School Lunch--Kid Buying Too Much in Cafeteria?

[Mom2Monkeys]

I work in an elementary school as a "food service worker" a.k.a. Mrs. Lunch Lady. I have around 500 students that I take care of and we also allow a child to go into the negative on their accounts, it happens sometimes for many reasons, but I also let parents know if they are getting close to being out of money so it's not a suprise. We do not allow 1 student buying from a sibling's account unless we have written permission from a parent.

In many schools the child's ID card is used for more than just lunches, it's also used for the library and computer labs, so taking away your son's card might just not be an option. However, you should be able to work out a compromise with the lunch servers there at his school. I can understand completely serving a child a lunch if they do not have one (forgotten, thrown away, or for whatever reason) but if one of my parents were having your problem I would definitely make sure that he was given only 1 lunch if that was what they wanted.

I would ask for a meeting with your son's "lunch lady" and the principal and explain things again and ask to work out a compromise that is acceptabe to both you and them. If that doesn't take care of the problem or you don't feel you are getting any cooperation then I'd call the lunch lady's supervisor and work with them.

I hope everything works out for you!

 

[vhoffman]

Oh, I do agree the problem is with ds, not the school. However, the solution does involve the school. Common sense would not allow a kid to buy 3+4 gatorades at once, 3+4 trays a day, etc.

Part of the problem is that the school cafeteria staff has a high turnover, so seems there's always a new cashier who thinks they're helping a poor, hungry child. Also, we've gone through 4 cafeteria managers in 3 years, so the communication gets muddled. It doesn't matter what I put in ds' account, the school policy is to let them buy whatever then bill the parent later, when its too late to do anything about it. So, sorry, but I do think the school does have some responsibility in this matter in that they allow it to continue, there by encouraging it. Yes, I've spoken to ds about it many, many times, he's received many, many consequences, etc., but it seems he just wants to see what he can get away with. When you think about it, its a form of stealing! Blowing through a month's worth of lunch money in a week, throwing much of it away, and tossing many of the lunches I work so hard to make!
Its like another poster said, its a control issue. ButI'm so frustrated right now when we're trying so hard to tighten up our budget and ds is literally throwing our money away. No, he's not doing so as a reaction to our financial situation, because he's been doing so for years, and no change in the pattern. Well, thanks for letting me vent. Come Monday I'll have a talk with the school. His lunch account will be suspended. However, I can see that backfiring--we're terrible parents, abusing him by not allowing him to buy lunch, especially if he tosses the one I send. Then I can see child welfare getting on my case! Well, that's perhaps far fetched, but I've read about similar things happening. Well, ds is well-nourished and well-provided for. There's no law that says I have to allow him to go hog wild and buy whatever he pleases then I get the bill!

 

[surfgirl]

Does your school have parents who 'help' in the cafeteria ? If so, I would volunteer to be there as much as possible (I don't know if you work or not?) so you can make all the different cafeteria ladies aware that:

1) he has been fed an adequate breakfast
2) he has a packed lunch that is adequate for a 4th grader
3) it is not acceptable for him to be in the lunch line at all

I would suspend all accounts (including dd's - unfortunately sometimes things aren't fair in a family, but we're all in it together). Put in writing that effective Sept. 15th, the balances are $0 and you will not be liable for any overages that occur and they will be the responsibility of the school. After they send you an overdrawn account and you send it back to them with a copy of that letter and no check, they will understand. (maybe even send it certified mail with receipt or whatever to ensure that someone signed for the letter?). (if you have a friend who is a lawyer who could write this letter, it would carry more weight, but I don't think I would want to start the school year by playing hardball.)

I would suspend his allowance if he goes over it. I would all have him lose additional privileges - maybe even call the school daily for an account of what went against his account and if it was a problem, then he loses dessert, or for every dollar spent, it is an hour of tv, or Gameboy/Nintendo/Xbox.

Think creatively, but do not allow this to continue, because he's clearly found a way to be in control and he is winning this battle.

whoever said parenting was easy was crazy!

 

[vhoffman]

Actually, taking away the card won't do any good because they can (and often do) just type in his name. Also, like someone else said, the card is used for other purposes, like library, etc. Well, I'm so sorry to have to inconvenience the school to make an exception to their system, but I've been inconvenienced for years with an out-of-control lunch account. Now that we're facing a layoff and budget crisis, other's convenience will have to take a back seat to my budget!

