SAHM Vent

[ronandannette]

Who is it that you're trying to express disdain for? The SAHM's? The working women? Both maybe? What's your point?

 

[desamnik]

the best answer I came up with about SAHM's and time is this: I do everything during school hours that working moms do at night and on weekends, therefore, I am more available to my kids at night and on weekends.

Given a choice between working and not working is a personal thing. I completely understand that our society is a two income society. Bringing up kids is expensive.

 

[snowangel72]

As a FT working mom who just spent two months at home with my kids, PERSONALLY I go stir crazy at home. That's just me. So maybe when people say that they are honestly admiring the fact that you are happy and content to be home because some of us just simply can't do it....all that cooking, cleaning, sorting, shopping, honestly it kills me! I could not do it. I admire those who can!!!!

 

[Jex]

the best answer I came up with about SAHM's and time is this: I do everything during school hours that working moms do at night and on weekends, therefore, I am more available to my kids at night and on weekends.

Given a choice between working and not working is a personal thing. I completely understand that our society is a two income society. Bringing up kids is expensive.

So....since my wife chooses to work you are a better mother?

Yes, the thread took the turn.

 

[Laura66]

Listen! Working or not working outside your home is your choice and I don't think one is better than the other. I'm stay home mom and never in a million years would I think my decision to do so is better or the "right" way!

What is NOT cool is judging or making rude comments. When that happens either side will get hurt and defensive! And rightly so.

I've had my fair share of rude comments about what do I do all day long - those are usually the same mean/rude people who expect me to drive their kids everywhere or keep them on snow days. And I know some pretty self-righteous stay at home mothers who never miss an opportunity to comment to working moms about letting a stranger "raise" their children etc. Not cool!

Just do what's best for you and keep your opinions and rude comments to yourselves!

 

[lauradis]

I deal in sarcasm "Oh I eat cheesecake and watch lifetime all day! Its the best ever you should try it."

My husband complained one time "what do you do all day sit around, watch tv,and play on the computer" in the period of sahm ness...

My response was to stop doing everything except feed, washing and sending kids to school.

I think it was the second day he asked me how my day went and I told him wonderful I watched tv all day. Couple of days later are you feeling ok. "Yep I feel fine."

It took about 2 weeks of not cleaning and take out/ frozen dinners to get my point across. Think it was the second or third weekend he offered to help me clean the whole house on his day off. He didn't say he was sorry (in words), but has never complained again when something isn't done.

He pitches in or shuts up and deals.

 

[disykat]

I don't question your desire or need to work so I'm not sure why you need to question non-working moms who choose to stay home?

I've never understood why women are so determined to take choices away from other women.

 

[Monykalyn]

What do SAHM do? this cracks me up-I have been FT, SAHM for short time after 3rd Child -eventually went back for what was supposed to be PT but turned into more like FT...Currently work "outside the home" 3 days a week, and on my "off days" help with our business and the million things that keeps a household running.

I will tell you what-on my "outside" working days I get to: Eat breakfast AND lunch, go to restroom when I want instead of mad dash because I have put it off too long; wind down on (short) commute home.

My SAH days I frequently end up with a headache around 2pm as I realize yet AGAIN I have not had a bathroom or food break since 630am-between running around on errands, volunteer activities or doing stuff for the business. And my kids are all in school! I have learned to take the (Very rare) day where stuff is done (or done early) on the stay home days as a mini vacay for me. I totally agree with a PP on I need my ME time as well-makes for a happier situation all around when mom is happy

I have also found the older the kids get, the more they want mom (or dad) home when they get off the bus...

Parenting is 24hr/365day job period. No matter what other stuff happens. And now its time to start bedtimes!

 

[mefordis]

My youngest starts school all day this fall, then both will be in school until 2:30pm. I haven't worked out yet what I'll do all day, but when they were in camp for four weeks until 4:30 I was able to binge watch all 4 seasons of Game of Thrones!

I also really enjoyed going to the bathroom without someone beating on the door, and getting a break from breaking up fights.

I plan to be a bit more productive than that come September, though.

So, here is a rough plan for fall:

Drop off 8:30-9am
Clean kitchen 9:15 - 9:45
Workout/shower 10-12
HOme project, run errands, prep dinner 12-2:15
Leave house to pick up kids 2:15

There you have it!

