Seeking opinions on a cat situation: Is it time?

[DisneYE]

I am so sorry.

Please do not do that to your daughter, waiting until she goes back to school.

Include her when you have made the decision.

Our dog was ill & my father made the decision one day to euthanize, without any input. No one knew. And did not stay with her, because he could not emotionally do it (and was a time period where it was not as common). But even at a young age I could & would have stayed. Not every human has the same emotional abilities. It all sounds horrible, but he was not a horrible man - just a man that probably thought he was protecting others. And helping her not suffer. But he was not protecting, he was hurting all of us with his choice.

I had just come home from university for Thanksgiving and I could have had the chance to say goodbye to a dog that meant everything to me. Because it occurred just after I left to go back. And of course he let my Mom share the news to me over the phone - sigh, that a dog that slept with me almost every night from six to twenty-one was gone.

OP, this was almost 36 years ago! And I think you can see how it still impacts. Include your daughter.
Do not be afraid of just and valid emotions. It is completely normal with such a loss.

I think once you make the decision to euthanize you might have the tough thoughts & feelings that you have waited too long. So bring that possibility into your decision. I have had that myself, wondering and wondering if it was time. And then suffering afterwards that I had waited too long. It is so hard!

I have such admiration for direct veterinarians and doctors. They help the process. I wish more of them existed in this world.

I am so sorry, all the best to you.

Thank you for the heartfelt words. I am also sorry for your loss even though it seems a long time, but the pain lingers.
I also had a dog around the age you were, I was ~ 20 when we euthanized him at around 13 but he was in a lot of visible pain.. one day he could simply not stand up and he did his things on himself and he was crying as if apologizing for what he did...that moment we called the vet and it was so devastating... that was around 30 years ago and it still hurts me. the image of him lying on his own waste and crying just crushes me and I can't erase it from my memory after all this time.

As for my DD... I have not kept her in the dark about needing to do this..I've raised the issue with her but she's super sentimental and sensitive about it. She opposes it and doesn't want to hear it every time I bring it up...Her argument is that if the cat is still mobile, is still eating and not howling in pain then it would be cruel to euthanize her.. she doesn't clean the cat's 'accidents', or the litter, or deals with the mess around the house...she doesn't see the leaks as being a big deal...She is involved but her thought process is different.

Thank you again.

 

[AgentMama]

If you're asking here, it's time.

 

[Kelandsam]

I’ve been through this also with a DD. She said the same things and I did everything possible to help our fur baby. When she was able to see him, she knew the right choice. I had a vet appointment the next day but he ended up passing in my arms that night.

 

[DodgerGirl]

My family and I had to deal with this two times. First we got some kittens that were born in the yard of our old house and they were really cute. They were brother and sister and would always spend time with us in our living room and they were playful until the sister cat started feeling sick and we didn't know what was wrong with her and we took care of her until a weekend we found her peaceful and Dad told my mom and me that she had passed away and my mom and I started crying a lot because that cat was so loving. After the death of that cat the brother cat survived but became mean and so we had to put him outside. Then the next cat we got Dad rescued her because she was the lone survivor because her brothers and sisters ran away or eaten by owls and hawks and she was a really pretty cat and she adored my mother and me a lot and the cat would sit beside me while reading books and watched me all the time and she was doing great until Halloween and Dad and I had just returned from trick-or treating at the mall when we noticed our cat was strange and we didn't know what had happened and so in the morning Dad called the vet and we took her in and the vet gave us medicine and we watched over her until the next afternoon she passed away outside and my other cat was really sad because that cat and our other cat were best friends

 

[lisaviolet]

Thank you for the heartfelt words. I am also sorry for your loss even though it seems a long time, but the pain lingers.
I also had a dog around the age you were, I was ~ 20 when we euthanized him at around 13 but he was in a lot of visible pain.. one day he could simply not stand up and he did his things on himself and he was crying as if apologizing for what he did...that moment we called the vet and it was so devastating... that was around 30 years ago and it still hurts me. the image of him lying on his own waste and crying just crushes me and I can't erase it from my memory after all this time.

As for my DD... I have not kept her in the dark about needing to do this..I've raised the issue with her but she's super sentimental and sensitive about it. She opposes it and doesn't want to hear it every time I bring it up...Her argument is that if the cat is still mobile, is still eating and not howling in pain then it would be cruel to euthanize her.. she doesn't clean the cat's 'accidents', or the litter, or deals with the mess around the house...she doesn't see the leaks as being a big deal...She is involved but her thought process is different.

