Send them to Kindergarden or Wait

[toystorymom]

It really is a decision that has to be made based on the individual child. One of our boys has an August birthday and is one of the youngest, and yes smallest, in his class. The year he was turning 5, I remember in January thinking, "no way is this kid going to be able to go to kindergarten in September". He seemed so young and immature. As the time came closer though, we saw a lot of change and growth and him and the preschool teachers thought he was more than ready. We sent him and, now in 4th grade, he has academically excelled ever since. As for maturity, I really don't notice a difference at this age. In older grades, the difference will be more obvious (getting a driver's license, etc) but we'll deal with that when the time comes.

As for physical size, I'm not sure how big of a factor that should be. Kids are what they are. I work in a middle school where they come in all sizes - over 6 foot, barely 4 foot. Actually, one of my son's best friends (with a Sept birthday and one of the oldest in his class) is the same size as my son. Doesn't bother either one of them.

On the other side, my oldest son has an Oct birthday so has always been one of the oldest in the class. He was more than ready for school and was somewhat bored through 2nd grade. Now in middle school he is academically challenged which is great.

Just my experience, good luck with the decision.

 

[stacy6552]

We held our son back. While I believe he is in the right place, here in third grade, I do believe that was one expensive wasted year. If I had to do it over again, I would have sent him to kindergarten on time and then repeated it. We would have told him that he was getting to go to kindergarten early, but that he would have to do it again, so it never would have been an issue.

 

[jlormeau]

This is a difficult decision to make.

I sent my third son when he was 5 (January BABY) and I wish I had waited. He just wasn't ready to be still and follow directions all say.

I live in an affluent community and kindergarten is very competitive and stressful. Most of his peers were already reading and writing!! Imagine how I felt....and I am a teacher!!

One more year would have allowed him to mature and be developmentally ready for all the seat work. Remember, kindergarten is NOT like when we were little. There was LITTLE time for play. It was ALL work, work, work. He had tons of HW every night.

He made it through, but if I had it to do over, I would wait.

So, I guess whether or not you send him depends on the school and the program. If I had sent my son to a school in a different kind of district (My good friend teaches in an inner city school and told me he would have been ahead of the other kids where she works), he might have been right where the other kids were......but here, he was behind. Maybe you could find out what his peers know and are able to do and/or what the kindergarten teachers expect. Ours expect the kindergartners to almost be reading before they even begin. He had a really rough year and I would never make this choice again knowing what I know now.

 

[dogluva]

ok, I can see holding your July, August, maybe June baby back but January? How fair is that to my child who was born in August but I chose to send? They are 20 months older than my child.

Kindergarten is geared towards five year olds, not almost seven year olds. The whole curriculum will have to be changed to keep up for the children who are bored because they are a year and a half older.

Sorry, I also don't want my fifteen year old freshman in school with kids who are almost twenty. You may not think it ever happens, but it does.

There has to be a line drawn somewhere. And don't say change the cut offs. You change them to May and then the Aprils will be held back. It will never end.

By the way, my oldest are NOvember and Aug. My son graduated at 17, my daughter will too. My son just turnted 20 and is a Junior in college. My daughter is an honor student. They did fine. I couldn't imagine holding them back. However, I was mad that my son was in the same grade as kids that were almost two years older than him because the parents held him back.

 

[jlormeau]

I understand your points. I teach high school and there ARE lots of nineteen year old boys who walk the stage. It is not unusual at all, and no one thinks anything of it.

And I, too, sent my two older children at 5 and they did fine. My seventeen year old daughter is already a sophomore in college. My second child, a son who is 15, does well, too. But every child is different.

My third, who is now in first grade, just was not ready. In the interim b/w my first two and my third, we moved into a different district AND the expectations for kindergarten increased. If you know any kindergarten teachers, they will tell you that many boys are not ready. Kindergartners are now expected to sit and do paper and pencil seat work (at least in our district).....no playing or free time whatsoever in our district. I think the testing requirements have transformed what used to be a year of discovery and exploration into a year of test taking....they do bubble tests in kindergarten now.

So, I guess, in the end, like I said, it depends on the expectations in the district. I would rather my son be on par developmentally with his peers than worry about his age at graduation. It is not a big deal anymore. And if school districts want to discourage parents from holding their boys back, they need to implement teaching methods which are more appropriate for boys who are generally developmentally less mature and MUCH less able to sit for hours at a time.