 

[plummer925]

Thanks for the suggestions, but we've tried all of them. The card is kept at school, I don't have access to it. Apparently, every child is issued one, no one even bothers to ask the parents if they even want to participate in such a system.

Insofar as taking away his allowance, well, we've tried that but he goes way over his allowance ($5 a week--lunch doesn't come out of that, its just for pocket money). The first I even know he's overcharging is when I get a notice, usually that dd's account has gone negative, becuase they dip into it for ds. I agree its mainly a problem with him and defiance--if he can get away with it, he will! However, the only way to stop this is to work with the school--they will simply have to change their policy in this case (running a tab) or I won't be responsible for the difference. What else can I do? Yes, ds is being defiant in disobeying me, but so is the school. I've told them time and again only one tray, no extras, etc., but they just allow him to buy whatever. And, yes, I've put it in writing, to the cafeteria manager, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. When he overcharges and I question it, the cashier says "I thought he was hungry, so I let him buy more". BS! He's not malnourished! Seems I'm encountering a defiance problem on both sides here and I'm stuck in the middle. He'e the one buying all that stuff, but the school allows him to, so they're both defying me!

Well, I hate problems that come to a head on a weekend because you can't do anything until Monday, and it festers all weekend. Come Monday, I'm going to have another talk with the cafeteria (not like I haven't done so before), then with the principal. If possible I will just suspend ds's account--I never ok'd it in the first place and seems both kid and school are abusing it!This issue would be a major headache at any time for any parent, but especially now. DH is facing a permanent layoff, his job search is unproductive so far, we're doing everything we can to cut back on expenses. Just this morning I spent 2 hours on phone and web tracking down a better deal on car insurance, and the best I could come up with was a savings of $25 month. Well, that's something! Then ds spends that much and then some on wasted food.

Okay - the schools give this to the kids with no authorization from the parents, then the schools bill the parents when you've signed no authorization!?

Ummm - I'd be in there TODAY talking to the school about this. Nothing like teaching kids at a young age to "charge it"...grrr.

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

If it were me every week I would put just enough money in his account for 5 lunches and when that is gone, its gone, he will have to pack lunch his own lunch for the rest of the week. I would insist that the school stop dipping into your daughter's account. He can bring a drink and a snack from home, its much cheaper.

 

[disneyjunkie]

It sounds like you're more angry with the cafeteria staff than you are with your son.

 

[Debbie]

We don't have this sort of thing where I teach(lunch, cards, etc), but I wanted to say a few things about your meeting.

Firstly, I wouldn't go in with a "you are at fault" attitude. Rather, approach the meeting with, "DS is having a problem, can you help me come up with a solution." There may be logical reasons for some of the behaviours from the cafeteria personnel.

Secondly, I would definitely have DS in on the meeting. Everyone needs to hear what the others are saying, and be heard. This seems to be your son's problem, so he needs to be involved in the meeting, so that he is totally aware. He may be able to enlighten everyone as to WHY he does what he does, too.

Thirdly, your son needs to take responsibility for some of the financial burden that he is imposing on your family. Paying out of his allowance, having to sell his toys, games, audio/video equipment. I guess a "hit him where it hurts" sort of thing.

Personally, I'd go the only lunches made at home route. (It's cheaper, too). No bread? Cheese and crackers works. No fresh fruit? Have some canned on hand for just those days. No juice box? Sorry son, it's water today. [But I'm going to guess that you will have lunch items on hand, most of the time.] He tosses it. . .let him go hungry.

Finally, good luck. It sounds like your DS has been at this game for some time. It is going to be hard for him to change, but you really DO need to get this settled, since kids are easy....until they hit 10, and then each year just gets harder and harder. (Love 'em, but it's what I've found out with my five!)

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

Ok, what if you went up to school and ate lunch with him every day for a week or two? Let him know you're doing it because you can't trust him on his own to make responsible choices at lunch. He'll either love the extra time and attention spent with mom OR he'll be mortally embarrassed and you can use it as a threat for any future abuse of lunch money/charging. Yeah it's a lot of your time but right now you're using your time to save money and this is certainly one way to save . Plus you learn a lot hanging around lunch I've found...

This is exactly what I would do. Try it for a week, if it embarrasses him use it as a threat, if he enjoys having you there use it as a reward, for example: If you don't go over $X.xx for lunch each week I will each lunch with you every Friday. You can also get to know the people working in the cafeteria that way and may be able to discuss what's going on with them and they can help you keep an eye out to see what happens when you aren't there.

