School Lunch--Kid Buying Too Much in Cafeteria?

[vatmark]

What I don't understand is why you let this go on for so long. You said in your original post he has been doing this since kindergarten. He is now in 4th grade and your just now deciding to do something.

I have to agree with other posters and say stop trying to put the blame on the school. The blame should be put on your son and on you for letting him get away with this for over 4 years now. For 4 years you continued to put money in his lunch account and for 4 years you have let him continue his behavior.

What I think is that you don't want to disipline or cut your son off from buying school lunches because it will inconvience you.

Annie

 

[Stacy9402]

I can see where you are coming from. My daughter and I moved to Va from Ky and when she started school she had the charge card system and she went through the money fast extra lunches ice cream cookies you name it. So I went to the cafeteria and spoke to someone because I tried speaking to her and she didn't listen or didn't understand the system. Anyways they said they could not put anything on her account saying she could only buy lunch. So I said fine. Then I just started packing her lunch but she was still going thru the line not everyday maybe a couple times a month and then they would bill me. So I went to the school and told them she was not allowed to charge at all and I would send money with her if she didn't bring a lunch. And that pretty much ended the problem but I think she honestly didn't know how to comprehend it fully granted it was only 2nd grade and she is not that great in Math and cannot understand the money concept but she is in the 7th grade now and this is the 1st year that I have put money on her lunch card and that is only because she doesn't have enough time to go to her locker to get her lunch and I don't want her to pack it all over the place. So we are back on the trust thing this year and so far so good.

Oh and my daughter had to pay me back the extra money she spent unless I had given her permission to get something extra. So I think that taught her something probably only get what Mommy tells me I can get.

 

[dis ms.]

OP you ar NOT a bad parent and the ones that are telling you this should be ashamed!!

So the people being critical of the OP are the ones to be ashamed?

Look, this boy is old enough to understand how the lunch system works. From the information supplied by the OP, he knows what he's doing and knows it's wrong. This is a case of him favoring his wants over his mom's rules.

I think the OP's son should be ashamed of himself (but obviously is not). I think the OP should be ashamed that she allowed this to go on for so long.

And I think it's ridiculous that the OP is worried her son won't have enough lunch options and access to extras. He's had too many options as it is. If he were my son, the only lunch extras he'd be getting for a looooong time would be the ziplock baggies his homemade sandwiches are packed in.

 

[mum4jenn]

I understand all of that but there were posters who actually called this person a bad parent because of this. She would be a bad parent if she did not furnish clothes,food,lodging, and other basic necessities or if she beat her child everyday. But to call her a BAD parent is just not right. One person even created a new identity to call her a bad parent and did not have the guts to use their regular identity.

Would I have let this go on as long as it has?? No..but even if I did it still would not make me a bad parent.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I understand all of that but there were posters who actually called this person a bad parent because of this. She would be a bad parent if she did not furnish clothes,food,lodging, and other basic necessities or if she beat her child everyday. But to call her a BAD parent is just not right. One person even created a new identity to call her a bad parent and did not have the guts to use their regular identity.

Would I have let this go on as long as it has?? No..but even if I did it still would not make me a bad parent.

I'm sorry but let's look at what we have here:

gluttony: child taking enormous amounts of food, way more food than any one child could possibly eat.

waste: child then tossing enormous amounts of food into the trash.

deceit: child lying to Lunch Room staff about need for food. Child using good nature of lunch room staff to get even more food.

theft: as the OP says herself, the child is literally taking money from the parents that is needed for other purposes.

disrepect: Child taking advantage of loose policies of the school that are put in place to insure that hungry children get something to eat. Child CONTINUING to do this for a period of 5 years, in spite of the fact that ALL authority figures have told him to stop.

Parenting is about far more than feeding, clothing, and not beating your children. This has been going on for YEARS.

So what would I do? One of the first things I would do is march my child into the lunchroom and have him apologize to the lunchroom staff for the way he has taken advantage of them. Then, I would make DARN SURE that lunch charge privelage would be off --- for a very very long time. Then, as a family, we might even be visiting a food kitchen for a nice little look at how shameful it is to be throwing hundreds of dollars of food away for no reason at all other than your own cheap little thrill.

Schools are not parents. Schools can be very good at reinforcing the parenting structure began at home, but they are LOUSY at taking the place of parents. Schools are designed to teach children academics, not values. Ask that of them, and a good majority of the time, the child will be failed.

 

[Chickysmom]

I'm NOT ashamed for calling them like I see them.

This entire thread is a prime example of what's wrong with parents today, and why children behave so badly. They want to blame anyone and everyone for their child's problems but themselves.

I can see that with the two whole posts you have made on the DIS boards you are making great friends right away. Let me be the first to say WELCOME to our FRIENDLY boards! We want to be able to post freely in a friendly and kind environment without fear of flaming. We welcome your kind words and thoughts towards problems posters have shared. Many of us have shared opinions on this, and many other, issues made by many different posters and hope the boards are a safe and friendly way to seek out advise. Please stay around, watch what happens, make some frineds and contribute. We are a great bunch of people around here and I'm sure you will find some great new friends! WELCOME!

 

[dis ms.]

I understand all of that but there were posters who actually called this person a bad parent because of this. She would be a bad parent if she did not furnish clothes,food,lodging, and other basic necessities or if she beat her child everyday.

Good parents set limitations for their children and allow those children to experience consequences for not following the rules. It's our job as parents to teach our children how to be respectable members of society. Giving your kid a pass when they (repeatedly) break the rules because discipline would be inconvenient is not stellar parenting.

 

[mermaidwannabe]

I haven't read every post, so I apologize if this has been said.
I think if you talked with the school that they would agree to take away his card charging capabilities. Then you could have him pack his own lunch or help you do it. I agree with the one poster who said to take him to see a food bank or soup kitchen, so maybe his wastefulness would sink in. I also think you should talk to him about your family finances. Maybe he is taking away Christmas present buying money, video or movie money, etc. I think I can be too lenient with my kids as well, but you really have to let him know who is in charge here or else things are going to get much worse when he gets older. It is blatant disrespect he is showing you. I'm sorry this is happening to you because I'm sure besides making you frustrated and mad, it is making you sad that he is doing this. I wish you the best of luck. Just remember - a little tough love can go a long way.

 

[aka-mad4themouse]

I think the OP has received a lot of good advise and quite a bit of unnecessary criticism. It's time to put this thread to rest, since we seem to be beating a dead horse.