 

[Sabeking]

I have done both and both have it's own sets of challenges! I heard opinions from both. The good, the bad and the ugly...because you know everyone has an opinion. I learned that I don't give give a rats *** what anyone thinks about it. Whatever worked for our family at the time is what I did.

 

[disykat]

So....since my wife chooses to work you are a better mother?

Yes, the thread took the turn.

She didn't say that. She said she was less busy on evenings and weekends.

That's what works for her and helps her be more available to her kids. I think any parent that finds a good way that works for their family should be given kudos, not distain.

Personally, DH and I found it difficult, with jobs that have a lot of overtime, to have two full time careers and still parent effectively so I took some time off mine and then cut to part time for a while. That said, I know some families with 2 + jobs that function fabulously. Different strokes!

 

[mefordis]

Yep. We were both in the same industry that requires round the clock availability. One of us had to give it up, so it ended up being me.

She didn't say that. She said she was less busy on evenings and weekends.

That's what works for her and helps her be more available to her kids. I think any parent that finds a good way that works for their family should be given kudos, not distain.

Personally, DH and I found it difficult, with jobs that have a lot of overtime, to have two full time careers and still parent effectively so I took some time off mine and then cut to part time for a while. That said, I know some families with 2 + jobs that function fabulously. Different strokes!

 

[diznygirl]

I'm clearly in the minority in this thread because I'm a working mom. However I am going to express my opinion.

OP, you probably feel defensive because you know some of what they are questioning is true. Somehow working moms manage to work all day and still get things done like cleaning, cooking, running kids to activities, etc. I will own up to the fact that I'm definitely one of those people who question SAHMs with school age children.

For the record, I used to be a working mom.

I do all the stuff working moms do, but I do it during the day instead of working. And then I make dinner and sit on the couch with my family watching TV the rest of the night. :good vibes

My working friend vents to me about her busy schedule and I listen with a sympathetic ear and keep my mouth shut about how easy my life is. Because I know I have it easy.

And you know what? I like easy.

 

[tajz90]

I have it even worse - SAHM with no kids! Both of my boys are in college!

Love it! Me too... Sort of. One in grad school 1500 miles away and a sophomore in HS. I tell people I'm retiring when the youngest graduates! It's my job, I'm proud of what I do. I also call myself a housewife.

 

[Colleen27]

As a FT working mom who just spent two months at home with my kids, PERSONALLY I go stir crazy at home. That's just me. So maybe when people say that they are honestly admiring the fact that you are happy and content to be home because some of us just simply can't do it....all that cooking, cleaning, sorting, shopping, honestly it kills me! I could not do it. I admire those who can!!!!

I read this a lot about maternity leave, a short lay-off, etc. but it really isn't the same. You don't have time to get into a routine and develop habits to manage everything in a span of weeks. Periods of time off like that tend to go from vacation mode to boredom mode with little real incentive to build the long-term habits and routines that a SAHM would develop because in the back of your mind you are thinking in terms of filling the time until you're back to work, not making being home a lifestyle. There's an adjustment and a learning curve, just like with anything else (new job, going back to school, etc).

 

[Coonhound]

So....since my wife chooses to work you are a better mother?

Yes, the thread took the turn.

Why would you be offended by her statement? She said what she does during the day is what working moms have to do during the evening and weekend hours, so, because she gets it done during the day, she is free to spend evenings and weekends with her children.
Why be offended by this? it's just the truth. If you don't have a working position during the day, then you DO get stuff done while the kids are in school, and you DO have weekend and evening hours free to spend hanging out with your kids (not doing laundry etc)
Why be offended by such a simple truth? There are limited hours in the day.

 

[tigercat]

I am really out of this. My baby is turning 34 in Oct. I have worked part time at 3 different jobs. When the last job became too hard emotionally to handle that was it. I was home with my kids until they were in their teens, then had a part time job. I have been however, at the same time as working part time babysitting my older 2 grandkids and then my 3 youngest grandkids. I haven't worked outside the house now for 5 yrs. I babysit my 3 youngest grandkids during summer vacation, PA days and other vacation days like Christmas and Easter. I have looked after them during the whole year until they go to school full time. This year the youngest will be in school full time so I will only get them vacation times. They are 4, 6 and 8. I have been looking after kids for 38 1/2 yrs. and I am semi retiring this year with the last one in school. I have been asked what I intend on doing now that I won't have little kids to look after. I tell people that I intend on sleeping for the first month and then will go from there. I have never had trouble finding something to do. And I still have 3 "kids" still at home. 2 sons (both 34) and my oldest granddaughter (the 20 yrs. old) now lives with us.