 

[vhoffman]

No, it may sound like I'm more angry at the school than ds but it really is the other way around. Perhaps that's just how its coming across. However, its not totally him if he's allowed to keep getting away with it!

No, believe me, I'm totally pi$$ed at ds! Especially now when we're all trying so hard to economize. Today I sent dh leftover spaghetti for lunch, when he used to spend $5-10+ on lunches. Well, he earns it, why can't he spend it on himself? Also, he does enjoy getting away from work for a break during the day. Now, with all the stress of the impending layoff and he doesn't even get away from it for awhile. DH told me yesterday he often goes to his car to sit there to eat his lunch just to physically get away fo awhile. Meanwhile, ds is merrily playing "charge it". If anything, maybe dh needs to eat out once in awhile to mitigate the stress.

 

[vhoffman]

I really like the idea to have ds come to whatever meeting I have with the school, so he can't play one of us against the other. I agree, its a control issue.

 

[DisneyTeacher]

I would ask for a meeting with your son's "lunch lady" and the principal and explain things again and ask to work out a compromise that is acceptabe to both you and them. If that doesn't take care of the problem or you don't feel you are getting any cooperation then I'd call the lunch lady's supervisor and work with them.

I would also include your DS in the meeting; he's old enough to hear what will be talked about in the meeting. Is there a school counselor? Include him or her. Get as many people there as possible, the more who know what's going on the more they will be able to help your DS. (You may have to wait a couple of days until a meeting can be set up, you will get more done this way. Catching the principal alone Monday might not get much changed.) In the meeting make it clear that he is not to charge at any time for any reason. Ask that that a note be put at (on) the check-out computer so everyone who may be there will see it. Workers are sick or step aside to do something else and someone else fills in so this should help.

Our students are allowed to charge lunch, in fact, I remember being able to charge lunch if I forgot my lunch money. I don't know that many schools would let kids sit and not eat because they forgot their lunch money. The lunch ladies have no way of knowing which days you packed a lunch and which days you didn't, they have to go by what your son says.

I think this really comes down to your son and making the punishment something that really hits him where it hurts. If he can't cover the lunch bill then there has to be some way he works off the money. Maybe he needs to start looking to mow lawns or some other after school job like paper boy until he sees that he can't run up bills that he can't pay. Money management is an important skill to learn in life, many adults have to learn the hard way.

Good luck!

 

[lisabarr]

I second the motion..... go to school and walk your son thru the line and do it everyday till he gets the point!!!

We had this problem this year DD and DS were buying 2 snacks a day and lunch. I had the option to limit snacks to 1 a day or 2/3 a week or none at all. I told the kids that if they were abusing the system, there would be no more snacks. Also, we pay online at mylunchmoney.com. I understand that soon you will be able to see what your child has bought each day. If nothing else, it allows for immeadiate daily consequences when you check the balance daily.

Personally though, I would be there, at lunch, every day!!!
I just wouldn't tolerate this period and there would be dire consequences!

 

[claudia]

Thanks for the suggestions, but we've tried all of them. The card is kept at school, I don't have access to it. Apparently, every child is issued one, no one even bothers to ask the parents if they even want to participate in such a system.

I would be writing a letter to the principal and telling them that you do not want this card for your son and the reasons why. Also tell them that they are not allowed to make any charges on your daughters account for your son. Tell them that you will not be responsible for any future charges made to his card or unauthorized charges on his sister's card and that you are sending a copy of the letter to your attorney. Send it registered return reciept. If you receive any more bills, respond with a copy of your original letter and let them know that you are forwarding the bills to your attorney.


Also, it may be a good idea for some family counseling to see exactly what is bothering your son. You did use the word "defiance" to describe the problem, so possibly you are feeling that this may be an issue. Better to address this early.


As for your son, I would add up every penny that he has spent and then deduct the entire amount from his allowance until his bill is paid in full. I would sit him down and explain what is happening and why and have him do the balances every week.

Tough Love....it ain't easy

 

[claudia]

double post...sorry

 

[claudia]

If I close his account (which I never "opened") it makes it hard for me for those nights when I'm just too busy/tired to pack a lunch, maybe run out of bread, whatever, we've all been there! Then its easier to just tell the kids to buy their lunch..

It may be easier, but it will not resolve the problems that you are having. If you don't stand strong in this, your son will continue to behave in a way that you are saying cannot continue. Yes, we've all been there, but you are telling us that this is a major problem. At this point you can't be too busy or tired because you must show your son that YOU are in CHARGE. He must see that you are diligent and consistant in this and nothing will get in the way of your disciplinary actions. If you don't follow through, he wins, and none of this will matter....it will just go on and on.... and he wins by default!