Thank you again.

My apologies that I totally misread with your daughter.

Love sent to you all, during this very difficult time.

 

[lisaviolet]

If you're asking here, it's time.

This came to my head as well.
------------------
It is such a process to get to that decision, as it should be.

 

[dizneegirl]

I think this is one of those times you need to be the parent, and make the decision. Please don't take that as a criticism, or harshly. There are just some times children, no matter what their age, need their parents to make the tough decisions for them.

I think the cat is letting you know it's time. Sorry.

 

[TiggerTrigger]

I've never owned a cat, but I can give some thoughts from our dog experiences.

We had a golden retriever that we got just before I turned 14. My parents made the difficult decision to put her out of her misery a few months after her 16th birthday. It was just a couple of weeks before my wedding, but my parents asked me if I wanted to travel home to say goodbye. I had visited a few months earlier and after seeing her state during that visit, I knew it wouldn't be long. So, I said my goodbyes at that time. Still, I appreciated being given the offer to come back and see her once last time. I had already come to terms with it, so I declined. In hindsight, my parents felt they should have let go sooner. She was suffering and while you never know if you're making the right decision, they eventually decided they held on too long.

In 2019, our family dog in our household became gravely ill out of nowhere. She was almost 12 but aside from a white muzzle, she had been behaving like her normal active self. Her conditions rapidly went from normal to worried she wouldn't make it over the course of a day. We brought her into the vet and the diagnosis was horrible. We thought it might be some kind of blockage because it was so sudden, but apparently it was a destructive kind of mass (usually cancerous) that's typically asymptomatic until the very end. We could see it and the internal bleeding it was causing on her scans. She was given about a 5-10% chance of survival if we operated immediately and about a 20% chance of a few months if she made it through surgery. The vet also said the meds she'd need to be on would greatly diminish her quality of life. We didn't want to cause her any more suffering, but we waited until the end of the school day so that we could have the kids there to say good bye. It was gut wrenching, but we all were with her during the procedure...each holding her in some way so that she was comforted by each one of us through the very end. It was not easy, but I wouldn't have done it any other way.

So, I'd at least give your daughter the option of being there if you decide it's time. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this.

 

[mom2rtk]

I think this is one of those times you need to be the parent, and make the decision. Please don't take that as a criticism, or harshly. There are just some times children, no matter what their age, need their parents to make the tough decisions for them.

I think the cat is letting you know it's time. Sorry.

I agree, and modeling this for your child (even an adult child) will help them be able to do the same one day when they have their own cat.

 

[Imzadi]

As for my DD... I have not kept her in the dark about needing to do this..I've raised the issue with her but she's super sentimental and sensitive about it. She opposes it and doesn't want to hear it every time I bring it up...Her argument is that if the cat is still mobile, is still eating and not howling in pain then it would be cruel to euthanize her.. she doesn't clean the cat's 'accidents', or the litter, or deals with the mess around the house...she doesn't see the leaks as being a big deal...She is involved but her thought process is different.

My apologies that I totally misread with your daughter.

Love sent to you all, during this very difficult time.

I think this is one of those times you need to be the parent, and make the decision. Please don't take that as a criticism, or harshly. There are just some times children, no matter what their age, need their parents to make the tough decisions for them.

I think the cat is letting you know it's time. Sorry.

Yes, I thought too, that it hadn't been discussed with her. She's not ready yet to accept it may be time soon. Understandable. You will have to be the parent for both your DD AND the cat when it's time. And your DD may still not be ready to get the cat may be suffering in other ways.

And she may end up very angry at YOU. Anger is one of the stages of grief. And she will need something or someone to focus her anger on. Being the parent is sometimes about making the tough decisions even if it makes you the "bad guy."

 

[Scotgirl]

Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate them.
My daughter is 18 and is very attached to our cat. she's an only child and sees the cat as 'her sister'
When she was a baby the cat used to jump inside the crib and cuddle with her.
Her first word wasn't mommy or daddy, it was the cat's name. We have it on video and she cries every time she sees it. She's a special cat and it's very hard to be in this position right now. But I'm a grown man and I know the cat is suffering and its time. It's just I don't want to create unnecessary sadness and unless the cat can't walk or stops eating, the decision can wait a few months.

