Reporting Someone on Facebook

[PrincessTiffany]

Kudos to you, LuvsJack, to continuing to counter against some of these posters.

At least you have a few people supporting you. When I posted my similar story and question a few weeks ago, the entire thread, which went on for many, many pages, absolutely no one supported me. It was all bash and trash on me. I finally just shrugged it off and stopped posting on the thread.

Everyone just kept bringing up about how my dd wasn't 13 yet and that because of my intervention, she was going to be ostracized by the world. Didn't happen. At least no one has brought up that aspect of your situation yet.

All I will say is that some 12 yo's are mature enough to handle fb, some aren't. 13 isn't some magic age where all of a sudden a child is able to behave appropriately. And just because a comment is made on fb doesn't give someone a pass, regardless of age. If someone made that comment (the one made to my dd on fb) within my hearing, you can bet your last dollar I would say something.

So again, good for you for continuing to defend yourself, you're doing exactly the right thing, defending your daughter.

Children do not need cell phones or Facebook pages. They need parents who recognize that they are children, not mini-adults. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm sick and tired of seeing friends who let their young kids have FB pages and then seeing them post things like I'm looking for a relationship or I'm in a relationship. I'm sick of seeing kids not even being able to interact with each other or other human beings because all they know how to do is text. I'm sick and tired of seeing 11 year old girls in full face make-up and carrying a more expensive handbag than their mothers do.

My kids are 8, 9, 10 and 13 and none of them have an email account, a cell phone or a Facebook account and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as possible.

 

[danalee]

If that works for you great! Do you tell your friends "your sick and tired" of all of that?

My son is going to be 11 and my big thing now is what cell phone to buy him for his birthday, like it or not, I dont care because he is my child and I want him to have it. Do I think he is a mini adult...No but when he goes fishing, I like him to have it, if I need him or if he needs me its there.

i dont want to fight with you and thats not what I am doing, my thing is if it works for you and your kids, so be it, if not no biggie its not your deal to get all crazy over.

 

[cheermom1]

Children do not need cell phones or Facebook pages. They need parents who recognize that they are children, not mini-adults. Sorry to be so blunt, but I'm sick and tired of seeing friends who let their young kids have FB pages and then seeing them post things like I'm looking for a relationship or I'm in a relationship. I'm sick of seeing kids not even being able to interact with each other or other human beings because all they know how to do is text. I'm sick and tired of seeing 11 year old girls in full face make-up and carrying a more expensive handbag than their mothers do.

My kids are 8, 9, 10 and 13 and none of them have an email account, a cell phone or a Facebook account and I'm going to keep it that way for as long as possible.

And AGIAN that is YOUR opinion, you can parent the way you feel you should and the op has the right to parent the way she feels she should. Why do others HAVE try and make others see that THEIR way is the right way? I am sick of seeing THAT!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

If that works for you great! Do you tell your friends "your sick and tired" of all of that?

My son is going to be 11 and my big thing now is what cell phone to buy him for his birthday, like it or not, I dont care because he is my child and I want him to have it. Do I think he is a mini adult...No but when he goes fishing, I like him to have it, if I need him or if he needs me its there.

i dont want to fight with you and thats not what I am doing, my thing is if it works for you and your kids, so be it, if not no biggie its not your deal to get all crazy over.

It does work for me. I don't leave my kids anywhere that there isn't an adult in charge or they have access to a phone, so there's no need for a cell phone.

And, actually, I have distanced myself from the "friends" who think it is okay to give their young children cell phones, facebook pages, outlandish material gifts and who let their young daughters wear make-up.

We are just getting into the teen years, so I know we have a long, bumpy road ahead, but in not allowing our children to have some of these things so early, we have, so far, managed to not bring a lot of the materialism and drama into our lives that so many others that we know have.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

And AGIAN that is YOUR opinion, you can parent the way you feel you should and the op has the right to parent the way she feels she should. Why do others HAVE try and make others see that THEIR way is the right way? I am sick of seeing THAT!

