Ridiculous Wedding Registry

[janey99]

I just received a shower invitation for the future bride of a close family friend. She is registered at three stores - a famous high end department store, a famous high end kitchen store, and a luxury china and jewelry store.

Her china pattern alone, when you add up all the pieces she wants in a service for 12, is around $7000.

Now, this girl is a part-time receptionist who is avoiding commitment to a taxing job prior to her wedding because she wants to become pregnant ASAP and be a SAHM when the baby comes, and her fiance currently makes around 75K. They are in their mid thirties. They would love to buy a house but have absolutely no savings.

I'm having trouble reconciling 7 grand worth of china with the lifestyle they are likely to lead based on their combined ambitions/likely earning power.

Am I just being a grump?

Jane

 

[Caradana]

Well, she doesn't sound like a contender for this year's Miss Ambition pageant, but did she make any appropriate selections on the registry ... things in the $50 to $250 range? Things that people might actually buy for her?

 

[ireland_nicole]

Should they be more practical? Yep. Will they learn on their own? Uh huh. Babies do not come cheap. Is it worth spending time worrying about? probably not. I'd get something in the price range you're comfortable with (probably for the kitchen, etc.- no way would I get that china LOL) and let it go. FWIW, we registered at williams sonoma and target. Got most of what we needed to make a house. And we used the cash we got as part of the downpayment for the house we were able to purchase 6 months later (which is good, b/c I became a SAHM 9 months later)

 

[Stacerita]

No, I don't think you are being a grump. Reality will hit them soon enough. And it does bother me when people want a certain lifestyle, can't afford it, then ask others to help them get it.

 

[horseshowmom]

I agree. I know someone who is getting married soon, and it really is a little farfetched in my opinion. She's registered for everyday china, special china, and some other kind of china (can't remember exactly what that was for - just that there were 3 different kinds), and they were all expensive.

The girl is going to be living in a 2BR apartment. She's not even going to have a place for most of it.


Another girl that I know who was recently married had some "interesting" things on her registry too - like PediPaws for her dog. When I think of a wedding registry, I really think of things to equip a new household (like a toaster, blender, towels, sheets, etc.).

 

[Buckalew11]

Ha! I remember buying someone a spoon once! it was all I could afford. It was a serving spoon. I think I was 18. Maybe their parents have wealthy friends and they figure it can't hurt to register for it. I didn't even register for china, but that is just me.

 

[janey99]

Well, she doesn't sound like a contender for this year's Miss Ambition pageant, but did she make any appropriate selections on the registry ... things in the $50 to $250 range? Things that people might actually buy for her?

Yes, there are some reasonable things on the list. I'm just marveling at all that china, set up on sawhorses and a piece of plywood for a dining room table (not saying that IS their dining room table, but you know . . . .).

Jane

 

[Goofyzgurl]

I'd get her a gc in the amount you're comfortable with and give that to her. $7K???!!! That's ridiculous...The couch that I've got my eye on doesn't even cost that much and it's LEATHER!

 

[janey99]

I agree. I know someone who is getting married soon, and it really is a little farfetched in my opinion. She's registered for everyday china, special china, and some other kind of china (can't remember exactly what that was for - just that there were 3 different kinds), and they were all expensive.

The girl is going to be living in a 2BR apartment. She's not even going to have a place for most of it.


Another girl that I know who was recently married had some "interesting" things on her registry too - like PediPaws for her dog. When I think of a wedding registry, I really think of things to equip a new household (like a toaster, blender, towels, sheets, etc.).

Oh yeah, she's got the special china, and the everyday on there. We make a nice living, and I bought my everyday china at Homegoods - 4 place settings in a box for like $20 (I was so thrilled to find two matching boxes so I technically have service for 8!).

Jane

 

[Stephanie218]

I would just choose a gift you're comfortable with giving and be done with it. We registered for very high end pots & pans, and I was a little nervous of what people would think, but they're what we wanted. Plus, some people register for things just to get the discount for competing the registry at the end.

It's hard not to judge or at least wonder sometimes. Like my friends who just graduated college, living in a 1 BR apt and registered for $500/piece luggage? To each their own.

 

[janey99]

I'd get her a gc in the amount you're comfortable with and give that to her. $7K???!!! That's ridiculous...The couch that I've got my eye on doesn't even cost that much and it's LEATHER!

That reminds me of Working Girl - "she paid that for a dress, and it's not even LEATHA?"

!!

Jane

 

[Pigeon]

Well, we registered for (and got) nice china and we were pretty poor starting out. I've been married for 27 years, and it was what most people did then. The thinking goes that this is something you'll have forever, and it's probably the only way you'll ever get it, because it isn't something you'd be likely to buy for yourself. It was the only thing we registered for, and back then most people only registered for china, crystal and silver.

