Relocation vent....

[Planogirl]

I wouldn't get rid of the video games or anything else, I would just get out. You say that your Dad buys you stuff. Could you stay with him while you sort all of this out? Or someone else? Could a relative take in the dog if you decide you can't give him up, at least not yet? You need time to think about all of this and create a plan of action. It seems overwhelming but it can be done. Good luck!

 

[twinmomplus2new]

Ok someone enlighten me... what am I missing in referance to the cake? what does the buttercream frosting question have to do with her dh being an idiot?

 

[DWhittles]

I've been reading this thread and coming back every so often but haven't responded but it's been nagging me in the back of my head:

Who's going to take care of PJ while you're in the hospital? In previous posts you have mentioned that your DH likes to gamble. Could this be another reason you are always flat broke? Does he gamble most of the money away?

I'm really concerned for you and I hope you can make some decisions, even if it seems harsh and tough to you, because if you don't put your foot down some time, you'll always be the doormat on the floor.

Nope, he never goes beacuse we have nothing for him to play with.
My mother, sister and grandmother are going to watch both PJ and the dog while I'm in the hospital.

 

[DWhittles]

Then tell him to stop buying you things. He is a safety net for you and your husband. MAybe if you lose that safety net, you will start managing your money better. Maybe your husband will have to face the music

My 20 old makes a certain amount of money a year. Granted he is in college full time, plays a sport, but he works 2 full time jobs in the summer. He knows how much money he has to live on. He does without things because he is on a budget He doesn't buy those video things

Get rid of those video things. My Dh has always worked 70+ hours, for years. He owns a heavy industry related business. He has always helped with the kids and the house. And he has sleep apnea, a bum knee, no telling what else.

What are you going to do if something happens to your folks? Or are you counting on an inheritance?

Okay, I'll tell my dad to stop buying us stuff. That's not a bad idea actually.
The video game collection he has is small and 90% of it was christmas gifts. He doesn't buy a new game every week or every day or anything like that. He trades with friends and buys used games. It's really not even a factor in the budget.
What good would getting rid of the videogames be? What would the point be? I'm not sure what the goal there would be?

 

[TinkBoo&ElliesMum]

My DH has sleep apnea, but he would still get up with the kids. Does your DH use a CPAP?

My DH has sleep apnea and a CPAP and unless I kick him when one of the munchkins makes noise he doesn't have a clue. He can't hear anything over the machine.

 

[jel0511]

Okay, I'll tell my dad to stop buying us stuff. That's not a bad idea actually.
The video game collection he has is small and 90% of it was christmas gifts. He doesn't buy a new game every week or every day or anything like that. He trades with friends and buys used games. It's really not even a factor in the budget.
What good would getting rid of the videogames be? What would the point be? I'm not sure what the goal there would be?

Uh, to maybe eliminate "Video Game/Computer Sundays", so you could have a little help and your husband could possibly try to act like a father.

 

[danacara]

Ok someone enlighten me... what am I missing in referance to the cake? what does the buttercream frosting question have to do with her dh being an idiot?

A party for 40 with a custom cake? decisions decisions decisions ---

 

[DWhittles]

This is what I was thinking. In city areas, unless you are really, really willing to go through a pet services site, you are going to have a hard time finding a place to rent with a dog.

We're lucky. Like I said, we rent, but we have the sort of place where dogs are welcome and comfortable, as we have a huge yard and a lot of "open" space in the unit itself. (it's not a complex, it's a friend's father's multi family home and he adores dogs). Before we got a dog, we did some research on where we could and could not rent with him in case we need to rent elsewhere before we buy.

We found that in urban areas, it was very hard to find a place, in suburban areas it's not as bad w/ multi family homes. In complexes it's almost impossible. And many of the places that do allow dogs will charge a security fee for that to cover their homeowners.

So, really, if you are planning on renting in the city, in a complex you are severely limiting your cheap rental choices by keeping the dog, who, please don't take this the wrong way, but I can't see how you afford to feed him and take care of him anyway.

I am willing to help if this is something you want to do.

You guys keep telling me to look in the burbs and we ARE looking in the burbs! I'm not closing a single door believe me!
As for Humphrey, if I have to get rid of him it will break my heart. I'm here almost in tears at the mere suggestion.
If I do however have to get rid of my sweet Basset Hound, I'll give him to Tri State Basset Rescue. They deal only with Bassets and I know they would take good care of him. However, I AM finding listings that will allow him so for now, it's not a problem.

 

[DWhittles]

C.Ann, that was your experience, I'm sorry it was so negative for you, but many, many others have found adoption to be an enormous blessing. Naturally circumstances, and peoples' perceptions of them, differ widely, but if it were me, broke, pregnant, spouse with mental illness, marriage unraveling, limited family support, limited employment opportunity, apartment about to be demolished, ... adoption would look pretty good to me right about now, in that it would ensure my child stability. Naturally, this is a very controversial opinion and one to be considered very gently.

I too am adopted and while I was 2 weeks old and I couldn't ask for a better adoptive family I know it's not an option for me or the baby inside of me.

 

[DWhittles]

Geeez....after reading all your posts about your "husband" think I will call mine and take him out to "lunch"


Throw away those video game thingamijigs and make him start helping..that is just ridiculous.

