Relocation vent....

[oogieboogie]

OK, first off, I'm making assumptions here but since you have cable & internet combined, you're on broadband. So... what I would do is ditch the regular phone line and get broadband phone like Vonage which is $25 a month. That itself would shave off $50 per month off your bill.

Next, take a good look at what your cable bill comprises of. Do you have HBO that you don't watch? Or maybe you have Cinemax/Starz, etc that you don't watch. Can you go to just basic cable or somewhat expanded basic? That would shave off some more off your monthly expenses.

Costco membership - do you really need it? Do you really need to buy in bulk. Since it's only the three of you, do you need all that bulk items? You could shave off a lot just by comparing the costs of your groceries.

 

[tar heel]

I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I can't offer any advice about your relocation b/c I don't know the area. I would advise you to figure out where the $ is going and see if you can adjust your budget. You're bringing home right at $3,700 per month (There are 26 bi-weekly paychecks a year, so take home is better than $3,400). Since you've talked about ordering in food in previous posts, I'm guessing the food bill might really be a lot higher than $400. Really look at that as a place to cut. My financial picture is better than yours, but ordering in food doesn't happen at my house -- I make an exception once in a while for pizza but only on the $6.99 special night. Also, see if there's a cheaper place to shop for groceries. I don't know quite how you do it without a car, but look around when you get a chance and see what your options are. With most chains, you can look at the weekly specials on line and save a lot of $ by planning your meals around them. When I made the decision to stay at home with my children for a while, I had to cut our food budget to the bone. When they were little, there was no eating out, no ordering in, no bakery birthday cakes. I still make our birthday cakes -- kids say they're better than store bought, and I use Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines or Pillsbury butter recipe mix -- whichever is on sale!

That laundry situation is the pits. I sure hope your move will mean a much cheaper laundromat for you.

Can you easily get to a library? If so, try taking Patrick to story time/children's programs. That is a really good way to meet other moms and perhaps work out a babysitting co-op. I was in a babysitting co-op for several years and a couple of the members were people one of the original folks met at storytime at the library. I got to be really good friends with a couple of the moms AND I was able to get a few hours of child care here and there without paying anything.

 

[Pongo69]

If I do leave (when I do leave?) how am I going to support two babies and myself?
It's scary and I don't know where to start!

Spousal support and child support would be a start. Hell if he can do everything else he wants to do he can definitely pay support. It's not that your being dirty against him but Whittles you have to look out for yourself. Regardless of him "now wanting children" he was awake long enough to inpregnate you right.... so those babies are just as much his responsibility as they are yours.

 

[ballroombelle]

Her mother and her sister are in the tri-state area and along with her father, they're her only support system, correct? No, moving to the Berkshires-a beautiful place but kind of isolating!- is one of those way in the back of your mind, absolute last resort exit plans only.


Have you looked into craigslist? The NYC listings are further subdivided into the boroughs...have you considered Astoria/LIC? VERY close to Manhattan by subway (does DH work in the city?). Maybe they have something listed in your price range in Bay Ridge, too?

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/aap/

 

[poohandwendy]

I have to be honest. All I am seeing is excuse after excuse here. You will do something about your situation when you are good and ready to make changes. Until then, you will be desperately broke, with 2 children (or maybe more down the road) and a DH who does nothing to be helpful except bring home money that is not at your disposal.

Sound bleak? Well, yes it sure is. And it will continue to be until you stop making excuses and acting like luck or whatever controls your destiny.

This is tough love, cause I really do care...everyday I see your precious little son and pray that his mom would take some action to give him a better chance in life than what she has settled for.

 

[DWhittles]

I'm a complete stranger on an internet forum who just made an observation based on what I read. My opinions and observations are just that, and have no direct effect on your life, so there is no need for further clarification.

Good luck to you!

Uh...okey dokey...that was productive! THANKS!

 

[DWhittles]

I should also add that even though we don't have a real income either, we're having a birthday party for my daughter's 1st birthday too. We can't fit anyone in our apt. (yes, I'm serious, we had 4 people and a 1yo over last year for the superbowl and some had to sit on the floor, and that was before my daughter and all her gear came into the house) so we're having it at the Rainforest Cafe, which is $13.99/kid, plus we have to feed the parents. Seems silly for unemployed people, but it's important to us to do for our daughter, so I totally understand you having a party for your son. (Though I will say the best bakery I know of is Carlo's in Hoboken!)

LOL, Carlo's wanted $78 for a sheetcake.
They are good but not THAT good!

 

[jel0511]

LOL, Carlo's wanted $78 for a sheetcake.
They are good but not THAT good!

Actually, they are......

 

[DWhittles]

Family house in the berkshires? He's complaining about a commute from the burbs into NYC but he'll commute from the berkshires?