I am 58 yrs. old now and it is getting harder for me to look after the kids. I am also now partially disabled. I have Fibromyalgia as well as arthritis in my knees and my hands as well as a couple of other health problems. I feel that I deserve to do what I want.

I don't think either should be finding fault in the other. Each way of life has it's ups and downs. Some people really enjoy their work and do better than if they had to stay home all the time, (one of my daughters) some people don't have a choice and have to work (my other daughter) and others are happy to stay home and are able to stay home.

tigercat

 

[DisReno]

I don't recall asking for your sympathy, and kudos to you for balancing all the things in your life, but for the same reason I don't ask you why you choose to work 12 hours a day, I don't think I have to justify to you (or anyone else) what I do with every minute of my day.

Sometimes, I do NOTHING! I mess around on the computer and post on here or watch mindless reality TV shows, but when school is out, I am there to pick up my kids every day and if I'm needed in their class, I'm always there - and I like that (and so do they) and that's important to me.

This is absolutely not meant to be a SAHM vs working mom debate - my point was simply that this is a "to each their own" situation and while I said I completely give props to working parents (ESPECIALLY my single mom friends), and staying at home may be easier in a lot of ways, it still deserves some credit.

I guess it was your comments about 'washing your hair without someone screaming." You gave me a stereotype. Sorry. I have been able to wash my hair and take a shower since my son was an infant. And I worked. It's not that hard. And he didn't scream while I washed my hair.

I don't have an issue with SAHM...But, as I said in a PM today...I will ALWAYS hold to the belief that working moms, moms that have to work, have it worse. We just do. We have to juggle so much more. We do. We go to work when our kids have the sniffles and our houses our a mess, and the dogs look like they just killed something. We don't volunteer...but we still cook dinner and do homework with our kids, and we all manage to wash our hair.

Yes, it was that comment that got me. Sorry. I can see by my PM's that I have a lot of support. You don't have it so bad. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't feel that I am better than you or that you are better than me...I just don't feel sorry that you are a stay at home Mom and can finally manage to wash her hair and put dinner on the table without your kids screaming. You shouldn't whine about your life. You have it good. You are not wondering where your kids will get their next hot meal or if you even have shampoo to wash your hair.

Stop whining and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. Do what you can, and if you can sit there for 3 hours and just 'DIS', more power to you.

But for god's sake, wash your hair. Your kids are at school, you don't need to listen to them 'screaming'.

That's it.

 

[Coonhound]

I guess it was your comments about 'washing your hair without someone screaming." You gave me a stereotype. Sorry. I have been able to wash my hair and take a shower since my son was an infant. And I worked. It's not that hard. And he didn't scream while I washed my hair.

I don't have an issue with SAHM...But, as I said in a PM today...I will ALWAYS hold to the belief that working moms, moms that have to work, have it worse. We just do. We have to juggle so much more. We do. We go to work when our kids have the sniffles and our houses our a mess, and the dogs look like they just killed something. We don't volunteer...but we still cook dinner and do homework with our kids, and we all manage to wash our hair.

Yes, it was that comment that got me. Sorry. I can see by my PM's that I have a lot of support. You don't have it so bad. I don't feel sorry for you. I don't feel that I am better than you or that you are better than me...I just don't feel sorry that you are a stay at home Mom and can finally manage to wash her hair and put dinner on the table without your kids screaming. You shouldn't whine about your life. You have it good. You are not wondering where your kids will get their next hot meal or if you even have shampoo to wash your hair.

Stop whining and stop worrying about what anyone else thinks. Do what you can, and if you can sit there for 3 hours and just 'DIS', more power to you.

But for god's sake, wash your hair. Your kids are at school, you don't need to listen to them 'screaming'.

That's it.

You clearly have some bitterness about your role. Perhaps different choices would have put you in a better position to be there when your kids are sick and not have to be away working with other people's kids while yours are sick.

 

[Planogirl]

You clearly have some bitterness about your role. Perhaps different choices would have put you in a better position to be there when your kids are sick and not have to be away working with other people's kids while yours are sick.

That's cold. You have no idea why she is in her position.

I see that the silly Mommy Wars are starting again.