I certainly wouldn't wait a few months - it sounds like your wee cat has no quality of life at the moment. I have had to do the same thing for the same reason and we didn't leave it too long. Every time our cat had a 'leakage' issue he would look at us like 'it's not my fault'! If a cat that previously used a litter tray stops it usually means that there is an issue and they associate the litter tray with pain. We had everything covered in puppy pads where he would lie. It's not fair on the cat - you're only keeping her for your / your daughter's sake. Much more loving to let her go - we spent loads of time cuddling Salem and he went to sleep in my arms. I was absolutely devastated but it was the best for him. I hope you make the right decision for both your cat and your heart.

 

[DisneYE]

Update:
Our beloved cat passed away in our arms a couple of nights ago.

I had decided to bring in someone this week to put her to sleep because she was getting worse by the day. I 'put my foot down' and said, yeah, I'm not letting her suffer anymore, I'm calling a nurse.
But she left us on *her terms*, like all cats usually do.
We are all devastated. My DD is home for her summer break and though I'm grateful she was able to be with the cat until the very end, she's inconsolable. We are all very sad.
My DW, who claimed for 20 years she didn't care about the cat nearly as much as we did, and ignored her most of time, was crying like I've never seen her cry before, even when close relatives passed away. I was worried she'd have a health episode. I was like, what is happening to you??? - Of course she said, 'you don't understand'. But I do.

Pets have this power to touch those of us who are owned by them, in different ways.
My DW decided to love the cat quietly, without much emotion, bottling her feelings.

Me? I'm just a shell of a person now. The cat was very special to me..She was my shadow, followed me everywhere when I was home and she was not asleep.. I want to believe I was her favorite human, always cuddled with me, always purred non stop when I touched her or was near her.. when I was sad or worried or sick, she knew, and would lay down on top of my stomach, purring until she thought I felt better, which was most times..I often wrote posts on this very forum with the cat sitting on my lap..
I think I mentioned she was a wild cat that I rescued as a kitten in an open field. I can still hear her cries from that day. I like to think I rescued her that one time, but in reality she rescued me, multiple times. And I'm thankful she decided to stick around for so long.
I have a hole in my heart and of course life will keep going, but it won't be the same.

Thank you to those who replied here with advice, comments and kind words.

Here's a picture of her, about 3 months ago, beside me on the balcony while I was reading.

I hope to see you later, Gatis.

 

[fla4fun]

Update:
Our beloved cat passed away in our arms a couple of nights ago.

I had decided to bring in someone this week to put her to sleep because she was getting worse by the day. I 'put my foot down' and said, yeah, I'm not letting her suffer anymore, I'm calling a nurse.
But she left us on *her terms*, like all cats usually do.
We are all devastated. My DD is home for her summer break and though I'm grateful she was able to be with the cat until the very end, she's inconsolable. We are all very sad.
My DW, who claimed for 20 years she didn't care about the cat nearly as much as we did, and ignored her most of time, was crying like I've never seen her cry before, even when close relatives passed away. I was worried she'd have a health episode. I was like, what is happening to you??? - Of course she said, 'you don't understand'. But I do.

Pets have this power to touch those of us who are owned by them, in different ways.
My DW decided to love the cat quietly, without much emotion, bottling her feelings.

Me? I'm just a shell of a person now. The cat was very special to me..She was my shadow, followed me everywhere when I was home and she was not asleep.. I want to believe I was her favorite human, always cuddled with me, always purred non stop when I touched her or was near her.. when I was sad or worried or sick, she knew, and would lay down on top of my stomach, purring until she thought I felt better, which was most times..I often wrote posts on this very forum with the cat sitting on my lap..
I think I mentioned she was a wild cat that I rescued as a kitten in an open field. I can still hear her cries from that day. I like to think I rescued her that one time, but in reality she rescued me, multiple times. And I'm thankful she decided to stick around for so long.
I have a hole in my heart and of course life will keep going, but it won't be the same.

Thank you to those who replied here with advice, comments and kind words.

Here's a picture of her, about 3 months ago, beside me on the balcony while I was reading.

I hope to see you later, Gatis.

I am so sorry for your family’s loss.

 

[lynxstch]

I'm so sorry to read of Gatis passing.

As you said, she went on her own terms, with her family around her. . She knew she was loved, and she loved in return. I believe that's all we can ask of our pets. She will always leave her pawprints on your heart, but now she's free of pain, running wild on the Rainbow Bridge. I hope that happy memories of the times spent with her, will eventually replace some of the sadness you feel now.

