School Lunch--Kid Buying Too Much in Cafeteria?

[vhoffman]

My ds9 is in fourth grade, however, we've had this problem since kindergarten. Sometimes I pack his lunch and sometimes he buys it, depends on the circumstances, etc. However, he consistently goes way overboard with what he buys. Sometimes he buys 3+4 drinks, 2+3 chips, etc., per meal. That's in addition to the tray! I've had a constant battle between him and the school for years. They use a pre paid card system, just swipe the card and he gets whatever he wants. If there's no money in the account, no problem--they just run a tab and bill me. Also, if money's run out, they transfer money from dd's account. Many times I've found a notice that dd's account is negative, when I just put money in there, because they use it for ds. Ok, just this year they went to a policy where we can block the kid's account for no snacks or extras. I've done that, but now he buys 2&3 trays at a time. These are on days when I pack him a lunch. Apparently he just tosses the lunch then runs through the line however many times he pleases. Also, he ducks in and buys breakfast using his account, even though he's fed breakfast at home!

I simply can't keep his account straight. You'd think the cafeteria would have better sense than to allow a kid to purchase 3+4 gatorades, 2+3 trays, all at one meal. He doesn't even have time to eat all that! i've talke to ds to no avail, seems whatever he can get away with. When he was in kindergarten it was more difficult for him to understand, but come on! At his age he gets it! Just this month he went through $60 in 1.5 weeks! For those of you who have perhaps been following some of my other threads, my dh is facing a permanent layoff and we're trying to cut our budget as much as possible. However, I can't seem to plug up this leak! I've blocked his account for the purchase of snacks and extras, but seems they still allow him to go through as many times as he pleases to buy trays. I've had other people tell me he just buys the tray to get the cookie, or whatever sweet in on it. How to keep him from bleeding us dry with his lunch account? I'm going to have a discussion with the principal, honestly, this is ridiculous. He knows how to get around the lunch thing and does. But why would any school allow a kid to buy that much at once, then just bill the parent? BTW, ds is not starving! He eats breakfast at home, and I always pack a nice lunch and snack. I mean, I pack good stuff, not just pb&J on white bread, like I see so many others bring (not knocking pb&J) I ask him what he wants and spend a lot of effort packing his lunch the way he likes it, so its not like he's throwing away my lunches because they aren't good!

Seems I just can't get around the school policy, so I'm going to have to talk with the principal. I'd like to see her spend $$$ on lunches, when she's already spent $$$ on packing one. So, for the rest of you out there, how does your school work it? If you can place a block on buying snacks, how about buying trays? They take a lunch count every morning, but they always make some extra. Perhaps I should notify the teacher every morning he brings a lunch so she doesn't let him order one? Notify the cafeteria, too? Anyone else have a similar problem? Advice appreciated!

 

[goodeats]

Have you punished DS? What did he say?

Can you take away his card priveleges and go to a cash system? I wasn't sure based on what you wrote. That way when the money is out the money is out. If that's not possible, I would just take the card away period. What you give him to bring, he eats.

 

[AC7179]

I agree that is excessive!

I think I would have to pull all the money out of the account and then state firmly that he is not to buy ANYTHING from the cafeteria, and tell the cafeteria ladies if he does, not to bill you because he does not have your permission to do so.

Then I would pack lunches for him, and his sister, every day.

It kinda stinks that you have to do that, but it seems like the best answer to me.

OR make him work at home to EARN the money he is wasting!

 

[txgirl]

I can understand your frustration with the school but it seems to me that the real issue lies with your son.

If he does not follow a direct command that you have given him countless times then it would appear that this is a behavior problem and he is completely disobeying you. The consequences should then trickle down to your son instead of your pocketbook. You stated he will do what he gets away with, so even if you lock this account or the school *helps* you out then you still didn't solve the issue with your son and his defiance.

 

[disneyjunkie]

I would deal with son.

Does he get an allowance? If so, each time he went over the cost of lunch and one snack, I'd dedect it from his allowance.

 

[Chickysmom]

sadly I agree with the other posters here. Based on the longevity of the "crime" I would remove purchasing privledges....and that's what they are...privledges. He would be given sufficient breakfast at home and a packed lunch with a snack. Should he choose to toss it, the he will be hungry, but no lunch when he gets home. I bet it only takes a day or two and he will discover that eating what he is given is sure better than going hungry. Then perhaps you could introduce back his "buying power" at school by send cash everyday. He then can only purchase lunch items each day as money will be limited. this is a great chance to teach your son that overspending on your credit limit does not go with punishment or sacrifices later. An abuse of a privledge warrants a corrective action....for your sake and the future spending habits and money management of his....just my two cents tho. I really don't see this as a school issue tho. Good luck!

