Ridiculous wedding expectations

[ssreward]

I really thought these wedding prices were insane considering my wedding in 2005 cost an entire $35 - we went to the local courthouse with his dad & my mom But then I saw the amounts in the funeral thread...if people are paying 10-20k for that, I'd hope a wedding is worth more!

 

[kamik86]

I really thought these wedding prices were insane considering my wedding in 2005 cost an entire $35 - we went to the local courthouse with his dad & my mom But then I saw the amounts in the funeral thread...if people are paying 10-20k for that, I'd hope a wedding is worth more!

Hmm I don't know... I mean a wedding isn't really a once in a lifetime event anymore. Everyone really does only get one funeral.

 

[mom2rtk]

Is this what happens when the entitled generation grows up?

Yes. This is precisely what happens when the entitled generation grows up.

Not to worry. It doesn't stop there. They have over the top gender reveals, showers, push presents and kids' birthday parties to look forward to.

 

[Lisa F]

Yes. This is precisely what happens when the entitled generation grows up.

Not to worry. It doesn't stop there. They have over the top gender reveals, showers, push presents and kids' birthday parties to look forward to.

I'm glad in my circle the most elaborate birthday party is at the bowling alley.

 

[crisi]

I really thought these wedding prices were insane considering my wedding in 2005 cost an entire $35 - we went to the local courthouse with his dad & my mom But then I saw the amounts in the funeral thread...if people are paying 10-20k for that, I'd hope a wedding is worth more!

My brother in laws funeral expenses were about $3k - and that was on the cheap. Its cheaper to get cremated - I think that was around $800. There was transportation from the hospice to the funeral home - you can't just stuff a dead body in the trunk - that was about $300. My mother in law did buy a really nice box for his ashes, that was $500. We needed about ten copies of the death certificate at something like $25 each. My mother in law wanted a printed obit in the newspaper (I wouldn't bother in this day and age, but she is older), the one she originally wrote was over $1000 (they are expensive), I got it down to $250. The funeral home had some additional fees - filing with Social Security, administrative sorts of stuff.

She has the box in her living room - we didn't buy a niche. When she passes, we will take her ashes and his and spread them somewhere - I'm not having ashes in my home - not because its gross, but because when I die I don't want to burden my kids with "what do we do with the ashes of an uncle we barely knew who died when we were in middle school" My kids aren't sentimental and there is a non zero chance Uncle and Grandma would end up in a landfill somewhere. I'm not sentimental either, but I think a scattering of some sort is more respectful.

The rest of the cost was a reception/wake at the funeral home - we had to rent the space, and had about 200 people - we had coffee and lemonade.

There was no service - so nothing to a church or minister.

So expect funerals to come to a little more than $35 You can get by even cheaper than we did if you don't do a wake - or don't need a big space for it - my brother in law was young with a lot of friends.

 

[ssreward]

Hmm I don't know... I mean a wedding isn't really a once in a lifetime event anymore. Everyone really does only get one funeral.

But the guest of honor doesn't complain if you go on the cheap! Brides can be hell if those tv shows are even .01% close to reality, lol

 

[ssreward]

When she passes, we will take her ashes and his and spread them somewhere - I'm not having ashes in my home - not because its gross, but because when I die I don't want to burden my kids with "what do we do with the ashes of an uncle we barely knew who died when we were in middle school" My kids aren't sentimental and there is a non zero chance Uncle and Grandma would end up in a landfill somewhere. I'm not sentimental either, but I think a scattering of some sort is more respectful.

The rest of the cost was a reception/wake at the funeral home - we had to rent the space, and had about 200 people - we had coffee and lemonade.

There was no service - so nothing to a church or minister.

So expect funerals to come to a little more than $35 You can get by even cheaper than we did if you don't do a wake - or don't need a big space for it - my brother in law was young with a lot of friends.

I know it's not cheap (doing flowers for my dad's at 14 was enough to scare me anywhere fancier than the grocery store for life!) My family has just lucked in the ability to be cheaper than most - basic cremation & no service required for the last few so the inflation makes me cringe...I better start shopping soon for myself (and I'm only 35, lol)

 

[kamik86]

But the guest of honor doesn't complain if you go on the cheap! Brides can be hell if those tv shows are even .01% close to reality, lol

That is true.

DH asked once what I would want... I told him I don't care... I would be dead doesn't matter to me. Funerals are really more for the family then the deceased.

 

[crisi]

That is true.

DH asked once what I would want... I told him I don't care... I would be dead doesn't matter to me. Funerals are really more for the family then the deceased.

And they can be worse than brides when they aren't rational due to grief and think a $10,000 casket will be the last meaningful thing they can do for someone they loved.

 

[kamik86]

And they can be worse than brides when they aren't rational due to grief and think a $10,000 casket will be the last meaningful thing they can do for someone they loved.