 

[mom2rtk]

I'm so sorry for your immense loss. She was a beautiful girl.

 

[BrianL]

Update:
Our beloved cat passed away in our arms a couple of nights ago.

I had decided to bring in someone this week to put her to sleep because she was getting worse by the day. I 'put my foot down' and said, yeah, I'm not letting her suffer anymore, I'm calling a nurse.
But she left us on *her terms*, like all cats usually do.
We are all devastated. My DD is home for her summer break and though I'm grateful she was able to be with the cat until the very end, she's inconsolable. We are all very sad.
My DW, who claimed for 20 years she didn't care about the cat nearly as much as we did, and ignored her most of time, was crying like I've never seen her cry before, even when close relatives passed away. I was worried she'd have a health episode. I was like, what is happening to you??? - Of course she said, 'you don't understand'. But I do.

Pets have this power to touch those of us who are owned by them, in different ways.
My DW decided to love the cat quietly, without much emotion, bottling her feelings.

Me? I'm just a shell of a person now. The cat was very special to me..She was my shadow, followed me everywhere when I was home and she was not asleep.. I want to believe I was her favorite human, always cuddled with me, always purred non stop when I touched her or was near her.. when I was sad or worried or sick, she knew, and would lay down on top of my stomach, purring until she thought I felt better, which was most times..I often wrote posts on this very forum with the cat sitting on my lap..
I think I mentioned she was a wild cat that I rescued as a kitten in an open field. I can still hear her cries from that day. I like to think I rescued her that one time, but in reality she rescued me, multiple times. And I'm thankful she decided to stick around for so long.
I have a hole in my heart and of course life will keep going, but it won't be the same.

Thank you to those who replied here with advice, comments and kind words.

Here's a picture of her, about 3 months ago, beside me on the balcony while I was reading.

I hope to see you later, Gatis.

I am sorry about your cat. It sounds like you gave her a great life! I had a cat that passed on his own, and I was thankful for that. I was keping him comfortable, and then one day he was gone. I loved that cat! Just focus on all the good times you had with her. She appreciated all the love you gave!

 

[Imzadi]

I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

While it is so devastating, and one is never really prepared for the onslaught when it happens, your heart knew to expect it. That's why you started this thread. To write out loud what you knew was coming, so that you could in some way prepare for it, although, in the end, one never is.

Whether your realize it yet or not, your cat spared you from having to make that final decision and also have your DD hate you for it. Yes, she's inconsolable now. At least she doesn't have that extra level added on that she wouldn't have understood at this time, and for a long time. Gatis loved you both that much.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I'm so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful kitty.

 

[Suger Mag]

so sorry for your loss

 

[kymom99]

Update:
Our beloved cat passed away in our arms a couple of nights ago.

I had decided to bring in someone this week to put her to sleep because she was getting worse by the day. I 'put my foot down' and said, yeah, I'm not letting her suffer anymore, I'm calling a nurse.
But she left us on *her terms*, like all cats usually do.
We are all devastated. My DD is home for her summer break and though I'm grateful she was able to be with the cat until the very end, she's inconsolable. We are all very sad.
My DW, who claimed for 20 years she didn't care about the cat nearly as much as we did, and ignored her most of time, was crying like I've never seen her cry before, even when close relatives passed away. I was worried she'd have a health episode. I was like, what is happening to you??? - Of course she said, 'you don't understand'. But I do.

Pets have this power to touch those of us who are owned by them, in different ways.
My DW decided to love the cat quietly, without much emotion, bottling her feelings.

Me? I'm just a shell of a person now. The cat was very special to me..She was my shadow, followed me everywhere when I was home and she was not asleep.. I want to believe I was her favorite human, always cuddled with me, always purred non stop when I touched her or was near her.. when I was sad or worried or sick, she knew, and would lay down on top of my stomach, purring until she thought I felt better, which was most times..I often wrote posts on this very forum with the cat sitting on my lap..
I think I mentioned she was a wild cat that I rescued as a kitten in an open field. I can still hear her cries from that day. I like to think I rescued her that one time, but in reality she rescued me, multiple times. And I'm thankful she decided to stick around for so long.
I have a hole in my heart and of course life will keep going, but it won't be the same.

Thank you to those who replied here with advice, comments and kind words.

Here's a picture of her, about 3 months ago, beside me on the balcony while I was reading.

I hope to see you later, Gatis.

I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby.