Relocation vent....

[hentob]

Sweetie,

You can't afford diapers and formula. In other words, you really can't afford to feed your son. Believe me, you do NOT need HBO!

I just don't understand

 

[DWhittles]

The only cable channel I need is HBO ...
I am dying ... literally dying ... what happened to that new dancing banana smilie ... I need him!
This is a dancing banana moment!!!
He can sing a song:

"The only cable channel I need is HBO
To the family house in the Berkshires I will go
If I ever decide to take my life
off this thundering train called disaster ...
But for now I am content to be a broke wife
And let replies to this thread provoke my laughter ..."

(Maybe I can shoot for Shakespeare, set that up in iambic pentameter?)

Diana
News Flash!
I am 24 - I am a single - I am outearning your husband - and I DON'T PAY FOR PREMIUM CHANNELS BECAUSE THEY ARE SO EXPENSIVE!!! Darlin, where is your head at? Are we cohabiting on the same Earth?

Now Dana, you've been so good, don't start making fun of me now!!!!
The deal around here is that I don't have control of the finances. If the king wants the premium channels, then by God they are going to stay with not another word. He would rather be broke and have his cable then not. Trust me. I know him. Don't even ASK about taking away the cable modem. That's NEVER EVER going to happen. And so I go around and around.
The house in the Berkshires is not owned by me or my husband. It's owned actually by my mother and it's a safe, quiet, very low cost place for me to retreat to should I need to do so.

 

[ballroombelle]

Okay, here is my line of thought and tell me what you guys think.
New munchkin is due in May. When I was a little girl my mother was a SAHM and every summer we used to go to the house in the Berkshires to get away from the city for a while.
See how things are around here with the new baby in May and June and if they are the same, escape for 2 months to the Berkshires with PJ and the new baby and the dog.
My mother and sister usually come up for a week or two in the summer and my dad comes up almost every weekend so I wouldn't be completely alone.

And maybe DH can visit, too.

As long as you aren't using this to temporarily run away from your problems, I think this could be a nice idea, at the very least to give you a break from the heat and stress. I don't know...tbh, it's so hard to picture your rather chaotic life from the snapshots you've given us.

 

[DWhittles]

And maybe DH can visit, too.

As long as you aren't using this to temporarily run away from your problems, I think this could be a nice idea, at the very least to give you a break from the heat and stress. I don't know...tbh, it's so hard to picture your rather chaotic life from the snapshots you've given us.

He won't visit. He hates it up there. There's no cable (I'm not joking) and no airconditioning...

 

[Planogirl]

YEAY!!!! Thank you JustThat! That's EXACTLY what I meant...I just didn't finish my thought.

Do you have me on ignore or something?

Anyway, why wait? But whenever you do it, I think that it's a good idea. You'll get a relatively stress-free chance to work it out.

 

[DWhittles]

Do you have me on ignore or something?

Anyway, why wait? But whenever you do it, I think that it's a good idea. You'll get a relatively stress-free chance to work it out.

No! Why? Did I miss a post of yours where you said exactly that? I'm sorry!

Boy, the UnDis Board is going to have a field day tearing this thread apart aren't they guys?

 

[oogieboogie]

OK, Diana:

1. You DO NOT NEED HBO. That is a WANT! Not a NEED!
2. You really need to take a HARD look at what you guys are spending money on. Does your DH pack a lunch or buy every day? Does he buy coffee from Starbucks?
You need to get him to sit with you and go thru every single bill and every single expense item and see which you can cut and which you must have.

Trust me, I'm by no means rich. I'm the single breadwinner and DH is a SAHD and my income supports a family of 4. Although I realize living near NYC is expensive, but there are ways to cut expenses. Having a premium channel on cable is not the way to go. Buying clothes at full price at a department store is not the way to go.

I think in the end, you will regain your sanity only if you're willing to put your foot down.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

What I am amazed at is Diana is 31. I thought this was some young 20 year old. She is the same age as me, I just can't fathom it. I can't.

Edited to add: Nothing would be said at the other site that hasn't already been said here.

 

[cynsaun]

Now Dana, you've been so good, don't start making fun of me now!!!!
The deal around here is that I don't have control of the finances. If the king wants the premium channels, then by God they are going to stay with not another word. He would rather be broke and have his cable then not. Trust me. I know him. Don't even ASK about taking away the cable modem. That's NEVER EVER going to happen. And so I go around and around.
The house in the Berkshires is not owned by me or my husband. It's owned actually by my mother and it's a safe, quiet, very low cost place for me to retreat to should I need to do so.

You need to TAKE more control with regards to the finances, and your life.

I think the idea of going to the Berkshires house would be an excellent idea, but do it for more than two months.

Remember, only you can change the way your sons will grow up. It scares me to think that they could watch the way your husband is, and learn to behave just like that.

 

[jipsy]

LOL, no no no...not for HIM. If I take the route of striking out on my own!
It's a safe place I can go and live rent free for a while while attempting to sort out this mess that my life has become...

I find it very curious that you call it a "safe" place. You've also stated how bad it would be if you took away video games, yet you state he would never strike you.

What exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to your husband?

 

[DWhittles]

OK, Diana:

1. You DO NOT NEED HBO. That is a WANT! Not a NEED!
2. You really need to take a HARD look at what you guys are spending money on. Does your DH pack a lunch or buy every day? Does he buy coffee from Starbucks?
You need to get him to sit with you and go thru every single bill and every single expense item and see which you can cut and which you must have.

Trust me, I'm by no means rich. I'm the single breadwinner and DH is a SAHD and my income supports a family of 4. Although I realize living near NYC is expensive, but there are ways to cut expenses. Having a premium channel on cable is not the way to go. Buying clothes at full price at a department store is not the way to go.

