Screaming when Hurt - Help!!

[southjerseymom]

This may be the wrong board but I know Disers are the best when it comes to answering questions or just lending support.

Help! I am at the end of my rope....my 6 DS is unbelievable when he gets hurt...the screams are enough tho wake the dead! My son is intelligent (reads at 5th grade level) and generally he is a great kid. We do deal with some issues such as he is afraid to sleep alone - so I moved him in with his 4yo sis and it is working out for everyone. He still needs the light on and the door open. His teacher says he has no "best" buds in school and he is a serious guy. But, I watch him play outside of the school setting and he has a ball. His classroom is inclusive with more than 90 percent of the children pulled out for special help during the day. There are also some behavior issues - so I kind of write of the "no best friend" thing as no big deal. He says he likes everyone and they like him. When I have done homeroom mother activities with his class all the children seem to really like him.
So what is my problem with this wonderful child.......he screams bloody murder when he has the littlest scratch. I mean the wailing is like he is seriously hurt!! A bent fingernail, pinprick from a leaf or a small scrape is grounds for a full out fit. It has gotten bad enough that my mother's instinct is telling me something could be wrong. Can anyone help at all! He is the love and light of my life and I want to help him but I am afraid to even comfort him anymore in case it makes matters worse. I've tried everything and he tells me he is trying to be brave (breaks your heart huh!) but nothing is working.
Has anyone dealty with something like this before....I would love to hear how you handled it

Off to WDW in 7 Days

 

[deedeetoo]

That sounds terrible. I think the first thing I would do is take him to the doctor and make sure there isn't anything wrong. Maybe's he's got some kind of condition that makes things hurt more than for most people. I've heard of people who can't feel any pain, so maybe this is the opposite.

If the doctor says that nothing is wrong, then that means he is probably doing it to get attention, either consciously or not. I would try to figure out why. Obviously this gets him a lot of attention and gets you all flustered. Could it be that he likes this? Maybe a counselor at school can help you figure out ways to deal with this.

 

[Liltx]

Does he do this at school? If not then he is playing you. If so he is probably just a sensitive boy. I have a little one in my class like this. He will turn 5 in a few months. His mom finally just gave him criteria for crying (he is very smart as well). He may cry if: 1. he is bleeding, 2. he breaks a bone, 3. his dog gets run over. Yes, kind of extreme but it totally worked for him. For a few weeks he would still cry and we would ask him Are you bleeding? Did you break a bone (we would try to bend to affected bone if he said yes)? Is your dog run over? He would answer no and amazingly stop crying. After a few weeks he only cried about once a week and now it is even less. Now we are able to comfort him when he cries without questioning him because we know it is needed.
The worse thing would be if you have negative feeling while comforting him because you feel he is faking.

HTH
Monica

 

[MSSANDRA]

PP has good advice. Question I ask is this new or has he always even as a baby or toddler been very sensitive to pain? Children can have very different tolerance levels for pain. My DS was a NICU babay and subjected to all sorts of procedures and had as a small child n VERY high pain tolerance level. Never cried for baby shots even. As he grew older that tolerance lowered and now as a teen I hear the "whines" much too often. I doubt there is any thing really wrong. I too wonder if this happens at school or in front of his friends?? Might just like attention and PP had great suggestion for that.

 

[Maryr1]

I always trust a mothers instinct. Could be a behavior issue, but could it be a sensory integration issue? I would talk to the doctor about it as well as keepimg an eye on him. Good luck!

 

[HelenePA]

I have your DS's twin 4 year old sister!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG she fell outside and scraped her knees... You'd think she broke both legs for almost an hour!!!!!!!!!! Jesus! I dont think there is anything wrong with my daughter, (besides being a drama queen). My daughter is also highly intelligent... she taught herself to read at 2... much to my amazement when she started reading what I was typing on the computer one day (talk about shock!) I really hope this isn't something that will last forever for both our kids. I'm pretty shocked no one has called the police when she gets hurt. Yikes! Good Luck to us! No ****oos!! No ****oos!!!!!!!

 

[Heluvsme]

Oh yeah, I've been there!

Let me first reassure you that other than my children having a flare for the dramatic, they are otherwise OK 9 times out of 10.

My daughter, who is now almost 10, went through this until she was about 7, then it was done. One time, I swear to you...she was in her room playing, a FLY was in there, and her scream could have shattered glass!! I went running to her, thinking she was set on fire or something, and all she could say was "FLY....FLY....FLY" Ohhhhh, talk about mad!