LOL, no no no...not for HIM. If I take the route of striking out on my own!
It's a safe place I can go and live rent free for a while while attempting to sort out this mess that my life has become...

 

[DWhittles]

The Family House in the Berkshires ...
I really need to stop posting and start using this as a basis for a screenplay ...

Please do. It reads like one.
My parents have had a house in the Berkshires for the past 30 years. It's in a very tiny town on lots and lots of land and it's a safe place for me to go should I decide to pack it all in and start over again.
Sorry...I wasn't at all clear about that!

 

[DWhittles]

I could be wrong since I'm not Diana, but my thought was that her family owns the house and that she and the kids would move there themselves if they left Mike.

YEAY!!!! Thank you JustThat! That's EXACTLY what I meant...I just didn't finish my thought.

 

[DWhittles]

OK, first off, I'm making assumptions here but since you have cable & internet combined, you're on broadband. So... what I would do is ditch the regular phone line and get broadband phone like Vonage which is $25 a month. That itself would shave off $50 per month off your bill.

Next, take a good look at what your cable bill comprises of. Do you have HBO that you don't watch? Or maybe you have Cinemax/Starz, etc that you don't watch. Can you go to just basic cable or somewhat expanded basic? That would shave off some more off your monthly expenses.

Costco membership - do you really need it? Do you really need to buy in bulk. Since it's only the three of you, do you need all that bulk items? You could shave off a lot just by comparing the costs of your groceries.

The only cable channel we need is HBO. The rest can fly out the window as far as I'm concerned.
The Costco membership is my fathers.

 

[DWhittles]

I have to be honest. All I am seeing is excuse after excuse here. You will do something about your situation when you are good and ready to make changes. Until then, you will be desperately broke, with 2 children (or maybe more down the road) and a DH who does nothing to be helpful except bring home money that is not at your disposal.

Sound bleak? Well, yes it sure is. And it will continue to be until you stop making excuses and acting like luck or whatever controls your destiny.

This is tough love, cause I really do care...everyday I see your precious little son and pray that his mom would take some action to give him a better chance in life than what she has settled for.

No excuses here. I'm trying to find a way out of this situation. The most peaceful way out I can since no matter what happens he will always be a part of my life.

 

[cynsaun]

The only cable channel we need is HBO. The rest can fly out the window as far as I'm concerned.
The Costco membership is my fathers.

You NEED HBO?

 

[C.Ann]

LOL, no no no...not for HIM. If I take the route of striking out on my own!
It's a safe place I can go and live rent free for a while while attempting to sort out this mess that my life has become...

-------------------------

I'm confused - which isn't hard to do these days.. LOL But, if the family home in the Berkshires is available, I would strongly suggest you go there.. Possibly a legal separation (which still gives him a chance to carry through on his promises before divorce becomes an issue) might be the route to go.. He makes $60,000 a year and regardless of where HE lives I'm sure the judge would award you a decent amount of spousal support and child support while you figure out the next step..

It really does sound bleak - and will continue to be bleak until you take some sort of action.. You have to force his hand and in order to do that, leaving without him may be the only option..

Again, I wish you and your little ones nothing but the best..

 

[Aimeedyan]

Lots of great advice already given, just offering support and hugs =)

 

[DWhittles]

You NEED HBO?

(meekly) I love the Sopranos...I suppose I don't NEED it...
Whenever the king gets off the couch, I'll talk to him about scaling back on the Cable bill...

 

[danacara]

The only cable channel I need is HBO ...
I am dying ... literally dying ... what happened to that new dancing banana smilie ... I need him!
This is a dancing banana moment!!!
He can sing a song:

"The only cable channel I need is HBO
To the family house in the Berkshires I will go
If I ever decide to take my life
off this thundering train called disaster ...
But for now I am content to be a broke wife
And let replies to this thread provoke my laughter ..."

(Maybe I can shoot for Shakespeare, set that up in iambic pentameter?)

Diana
News Flash!
I am 24 - I am a single - I am outearning your husband - and I DON'T PAY FOR PREMIUM CHANNELS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO EXPENSIVE!!! Darlin, where is your head at? Are we cohabiting on the same Earth?

 

[DWhittles]

Okay, here is my line of thought and tell me what you guys think.
New munchkin is due in May. When I was a little girl my mother was a SAHM and every summer we used to go to the house in the Berkshires to get away from the city for a while.
See how things are around here with the new baby in May and June and if they are the same, escape for 2 months to the Berkshires with PJ and the new baby and the dog.
My mother and sister usually come up for a week or two in the summer and my dad comes up almost every weekend so I wouldn't be completely alone.
Am I off my rocker or is this a decent idea?

 

[danacara]

Diana,

You don't need a two month vacation! You need a J-O-B! It will do wonders!

Dana