gr 1 at just 5 yo (no K in the Bahamas) and man do I regret it now! However, as far as the school part goes he is learning and working for his teacher in some subjects more than he would for me. There are also some supplies that she has access to that I would not. He is also getting the socialization that I feel is very important...maybe in the US this is not as much of a concern with community rec centers and sporting groups.

If we were in the US I would have sent DH to K this year because the program he would have been in offeren learning through play and we would have had the option of 3 or 5 days.

But that is the thing with your situation, you are in the Bahamas which has a different set up. Your child would probably do so much better in K here in the US. Keeping many of these kids home is doing an injustice to them because then they are more advanced age wise than the average Kindergartener and many of these kids are causing disruptions because they are bored. We see it in the schools on all grade levels because of these kids being held back for things like immaturity.

Comments about parents wanting to "get rid" of their kids because they choose to place the child in school at the age for Kindergarten is such crap IMO. I love my kids and I made the choice to teach them and read to them from the time they were little and we continue to do homeschool stuff to add to what they learn at school. And if I was getting rid of my kids than why would I spend so much time volunteering to work with in their schools?? Also, I have placed my kids in sports from the time they were old enough to play soccer and basketball.

Holding a child back because the parents cannot handle letting the child go to school at the proper age (if it is in the school's guidelines that it is the proper age) is often doing a disservice to the child. I see a lot of selfishness about this subject and it is sad. My daughter has a little boy that started kindergarten at 4 and he is doing fine. I know a parent who regretted not starting his child in Kindergarten this year and was putting him back in preschool. The child is suffering more in the preschool than what he would have in kindergarten.

 

[Leajess99]

The reason kids are being pushed is because they are ready for it. If they weren't then there would be a huge failure rate. Kids are like little sponges. They soak it all up. A classroom is only as good as it's teacher.

And they pick up things at earlier ages. My 6 year old DD was quick to pick up sign language when it was introduced to her. They even did this with her preschool class using the Signing Time DVDs. This is also the reason Early Intervention came about. Kids pick things up and learn a lot easier at earlier ages.

 

[nicki.momof3]

I personally think it there is not reason to hold a 5 year old back unless they are developmentally delayed (and than still tehy need to go to school). Of course they are immature - they are 5 they are supposed to be playful and immature. Kindergarten is a where they learn about the structured school setting they learn social skills.

For those that "redshirt" there kids:
Maybe we should just hold everyone until 6 years old and make that the new starting age - or better yet lets start them after middle school (because I know lots of middle schoolers that are VERY immature). Where does it end.

How many people out there were "red shirted" by there parents? NONE I bet. Did you turn out alright? I really think to many people hold their kids for their own personal reasons (not ready to let them grow up) and not for the kids best interest.

JUST MY OPINION

 

[nicki.momof3]

And they pick up things at earlier ages. My 6 year old DD was quick to pick up sign language when it was introduced to her. They even did this with her preschool class using the Signing Time DVDs. This is also the reason Early Intervention came about. Kids pick things up and learn a lot easier at earlier ages.

Totally agree!!!!!!

 

[kaysmommie]

OP if your pediatrician and sons teacher feel he is not ready to start school that is who I would listen to. Not some people on a discussion board that have their own feelings about why someone should start kindergarden at a certain age. I would trust the people that KNOW your child and are used to helping people make this decision.

For what it is worth we had to make this decision for 2 of our children and I know it is a very tough one.

I agree with you. I'm not the OP but my child pediatrician and his preschool teacher don't think he is ready for Kindergarten yet. I want to wait until the end of the year and have him evaluated at the school where he will attend.

 

[dijid]

I "red shirted" my DD last year. Her b-day is two weeks before the Sept. cutoff. She had been in preschool for two years and done well. The preschool teacher's biggest concern was that DD was too interested in what everyone else was doing - too chatty, too social. But being a busybody isn't related to maturity - it's a social thing and I'm pretty sure that I could hear that same teacher concern 3 years from now!

Anyways, we decided to just keep her home with us since she didn't get into the Pre-K program the school district runs. And in this past year she has just taken off! Academically, she's reading really well, almost 100% with telling time to the minute, writes her own poetry and journal entries, doing a 1st grade math workbook...I could go on and on. Her older brother and sister have now convinced her that K will be "easy peasy" and she's already told me she's just going to quit if it's too easy. All her playdates are with K students, as she does seem much older/confident than the 4yos in the neighborhood she will attend K with.

So, I went to the K parent information meeting last week. After the presentation I asked about direct entry into 1st grade and was told it was not an option. K is mandatory in our state and without that K "certificate" she's SOL. I truly feel that the current K students are her peer group and I worry that she'll look down on next year's K students in her class.

So, yes, people do have regrets. Whether I regret this for years waits to be seen.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I "red shirted" my DD last year. Her b-day is two weeks before the Sept. cutoff. She had been in preschool for two years and done well. The preschool teacher's biggest concern was that DD was too interested in what everyone else was doing - too chatty, too social. But being a busybody isn't related to maturity - it's a social thing and I'm pretty sure that I could hear that same teacher concern 3 years from now!

Anyways, we decided to just keep her home with us since she didn't get into the Pre-K program the school district runs. And in this past year she has just taken off! Academically, she's reading really well, almost 100% with telling time to the minute, writes her own poetry and journal entries, doing a 1st grade math workbook...I could go on and on. Her older brother and sister have now convinced her that K will be "easy peasy" and she's already told me she's just going to quit if it's too easy. All her playdates are with K students, as she does seem much older/confident than the 4yos in the neighborhood she will attend K with.

