School Lunch--Kid Buying Too Much in Cafeteria?

[vhoffman]

The whole situation stinks and I do have to get control. unfortunately, control in this case means total control. Just close the account. Like I said, its one I never opened or agreed to. They do have a pay-online option where you can pay be cc and check the account daily, however, there's a fee and we're trying to control expenses, not add to them. I was allowing the kids to buy lunch one day a week, Friday pizza (for some strange reason, they seem to like it! I always hated school cafeteria pizza). It really hurts me to have to totally cut ds off, but he's abused the privilege way too many times to give one more chance. Having a lunch account was convenient for those days when I just didn't want to pack a lunch for whatever reason. Also, I really hate cutting ds off totally. There are times when he, like everyone else, is just more hungry that day, something looks good, he'd like a treat, I'd hate for him to be wanting something and can't get it. DD does purchase an ocassional snack, ice cream, etc., which is ok because she's responsible with her money. After all, we all like a treat once in awhile. But ds is just abusing the whole issue. Maybe after a few months of packing a lunch he might appreciate buying privileges once in awhile. Until he learns that spending money isn't a game we'll have to put the skids on him.

I guess it really bugs me to think of dh sitting in the parking lot in his car eating a sandwich to save a few bucks (also save the gas from eating lunch away from work) and ds is merrily charging away money we might need to pay our mortgage in a few months!

 

[vhoffman]

Hey KellyDelly!
Cut me some slack! I did NOT use smiles in my original post. That little green guy is pounding his fists in frustration. Watch it. I don't think any of this is funny!

Just FYI--those are similies, not smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[btass]

Seems very simple to me, don't let him buy lunch trays or snacks or anything. Just give him lunch from home every day and take the card away.

If I could predict the future I would say that your son could possibly be heading towards HUGE credit card debt when he gets to college.

 

[vhoffman]

Thanks, Mumm4Jenn, for the perspective of a cafeteria manager. It gives me something to work with.

 

[vhoffman]

Seems very simple to me, don't let him buy lunch trays or snacks or anything. Just give him lunch from home every day and take the card away.

If I could predict the future I would say that your son could possibly be heading towards HUGE credit card debt when he gets to college.

The problem is they let them run a tab then billl me. Its a done deal before I even know about it. Also, I can't "take the card away" since I don't have acess to it, it stays at school and is used for other things, like library , etc.

 

[penguin087]

We also have a charging system at our school. Our school handles the negative balances a little differently though maybe you could suggest this to your school. When the account is in a negative balance (not much of a negative maybe $10 max) the kids can get a PB&J or a cheese sandwich and a milk. Thats it. No snacks, extra drinks, nothing. We can't check our balances on line so I have to depend on my son to tell me when he needs lunch money. Since they started doing the cheese sandwich thing he never forgets!

 

[vhoffman]

Mumm4Jenn,

Do you work in an elementary? Seems its a totally inappropriate system to allow a child that age to charge, anyways. There should be some limits per day, not just totally open ended like it is at my kids' school.

 

[vhoffman]

OUr school does the cheese sandwich thing only the last 2 weeks of the school year, because they're afraid of being stiffed for the balance. During the school year they just run tabs! ThenI get stiffed for the tab!

 

[Chickysmom]

seems like you son's school is quite automated with these cards and a computer system to keep track of things. I would think they would be able to post notes on the accounts and block certain aspects of each child's id number. their system certainly must be high tech to handle all those students and all those acitivities.....there must be a way.

 

[disykat]

Now you're backing off and saying he can have extra every once in a while? I think you really just have to be firm.

I'm really glad my kid's school doesn't have extras - they buy their lunch or bring it - period.

My oldest took his lunch every single day in elementary school due to his allergies. It really isn't hard to get in the habit of having food on hand to send. I don't think you're ready to be firm with him about the spending. I think your best bet is to not give him an option at all. Then you can send plenty and he won't have the "I'm extra hungry today or really want a treat" option.