She, nor you, should come on to a public, community board and ask for advice and/or opinions if you don't want them.

I don't give a flip what you or the OP do with your kids, as I'm not having to deal with all of the apparent cr*p that you are.

 

[cheermom1]

She, nor you, should come on to a public, community board and ask for advice and/or opinions if you don't want them.

I don't give a flip what you or the OP do with your kids, as I'm not having to deal with all of the apparent cr*p that you are.

umm ok no biggie than DON'T read it or comment on it. problem solved!

First it's not that I don't want opinions it is that I don't want to be ripped for something I have NO CONTROL OVER! HELLO!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

umm ok no biggie than DON'T read it or comment on it. problem solved!

First it's not that I don't want opinions it is that I don't want to be ripped for something I have NO CONTROL OVER! HELLO!

Again, don't ask for opinions or advice if you don't want comments. Are YOU 12? Seriously, Cheermom, you are a mother, if you do not have control over your children's lives than who does?

 

[luvsJack]

Because they will continue to have problems unless they delete the Facebook account. The mean girls can be mean faster than the OP can edit or report their bad behavior. Simplest solution is to get off of Facebook for a while.

If the OP chooses not to, I predict this will not be the last post about dealing with nasty stuff on Facebook. You simply cannot force others to be nice or to agree with you. If they keep unfriending people that they have a disagreement with, or don't like the same singers, pretty soon there will not be any reason to be on Facebook.

Oh, for heaven's sakes. This is so far beyond a disagreement or not liking the same singers!

This girl and her boyfriend are saying nasty sexual things about dd and her friend. Horrible accusations that are not true! Accusations made to make dd and bff look bad in the eyes of their friends.


Most of dd's friends have rallied to her and have all deleted this girl from their friend list and blocked her and the bf from their pages/info. So it looks like the under-age crowd has solved the facebook part of the problem and with much more maturity than the 13 and up kids. hmmmm. something to ponder?


Some people suggested deleting the page for awhile, and I would do that until things cool down; but otoh, we don't run from bullies either. If some of you had simply made that suggestion, fine. There was no reason to go on and on about what you don't think a kid should have.


RAISING THE AGE TO 16 WOULD NOT STOP THIS BULLY!! SHE IS 15 (almost 16) AND HER BF IS 16--THEY MAY NOT BE BULLYING DD BUT WOULD JUST HAVE SOME OTHER VICTIM.

 

[luvsJack]

It does work for me. I don't leave my kids anywhere that there isn't an adult in charge or they have access to a phone, so there's no need for a cell phone.

And, actually, I have distanced myself from the "friends" who think it is okay to give their young children cell phones, facebook pages, outlandish material gifts and who let their young daughters wear make-up.

We are just getting into the teen years, so I know we have a long, bumpy road ahead, but in not allowing our children to have some of these things so early, we have, so far, managed to not bring a lot of the materialism and drama into our lives that so many others that we know have.

That's all well and wonderful for you.

I am not about to start defending what dd has or doesn't have or why we have chosen for her to have those things. Some are not "needed" but I have many things that are not "needed". I plan to enjoy life and that includes having more than just the things that are "needed".

You can shelter your kids all you want but, please, do not get a false sense of security in thinking this cannot happen to them. It can.



Want to know something? The girls causing all the trouble? They have never been allowed to go anywhere without their mom and dad or some other relative. When they go to the movies they can't even go to the bathroom without mom following them along. They only recently got cell phones (and are constantly losing them due to punishment) and were not allowed facebook until they turned 13. I would insert a laughing smilie here, but I actually find it kind of sad.

 

[cheermom1]

Again, don't ask for opinions or advice if you don't want comments. Are YOU 12? Seriously, Cheermom, you are a mother, if you do not have control over your children's lives than who does?