Which is part of why I told him that... as far as I'm concerned cremate me or even better donate my body to science (hey then I would still even be useful).

 

[MagicaDeSpell]

Yes. This is precisely what happens when the entitled generation grows up.

Not to worry. It doesn't stop there. They have over the top gender reveals, showers, push presents and kids' birthday parties to look forward to.

Oops, didn't realize I was on your lawn.

Seriously, though, don't mistake TV for reality. This entitled generation has been putting off marriage and kids because of finances, so most of those that are having any of the above (weddings, showers, etc) were starting out with plenty of money to spend. Or were really really frugal and, um, "motivated" like certain people I know who got pregnant a little before they ought to have and got married in a hurry.

 

[crisi]

I don't get that - how can you be putting off marriage and kids because of finances and then have plenty of money to spend when you do get married? And if you are frugal and then rush a marriage and due to a surprise - I would think you'd remain frugal knowing the expenses coming up.

 

[MagicaDeSpell]

I don't get that - how can you be putting off marriage and kids because of finances and then have plenty of money to spend when you do get married? And if you are frugal and then rush a marriage and due to a surprise - I would think you'd remain frugal knowing the expenses coming up.

That's what I was saying - the ones that are having the big weddings are the ones that had plenty of money to begin with, but the majority of this generation is delaying marriage and children precisely because they don't have money. On the other hand, some of this generation that did wind up married with kids, still didn't do the big to do because they weren't born with that silver spoon in their mouth, they would have been following the herd and putting it off except that they had a happy accident.

It was a long winded and poorly worded way of saying that the millennials that are spending the big bucks aren't the majority, the bigger trend in the news and stats (and intergenerational handwringing) is that we're putting it off because we're broke.

 

[Legendteri]

Nope, nope, nope.

That would not happen and we also would not be paying for the groom's portion either and we would not feel one iota of guilt because of it. Whoever planned this bachelor trip is inconsiderate and rude.

 

[crisi]

That makes way more sense, thanks. I do suspect that a lot of these don't work out like the bride anticipates - she plans a destination wedding, and ends up with her immediate family. Her and a few bridesmaids get away for a little trip - but it isn't the whole wedding party.

My cousin planned a destination wedding - we got an invite - she had 12 people RSVP. Her parents, his parents, siblings, my mother and father, and a few close friends. It was honestly cheaper for her parents to pay for her and her fiance and them and a wedding on the beach with a dozen guests than to have a wedding for 200 people.

 

[MagicaDeSpell]

That makes way more sense, thanks. I do suspect that a lot of these don't work out like the bride anticipates - she plans a destination wedding, and ends up with her immediate family. Her and a few bridesmaids get away for a little trip - but it isn't the whole wedding party.

Agreed. Around here it's pretty well known that a destination wedding will be cheaper than a local wedding because of the high cost of living, so I know lots and lots of dads who have begged their daughters to have one, just like dads back in the day asked them to elope. Joke's on the bride, most of the destination weddings I'm aware of are no different from the elopements of a few years back, sometimes even parents don't attend.

I'd love to see a trend towards simpler weddings, I thought the fashion for "vintage" and DIY weddings were going to go that way, but that just seems to have been the style and not the spirit.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I went to a destination wedding in Nicaragua in 2012. The bride was born there and the only family she had in the USA was her mother. 120 people attended the wedding with 40 of those people being from the USA. My boyfriend is actually Nicaraguan so we used it as a vacation and to visit his family.

My boyfriend's cousin is getting married next year in Dominican Republic. 75 people have RSVP'd. They gave everyone two years notice and most everyone has either been to DR before or have always wanted to vacation there so it works out. I am going with my boyfriend and kids and making it our vacation that year.

 

[Dread Pirate]

I really thought these wedding prices were insane considering my wedding in 2005 cost an entire $35 - we went to the local courthouse with his dad & my mom But then I saw the amounts in the funeral thread...if people are paying 10-20k for that, I'd hope a wedding is worth more!

Funerals (nor weddings) need not be expensive. If people are paying over $20K for a funeral, they got scammed. Friends of mine own a funeral home, and have for 40 years, and a very nice funeral can be done for much less. A vault can be cheap ( and cheaply made), or can be way extravagent. The same with the casket. Get a mid-cost vault, and it will keep the casket water-free and in decent shape once the person is buried.

 

[usd2bmd]

$4500 is more than we have spent on most family vacations. There is no way that would be happening. If you want a fishing trip to Alaska then fine take one. But you don't decide that you're going to do it on someone else's dime on the pretense that it's your bachelor party. Like a previous poster said, never have i been more glad to be over 40. I didn't want a bachelorette party and my husband didn't want a bachelor party. I thought the premise was silly and my husband thought that strippers was disrespectful to me.

Funny what some consider to be a necessity today.

 

[MagicaDeSpell]

Like a previous poster said, never have i been more glad to be over 40.

What, no destination vow renewals??