Reporting Someone on Facebook

[KristaTX]

Threads like this (which seem more and more common) make me SOOO glad that I am not a teenager these days, and also SOOO happy that DH and I chose to not have kids.

I'm sorry your daughter is having a rough time.

 

[FireDancer]

This is NOT normal drama, normal "mean" girl stuff. This girl was mad for some unknown reason and was saying some nasty and evil things to my daughter and her friend. If she had said these things in school, she would have been sent home suspended. Why should she be allowed to say these things to them anywhere else? (and she is well over the age to be on facebook and well over the age to know better)

Because out in the real world people are allowed to say mean things. There are things you can't do or say at work or in school because they are against rules or policy. In the world you only have to obey the law. Facebook is a private company and can set and enforce their own rules but people are allowed to be mean.

I just choose to not let what other people say about me hurt me. I didn't as a kid and I don't now. Bullies only have the power you give them and thicker skin makes for a much easier life. It is all opinion but I think people make way too much of having their feelings hurt or having mean things said to them, even on these boards sometimes.

Contrary to what many think there is no such thing as the right to not be offended or the right never to be made fun of.

 

[luvsJack]

^^ Yup.

Cyber bullying is BS IMO anyway. All you have to do is not go to the page and you won't be bullied. All it really is then is is the 21st century version of talking about someone behind their back and, while not nice, it is just a part of life and free speech. If someone wants to say mean things about me somewhere (online or IRL) let them, I really don't care.

You think that because you haven't dealt with it. I thought that too. Its not a matter of what is said TO you. And its not just as easy as not reading it. The girl just won't quit. She got taken off one's page and immediately went to the other's. Her mother was called and that didn't stop anything.

People, I may very well delete dd's page but that is beside the point. The things this girl is saying would bother her just as much at 13 as it is now.

Her bff IS 13 and so are the other two girls. There are others that are 13 that this girl will eventually do the same thing to. So, again, some of you are of the opinion I shouldn't do anything and just let her continue in this way? Really?

 

[jrmasm]

Sounds like all parties involved are too young for Facebook.

 

[Magic Mom]

I really didn't know what they would do or could do so don't really have any expectations.

Just my first expereince with the evilness of young girls.

I think the way you handled it was reasonable. You blocked them and reported it to facebook. If FB doesn't consider it bad enough to do something about, that's up to them, but you did your part without turning it into an online trailer park fight.

 

[maxiesmom]

You think that because you haven't dealt with it. I thought that too. Its not a matter of what is said TO you. And its not just as easy as not reading it. The girl just won't quit. She got taken off one's page and immediately went to the other's. Her mother was called and that didn't stop anything.

People, I may very well delete dd's page but that is beside the point. The things this girl is saying would bother her just as much at 13 as it is now.

Her bff IS 13 and so are the other two girls. There are others that are 13 that this girl will eventually do the same thing to. So, again, some of you are of the opinion I shouldn't do anything and just let her continue in this way? Really?

You won't be able to censure everything that gets posted on your daughters page or her friend's pages. It would be a full time job. Unfriend the not so nice girls. Talk to their parents. End. You have no business going on someone else's pages. And if their moms are not computer savy, then they have no business letting their daughters have facebook pages. They are just asking for trouble.

 

[luvsJack]

I think the PP meant that the OP had no right signing into the BFF's Facebook and removing the bully as a friend and deleting the posts, and not just simply looking at the BFF's page.

The post I deleted was on dd's page. As for the other, I was on the computer WITH the bff and dd and doing what the girl's mother asked me to.

 

[StDS]

I was on her bff's page because her mother asked me to go on there and make sure the girl was deleted and blocked from the page, I was at the computer with both dd and the bff. They were actually doing the blocking, I was just making sure it was done. The bff's mother does not work at a computer and doesn't know anything about one so was not able to handle the problem herself. We are all friends and the bff is at my house most of the time, her mom is pretty secure in knowing that I will look out for her dd just like I will my own.

This could just have easily happened if they were 14 or 15. Their age does not matter at this point. There has been no other problem with no other friend on there, they all just talk back and forth about whatever it is that is going on in their day. All innocent stuff (I read dd's page constantly) until now. Their entire grade at school is friends with one another and there hasn't been one problem with any of them until now.

The first girl was taken off the friend list right away, I told dd to do that as soon as things started happening. She was also blocked from the page.