 

[robsmom]

Have you met with the school guidance counselor. It sounds to me like you son has some serious disipline issues. Does this behavior carry over into other aspects of school or is it just this lunch thing? I think it is really wrong that the school lets kids run up a tab. If you have put this is writing i would 100% refuse to pay the next bill. But, I think you are passing your anger and frustration at not being able to control your child's behavior into anger at the school. This is really your families problem not the schools but they need to help you. I think a school counselor who is trained to deal with children could help you work with you son on this and could be an advocate to the cafteria manager and/or prinicipal to tell them that your child has a problem and that you as a parent are very concerned and trying to help your child - as educators they need to help you do this by not enabling your sons behavior. I read that he has overspent his allowance. Has he really had zero allowance since this behavior started and you have not purchased one snack, toy, or anything beyond modest christmas or birthday presents for him. He needs to feel the pain. I also love the suggestion of going to school at lunch and walking with him - embarrassment is a powerful tool - but to do that you need the school support. Call the guidance counselor tommorrow!!

 

[mum4jenn]

Yes I am in an elementary school. Normally we are grades 3-5 but this year we are 2-5. I never have liked that the kids could charge but I know there are times when a parent forgets the lunch money and such but it does get crazy sometimes. We send reminders home after they owe $5 and if it gets to $10 the cashier is supposed to call the parents. We are not allowed to refuse them a tray at this age but we can deny them a breakfast tray if they owe over the $10.

I know most people are putting most of the blame on your son and I know he should have some of the blame but I would hold most of the blame with the staff of the cafeteria. I realize that they have had allot of turnover but I know that if a parent came to me about a problem like this I would tell each and every employee that they had BETTER listen to this parent and abide by the way they want it!! Of course I can not run my kitchen with the rules of the parents in all situations (like the parent that called me last year because "little Suzy" does not like some of the food you serve could you make her something else?) but in money situations where the parent has aid NOT to let the child buy extra food then I would do everything possible to make sure that was followed. And most computer systems do have an "account alert" that can be written on that child's account that will flash on the screen when that account is accessed. We use it for allergies and I used it for parents that wanted receipts back when I was a cashier a few years ago. If they have a system like this then there is NO EXCUSE for letting him get all that food. No matter how many cashiers work they would all be aware of the alert.

 

[summerrluvv]

I didn't read all of the posts, but I think I would be making him brown bag it and take away the lunch account. That doesn't sound healthy at all.

It's too bad your school doesn't have a prepaid lunch card like ours. We put 30 lunches on it (get one free too) and that's what they buy with it...their lunch. If they want extras, they use cash. They don't have too many extras..cookies, pretzel rod, ice cream and milk.

 

[DumboDash2006]

Wow, that sounds very frustrating.

First I think you really need to figure out WHY your son is doing this? Is he just being difficult or is there something else at play here (bullies, wanting to buy his friends treats so he'll be more popular etc).

You also need to tell the school that you will NOT pay any tabs he runs up when you've given them explicit instructions to not give him all that food etc. Trust me if he spends a couple hundred dollars in a month and you don't pay it, they will pay stop that REAL soon I'm sure!

Lastly though you really need to get tough with your son. Take away his allowance, priviledges, electronics, social activies etc. What he's doing is just plain insane. If it continues he will need to go to school, come home, do his homework in his room, eat dinner, and then back to his room where he shouldn't have access to electronics etc either. I imagine that unless there is a more serious reason behind his behavior he will knock it off pretty quickly!

Wow, I can't imagine that kind of money in 1.5 weeks. I would be beyond furious. Good luck!

 

[EthansMom]

I would take away DS's charging priviledges (make sure the school backs you and doesn't reissure the card) and pack him a meal.

 

[vhoffman]

Wow, that sounds very frustrating.

First I think you really need to figure out WHY your son is doing this? Is he just being difficult or is there something else at play here (bullies, wanting to buy his friends treats so he'll be more popular etc).

Perhaps there is something to that--he has been bullied in the past (although the school would never acknowledge it), perhaps he's buying stuff for other kids to either make friends or stave off bullies. Only thing is, there's no consistent pattern. some days he just buys one tray, some days he goes overboard. I even discussed it with his pediatrician last year to rule out some sort of physical problem that would cause excessive hunger/thirst, such as diabetes or thryoid, but he checks out fine.

