SAHM Vent

[mamajo]

And boy! Are my arms tired! Just for the record, I work full time, raise my daughter, volunteer at school (bookfair, teacher appreciations, awards buffets, etc.), help with the homework, do all the housework (no one else sees the mess), cook all the meals. Husband complains when he might have to do the dishes once in a while. Point is, we all do what we have to do to survive. None of it is easy and we all know it (except the idiots who make comments).
I would have looooooved to have been a SAHM, unfortunately, I don't have that option. The other side of the coin is when people think your choice is to work outside the home -- because I want a "career". No, I just have to work to pay the bills. Don't we all? Times have changed but attitudes haven't. You get just as much flak for being a working mom as you do for being a SAHM. Isn't it ridiculous?

 

[quandrea]

I'm just going to throw this out there because I'm feeling a little reckless...

Until relatively recently, the role now called SAHM was traditionally referred to as either "housewife" or "homemaker". These titles were more descriptive of the nature of the tasks and it was simply understood that effectively running a household and managing a family was a full time job. I don't remember anybody ever asking me what I planned to do with my time after DS went to school - child care was just one aspect of my responsibilities.

For the record, those were also the best years of my life. I took a great deal of satisfaction out of a tidy, well-organized house, a happy, healthy husband and child and the contributions I was able to make to our community. Super-woman be damned - I'm sure not even close to being able to keep all those balls in the air now that I work 50 hours a week.

Well said. I actually do call myself a housewife. I take great pride in my job. I am also glad I don't have to juggle it all.

 

[EMom]

Okay...I don't get your vent. Really...washing your hair?

I am a teacher, I work 12 hour days. I wash my hair every day, even take a shower, cook dinner, shop, workout, and work full-time.

I know if I stayed home and didn't have kids at home all day, I would have free time.

I don't feel sorry for you...So, what are you going to do with your day, besides posting on the DIS?

I believe she already pointed out that she volunteers quite a lot at school, helping out teachers like you. I at least hope those teachers are appreciative. Back when I taught, I know I was grateful for the volunteer work the lazy, bonbon eating SAHMs/housewives did for me and the other teachers.

 

[Stephaniesue]

I guess I am guilty of asking the same questions of SAHMs when all of the children are in school full time.

I think it's because most of the time, those moms are looking down on me because I work. I stayed at home for 7 years, until my youngest went to prek, then my MIL was able to keep him. I went to work full time shortly after that.

Life is tough, that's just how it is. I work full time, get the kids where they need to be, take care of them when they are sick, help with homework, keep my house clean, do my own yard work. DH is there to help, but he works strange hours, so it falls on me most of the time. My children do chores, not every day but several times a week. It's important to me for them to understand what I do to keep our house running. I am also planning to start college courses soon- so on top of my regular stuff I will be taking 4 classes (minimum) start in January.

I don't need to defend myself to anyone, and neither do you. I think the bottom line is, lets stop being so judge-y of each other. Let's stop the "mommy wars".

 

[ZephyrHawk]

OP, you shouldn't have to deal with rude comments like those. How you live your life and raise your family is your choice. Ignore them.

But similarly, mothers who choose to work shouldn't have to put up with people who accuse them of trying to be "supermoms", or who imply that they can't get all their motherly chores done. I don't take it personally when people suggest that I am not doing my best by my child by choosing to work. However, it does kind of annoy me that they're basically saying that my mom was, somehow, deficient as a mother. I know that to be untrue. But whatever, she's strong and can fight her own battles.

You know what really makes me ticked off? When people imply that my wonderful, awesome, grandmother, who worked for much of my mother's life and was at times the sole support for her daughter and disabled husband, could not really expect to cook well for her family, or keep her house sparkling clean, or raise her child the right way. Yeah, back off my poor departed grandma guys, she's got us all beat.

 

[tinatark]

I have it even worse - SAHM with no kids! Both of my boys are in college!

 

[ronandannette]

OP, you shouldn't have to deal with rude comments like those. How you live your life and raise your family is your choice. Ignore them.

But similarly, mothers who choose to work shouldn't have to put up with people who accuse them of trying to be "supermoms", or who imply that they can't get all their motherly chores done. I don't take it personally when people suggest that I am not doing my best by my child by choosing to work. However, it does kind of annoy me that they're basically saying that my mom was, somehow, deficient as a mother. I know that to be untrue. But whatever, she's strong and can fight her own battles.