I didn't exactly ask if dd should be on facebook. I asked if I was wrong for reporting someone that was basically trying to start some cyber bullying. These were not just normal nasty remarks. These were some very hurtful, very demeaning things that she was saying. It upset both girls very much and as I said other friends and family were warning the girl that they would report her (I am really thinking I probably was not the only one that reported her)

So are you saying that I should not have reported her and allowed her to go ahead and bully someone else?

I for one don't think you were wrong in reporting it. It doesn't matter what happened - only you can decide whether it was worth reporting. Obviously you felt that maternal instinct kick-in and took action. What will happen - most likely nothing. However, if you say nothing, then you are guaranteed that nothing will happen. BUT - what if you and 3 other people report the same type of thing over the course of time. If there seems to be a pattern - then perhaps something will be done. All too often I read stories about kids being bullied to the point of severe depression or worse - and the sad part is that they never told anyone. Bullying typically starts small and then as power is gained - sometimes - NOT always - it can escalate into much more serious issues. If everyone turns a blind eye - labels it 'teenage kids stuff', then the problems will never go away. I would be beyond angry if I had something happen to a child of mine and found out that others noticed strange behaviours 'but didn't make anything of it'. By ignoring the issues, one says that this type of behaviour is acceptable.

On the matter of your dd's age - it has nothing to do with this issue, and shouldn't even be brought into the equation. It's nobody's business but yours. Keep up the good work Mom! It's nice to see that you have a good relationship with your dd - enough that she talks to you about these type of things. Life is tough when you have to face 'teenage type things' alone.

 

[luvsJack]

You won't be able to censure everything that gets posted on your daughters page or her friend's pages. It would be a full time job. Unfriend the not so nice girls. Talk to their parents. End. You have no business going on someone else's pages. And if their moms are not computer savy, then they have no business letting their daughters have facebook pages. They are just asking for trouble.

sorry, but her mother not being computer savvy is not a good enough reason for me to say no when they asked for my help.

AGAIN: I did not do this behind the girl's back or against her wishes. I basically just made sure it was done by the girl. The same thing I did with my own child. This girl is very close to us and I will protect her the same as I will my own child.

I don't expect to censure everything on her page. I do check it regularly. I didn't just find these posts, the girls asked me for help. They came to me and said "we have a problem" and told me what was going on.

 

[luvsJack]

I for one don't think you were wrong in reporting it. It doesn't matter what happened - only you can decide whether it was worth reporting. Obviously you felt that maternal instinct kick-in and took action. What will happen - most likely nothing. However, if you say nothing, then you are guaranteed that nothing will happen. BUT - what if you and 3 other people report the same type of thing over the course of time. If there seems to be a pattern - then perhaps something will be done. All too often I read stories about kids being bullied to the point of severe depression or worse - and the sad part is that they never told anyone. Bullying typically starts small and then as power is gained - sometimes - NOT always - it can escalate into much more serious issues. If everyone turns a blind eye - labels it 'teenage kids stuff', then the problems will never go away. I would be beyond angry if I had something happen to a child of mine and found out that others noticed strange behaviours 'but didn't make anything of it'. By ignoring the issues, one says that this type of behaviour is acceptable.

On the matter of your dd's age - it has nothing to do with this issue, and shouldn't even be brought into the equation. It's nobody's business but yours. Keep up the good work Mom! It's nice to see that you have a good relationship with your dd - enough that she talks to you about these type of things. Life is tough when you have to face 'teenage type things' alone.

Thank you so much. This really upset me not only for my own child but the friend too. Again, thank you.

 

[Tinker'n'Fun]

First I want you to know I let my kids have their facebooks before 13, so I am not judging. We have also had our fair share of drama early on. I think that the real problem here is going to get worse for you. If you are monitoring her page you are going to find out that the world of teenagers is NOT nice, and it's getting worse. Cases of cyberbullying will be almost always impossible to prove and if you spent a day in school or at the local hangout, you would find out those comments are very common and maybe even calm compared to what is happening out in the real world. Does it suck, yes! Do you feel for your kids, definetely. Will reporting them help, NEVER.

After going through it for many years, the best advice I can give you is to just have DD delete the person/persons bothering her. Clean up her wall, and go on your way. And then the most important thing to remember, in a few months DD will most likely add the girl again when things have died down. Its the natural circle of Middle/High School girls.

Good luck, and remember soon enough she will be off to college or getting married, this is really a minor thing. Try not to let it consume you. You will be better off having done that.

 

[PaulaSue]

I thought kids had to be at least 13 to get a page? You mentioned in your post about preteen drama. Maybe things like this is why kids shouldn't be on FB?