Just a thought.... Sweden, where children do not begin learning to read until age 7, has the lowest illiteracy rate in the world! Maybe what we American teachers tend to label as "learning" problems are really just an issue of developmental readiness. My son is now seven and has made leaps in his reading progress just as his reading teacher promised me he would at around age 7. She is a reading specialist and concurs that for most boys, seven is the magic age for real reading readiness (girls are ready much sooner). Unfortunately, we had to suffer through a year of crying over homework at the kitchen table to realize that it was all about developmental readiness.

 

[summermac]

Been struggling with the same issue. Here's a post I made about it, with some replies
http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2063037

HTH!

 

[klamb19]

It needs to be entirely based upon each child.
Our cutoff is must be 5 by Dec 31st. My DD is 11(w/ a Sept b-day) and in 6th grade. I sent her at 4 turning 5 a few weeks later. She is an high honors student. She is also very tall for her age(5'4") so I am especially glad I didn't hold her.
My DS just turned 5 in Nov. I didn't hold him back but agonized over the decision. I ended up having his preschool teachers feedback hold the most weight and they all agreed he was more then ready for K. We have full day and he has done wonderfully. His teacher told me even though he is one of the younger ones he is one of her "mature" students. Academically and socially he is doing great.
So both my children will be 17 when I send them off to college. I lover the thought of having my baby here an extra year but holding him back wasn't fair to him.
I would highly recommend talking to his teachers. Kids are different when mom and dad aren't around.
It is entirely your decision and you'll hear lots of different opinions.

 

[Binnie]

This is an interesting discussion for me, particularly given that we have the opposite problem. DD is a Decemebr baby. She's very bright, and at 3 is starting to read (no writing yet), doing basic math, etc. but our cutoff is 9/30--no exceptions. So I'm in a position where I'm being forced to eait until she's nearly 6 to put her in school. RIDICULOUS!

I feel really strongly that there should be some kind of assessment of children rather than depending soley on the date of birth. It's so frustrating. Wouldn't it be nice if we had a manual on how to deal with these little people?

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

There is kindergarten in private schools as well. It is also not mandatory. You can start your child in 1st grade if you chose and forgo K all together. As for those who say that it can't hurt them well I don't agree. Yes, some children are not ready. The majority are. When that 6 year old is bored out of his mind because he is older and ahead academically there are many scenarios that can occur. He can become what is percieved as a behavioral problem becasue he is bored, he can take up more time with the teacher because he needs more than any other child because he is older and the lessons are something he already learned. Yes, some kids do require more due to ability, be it less or more, but a child that is a year older (unless they are really behind) is not going to be challenged and in the long run I don't think that is any benefit to the child. There is always going to be a youngest and an oldest with a cutoff date. I think that a 12 month window is sufficient.

Teachers are meeting the needs of individuals but they also gear the class towards age appropriate material. A child that is an entire year older is not going to benefit from that. Like I said, if a child really isn't ready then of course they should be held back. I just think that a lot of parents aren't looking at the child. They are looking at the age.

This is way too much of a generalization and all kids are different. I held my DS back and he is almost a year older then some of the kids in his class. He excels. All A's and almost a perfect score on his PSSA tests.

I never intended to hold him back but his pre-school teacher recommended it. I have a family full of teachers who also said you will never regret holding them back , but may regret sending them. Plus the child may not get behind in his school work right away, it may take a few years. As my cousin told me, who teaches 4th grade, it may be as far ahead as 3rd, 4th or 5th grade before the child starts getting behind, then what, hold him then? I don't think so.

Its also not good for a child to become frustrated with everything he does and feels like a failure.

My DD will go to kindergarten in September. She misses the cut-off by 3 weeks, so she will be 6, 3 weeks after school starts. So a generalization that kindergarten is for 5 year olds not 6 years olds is unfair.

Each child is different and must be judged accordingly. Ask your sons teacher.

 

[michelea]

We did send my son when he was five (June birthday). It was a full day program and we pulled him out after a month and homeschooled him for the rest of the year. Academically he was fine, in fact ahead of his peers but the days were too long for him. I do not regret doing what we did (pulling him out). He is in first grade this year and is doing great. I think he would have been fine if we kept him back too. He is in a Montessori 1st grade so he can work at his own pace but honestly it still wipes him out to at school all day long. By Thursday he is usually exhauseted but by Monday morning he is ready to go again. Good luck.

 

[skuttle]

DS turned 5 on July 2nd last year. He's in Kindergarten now (all day) and loves it. He's doing really well with everything and is above where they want him to be for reading. The first few weeks he struggled a bit with behavior...he'd talk instead of work, play at lunch time, run in the hall, etc. But that has worked itself out and he's doing fine. I never even considered holding him back. I think it all depends on the child.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

This is way too much of a generalization and all kids are different. I held my DS back and he is almost a year older then some of the kids in his class. He excels. All A's and almost a perfect score on his PSSA tests.