UM maybe you need to get your facts before you post b/c that just made you look stupid b/c I am NOT the mother of said children. Therefore I DON"T have the control. you must be the one that is 12 b/c like I said i welcome opinions not for others to cram what they think is right down my throat. Just b/c how I choose to live my life is different from others doesn;t give anyone the right to make me live my life they way THEY think I should and keep trying to cram it in me till I do. I don't do it to them so why should they do it to me.

In the op's case she is choosing to let her dd have FB and we are NOT the ones to tell her she shouldn't.

 

[TheZue]

Personally I wouldn't report the kids who are being obnoxious, but I would encourage your daughter about the option. But really there are lots of options. First she should lock down her account so she's hard to find, second she should accept that she should be picky about who she allows on her friend list (like if she wouldn't bring them over to her house she shouldn't have them on there), and finally I think the minute she gets a nasty message from anyone she should just block them.

 

[Anjelica]

You reported the "offending" parties to Facebook correct?

If so, does the thread even need to continue?

 

[PrincessTiffany]

That's all well and wonderful for you.

I am not about to start defending what dd has or doesn't have or why we have chosen for her to have those things. Some are not "needed" but I have many things that are not "needed". I plan to enjoy life and that includes having more than just the things that are "needed".

You can shelter your kids all you want but, please, do not get a false sense of security in thinking this cannot happen to them. It can.



Want to know something? The girls causing all the trouble? They have never been allowed to go anywhere without their mom and dad or some other relative. When they go to the movies they can't even go to the bathroom without mom following them along. They only recently got cell phones (and are constantly losing them due to punishment) and were not allowed facebook until they turned 13. I would insert a laughing smilie here, but I actually find it kind of sad.

With such overbearing parents who sheltered them for so long, you would think they would be aware of the children's activities on FB and take care of it. Strange.

And if you want to call what we do "sheltering," then I guess that's what we will continue to do - we haven't had any 15 or 16 year olds making any sexually explicit comments over the internet to our kids yet. I guess until then, we will just keep doing what we are doing.

 

[pixiefairy]

OP...sorry that this is happening. It amazes me that people, child and adult alike, can be so bold on a website...but face to face would probably not say such things. The computer makes everyone braver, I think.

My 15 year old has a facebook page. But then, he's a boy and doesn't like drama, so it wouldn't go very far. I agree...she just needs to be more choosy about the people she "friends". Heck..I'm almost 36 and I've made mistakes with people that I've friended on Facebook! It happens. I'm glad they are all being relatively mature and just blocking people..it does work.

What happens when you report? My sil's new husband is not very well liked by the rest of our family. For whatever reason, my estranged sil friended me last year and drama ensued when she started talking crap about my dh and my dh's family. And she is the one who is related! My dh was very diplomatic and kind, even though there has been way to much drama, and she wanted a fight, so her dh got involved. Enough people reported and he was banned. He has since come back with a new name, however, adding some commas and apostrophes...so that might be the way around said banning, but I don't know if the banning was only for a short period or not. We don't speak to them...so I don't know for a fact. But they can and do get banned if what they are saying violates the terms of use. Good luck and hopefully the drama will die down!

 

[PrincessTiffany]

UM maybe you need to get your facts before you post b/c that just made you look stupid b/c I am NOT the mother of said children. Therefore I DON"T have the control. you must be the one that is 12 b/c like I said i welcome opinions not for others to cram what they think is right down my throat. Just b/c how I choose to live my life is different from others doesn;t give anyone the right to make me live my life they way THEY think I should and keep trying to cram it in me till I do. I don't do it to them so why should they do it to me.

In the op's case she is choosing to let her dd have FB and we are NOT the ones to tell her she shouldn't.

I'm sorry, but I don't think I can continue this exchange with you. I guess I don't know what you are talking about any longer. When you referred to children and having no control, I assumed you meant YOUR children. I guess you're not a mother at all? I did look at your other posts to see if I was referring to the right person, and well, I can see you have many other issues other than what is being discussed on this thread.