I think in the end, you will regain your sanity only if you're willing to put your foot down.

I KNOW we don't need HBO guys! Believe me...
He does pack lunches and doesn't like Starbucks. He buys his coffee from the Roach Coach on the corner.
As for clothing, the only clothing I've purchased recently are 2 pairs of maternity pants. Before that I can't remember the last time I went shopping.
I'm a HUGE fan of TJ Maxx anyway...

 

[poohandwendy]

No excuses here. I'm trying to find a way out of this situation. The most peaceful way out I can since no matter what happens he will always be a part of my life.

You might want to go back and reread this thread...you have been given very sound advice of how you could change your financial situation and have come up with excuse afer excuse. Here are only a few random excuses you have said:


"The trouble with Philly is (as nice as I think it is) 1. Mike won't move there I don't think and 2. We would be awful far away from my mom and my sister who are my only source of babysitting." Excuses

"My husband is stubborn. "So what?

"I am a SAHM because we can't afford for me to go to work."You could find a job in the evenings to make extra money, people do it all of the time. That is how some married people get by when one income is not enough and they have children.

"I know I shouldn't say this or type this or even THINK this but Humphrey is the most low maintenence dog on the planet."Zero maintenance is what you should be aiming for, you are broke.

"Besides, the uproar that would cause around here isn't at all worth it."And?

"The only cable channel we need is HBO."You do not need any cable channels, you are broke, remember?

 

[Crankyshank]

The berkshires are pretty much west japeepee. Will you able to be there all alone with a baby and a toddler with no easy access to things and places?

And if he won't allow you access to finances now, how are you going to have $$ out there?

 

[DWhittles]

What I am amazed at is Diana is 31. I thought this was some young 20 year old. She is the same age as me, I just can't fathom it. I can't.

Edited to add: Nothing would be said at the other site that hasn't already been said here.

Nope, I'm 31 about to turn 32. Sometimes it takes some folks longer to pull it together than others but I'm attempting to make the changes now. That's got to be worth something right?

 

[darrose]

What would your hubby do if he was able to read this thread?
Are you worried that since some people on the DIS know your real name that someone from his work will see this?
Please be careful!! Lots of luck to you!!!

 

[DWhittles]

You need to TAKE more control with regards to the finances, and your life.

I think the idea of going to the Berkshires house would be an excellent idea, but do it for more than two months.

Remember, only you can change the way your sons will grow up. It scares me to think that they could watch the way your husband is, and learn to behave just like that.

Okay, the trouble with the finances is that in his eyes, I don't make the money so I don't control it. He does.
I have the checkbook and I pay the bills but he holds the cash card and always wants to know to the penny what is in the account and what has been spent.
I don't know what I would do differently if I did have the cash card.
I agree with you about my sons which is why I realize that now more than ever is time for me to take action and make changes. If not for me, then certainly for the boys.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Nope, I'm 31 about to turn 32. Sometimes it takes some folks longer to pull it together than others but I'm attempting to make the changes now. That's got to be worth something right?

Are you attempting to make changes? This thread is full of excuses. Now you are talking about running away. You need to get yourself a JOB. You need to realize that this guy is providing nothing for you and your babies, and everything for himself. If you really want to make changes, then find a part time job, get motivated and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I swore I would NEVER allow myself to be in a position to be dependent on another, and have worked hard to get there.

 

[justhat]

If you go to the Berkshires will you need a car? That would be my concern if it's an isolated place (I have never been there so I don't know). I know not having a car in the city with kids is okay (well, for us, though we have a car, since we're 3 blocks from the hospital and DD's dr, live above a CVS, etc.) but what will it be like for 2 months in someplace where you can't walk to get groceries? I'm sure you'd think through all those logistical things before you go, but just in case.

Also, I know everyone is saying to get a part time job at night, but I do understand the trouble in that your husband will have to watch your kids. And yes, people have said that if you just leave them with him he'll take care of them, change their diapers, etc., but I'm not so sure. If he truly only cares about himself then he very well may not take care of the kids, which I'm guessing is part of your concern and why you stay home with your son, since daycare isn't an option at night and you seem like a really good, loving mommy. Not trying to make excuses, just maybe offer insight into the problem, though I could be totally wrong.

 

[DWhittles]

I find it very curious that you call it a "safe" place. You've also stated how bad it would be if you took away video games, yet you state he would never strike you.

What exactly is it that you are afraid of when it comes to your husband?

I meant safe in that it's home. It's comfterable, it's familiar, no turmoil no drama, just peace and quiet.

I HATE drama and fighting. Hate it with every single fiber of my body.
He is extremely confrontational and gets loud and angry quickly. While he never makes me feel unsafe, he does frustrate me beacuse he doesn't listen to me when we argue. I talk, he yells and nothing at all gets accomplished.
If I attempted to take away his videogames, I don't know. He would yell and scream about how he pays the bills and how he works hard, doesn't get to do anything or go anywhere and the only thing he has to look forward to is his videogames...
Nonsense that I really don't need and don't have time for. It wouldn't cause him to spend more time with PJ. He would just watch more TV or play on the computer more.

 

[DWhittles]

Are you attempting to make changes? This thread is full of excuses. Now you are talking about running away. You need to get yourself a JOB. You need to realize that this guy is providing nothing for you and your babies, and everything for himself. If you really want to make changes, then find a part time job, get motivated and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I swore I would NEVER allow myself to be in a position to be dependent on another, and have worked hard to get there.

YES, I'm attempting to make changes. I'm 7 months pregnant now and after I give birth, I will start looking for a job. Somewhere in this endless thread, I've stated that the reason I don't work now is beacuse we can't afford daycare.
I'm past the feeling sorry for myself stage and I'm trying to come up with a plan to make my life whole again and make it work for me.