Well, regardless of the reason, it simply has to stop. We can't afford to throw money away like that! My problem, like I've stated before, is that the school allows the kids to run a tab then bill the parents. I don't even know what he's charged until its done. Well, starting Monday I'm putting the brakes on the whole thing. He shouldn't even be in the lunch line. However, just another thought occurred to me--I've observed him being bullied before in the cafeteria. Perhaps he keeps going through the line to get out of a difficult situation? Really, I need to go over there for lunch. I used to, just haven't had time this semester. Sometimes things like this are symptoms of a deeper problem.

 

[jultomzach]

I would ask permission to be at his lunch and then tell him that you are going to eat lunch with him and supervise his spending until he is able to control it himself. Bet his fellow classmates will motivate him to stop!

 

[claudia]

The whole situation stinks and I do have to get control. unfortunately, control in this case means total control. Just close the account. Like I said, its one I never opened or agreed to. They do have a pay-online option where you can pay be cc and check the account daily, however, there's a fee and we're trying to control expenses, not add to them. I was allowing the kids to buy lunch one day a week, Friday pizza (for some strange reason, they seem to like it! I always hated school cafeteria pizza). It really hurts me to have to totally cut ds off, but he's abused the privilege way too many times to give one more chance. Having a lunch account was convenient for those days when I just didn't want to pack a lunch for whatever reason. Also, I really hate cutting ds off totally. There are times when he, like everyone else, is just more hungry that day, something looks good, he'd like a treat, I'd hate for him to be wanting something and can't get it. DD does purchase an ocassional snack, ice cream, etc., which is ok because she's responsible with her money. After all, we all like a treat once in awhile. But ds is just abusing the whole issue. Maybe after a few months of packing a lunch he might appreciate buying privileges once in awhile. Until he learns that spending money isn't a game we'll have to put the skids on him.

I guess it really bugs me to think of dh sitting in the parking lot in his car eating a sandwich to save a few bucks (also save the gas from eating lunch away from work) and ds is merrily charging away money we might need to pay our mortgage in a few months!

I was just curious as to why you are saying it hurts you to cut off your son?You are disciplining him and he will learn that there are consequences for his bad behavior. Wanting something never killed anyone. As long as you pack him a nutritional lunch he will be just fine. Why would you want to reward him with a treat, when he doesn't respect what you have told him?? Treats, rewards, extras are earned....and his behavior does not warrant them. Why would you hate for him to want something and not get it, when you want him to stop the bad behavior and he refuses??? If nothing else, think how your daughter must feel when she obeys the rules, and your son doesn't and he receives the same treats/extras as her....dh is sitting in a car brown bagging it....just say no!

 

[surfgirl]

After reading more of this thread, to the OP - you say one thing, but then seem to have excuses why he can't totally be cut-off (what if I don't have bread, he likes the pizza Fridays), etc. Time for some absolutes.

He's old enough to understand a commitment. There have to be two sides for it to work.
- Commit to him that you will always have supplies for him to brown-bag a lunch. (and then do it!) Its reasonable to have a loaf of bread and pb always in the house (if you tend to run out, then keep an extra loaf in the freezer in case of emergencies + hide a secret stash of pb that you can use in emergencies).
- He will commit to not getting multiple lunches/snacks, etc.

Lose the pizza Fridays. He likes them ? All the more reason to use them as an incentive. If he makes it M-Th on your lunch, you will put $$ in his bag to buy ONE tray of pizza.

I have a hard time believing that a school wouldn't back you up when if they realize the extent of the problem here.

Is he motivated by money? If so, then he can spend $x/week on lunches (give him a little extra in here). If he doesn't spend it all, he can keep the rest (make it equivalent to 1 lunch). If he has the money leftover at the end of the week, you will double it (this is an incentive that many use to teach kids how to save -- they double what their children save) and he can save it to buy something special or use it immediately. Don't put any strings on 'his' money or it won't work. (I realize that money is going to be tight, but this is cheaper in the long run than 2-3 lunches/day).

good luck!

 

[rigs32]

I don't see how it's a good idea to allow a child to spend your money (rather than their allowance) on treats that they decide they like or want one day without your express permission to purchase the item. I agree with the posters that said he should brown bag it every day. Heck, have HIM pack his lunch and you double check it before leaving to ensure it's appropriate. Any snacks he suddenly wants? He can use his allowance money.

Heck, people think I'm weird because I carry a bag of food with me for the day, but it controls what I eat and what I spend.