How in the hell do you MAKE a grown man help if he doesn't want to or doesn't see the need to?
I can't force him to do anything at all. I can only ask.

 

[DWhittles]

Does his folks know how little he helps with your kids? Sorry if you have already posted that or not, just cannot get over how little he does with the kids. Fake your own abduction, leave him for a weekend with the baby. Don't leave him any other choice but to take care of him.

Yup. His parents know. His mother is always on his case about it but it doesn't make a difference.

 

[Jenn Lynn]

You guys keep telling me to look in the burbs and we ARE looking in the burbs! I'm not closing a single door believe me!
As for Humphrey, if I have to get rid of him it will break my heart. I'm here almost in tears at the mere suggestion.
If I do however have to get rid of my sweet Basset Hound, I'll give him to Tri State Basset Rescue. They deal only with Bassets and I know they would take good care of him. However, I AM finding listings that will allow him so for now, it's not a problem.

Isn't he a problem because you can't REALLY afford him?

 

[DWhittles]

This story is too weird to be true, some things just don't add up

Rita,
I couldn't write a script this bizzare. Trust me. Everything is fact and true. What doesn't add up? Maybe I can clear some stuff up for you?

 

[DWhittles]

I had noo idea that you could get pregnant by missing one pill. I have ALWAYS taken mine the same time, same location in my house, same glass, do wash it though,heck I even face the same direction.

LOL, neither did I!
My birth mother has 13 other children so (as my mother put it) I might be just as uh...firtile.

 

[Crankyshank]

The point of getting rid of the video games is just like removing them from a child's possession. If he devotes an entire day to gaming instead of his family, then he needs them taken away until he helps out more around the house. No video game= he has to do something else on Sunday.

 

[DWhittles]

I was wondering the same thing...

LOL,
that's a good point and one I hadn't considered. No he has been know to fall asleep at his desk at work.
Mostly though it's at home.
My father thinks it's his way of not having to deal with anything around here. If he's asleep, he can't be bothered with a crying baby or dishes or laundry (not like he does either item but you get the point)

 

[phillybeth]

How in the hell do you MAKE a grown man help if he doesn't want to or doesn't see the need to?
I can't force him to do anything at all. I can only ask.

You're right, you can't force him to do anything. However you can do more than just ask. A wife should have many tools her her bag of tricks to 'encourage' a husband.

I think the two of you need counseling, together AND separately, to overcome your issues. This is not a 'normal' relationship and your husband's behavior is not accpetable for an adult. And you are enabling him.

 

[DWhittles]

Are you afraid of your husband?

If so, there is help for you out there for sure! I am sure that there is a not for profit group that could help you. Even if he doesn't abuse you with his hands, he is abusing you mentally.

What would his reaction be if you sold his video games for diapers and formula?

Who will be buying the diapers and formula for this baby?

When you read this thread, how does it make you feel? Are we helping at all with our ideas and comments?

Do you feel differently about your life and where you are going?

Lots of questions, I know. I am very sad when I read your posts. I was actually thinking of you while I was off line today.

You are in very depressing situation. Please do what you can to get out of it.

I'm not at all afraid of him. He would never ever lay a hand on me. I'm just exhausted of the same thing over and over and over again.
If we cut my father's generosity off as was suggested by another poster then we will be buying all supplies for PJ and the new baby.
I'm actually overwhelmed with the show of support and suggestions and caring from all of you. This is a wonderful place and I think I found the DIS for a reason that is so far from it's intended use it's silly!
I think I realize that nothing is going to change around here. (he came home from work beacuse his boss sent him home sick. He's had this awful cough for a week now and went to the Dr. on Monday and got antibiotics. He got home at quarter to 11. Sat in the recliner and played videogames for an hour, ate his lunch, got on the computer played Scrabble, and is now asleep on the couch. It's 2:30)
I just don't know what I need to do to change it. I'm 7 months pregnant and can't begin to afford to leave now nor can I even consider getting a job. If I do leave (when I do leave?) how am I going to support two babies and myself?
It's scary and I don't know where to start!

 

[Jenn Lynn]

What about your Dad? He is already sort of supporting you. Whay can't you move in with him? It sounds like he knows the situation already and maybe more willing than you think to take you guys in.

 

[ballroombelle]

I'm just in shock over this whole thread. But if I may just latch onto the end here...

You're right, you can't force him to do anything. However you can do more than just ask. A wife should have many tools her her bag of tricks to 'encourage' a husband.

I think the two of you need counseling, together AND separately, to overcome your issues. This is not a 'normal' relationship and your husband's behavior is not accpetable for an adult. And you are enabling him.

I agree-he's her husband not her child. (though he may act like a child and a prison guard all at once ).

There're so many leaks in this sinking ship it's hard to know what to tackle first. The broader picture-you need counseling asap.(yes, I have no idea where the time and money will come for that either but you desperately need it!) The immediate picture-you need to find an affordable, safe and acceptable housing situation but I think you've received lots of good and pragmatic advice regarding that, here. So good luck to you ...I am curious about what neighborhoods you do narrow it down to, so please let us know. I know it isn't easy. Good luck.