So, I went to the K parent information meeting last week. After the presentation I asked about direct entry into 1st grade and was told it was not an option. K is mandatory in our state and without that K "certificate" she's SOL. I truly feel that the current K students are her peer group and I worry that she'll look down on next year's K students in her class.

So, yes, people do have regrets. Whether I regret this for years waits to be seen.

Thank you for posting this. It took a lot of courage. Hopefully your dd will get an amazing teacher that will get her to enjoy kindergarten.

 

[nicki.momof3]

I "red shirted" my DD last year. Her b-day is two weeks before the Sept. cutoff. She had been in preschool for two years and done well. The preschool teacher's biggest concern was that DD was too interested in what everyone else was doing - too chatty, too social. But being a busybody isn't related to maturity - it's a social thing and I'm pretty sure that I could hear that same teacher concern 3 years from now!

Anyways, we decided to just keep her home with us since she didn't get into the Pre-K program the school district runs. And in this past year she has just taken off! Academically, she's reading really well, almost 100% with telling time to the minute, writes her own poetry and journal entries, doing a 1st grade math workbook...I could go on and on. Her older brother and sister have now convinced her that K will be "easy peasy" and she's already told me she's just going to quit if it's too easy. All her playdates are with K students, as she does seem much older/confident than the 4yos in the neighborhood she will attend K with.

So, I went to the K parent information meeting last week. After the presentation I asked about direct entry into 1st grade and was told it was not an option. K is mandatory in our state and without that K "certificate" she's SOL. I truly feel that the current K students are her peer group and I worry that she'll look down on next year's K students in her class.

So, yes, people do have regrets. Whether I regret this for years waits to be seen.

I am sorry to hear about your situation. I hope everything works out OK for your child. I am not sure if there are any split classes in your district but if there is possibly a K/1 mabye you could request that. I have heard so many parents talk about "redshirting" their kids and stories like your make me even more confident in my decision to follow my gut and send my child at age 5. Thank you for sharing.

 

[princessmom29]

I fail to see where I said that you did not teach your child responsibility??? I think you are the one ASSuming that I was trying to imply that. I said that I feel it is MY responsibility. I said nothing about how you choose to parent your child. that is your business. If I follow your ASSumpions then I guess I should assume that you are saying I am not an involved parent and am ready to get rid of my kid?? I am sure you don't mean to speak ill of anyone you don't even know so I am not going to ASSume that is what you mean by your comments. I have said what i think and, I fail how it is a ridiculous assumtion that those parents who do take advantage of the system to hold a child out untill they have been 6 for months to start K would not continue to abuse the system if the cuftoffs are changed.

I don't think anyone has said they never want to send there kid to school, or keep them out of school until they are twenty. But, to keep a kid who just turned 5 out of kindergarten one more year won't hurt them.
And because I let my kids stay home an extra year are you ASSuming that we don't teach them responsibility? Serioulsy, I am not sure how you made that jump.
I am helping my child to be the best child they can be as well, and to spend an extra year home with me, will never hurt them. I am not in a rush to get rid of my kids.
And if my kids need a little extra push, we do extra school stuff at home. That is what being an involved parent is all about right?

Clearly this was not an option for your family, but to jump to saying things like people are going to start holding their kids at 7, 8 and 9, well, is just plain silly. 99% of the people who hold their kids do it because their child will still be 4 when starting school.
Personally I think schools need to change the cutoffs, and actually in our state that is happening. And once that does, my kids will all actually be have birthdays after the cutoff. So, clearly I am not the only one who sees the problem here with cutoffs.

 

[brymolmom]

Clearly this was not an option for your family, but to jump to saying things like people are going to start holding their kids at 7, 8 and 9, well, is just plain silly. 99% of the people who hold their kids do it because their child will still be 4 when starting school.
Personally I think schools need to change the cutoffs, and actually in our state that is happening. And once that does, my kids will all actually be have birthdays after the cutoff. So, clearly I am not the only one who sees the problem here with cutoffs.

I would like to know where you get this statistic. I completely disagree that 99% of people who red shirt their kids do it 'because their child will be 4 when starting school'. Realistically, many (maybe even most) districts have cutoffs where the child is NOT 4 when starting school, and still those districts have red shirting happening. THere are people on this board with kids with May birthdays who are holding back...obviously will be WELL INTO their 5th year before September. I believe that 99% of parents hold back their child because they want them to be at the upper end of social, emotional and academic maturity than the others in their class. And, even by changing the cuttofs, this will still be the case. A child who is 7 is at a different maturity level than one who is 6 or almost 6.

This unfortunate vicious cycle will never end until parental choice is removed. That's the only way our kids will be given an even playing ground for starting school. If given the opportunity, many of the same parents will still want theirs to be the oldest.

 

[QueueCT]

What strikes me the most regarding this conversation is the insistence of what's right for "my child." He/she (usually he) will be one of the older students, one of the best performers, etc. This decision impacts all the other children who aren't held back as well. Don't we have responsibility to the broader community when making these decisions?
When your high school freshman is getting a drivers license and driving my 13-14 year old child around I start having concerns. When your 16 year old freshman is playing sports with my smaller 13-14 year old child I have concerns. When your likely more mature, developed child is competing with mine for grades and to get into college, I have serious issues.
If your child is not ready for school . . . seriously not ready then by all means hold them back. My concerns are not worth the years of problems that child is going to have and in fact are invalidated. But, if it's to give your child an "edge," to ensure that they are at the top of the class at the expense of all the other children who are entering that school year then I find it to be selfish.
Finally, to the extra year of childhood argument, the fact is that we all grow up. We all take on responsibilities and many kids can stand to take them on earlier than they already do.