You know what really makes me ticked off? When people imply that my wonderful, awesome, grandmother, who worked for much of my mother's life and was at times the sole support for her daughter and disabled husband, could not really expect to cook well for her family, or keep her house sparkling clean, or raise her child the right way. Yeah, back off my poor departed grandma guys, she's got us all beat.

Strictly speaking for MYSELF and knowing the difference, I am absolutely NOT as attentive a mother & wife, as meticulous a house keeper, as high quality a cook and as generous a volunteer as I was when I wasn't working. I do my best and every member of the family contributes now in ways they didn't previously or in certain cases we just make do with the lower standards. Doesn't imply anything at all about your grandma.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I'm just going to throw this out there because I'm feeling a little reckless...

Until relatively recently, the role now called SAHM was traditionally referred to as either "housewife" or "homemaker". These titles were more descriptive of the nature of the tasks and it was simply understood that effectively running a household and managing a family was a full time job. I don't remember anybody ever asking me what I planned to do with my time after DS went to school - child care was just one aspect of my responsibilities.

For the record, those were also the best years of my life. I took a great deal of satisfaction out of a tidy, well-organized house, a happy, healthy husband and child and the contributions I was able to make to our community. Super-woman be damned - I'm sure not even close to being able to keep all those balls in the air now that I work 50 hours a week.

Well said. I actually do call myself a housewife. I take great pride in my job. I am also glad I don't have to juggle it all.

I usually refer to myself as a homemaker. I like the title and I feel it fits what I do quite well.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

This is absolutely not meant to be a SAHM vs working mom debate - my point was simply that this is a "to each their own" situation and while I said I completely give props to working parents (ESPECIALLY my single mom friends), and staying at home may be easier in a lot of ways, it still deserves some credit.

Now you know - these types of threads always wind up that way.

Ignore the comments. We all get them no matter what our choices are.

 

[JanaDee]

I usually refer to myself as a homemaker. I like the title and I feel it fits what I do quite well.

 

[superme80]

I usually refer to myself as a homemaker. I like the title and I feel it fits what I do quite well.

Me too! OP ignore the mean comments. People ask me what I do all day. I have 3 boys under the age of 6 and I homeschool. My mom stayed home from the time she got married and still does to this day. She is the busiest woman I know. She is an introvert so she doesn't socialize a lot. But man she has the cleanest, prettiest house and yard. She was always doing stuff for family and my school when I lived at home. She kept herself busy with things that were important to her. My aunt had to work. Her house was not as clean, but she was still a great mom and wife. Each woman makes choices that work for their family. If you can stay home great! If you have to work or choose to work great! If it works for you why is anyone questioning? It is none of their business.
I sometimes ask my friends with no kids or kids in school what they do all day. I need ideas for when my kids aren't bugging me!

 

[Colleen27]

Kids are on swim team & have lessons in the Summer. Additionally, we have a pool & don't trust the kids to swim alone yet. Their activities actually slow down come August, so in our scenario, a SAHM would definitely have it easier once school started. Every family is different though.

True enough. Our summers are busy but in a different way. It would be really hard to be a working mom in my household during the summer - swim team is all in the morning with meets every Friday, 4H is all over the place with a week of very long days at fair, and the kids all have skills camps and playgrounds and garden club, all during typical working hours. My evenings are mostly free during the summer, though, and since it is cooler that's when I cook and clean and garden. In the fall it all shifts to evening practices, games, and meetings and the housework gets moved to days.

I'm just going to throw this out there because I'm feeling a little reckless...

Until relatively recently, the role now called SAHM was traditionally referred to as either "housewife" or "homemaker". These titles were more descriptive of the nature of the tasks and it was simply understood that effectively running a household and managing a family was a full time job. I don't remember anybody ever asking me what I planned to do with my time after DS went to school - child care was just one aspect of my responsibilities.

I think there's something to that. The premise that the kids are the only reason not to work certainly does lend itself to the assumption that women should go back to work when the kids reach a certain age.

Times have changed but attitudes haven't. You get just as much flak for being a working mom as you do for being a SAHM. Isn't it ridiculous?

Absolutely!

OP, you shouldn't have to deal with rude comments like those. How you live your life and raise your family is your choice. Ignore them.

But similarly, mothers who choose to work shouldn't have to put up with people who accuse them of trying to be "supermoms", or who imply that they can't get all their motherly chores done. I don't take it personally when people suggest that I am not doing my best by my child by choosing to work. However, it does kind of annoy me that they're basically saying that my mom was, somehow, deficient as a mother. I know that to be untrue. But whatever, she's strong and can fight her own battles.