I think I'm done with this thread now. OP I truly hope things work out for your daughter and she stops getting bullied. No child deserves it.

 

[gina2000]

Harrassment and cyberbullying are serious problems for preteens and teens. We've had police officers in to discuss both issues as well as chatroom behavior and stranger danger. These discussions included preteens as well as teenagers. The behavior just doesn't magically stop at a certain age.

OP, I feel sorry for your DD. Cyberbullying is not like "talking behind someone's back". It's posted out there for everyone to see and may not be eraseable if posted on the perpetrator's own webpage. So hundreds and maybe thousands of people get to read trash about another human being. It doesn't go away the way a snide comment does. It gains momentum and often support from others. It's a disgusting head game, quite frankly.

If it continues, I would suggest contacting the local police department and filing a complaint. Our police department has at least one officer devoted to cyberbullying/harrassment/chatroom behavior/stranger danger. With a warrent they will remove computers from homes and trace inappropriate speech that has been deleted but still obtainable on a hard drive. I'm not sure how many police departments have trained officers in this problem but if your department does devote efforts to stop harrassing cyber behavior, you should use their expertise in helping your DD. And if nothing else, the threat of police involvement should shut these kids up in plain English.

I don't care how old your daughter is; she doesn't deserve being harrassed. Deleting a Facebook page isn't going to stop the harrassment. It will merely stop online harrassment.

 

[cheermom1]

I'm sorry, but I don't think I can continue this exchange with you. I guess I don't know what you are talking about any longer. When you referred to children and having no control, I assumed you meant YOUR children. I guess you're not a mother at all? I did look at your other posts to see if I was referring to the right person, and well, I can see you have many other issues other than what is being discussed on this thread.

I think I'm done with this thread now. OP I truly hope things work out for your daughter and she stops getting bullied. No child deserves it.

You brought it up in this thread not me I was telling you that you have the facts wrong and yes I am a mother. Just not to the kids you were thinking of.

I still say it is not OUR place to tell anyone how to live their lives. Since the op has said numerous times she doesn't want to delete the account (why should she have too just b/c some people on a mess told her too?) then we need to just answer her question and not keep telling her over and over WHY she should delete it. If you don't want to answer the question then there is no reason to post.

Also just even *if* the account is deleted it is not going to stop these girls from posting the nasty comments on fb and others WILL see and say something to her dd and bff. It will get around!

 

[Amy&Dan]

With such overbearing parents who sheltered them for so long, you would think they would be aware of the children's activities on FB and take care of it. Strange.

And if you want to call what we do "sheltering," then I guess that's what we will continue to do - we haven't had any 15 or 16 year olds making any sexually explicit comments over the internet to our kids yet. I guess until then, we will just keep doing what we are doing.

Honestly though, you don't know that for sure. Again, just because your child doesn't have a facebook, doesn't mean he/she isn't being discussed on somebody else's facebook page. Your daughter might say something that for some unknown reason gets some teenager hacked off enough to start posting all sorts of things about your daughter.

I am not debating or criticizing your decision to not allow your child to have a facebook page because she's your daughter and I think your point has merit and as you said it works for you.

But just as someone who won't ride in a car can hit by one, so can someone who doesn't have a fb account get hurt by someone who does.

 

[PrincessTiffany]

Honestly though, you don't know that for sure. Again, just because your child doesn't have a facebook, doesn't mean he/she isn't being discussed on somebody else's facebook page. Your daughter might say something that for some unknown reason gets some teenager hacked off enough to start posting all sorts of things about your daughter.

I am not debating or criticizing your decision to not allow your child to have a facebook page because she's your daughter and I think your point has merit and as you said it works for you.

But just as someone who won't ride in a car can hit by one, so can someone who doesn't have a fb account get hurt by someone who does.