Why wouldn't he have great grades? He is a year older than the other kids.
I never intended to hold him back but his pre-school teacher recommended it. I have a family full of teachers who also said you will never regret holding them back , but may regret sending them. Plus the child may not get behind in his school work right away, it may take a few years. As my cousin told me, who teaches 4th grade, it may be as far ahead as 3rd, 4th or 5th grade before the child starts getting behind, then what, hold him then? I don't think so.

Its also not good for a child to become frustrated with everything he does and feels like a failure.

My DD will go to kindergarten in September. She misses the cut-off by 3 weeks, so she will be 6, 3 weeks after school starts. So a generalization that kindergarten is for 5 year olds not 6 years olds is unfair.

Each child is different and must be judged accordingly. Ask your sons teacher.

When I made that statement I wasn't clear so forgive me. What I meant was kindergarten is not for kids turning 7. So 4 almost 5, 5 almost 6, but basically a 5 year old. That is when the schools have determined that Kindergarten should be. I know that each child is different and needs to be judged accordingly. I don't need to ask my child's teacher. The point I am making is that a lot of parents do not look at the child with an unbiased opinion. They look at the birthday and make the decision. That is what I find silly (for lack of a better word) about it. It is not helping that child at all. It is not the gift of time. It is a parent making a decision w/out really looking at what their child is capable of. I am not saying you did that but there are many many people who do. For all the people on the Dis that hold their kids back do you really believe that that many kids aren't ready? I don't. Then they come on in a few years raving about how their kids are gifted! They aren't gifted. They are above their class because they are a year older! They are right where they should be, but according to the grade they are in they now gifted.
I think it has gotten out of hand.
I hope this explains what I mean a little better.

 

[mommyof3rookies]

I would send him. Kindergarten is for 5 year olds. Not 6 year olds. JMHO.

I agree with you. There is a reason the school districts say 5 years old, it shouldn't really be a choice. When I was in school all 5 year olds went to kindy, if they needed to repeat then they repeat. And as for some parents already talking about holding their child out and the said child is only 2 or 3 right now, it sounds like those parents don't want to let their children grow up. How on earth do you know that you're child won't be ready at 5 years old, to make that decision so young in THEIR lives is an injustice to them.

 

[snoopy5386]

My DD is only 2 and she has an April birthday and I plan on sending her to Kindy when she is 5, she'll be 5.5 when she starts. Honestly, I've never heard of people holding kids back a year with a birthday before August. I totally understand holding your child back if you feel they are not ready and if their bday is within a month or two of the cutoff (esp for boys) but not 5, 6, 8 months before the cutoff. I agree with poster that said kindy is for 5 year olds, not 6.5- almost 7 year olds. I have an October birthday, I started kindy at 4 going on 5 (never even thought about this until now), graduated high school and went to college at 17. I never had any problems whatsover. I didn't get my driver's license until senior year which sucked for me at the time, but now as a parent I don't think of it as a bad thing. If anything in your situation I would find a private school that does half day kindy, send him to that and re-evaluate if he is ready for 1st grade at that point, if not then do full day kindy.
I also wanted to add, the district where I taught had something called Transitional Primary, which was basically an extra year of school between kindy and 1st grade for kids kids who weren't ready for 1st grade yet. Great in theory and I'm sure for some in practice, BUT the middle schoolers I taught all knew who went to TP and who didn't and there was a definite stigma associated with it, and the kids themselves seemed to have less confidence in their own abilities. Something to think about...

 

[LuckyMamaInDE]

You need to know your own child and his/her situation.

Our ds has a June 1 bday. He's always been one of the smallest kids in his class. In preschool he has slower fine motor skills and was slow to make friends. We decided to send him to kindergarten at age 5. He's now a 15yo high school sophomore, first in his class of 200 at a private high school on an academic scholarship. I am SO glad he started kindergarten when he did.

 

[InnerTink]

I have a soon to be 16 yr. old Son and a 13 yr old daughter. My son was near the cut off. He tested more than ready to go to kindergarten. I decided to send him for a few reasons. One that tests said he was smart enough, I also wanted 2 years of school between him and my daughter, annnd I was worried about having an 18 year old goping into his Senior year ( the whole adult but not adult does he have to follow my rules or will he or she decide to quit school). So I sent him. He mostly struggled with the maturity issue especially kindergarten through 6th grade. And now that he is a Sophmore I am so regretful that I didn't wait. It is partly selfish I'm seeing our time coming to an end and would give anything for another year, plus I think he could have used that extra year to be more prepared for real life.
As for my daughter I also sent her but wish I held her back she is in eigth grade and most of her classmates are far more mature.