 

[Donnask8pro]

Claudia, you took the words right out of my mouth. Send a certified letter to the school that the principal must sign for. That way you have in it writing. If they persist, firstly you are not responsible for paying. Secondly, they are more apprised of the situation and your feelings toward it. Certified seems to make people jump. I know from experience.

Also as others have posted go in and sit with him. MOm at lunch.... horrors to someone his age. Our school accepts cash, so I send in an envelope for the days he is buying lunch. On the envelope I have clearly written what he is allowed to buy. I also send it in to the teacher in his folder, I dont hand it to my son.

Next take away something if it continues. Gameboy, Gamecube, anything he loves. Gone... works for me.. Ü
Good Luck

 

[hsmamato2]

Agreed, unfortunately, i don't think solving this will be 'easy" on anyone, but if you really want to fix it... you've gotten some good advice, and I'd follow it-

the first thing I'd do is take away my kids allowance ,no extras,gum,toys,till the behavior stopped- then I'd march down to school and let them know they can't legally hold me(the parent) responsible financially b/c they're giving food away all the time, they'll have to pay for it! You didn't authorize a charge card, so you won't pay it!
Pack your kids lunch every day. period, he won't die if you're out of bread, like another poster said, he'll eat something else!(or not)
honestly, this is your kid, and you're paying taxes to send him to school, no one can do to you what you don't allow....

 

[Kellydelly]

No, it may sound like I'm more angry at the school than ds but it really is the other way around. Perhaps that's just how its coming across. However, its not totally him if he's allowed to keep getting away with it!

Meanwhile, ds is merrily playing "charge it". If anything, maybe dh needs to eat out once in awhile to mitigate the stress.

You are ALLOWING your son to keep playing this game by not disciplining him and making him stop! Your first post in this thread you were using laughing smilies like it's funny. I can't stand the fact that my kid would have to spend $12.50 per week to eat lunch every day and you think it's funny that your kid is blowing $60 in a week and a half . Take his after school privileges away until he realizes he is misbehaving! Make up some consequences and actually follow through with them and see if he doesn't suddenly understand you mean business.

 

[mum4jenn]

I am so glad I saw this!!!!I am a school food service manager and I feel your pain.
This situation is the exact reason I made some major changes in the way things we operate at my school this year. The previous manager allowed extra food sales and she also allowed the kids to buy whatever and how ever many and to charge it also. In the past couple of years I have made changes and this year I cut out ALL extra sales of food except I still allow ice cream but they are only allowed one ice cream per day. Also they must buy the ice cream with cash only because these kids end up having charges that their parents do not know about.
I do NOT agree with letting children CHARGE at such an early age. I truly think that this is partly where grown folks get all their debt from. The kids see the parents charging everything and then they are learning it form the parents and starting the Charge It mentality at an early age.

As far as the OP goes, I agree that you need to include your child in any meetings you have. Is your son aware of your situation at home? Maye he does not really understand that things are tight right now and if you sit down with him to explain it then maybe that would help.
Also I would make this meeting to include the Food Service Director. She(or he) should be the one to help the staff understand the seriousness of this. If your school is a part of the National School Lunch Program then there should be a Wellness Plan that has taken effect as of June 30,2006 that addresses the foods sold in the cafeteria.
I am surprised that they are even selling things like Gatorade at that age in the first place. If they do have a Wellness Plan in effect then find out if you can address the people on the committee or even join the committee yourself to come up with a plan to control or limit extra purchases. If they are so liberal with your child I am certain they must be doing this with other children as well.
You might need to even address the Board of Education about this or at least schedule a meeting with the Superintendent of the school system. Also I hate to say this but maybe if you threaten to sue them then they will finally understand the seriousness of this and then they will make darn sure your child does not go so overboard!!
If the cafeteria staff is allowing this to go on then a large part of the problem IS with them. Last year towards the end of the school year my students were gettng all kinds of extra food and it got so out of hand we got to a point that we were running out of food for the regular lunches!! That(along with the charging) wwere the reasons I made the no extra food sales change this year. And you know what??? The kids are actually ok with it. They now eat more of the fruit and veggies on their tray now that they know they can't buy more pizza or another hamburger or fries!!
Until you are able to have meeting with the folks in charge then the best thing would to send each day's lunch money each day but I think that maybe if your son had a better understanding of the finances in your home he might be more understanding.