You know what really makes me ticked off? When people imply that my wonderful, awesome, grandmother, who worked for much of my mother's life and was at times the sole support for her daughter and disabled husband, could not really expect to cook well for her family, or keep her house sparkling clean, or raise her child the right way. Yeah, back off my poor departed grandma guys, she's got us all beat.

Part of this is generational. Our mothers and grandmothers were parenting in a different time. Kids weren't expected to start school knowing their letters, numbers, etc., nor were organized activities the norm for kids' socialization. Homework loads were measured in minutes, not hours, and most assignments were things kids could complete on their own. At the same time, work hours have gotten longer and off-hours responsibilities have increased, paid time off more difficult to take, etc. And in many families, extended family interdependence has decreased as well so they're doing more on their own than previous generations. Both my mother and my grandmother worked. My mom had to make more trade-offs than my grandmother did, and I would have had to make even more than my mom did which is the biggest reason I chose to stay home instead.

And part of it is that things like "sparkling clean", "cooking well" and "raising children right" are entirely subjective. There's no one right way to do any of this, just the way that feels most comfortable for the family doing it.

 

[sm4987]

Sounds like how people treat me! My son just graduated and my daughter is in 10th grade. Between all of her activities and house hold things, my time is filled. Do I have more downtime than I did when there were younger, sure I do and I'm taking the time to enjoy it all. She will graduate and those school days will be over before I know it!

 

[tcufrog]

It's funny you mentioned homework. My second grader came home Friday with a project assignment based on a book they are reading at school about the Oregon Trail. Friday was his second day of school and it's due September 17th.

He has 3 options:

1. Build a model of a Conestoga wagon that has authentic details inside and out.

2. Build a diorama based on the book.

3. Make a quilt (can be made of paper or plastic) that tells something about the child.

I wasn't assigned anything nearly that complicated in the 2nd grade, were you? My son is intellectually advanced but he doesn't have the physical ability or knowledge to build the wagon with little to no help from mom or dad.

 

[disneymom3]

When anyone asks me I just simply reply that I lay on the couch eating bon bons and watching tv all day. Don't let it bother you.

LOL When my husband was offered a job that was a bigger pay ncrease than I made at my job, he came home with a box of bon bond for me. We had always joked about that.

Okay...I don't get your vent. Really...washing your hair?

I am a teacher, I work 12 hour days. I wash my hair every day, even take a shower, cook dinner, shop, workout, and work full-time.

I know if I stayed home and didn't have kids at home all day, I would have free time.

I don't feel sorry for you...So, what are you going to do with your day, besides posting on the DIS?

she didn't actually ask you to feel sorry for her. She was venting. Are we supposed to feel sorry for you? My mom and four of my sisters are/were teachers and none of them worked 12 hour days.

 

[HelenePA]

It's funny you mentioned homework. My second grader came home Friday with a project assignment based on a book they are reading at school about the Oregon Trail. Friday was his second day of school and it's due September 17th.

He has 3 options:

1. Build a model of a Conestoga wagon that has authentic details inside and out.

2. Build a diorama based on the book.

3. Make a quilt (can be made of paper or plastic) that tells something about the child.

I wasn't assigned anything nearly that complicated in the 2nd grade, were you? My son is intellectually advanced but he doesn't have the physical ability or knowledge to build the wagon with little to no help from mom or dad.

why do they assign kids stuff like this? they know they parents are going to do most if not all of it!

 

[Planogirl]

I found being a SAHM dull but I dislike working outside the home too because I never seem to get things done. I realize that this all depends on what you like to do and what tasks you need to get done as a SAHM and so on.

I now have a part-time job which strikes a good balance for me. I'd love to work from home but haven't figured that one out yet.

Ignore the comments OP. Who cares what other people think anyway?

 

[Jex]

Why worry what they think. I would like being a sahd, my wife on the other hand could not wait to go back to work as soon as she could.

 

[cjbcam]

I hate how people treat SAHM. I have been there. People that pay someone to do the same job you do but then say you do nothing. When I was one my DH friend was over and he said to me why don't you get a job. This was literally as he was watching me wash the floor. I ignored it that time then he was over again and he says to my DH I told our sitter she better put up her Christmas tree so she can teach our kid to not play with decorations so we can put ours up. I blew my lid lol. He has not been over since. I ran others kids around and babysat for free and volunteered at the school all so people could look down on me. For me I think most people do what they can wether they stay home or work or have to work or can't stand to stay at home.

 

[Robinrs]