As another has said I have never met someone who regretted holding off a year but I have met several in the same position as me.
I also have 2 stepsons one his birthday landed in Dec. and super smart so no worries. The other in March but had to repeat kindergarten due to maturity issues and classroom skills.

Just my 2 cents. I would wait, enjoy them while you have them it flies by way to fast.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

[/B]
When I made that statement I wasn't clear so forgive me. What I meant was kindergarten is not for kids turning 7. So 4 almost 5, 5 almost 6, but basically a 5 year old. That is when the schools have determined that Kindergarten should be. I know that each child is different and needs to be judged accordingly. I don't need to ask my child's teacher. The point I am making is that a lot of parents do not look at the child with an unbiased opinion. They look at the birthday and make the decision. That is what I find silly (for lack of a better word) about it. It is not helping that child at all. It is not the gift of time. It is a parent making a decision w/out really looking at what their child is capable of. I am not saying you did that but there are many many people who do. For all the people on the Dis that hold their kids back do you really believe that that many kids aren't ready? I don't. Then they come on in a few years raving about how their kids are gifted! They aren't gifted. They are above their class because they are a year older! They are right where they should be, but according to the grade they are in they now gifted.
I think it has gotten out of hand.
I hope this explains what I mean a little better.

Your original quote to me didn't come through on the quote. But ,,,what would your solution be....My kids pre-school teacher is telling me to hold my DS back ...so I don't and now he struggles his whole school career.

To me its just as bad to fail in everything you do such as study study study and never get good grades unless you have a tutor. This is my friends child. Her son and my son were best friends when they were younger. They are only a week a part in age. We moved into a very competitive, fast moving school district, probably one of the reasons it was suggested DS be held back.

Though it was suggested my friends son be held back too. Their school district isn't as fast moving or competitve as where we live so she sent her son. He's now in 5th grade and fights and fights hard with constant studying and tutoring for every "C" and occasional "B" he gets.

Its actually painful to watch sometimes. Yea, my son may be older, but he's more confident and self-assured. I'm not saying all kids need to be held back because there are kids in DS's class that weren't kept back and do fine.

But for my son, it was the right decision.

 

[mommyof3rookies]

I'm hearing alot of "my child is the smallest", "my child isn't mature enough", "academically my child isn't ready". Size doesn't matter in school unless they are very low BMI (I know about this because my middle son had a VERY low BMI). Maturity comes with age, and while parents are now not sending thier child to school until they are 6, it makes my 5 year old FEEL like they are a baby, so while you hold your child back, my child suffers. As for academically, there are always going to be children who need extra help, wether they went to school when they were 5,6, or 7 or 20. Not every child understands everything in school all the time and another year at home or pre-k isn't going to make a difference. These are just a few arguments against keeping a child out until they're 6.

 

[ilovejack02]

My DS has an Aug. birthday. Last yr I sent him to a half day kinder at a private school. I felt like he just wasnt ready for full day and boy was I right. He had already attended preschool, but just wasnt quite there in the maturity dept. First half of the yr was tough and I believe would have been REALLY rough in full day school. He still came home and napped everyday for an hour or so. He did well and learned quite a bit, but I was still concerned with maturity. His teacher was kinda on the fence about if I should send him onto to full day kinder or first grade.
I ended up putting him in full day kinder and it was a mess!! He was soo bad and we couldnt figure out why.
The school decided he was more than ready for first grade.. and we decided to move him up and give it a try.
Best decision we could have made. He is doing so well, no behavior issues and making straight A's. Turns out he was a lot more mature than we thought lol and he was soooo bored in kinder that he was acting out.

Every child is different.. good luck OP I know how hard it is to make this decision.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

Not every child understands everything in school all the time and another year at home or pre-k isn't going to make a difference. .

Yes, it could very well make a diference if your kid is left home for another year. Some children are not mature enough at 5 to sit through a whole or even 1/2 day of instruction. Kindergarten isn't coloring and fingerpaints anymore. At least ours isn't. It is reading, writing, 2nd language skills and so on.

For my son it was the right decision. He would have never survived a full day of instruction at 5 years old. My daughter would be bored if we held her back. All kids are different and must be judged accordingly.