I'm very aware of what goes on in our children's lives. This past year I was president of the PTO at the middle school and vice-president at the grade school. I was at both schools many times each week, not only volunteering at the school, but in their actual classrooms. I can tell you who the good kids are, who the bad kids are and everyone in between. Pretty much every kid in that school that has a FB page, has an open page for all the world to look at. Our 13 year old is a child with high functioning Asperger's and only has a couple of friends and has been virtually ignored by most of the kids at the middle school for the last year or two, she's very quiet and introverted and kind of stays under everybody's radar. Next year she will attend a very small private school for other high IQ children with autism spectrum disorders. Cyber bullying doesn't really go on there and the mean vindictiveness that go on at other middle schools is pretty much non-exsistant there. All of the cell phones, texting and facebooking during school hours, the young girls wearing make-up, the cliques and exclusiveness, materialism, etc. are all reasons why she will go to a private school this coming school year. We live in an upper-middle class, mostly white suburb and all of the entitlement and spoiled teenagers has almost become too much for me to take.

Our other 3 children are still very young and in grade school and we haven't had to deal with cyber bullying with them yet, but I'm certainly not going to open any doors to help it along.

 

[luvsJack]

With such overbearing parents who sheltered them for so long, you would think they would be aware of the children's activities on FB and take care of it. Strange.

And if you want to call what we do "sheltering," then I guess that's what we will continue to do - we haven't had any 15 or 16 year olds making any sexually explicit comments over the internet to our kids yet. I guess until then, we will just keep doing what we are doing.

My intentions were not to insult you, sorry if you took it that way. My only intentions were to say regardless of how much a parent thinks they know everything in their child's life, know all their child's friends, etc.; this (or something similar) CAN happen. I am also active in dd's school and at church, we live in a semi-small area and because of having the child care center and having worked at the school for a couple of years, I know almost all of the kids and their parents. (the two girls in question were in the same school, mom pulled them out to homeschool).

The girl in all this is someone who has been to my house, been along on family outings, dd has stayed with them (I was mistaken in thinking that because their parents had them on such short leaches, everything had to be ok). I have been somewhat friendly with both the mom and the dad having talked to them when either of us were dropping the kids off at each other's homes and when I picked their girls up for church. This was not some faceless stranger online. These were kids that I trusted and dd trusted and thought were her friends.

If dd didn't have a facebook page, its likely that the same things would have been said but it all would have been on the bff's page and I, possibly, would not have known about it. Or it could have been posted on any of the other kid's pages. Just like Amy&Dan said, it CAN happen and things can be said about your child or other kids that don't have a page

I thought the kids here were also pretty safe from bullying online. They are all "friends" online. The ones that are not friends IRL more or less ignore each other online and they all just post about what they are doing and where they are going and invite each other to the movies, lake, etc.

You would think that their parents would at least see what they are doing online wouldn't you? Their mother is obsessed in thinking that these girls are going to be abducted or attacked and so doesn't let them out of her sight except with me and a few trusted adults (or so she thinks), I guess she feels they are safe online. The problem is she is so controlling and overbearing that they spend most of their time trying to get around her and her rules.



In all of this, there is some things I am glad of. Dd now knows how to handle a situation like this. She realizes that she needs to be careful of her real life friends and pay attention to who she can really trust and who may just turn around and stab her in the back. And she has found who her real friends are.

The problem isn't gone and we may have more stuff coming along the pipe but we think we have mostly done away with the problem online. (between our blocks and her friend's blocks). Dh has talked to their father, but who knows if he will do anything or even believes us. Like we told dd, we have done everything we can as of now. And just as dh told their father, we will contact the police if anymore happens.

And any of you that are parents, if your OVER 13 year old is on facebook; please, please keep up with their page, make sure they are willing to tell you if anyone says nasty things to them, and know what they are saying to other people too. I saw how this affected these girls even though they told me right away and we were able to immediately take action; I can only imagine, with horror, how they would have felt if they had not told me and it had continued to happen.