 

[PlutoPony]

Does he understand how wasteful his actions are, not just of food but money? At the least I would take away his "privilege" of buying lunch and make packing his only option (and I agree that more punishment would be in order for my DS if he repeatedly disobeyed my direct instructions). Don't think it's really up to the school to monitor what a 4th grader is ordering or eating (or not). At this age schools are working very hard on making good choices and students taking personal responsibility for their actions. Eventually if you feel he desesrves a 2nd chance, maybe give him the opportunity to buy once a week or so - but don't re-open his lunch account just a check (not cash) in with him for JUST ONE TRAY OF FOOD. Let him know he's being kept on a short leash and has to earn this privilege back... Good luck and hope you can get this straightened out now while he's still in elementary school!

 

[disykat]

I agree. By fourth grade, it's not a school issue, it's your son. Pack his lunch (or better yet make him pack it). Notify the school that they are not to allow him to mooch off his sister's account. When you feel he's ready give him a short trial period and see how he does.

He thinks he's got you where you can't control his lunch - show him differently!

Other ideas if you can't give up buying altogether: Dock his allowance, make him do chores to pay any extras he buys, etc.

You might also want to double check other issues. Is someone bullying him for his lunch? Is he trying to show off? Does he have some sort of eating disorder? Does he want to avoid recess by continuing to eat?

If you talk to the school (maybe the counselor?) I'd approach it from "how can I help my son control himself?" rather than "why are you letting my son?".

 

[vhoffman]

Thanks for the suggestions, but we've tried all of them. The card is kept at school, I don't have access to it. Apparently, every child is issued one, no one even bothers to ask the parents if they even want to participate in such a system.

Insofar as taking away his allowance, well, we've tried that but he goes way over his allowance ($5 a week--lunch doesn't come out of that, its just for pocket money). The first I even know he's overcharging is when I get a notice, usually that dd's account has gone negative, becuase they dip into it for ds. I agree its mainly a problem with him and defiance--if he can get away with it, he will! However, the only way to stop this is to work with the school--they will simply have to change their policy in this case (running a tab) or I won't be responsible for the difference. What else can I do? Yes, ds is being defiant in disobeying me, but so is the school. I've told them time and again only one tray, no extras, etc., but they just allow him to buy whatever. And, yes, I've put it in writing, to the cafeteria manager, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. When he overcharges and I question it, the cashier says "I thought he was hungry, so I let him buy more". BS! He's not malnourished! Seems I'm encountering a defiance problem on both sides here and I'm stuck in the middle. He'e the one buying all that stuff, but the school allows him to, so they're both defying me!

Well, I hate problems that come to a head on a weekend because you can't do anything until Monday, and it festers all weekend. Come Monday, I'm going to have another talk with the cafeteria (not like I haven't done so before), then with the principal. If possible I will just suspend ds's account--I never ok'd it in the first place and seems both kid and school are abusing it!This issue would be a major headache at any time for any parent, but especially now. DH is facing a permanent layoff, his job search is unproductive so far, we're doing everything we can to cut back on expenses. Just this morning I spent 2 hours on phone and web tracking down a better deal on car insurance, and the best I could come up with was a savings of $25 month. Well, that's something! Then ds spends that much and then some on wasted food.

 

[mickeyluv'r]

I'm also curious if your son has given you a reason for doing this. Maybe not, and maybe he won't if you ask him, but sometimes the reasons for a child's behavior lie somewhere near the surface. It can be very helpful sometimes to know why a child is doing something...attention? to get back at someone? simply being oblivious (as to why this would be a problem)? If he's buying the lunch just to get a cookie, if he's overeating and gaining weight? etc.

I also see that taking the card away from him is probably a good short term answer, but finding out why he's doing it might be needed to get at the long term solution.
I also second the idea of talking to his teacher and/or principal to find out what's going on and what can be done.

It is SO much better to talk to the school now in Spetember, than to let something like this fester. I can't tell you how many parents have come to me in the last days of school - when it's really too late - asking us to solve a problem that has been going on all school year. The sooner you resolve this the better.

 

[corndog]

Take the overages out of the kid's allowance.

 

[vhoffman]

The logistics are getting the school to suspend the lunch account and not run a tab. Easier said than done.

Diskayt, you hit the nail on the head. He does have a strong need to be in control and he thinks lunch is something I don't have control over. Sadly, I don't if the school allows him to buy enough food to feed 4 kids then runs a tab. It is partly them, as well. Yes, they encourage "good choices" etc., but when I've told the school repeatedly not to allow him to buy so much and they continue to do so they're just reinforcing that he can get away with it.

Some of those cafeteria ladies think I'm an awful mother. I send the child to school hungry, no breakfast, no lunch packed, inadequate funds in his lunch account,inadequate funds in his sister's account, etc., so they feel they have to "champion" him and let him get his fill at school. The fact that none of the above is true goes right by them--he's fed breakfast, brings a more than adequate lunch and snack, and there's always money in his account unless the cafeteria lets him overcharge it then raids his sister's. Well, like I said, I'll have to put this one on the back burner until Monday then talk with the school and demand they suspend the account. Period. I never agreed to such an arrangement in the first place!

