S.O.: Can you function without your kids?

tvguy

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S.O. Of your wife function without her husband thread.

Can you function without your kids? When I first got on these boards 15+ years ago I was surprised at how many adults on the Cruise Line Forum were concerned about babysitting/kids clubs/adult only options, looking to get time away from their kids.
When my kids were at home, during the school year especially, a typical weekday I might see my kids for 2 or 3 hours a day.
Family vacations were a time for DW and I to spend time WITH our kids. Literally 24/7.
 
I consider myself a pretty dedicated dad. I’m at all the games & performances, coached volleyball, try to find fun things to do with the kids daily & especially on weekends.

OTOH, I also have NO problem parking them with grandma & grandpa for the weekend or longer. NO problem leaving them home so DW & I can go have a nice dinner or see a show. Etc, etc. I don’t generally do anything without them on a “family” vacation, however.
 
We only have one daughter (who is almost 25) so it might be different, but when we went on family vacations, we stayed together. If we traveled with my sister and 2 nieces, we still stayed together. Only once did we bring along a friend to keep DD company, so it was just the 3 of us, and they were too young to take off on their own, so we STILL did everything together. DD went many places with us, but I also never had a problem leaving her with someone so we could attend an "adults only" event such as a wedding, evening out with friends, etc. I have some friends/acquaintences who don't understand that, who only go to things that the ENTIRE family can attend, every time. DH and I only took one "adults" vacation (and that was on a house-hunting trip when DD was in 5th grade; we knew it'd go faster/easier without her along, and she needed to be in school), and given as DD is our "only" we didn't otherwise choose to travel without her. (As it was, DD and I traveled quite a bit without DH, who, given his line of work, rarely has free time off and even if he does travel with us, he always brings a backpack full of stuff to read and catch up on for work.)

Now that she's an adult with her own home in another state :sad1: DH and I go all kinds of places 'alone' together, of course!
 
When my kids were little, I LOVED vacations that had childcare. I was a SAHM to 5 kids very close in age, as much as I loved them and enjoyed spending time with them, it was hard work. The younger they were, the more we utilized babysitters. Now I’d have to bribe them to stay home at night on a weekend.
 

When my kids were little, I LOVED vacations that had childcare. I was a SAHM to 5 kids very close in age, as much as I loved them and enjoyed spending time with them, it was hard work. The younger they were, the more we utilized babysitters. Now I’d have to bribe them to stay home at night on a weekend.
I can see that. DW and I both worked full time.
 
Yes, I can function without my kids -- who are now grown adults. But I could function without them when they were children as well.

I consider that far different from being with them every minute on a family vacation. Generally on a family vacation we were pretty much always together. Sometimes we'd split up according to some different activity preferences -- but even that wasn't necessarily adults split from kids. Sometimes DH or I would wind up with one of our daughters according to who wanted to do what either one of us was doing and the other wanting to do what the other parent preferred -- ziplines, different parks at WDW, different rides, water slides v. lazy river, etc. As a kid we generally spent 2 weeks up in northern Michigan at a resort on a lake. We'd run into the same families most years and developed friendships. Dads frequently fished together, moms frequently boated, swam or occasionally shopped together and the kids tromped and splashed wherever we found our fun. Everybody usually gathered at the nighttime bonfire.
 
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Like the OP, we like family time on vacations. Our last big vacation was in 2016. Kids were 21, 18, 17, and 14. We went to Disney World and Universal. We gave the kids the option to go do their own thing, but they never did. We were always together on rides and activities.

Our third son is now 19 and has the opportunity to work a lot at his part time job in his college town 5 hours away over Thanksgiving week--big rival football game happens on Thanksgiving. The employer is looking to see who might be available to work that week. We told him to go ahead and work for the extra $$-good tips are expected. But he is reluctant because he doesn't want to miss family time.

Our kids like us, they really like us. And we like them, too... most of the time!

To answer the question in the OP, yes we can all function without each other and do a lot of it during the regular times of the year. We all appreciate holiday and vacation times when we can be fully together -- almost like a family retreat.
 
We were lucky enough to have lots of family help. We did lots of weekends away, Adult trips plus trips with the kids & extended family trips. I have a few friends that are posting about kids being in college and crying every day, I don't get that these are parents who should be proud that their children are doing well. Also the kids are 4 hours away max. We missed DS when at school but survived I'm told next year when DD leaves that I will spend days in bed, I hope not.

Kae
 
Like everything in life, balance is the key. As much as I love spending time with my kids, it's also important to have time to myself to enjoy my own hobbies and recharge. Likewise, DH and I enjoy spending time as a couple as well. That mainly applies to every day life. During family vacations we tend to stick together as a family.
 
Yes, I can function without my kids -- who are now grown adults. But I could function without them when they were children as well.

I consider that far different from being with them every minute on a family vacation. Generally on a family vacation we were pretty much always together. Sometimes we'd split up according to some different activity preferences -- but even that wasn't necessarily adults split from kids. Sometimes DH or I would wind up with one of our daughters according to who wanted to do what either one of us was doing and the other wanting to do what the other parent preferred -- ziplines, different parks at WDW, different rides, water slides v. lazy river, etc. As a kid we generally spent 2 weeks up in northern Michigan at a resort on a lake. We'd run into the same families most years and developed friendships. Dads frequently fished together, moms frequently boated, swam or occasionally shopped together and the kids tromped and splashed wherever we found our fun. Everybody usually gathered at the nighttime bonfire.

Our last were 11 & 6 respectively when we went to WDW, so we did similar splits. I’d take one DD & DW would take the other.
 