Like I said, she outgrew it and now reacts in a normal manner when she gets hurt or is afraid.

My son, who is almost 7, screams like the dickens when he gets hurt. A scratch scream is the same as a broken bone scream with him. He broke his wrist a couple years ago and that scream, no kidding, is the same as if he just barely gets a little scratch. It's so frustrating, but my hope is that he will outgrow it like his sister did.

I know, it's frustrating. And can be embarrassing too...if we're out in public, God help us if he gets hurt, everyone turns to stare and thinks 911 needs to be called.


Hang in there!

 

[Hannathy]

As an ER nurse may I tell you that 90% of it is for Mom's benefit. If they know you won't react they'll knock it off. I can't tell you how many times a screaming child stops as soon as Mom leaves the room. Our neighbor used to do this as a child, you'd think she broke her leg with a scratch most of the other kids wouldn't even have noticed. She did it in my drive way once or twice and I simply looked her in the eye and said STOP. she did I looked at it,it was tiny and was getting ready to offer her a bandaid when her Mom came out because they probably heard her the next street over and guess what she started the screaming again. She finally stopped when the other kids started making fun of her and her Mom had finally had enough and no one would pay attention to her.

Possibly reading the story of the little boy who cried wolf would help with the lesson?

I really like those rules that were established for the other child. Sounds like my DD's friend's Mother's rules for playing in her yard- if it doesn't start with a B solve it yourself! and her B's are bleeding,barfing or bathroom.

 

[HelenePA]

My daughter, who is now almost 10, went through this until she was about 7, then it was done. One time, I swear to you...she was in her room playing, a FLY was in there, and her scream could have shattered glass!! I went running to her, thinking she was set on fire or something, and all she could say was "FLY....FLY....FLY" Ohhhhh, talk about mad!

You mean I'm not the only one who's kid does this????????? Oh and ants outside too!!!!!!!!! Mommy Mommy MOMMYYYYYYYYY an ANTTTTTTTTT!!! I have a video I shot last year about Allison and Ants... Its SOOOOO funny how quick she turns it on and off!!!!!!!! I really hope she grows out of this QUICK!! Like before school next year...

 

[trennr]

Have you tried ignoring him when he gets a minor boo-boo?

I noticed when mine were growing toddler-preschool and they got a little scrape and some one was running to them they would cry and carry on like they were going to die. But if pretend i didn't see it they'd get up and brush off...continue to play or if there was blood come get treatment.

Ignoring a little tantrum calls their bluff too.

Now I have Nephew (10) who's a different sort of character...remember once he bumped his head on a hand rail at my folks house...screamed and carried one..."cursed" the rail.

I just laughed at him (while checking his head) told him I thought he was being silly...and that I'm sure the Rail felt realy bad now... (10 year olds can grasp sarcasim) So sometime embarrassment might help too.

 

[CampbellScot]

Okay, I will tell you what worked for the little boy I nannied for years...if that child was barely scraped by a stick outside he would SCREAM bloody murder. It scared me TO DEATH. One day he started screaming b/c he "thought" he got a splinter...he didn't...I went out the deck got right down in his face and said very firmly and rather loudly "STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! You are not bleeding, broken or near death. STOP IT". Then I picked him up and marched him into his room for a nap. I explained that if he EVER screamed again barring blood or broken bones, he would go straight to his bed for a nap as it was clear he needed to calm down and get a hold of himself. He was pretty shocked as the whole thing happened rather quickly. I was pretty angry with him for scaring the bejeezus out of me once again. He actually did nap for an hour.

When he woke up and came out we sat down and talked about the whole thing. He explained that when he felt scared he screamed so somebody would hear him. I then explained to him that screaming unnecessarily had the opposite effect in that people would start to ignore someone who screamed for no reason. So if he ever actually did get seriously hurt, people not might come as quickly as he would like. We went through the boy who cried wolf and all that. I also explained that it scared people when kids screamed and that it was a little bit like telling a lie. We went over once again the consequences for screaming unless he was seriously bleeding or broken in some way. We also went over some things he could do if he felt scared about something that didn't involve screaming or over reacting. We came up with saying in a normal voice "I feel scared" or taking big deep breaths until the scary feeling went away.