 

[maxiesmom]

sorry, but her mother not being computer savvy is not a good enough reason for me to say no when they asked for my help.

I didn't tell you you should say no. Her mom needs to learn how to navigate around a bit if she is going to let her daughter on-line. I can't imagine just letting a child set up a face book page not knowing the first thing about it, or how to navigate it yourself! Girls that age can be very catty, and the parent should be the one handling things. Not having to run to a friend for help every time something comes up.

And I agree, all of this is probably at least part of the reason children under the age of 13 are not supposed to be on Facebook. Maybe if the adults would follow the rules the kids wouldn't be having these problems.

 

[Anjelica]

I thought kids had to be at least 13 to get a page? You mentioned in your post about preteen drama. Maybe things like this is why kids shouldn't be on FB?

Yes you have to be 13 before you are allowed to have a facebook account - but it seems many people choose to ignore that rule.

I honestly feel they should raise the age to maybe something a tad bit higher - like 16 or something. It's just ridiculous that its even 13 IMHO.

 

[Ciciwoowoo]

Ignoring the age factor, I think I would just delete DD's FB page. It is not worth the drama. The best way to handle a bully is to just ignore her. If there is no response to something that is said, she will move on. Your daughter can always say to someone who asks that FB is for MOMS and she's too cool for it!

If you give in and let things that the bully says bother you, the bully is winning. Her words have power. Make sure you resist any future attempt to check her page. If she says something mean on her page and you don't know about it, it won't hurt you. Her friends will think she's rather silly for picking on a girl who is younger than she is.

You can look at it from a psychological standpoint and feel bad for the bully. She feels so bad about herself that the only way to make herself better it to belittle others. I always tell my son we don't need to be mad at these kind of people. We really should feel bad for them because they probably have a really terrible home life.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Unless the bully was making threats of physical violence, I think you should have simply had your DD cleanup the posts, delete her as a friend and move on. It is a good life skill to have. I do agree that you have no right to go running to the people in charge about one girl breaking a rule when your DD was breaking the rules by being there in the first place.

 

[LuvLDM]

Sounds like all parties involved are too young for Facebook.

I agree, if parents feel the need to get involved w/ their child's facebook account then the child is too young to have the account. JMO

 

[LilyWDW]

ETA - Here are two other helpful bits of information from Facebook's Terms of Service:
You will not provide any false personal information on Facebook
You will not use Facebook if you are under 13.
In my opinion, if you aren't going to follow Facebook's Terms of Service, you shouldn't expect to be protected by them, either.

And just to note: This isn't a Facebook issue. The age is set at 13 because of FEDERAL LAW. Facebook is required to set the age at 13 to follow the law.

If parents have to get involved on their kids Facebook accounts, then the kids are not mature enough to have one. Your kid can live without Facebook if they can not handle it. Their lives won't be ruined.

Delete the friends, delete the posts, and delete the kids dang account until they are old enough, responsible enough, and mature enough to handle it.

 

[luvsJack]

I thought kids had to be at least 13 to get a page? You mentioned in your post about preteen drama. Maybe things like this is why kids shouldn't be on FB?

IMHO 13 is still a kid. The sister doing all of this is 15, the sister that was actually friends with dd is 13, bff is 13, dd is 12. So the being under 13 has no bearing on any of it as the ones doing the stuff are all 13 and over. The messages would be just as mean and just as nasty and just as upsetting if dd was older.

As of today, the sister's 16 year old boyfriend sent two nasty messages to dd. (dd has not been online, I checked her page and found them) And so it continues.

Anyone and everyone we know that is kin to or has a close contact with either girl is blocked from dd's page so that even though they are not on the friend list, they cannot find her page either.

Dh is planning to call the father of these two girls when he gets in tonight. Their mother seems not to care what they do so we will try that.



I get what everyone is saying about the rule being 13. But, you know, what this girl and her boyfriend are doing would be considered bullying/harrassment if she was yelling it from across the road, texting dd, saying it at school or writing it in a letter and all of that is ok before the age of 13.

I don't expect facebook to take care of my child's problem. My objective in reporting it was not to protect my child so much as to stop someone that would do this to other people.

 

[AshleyW]

As far as the messages go, you can change her privacy settings so that only her friends can send her messages. To do that, go to:

Account > Privacy Settings > Basic Directory Information > View Settings > Send me messages > Friends Only.

That should stop the harassing messages from people she isn't friends with.