I love my china. No, it's not practical, everyday stuff, but I love using it for special occasions.

Nobody is obligated to buy anything off the registry. If you want to buy something cheaper or more practical, that's entirely up to you.

 

[tzolkin]

I agree. I know someone who is getting married soon, and it really is a little farfetched in my opinion. She's registered for everyday china, special china, and some other kind of china (can't remember exactly what that was for - just that there were 3 different kinds), and they were all expensive.

The girl is going to be living in a 2BR apartment. She's not even going to have a place for most of it.

This sounds like my cousin. She had super expensive china--wanted 20 place settings of it!-- on her registry plus a ton of stuff. Her husband is in the military and they left for Japan two days after the wedding. All I could think was who would want that much stuff if they're going to be living in a little apartment in Japan and then have to move constantly.

We gave $

 

[diznygirl]

Ha! I remember buying someone a spoon once! it was all I could afford. It was a serving spoon. I think I was 18. Maybe their parents have wealthy friends and they figure it can't hurt to register for it. I didn't even register for china, but that is just me.

That's what we did. Some things were inexpensive enough for the just-out-of-college crowd, and some things were for family members who were much better off - just in case. My aunt did buy us all our silverware - service for 8 - so you never know.

Besides, it was just fun tagging stuff for the wish list.

Oh, another thing - there were discounts if you purchased something that was on your registry - so we scanned stuff to buy later with cash.

 

[emma'smom]

Well...I registered (and received) the most gaudy, silver chafing dish and food warmer. I don't know what I was thinking when I registered for those. I think I imagined "being a grown up" much differently than reality turns out to be.

(Like..I think I thought I was moving into Versaille and would be entertaining in a 1940's movie).

These days....we serve most things on our regular, every day where and normal serving dishes....and when we have guests, it is the same (or paper plates if there are kids involved).

 

[Abbie]

Well...I registered (and received) the most gaudy, silver chafing dish and food warmer. I don't know what I was thinking when I registered for those. I think I imagined "being a grown up" much differently than reality turns out to be.

(Like..I think I thought I was moving into Versaille and would be entertaining in a 1940's movie).

Too funny!

My daughter and her fiance were totally blindsided when they did their first go-round at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. They made them sit down and pick out china, glassware, and silverware from a catalog, with NO prices. They didn't have a clue what they were choosing! The girl just kept encouraging them to tab anything they thought they might like. My DH and I nearly had a heart attack when we saw the registry online and so did they! They went to a different one where the associates were extremely helpful and did major deleting and re-adjusting to come up with a final list that has tons of things anywhere from $5-$50 and a few bigger ticket items. Neither has been married before and they just bought a house so they need basically everything!

 

[Stacerita]

Too funny!

My daughter and her fiance were totally blindsided when they did their first go-round at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. They made them sit down and pick out china, glassware, and silverware from a catalog, with NO prices. They didn't have a clue what they were choosing! The girl just kept encouraging them to tab anything they thought they might like. My DH and I nearly had a heart attack when we saw the registry online and so did they! They went to a different one where the associates were extremely helpful and did major deleting and re-adjusting to come up with a final list that has tons of things anywhere from $5-$50 and a few bigger ticket items. Neither has been married before and they just bought a house so they need basically everything!

Makes me wonder if the person helping them gets a commission on anything purchased off the registry? Might be why they would steer someone to register for high end or expensive stuff.

 

[jmskinner]

We chose patterns that if we didn't receive them as gifts could afford. Don't remember if my MIL recommended this or the clerk in the store, but it worked out to be a good idea.

I know of someone that registered for 3 different types of dishes, a different one at each store she registered at, she ended up taking it all back because she didn't get that much of any of them and didn't have room in the apartment for it all either.

I like what my BIL said. I asked if they registered anywhere and he said no, but considering they just bought a house, Lowes gift cards would be wonderful. Both are in their 30's so they don't really need stuff.

 

[rie'smom]

I received some of my sterling in bits and pieces-a spoon here a tablespoon there as gifts and I loved that as much as the 5 piece place settings other people gave me.

Around here, sometimes when a bride and groom choose an expensive gift, one or the other of the families will all pitch in and give it to the couple as a joint shower/wedding gift.

 

[veraletta]

I look at Wedding Registry as a wish list, I wished I had this and this.
I love that people sign up to gift registry, if I can't find anything on their wish list, I do the next best thing, I give MONEY!
Just look at it as a wish list.