 

[PlutoPony]

Ok, what if you went up to school and ate lunch with him every day for a week or two? Let him know you're doing it because you can't trust him on his own to make responsible choices at lunch. He'll either love the extra time and attention spent with mom OR he'll be mortally embarrassed and you can use it as a threat for any future abuse of lunch money/charging. Yeah it's a lot of your time but right now you're using your time to save money and this is certainly one way to save . Plus you learn a lot hanging around lunch I've found...

 

[taximomfor4]

I would schedule an appointment to meet with the school. When you go to the appointment, ask them what you can do to prevent this from happening, as well as what they can do.

The basic plan I would enter with is this: DD's card is off limits to DS. Make that clear to the school officials, and ask that it be made perfectly clear to the cafeteria worker. Then, make DS pack his own lunch every day. No more buying. After a few weeks or whatever, have another chat with DS. Evaluate whether you think he is ready to try buying lunch again. Only keep enough on the card to buy a couple of lunches, and keep track (most of these systems have online access for adding to the kids' accounts).

Other idea...start out the same, making him pack. After a few weeks, re-evaluate...perhaps let him begin to buy again. But go online and add one lunch each evening, for the next day.

Most important is to meet with school employees about this. In person, so you and they can both see each other taking notes and you are all brainstorming together. Also most important is getting to the root of WHY ds is doing this. That, I cannot offer insight into. Even my first grader knows to only get one lunch per day with no extras if he wants to be allowed to buy again. I hope you get this resolved. Just go into it non-confrontationally -- the problem really lies with your ds. I don't know a single person who has had their child pull this type of thing, especially not so habitually! Good luck! Hugs!

 

[vhoffman]

If I close his account (which I never "opened") it makes it hard for me for those nights when I'm just too busy/tired to pack a lunch, maybe run out of bread, whatever, we've all been there! Then its easier to just tell the kids to buy their lunch. However, I like the suggestion of sending in a check for just that day, not the cash. It will turn into a pain, but I'm tired of it. Seems ds is playing a game and has been for years, but, the school has had their part in it. I've told them many times to not allow such practices, but seems there's always some sympathetic cashier in the cafeteria who sees a poor, hungry child without a lunch or funds and just charges it. They've had their hand in allowing the practice to go on, too! It now needs to stop! I can't spend literally hundreds of $$$ on fun and games with the cafeteria account.

 

[Chickysmom]

maybe they don't have to suspend the account and mess up their system if they just take the card from where ever he accesses it from and stick it in a drawer somewhere? maybe you and your son could meet with the cafeteria ladies or the principal and talk about this problem briefly so everyone is on the same page and the principal could just put the card away until a future date when you contact him?

 

[kydisneyfans]

We had the same problem with our son in first grade. After wondering why his lunch money check was gone after day 2-we quickly learned that he was buying gatorade for all of his buddies in line behind him. That stopped quickly-and it has not happened since after a stern talk and a conversation with his teacher.

 

[Chickysmom]

Ok, what if you went up to school and ate lunch with him every day for a week or two? Let him know you're doing it because you can't trust him on his own to make responsible choices at lunch. He'll either love the extra time and attention spent with mom OR he'll be mortally embarrassed and you can use it as a threat for any future abuse of lunch money/charging. Yeah it's a lot of your time but right now you're using your time to save money and this is certainly one way to save . Plus you learn a lot hanging around lunch I've found...

Humiliation! I like where your heads at! lol

Have used this technique myself and threatened to walk child to class each period if needed, and I'm not a morning person so I would still be in jammies and bed head! Didn't have to actually do it, thank God, but the technique worked!

 

[HappyDznyCamper]

I think the school should be able to close or at least suspend the account but the solution utimatly lies with mom and dad. DS should have serious consequences for disobeying(sp?), not just docking his pocket money, after school activities, tv time, visits with friends, vidio games are all priviledges that can be taken away as needed until he learns to resepect the rules set by mom and dad. You need to get a handle on this now, the options for middle and high schoolers in the cafeteria are even greater than at elementary, with much less monitoring from staff. At my DD middle school you were able to set daily limits on the account so that parents had some control of how much but not necessarily on what.

 

[Lyn5]

How about having him "pay" for his lunches with his stuff. As an example, if a complete lunch is $1 a day, tell him that each week he has $5 (or less that if he packs lunch). Then, at the end of the week if he went over by $15, take away his $5 allowance and SELL a video game or something else of his to make up the $10. After he sees some of his stuff being sold to make up the difference, maybe he would learn not to be so wasteful....give him the choice, purchase a reasonable amout or give up your stuff.