He never screeched like a howler monkey again until he was actually seriously hurt. He was next door at a birthday party and fell off the deck and cut his forehead open. Not really terrible, but enough to need some dermabond.I heard him howling and ran over. When I got to him he said very quietly, "I'm bleeding so it's okay that I screamed, but I stopped now". Broke my heart. But I do think that going over the deep breathing and other ways to cope with fear really helped him fight off the hysteria.

Anyhow...you just have to make it clear that if he is screaming without reason there will be serious consequences and go over other ways to deal with fear.

good luck

 

[Reese]

My DS (now 14) used to be the exact same way. Not only would he scream over the smallest injury but he would scream over any new unfamiliar sensation also, such as the hair clippers. I was afraid that I would never know if he was seriously injured or not since he would over-react to everything.One day he had cut his finger and it was bleeding. It was a minor scratch but he put himself into shock. It was horrible he went pale and started shaking. I picked up an herbal remedy to help calm him down if anything like that ever happened again. He eventually outgrew it and now responds appropriately.

 

[NotUrsula]

Sometimes there can be a mistaken belief behind it: my DS used to absolutely freak if he saw blood at all. It turned out that he didn't understand that bleeding normally stops and that we make more of it all the time; he thought that bleeding at all meant certain death. Once we explained that most of the time a little bleeding is no big deal, he got much better about it.

As to the overreaction to pain, he did that, too, and still does to some extent, but he has learned to be quiet about it. We just had to make a point to explain that he didn't know what it was like to be in REAL pain, and that his reaction was out of proportion to reality and misleading to others. (And yes, though it hurt to have to say it, we pointed out that if he didn't tone down the reaction at school, he would get a reputation for being babyish really quickly, *and* that he would draw the attention of bullies, who are especially fond of picking on people who will predictably react in public.)

 

[SummersMom]

My daughter did this also. We now have a rule that if there isn't blood actively flowing from your body, you get up, dust it off, one quick kiss, and move on. No tears and screaming allowed. It works well, when she gets hurt she just says, "Let's look for the blood" and if there is none, she moves on. It was hard for me to implement, I just paid no attention to her once I checked for blood, but I'm so glad I did it.

 

[southjerseymom]

I knew I could get help from the DIS...thanks so much for all your replies. I've got some new ideas how to handle the issue now....and I realize my DS is not the only kid who goes crazy like this. Very comforting. So I will take a deep breath...count my blessings and hope he grows out of it before I have a nervous breakdown.
PS HelenePA I would love to see the video of your daughter and the ants...my DS and DD are terrified of flying insects - it's a hoot to see them run when they see one!
Thanks again Everyone!!!

 

[Gillian]

Good luck with this! Boys can be the biggest drama queens, right? It's a good thing they won't ever have babies!

My DS is 6 and also acts this way at times. He is also very sensitive and used to have trouble falling asleep at night because he would think bad thoughts that he couldn't get out of his head. We've figured out a few things to help with that, including having him build huge lego projects in his head at bedtime.

 

[barbmouse]

My ds 10 used to be the exact same way. If he fell while playing outside you could hear him screaming a long way away!! I always knew it was him though! It does pass. He broke his elbow this past weekend and was so big and brave. Very little crying and NO screaming..I think I would have been doing both!! So the good news is if it is just a phase he will soon outgrow it. I think my son was really scared that he was hurt badly but when he realized he was ok he would settle down.

 

[lcrane]

We went throu the same thing with are DS and DD who are now 13, and 15.

I do think it is just to get your attention to see if you will come running and what parent won't (we sure did) everytime single time.

It get tired real quick we finally just told them if you are not bleeding or dyeing don't yell there is no reason for it. We now use this for are many neices and nephew it work wonders.

 

[runwad]

I don't have any advice just wanted to chime in. My family has always been the type that would say after a child fell, oh look, did you break my floor, is that a crack and usually they're looking for a crack and didn't cry or would just cry a little when they realized hey this hurts. But my DD11 has a little girl on her soccer team, oh my gawd she will make a play and fall on the ground rolling around and screaming I mean SCREAMING for a good 30 seconds, she makes such a spectical of herself, thing is she's not even hurt after the coach comes on the field she gets up and keeps playing. Now c'mon I expect if you have to carry on that much you must really be in pain and need taken out of the game not pop back up like nothing is wrong. Anyway hope you nip it in the bud before he gets teased for it later.