I can function without my kids but I don't often get the chance. I am a SAHM and the youngest is 3. When the oldest was little she was very clingy so we had problems leaving her with a babysitter. Now the youngest is very independent so again we struggle with a babysitter. Family vacations the kids are with me all the time. I have to admit though that I'm pretty boring. I consider curling up with a book to be plenty entertaining so it's not like I really need childcare for that.
 
Now that my daughter is 8 we are more used to her being away. It was tough before, because we have no family here and so we didn't do the whole "going to grandma's" thing very often.

On vacation we do everything together. I was so sad when I had to go back to work Monday after being with her 24/7 for a week in Disney. Made me realize how much we really miss out on.

Don't get me wrong. She's got an overnight event coming up with Scouts next month and I already have plans made. lol!
 
Our last were 11 & 6 respectively when we went to WDW, so we did similar splits. I’d take one DD & DW would take the other.

Ours have a 4-year age gap, so in earlier years that sometimes called for divide and conquer so each got to enjoy what suited their age or abilities. They grew and developed some different preferences that sometimes meant it made more sense to split with two of us enjoying the lazy river and two of us enjoying being lunatics flying down the water slides. It often meant we had fantastic dinner time stories to share. My husband and older daughter have one that's become a family classic about their adventures on Mickey's Fun Wheel (I think that's the name of that torture device at California Adventure) with a guy the size of the Rock who got conned into riding that thing by his girlfriend. My younger daughter and I would have been joining him in the tears and the "Sweet Baby Jesus!" if we had to join in on that ride.

Funny enough it's one of our classic family vacation stories we still laugh about, despite two of us not actually "experiencing" it in person. Family time and family memories come in all shapes and sizes. It's sometimes what you make of them, in spite of not being together "as a family" 24/7.
 
I function quite well without DD, but she is very hesitant about new situations. I encourage her to try, but it doesn't always work out. For instance, she begged not to go back to the pre-teen club on DCL. It seemed to her like all of the kids were paired up when she went in the first time, and the staff made no attempt to pull her in.

I hope we continue to travel together when she is older though. I really enjoy our vacation time together, and I think that concentrated time together is important as a family. I even wish my parents would join us more often.
 
Vacations was family time we pretty much stayed together. Other times I had no problem leaving them with a sitter for a few hours or a few times a week or 2 while DH an I had time together. A few times when my youngest was still in school we even went to Disney with no kids.

Now that mine are all grown I have no need to talk to them daily sometimes not even weekly. They live 1,000 miles away
 
Full disclosure. Family vacations for us haven't and didn't end when the "children" became adults.
My mom from time to time joined us on vacations until she became ill at age 89.
DS is 31, he and his wife have joined us on 3 vacations in the last 4 years. And they also do vacations with her parents.
DD is 27, she has gone to spring training with us for each of the last 4 years.
DW and I are going to Disneyland alone in a few weeks alone, but at the tail end of that vacation, we will take a closer to home over right trip that DD is going on.
 
Sure! We've always had the type of family - even when the kids were little (and you could say even before they were born) - where we all go off our separate ways, so when we come back together, we generally really enjoy eachother's company.

This past Sunday DS came home from his off campus house to spend the day with us since it was our birthdays. He arrived unexpectedly early with cinnamon buns and coffee and jumped up on our king size bed (just like the old days, we always had a rickety bed thanks to him!), so we all gathered there with pillows, blankets and the dog, and swapped stories for over an hour, laughing so hard at times. It was really fun to hear some of the stories DS had to share about his new life with five roommates/teammates and his interpretations of his classes and professors, etc. (especially given that most days all we get is a brief text, if that!). DD commutes but between her job, her clinicals and her boyfriend, and our own crazy schedules, we are sometimes like ships passing in the night, although when we do have days off together, we enjoy shopping or going to a movie, getting a bite to eat, etc. She and I are very close. (As are DS and DH. All of us are, really.) But I think it's because we spend so much time at doing our own things that we appreciate the bit of time we have when we're together, even now, at college age.

Vacations were always with the kids. We sometimes did the splits, too, one of each of us with one kid when they were younger, then sometimes the kids and us separating for a while as they got to be old enough to go off on their own. I remember the trip we had when they turned 16, they wanted to do the four parks in a day - we made it to three while they kept going, lol. That was actually the last time we had a vacation all together. Since then we've been down to FL and elsewhere but DS is always with his team, so we see him very little there aside from at games (which is literally about two minutes at the end; thankfully they usually get one day with their families and a breakfast or dinner or two at other times, if lucky, depending on game schedules and team activities, which take precedent - but even then it's not like it's relaxing, there are curfews and unexpected call backs, clock is constantly being watched, etc.), and this past year we took my mother away with us, too, as we can't really leave her alone now. DD, too, has friends in FL (both living there and visiting at same time) who she often goes off with. Early on after kids were born we went away once without them and we missed them terribly, said from now on we go together (save for a night or two here and there relatively locally) and that's what we did. No regrets about either time with the kids or one penny spent on our Disney vacations or cruises, especially after the health issues (cancer) that I had when they were around six. Before DS moved away he wanted to watch some of our early Disney trips on video and it was so much fun! Total newbies that first trip! :lmao: So glad DH spent a ton of time with the video camera.
 
I can, but choose not to. I work a minimum of 50 hours/week. I see my kids for 15 minutes in the morning, and a few hours at night. When we aren't running to soccer or school stuff or bowling or baseball or Target, etc. Why would I/do I need a break from my kids...if anything, I need more time with them. No way in hell am I going anywhere without them. They will be grown and on their own soon enough...no need to waste the little time I have now, when I will be begging for more of it in 4 years...
 













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