Relationship vent....yes another one :) Update Post 54

[MainStMandy]

Just give me a minute, will ya?

This guy that I am kinda "seeing" (if you read my other thread, this is the one with the live-in gf...that I think is gone). Well we are kinda doing the long distance thing. Both decided that if we could live in the same city we think we have something really special. But the thing is, I can count on my hand the number of times I have talked to him in THREE weeks.

It sucks. I know part of it is his work schedule, but I think this is kinda extreme. I am frustrated and we are supposed to leave for Disney in 2 weeks. I really don't know what I want to do, but I am really stressed and upset about this today. In the past I have kinda "complained" about the lack of time we spend talking and it usually results in an argument and doens't get us anywhere, so this time I haven't said anything. Just kinda "wait" around for a text or a call from him. Yesterday he said he'd call me at 11 when he got out of work...I got a call at 12:40 (I was asleep) and we didn't really talk cause I was exhausted and he had to get up at 5.

Lol I am starting to wonder if it's me or if it's men...

 

[L107ANGEL]

You are seeing a man with a live in girlfriend

 

[CheshireVal]

I don't have the background on this, but it sounds kind of dodgy. He has a live-in girlfriend and he isn't making time to talk to you?

Doesn't sound too good to me.

 

[Boo'sMom]

Run....as fast as you can......

 

[clarabelle]

Think about what you are saying to us and imagine if a friend came to you with the same story. What would you tell her?
Maybe you have not been with a man that does treat you well -but this is not how a good man relates to a woman.
Don't settle!

 

[MainStMandy]

Think about what you are saying to us and imagine if a friend came to you with the same story. What would you tell her?
Maybe you have not been with a man that does treat you well -but this is not how a good man relates to a woman.
Don't settle!

Lol you are so right.

Story is we started talking while my ex and I were go ing through divorce/seperation. Me and this guy were never really serious and he didn't tell me he was living with someone. They have since broken up and she was supposed to move out this month. They haven't been dating since August.

I am so confused because deep down I think he's a good guy but it's a crappy situation....then I start to think I am just making excuses for him since I have such strong feelings for him.

 

[helenabear]

I can actually understand it taking a short while for someone to move out after a break up. Depending on the size of the place, I know some who have roomed together, but had their own space after a break up (and seriously nothing going on). However, what bugs me the most is that you are seeing someone with a girlfriend (not ex) and that you don't know if she is gone or not. You are going on a trip with him in 2 weeks, and you aren't talking to him much?

No offense, this does not sound like a relationship at all to me. I'd get out of that one real quick!

If he has done this to one girlfriend, what on earth makes you think he isn't doing it to you?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

To put it nicely, you need to never see him again or call, text, smoke signals..... and get on with your life.

 

[KristinBelle]

I'm not saying this to be mean but it sounds like you're just the "other women" here.

 

[poohandwendy]

then I start to think I am just making excuses for him since I have such strong feelings for him.

I think I would stick with this thought.

Let's review:

~He didn't tell you he was living with someone
~He tells you that they are broken up, but she continues to live with him for months?
~You are not sure if she is still living there
~Spotty communication with you

I think it's best to think that a really good guy doesn't drag you into a crappy situation, he deals with his issues first.

Run as fast as you can from this. If he is really worthy, he will follow AFTER he gets his life in order.

 

[MainStMandy]

I can actually understand it taking a short while for someone to move out after a break up. Depending on the size of the place, I know some who have roomed together, but had their own space after a break up (and seriously nothing going on). However, what bugs me the most is that you are seeing someone with a girlfriend (not ex) and that you don't know if she is gone or not. You are going on a trip with him in 2 weeks, and you aren't talking to him much?

No offense, this does not sound like a relationship at all to me. I'd get out of that one real quick!

If he has done this to one girlfriend, what on earth makes you think he isn't doing it to you?

Well I didn't know about her till August after we had been talking for a few months. At that point he told me he had broken it off with her. And I had been seeing other people, we weren't dating exclusivley.

I really don't know what to do. Everything you guys say makes sense...but I just feel really confused about the situation.

 

[mickeyboat]

Well, you don't really have to make any grand decisions right now, right? I would just wait and see what happens. Yes, to me it sounds pretty fishy, but since you aren't really in a big hurry, give it some time.

If he cancels on you for your trip, do you think you could find someone else to go with you on short notice?

Denae

 

[Disney Ella]

You need a new boyfriend.

 

[MainStMandy]

Well, you don't really have to make any grand decisions right now, right? I would just wait and see what happens. Yes, to me it sounds pretty fishy, but since you aren't really in a big hurry, give it some time.

If he cancels on you for your trip, do you think you could find someone else to go with you on short notice?

Denae

This trip has been a fiasco from the start. It was originally my brother and his girlfriend and they invited me along. Then he said he wanted to go (I have paid for the hotel and his dp so far...) My brother and his gf broke up, he found 2 friends to go instead. The hotel has long been paid for and I can cancel him off the DP anytime. Plus he just asked for the time off, so he may not even get although he has purchased park tickets and airfare.

I'm going on this trip with or without him. I paid for the hotel a long time ago and have been been reimbursed by my brother and his two friends so I am not worried about him canceling.

I don't have to make a decision now, I am just getting frustrated with the situation.

 

[poohandwendy]

Well I didn't know about her till August after we had been talking for a few months. At that point he told me he had broken it off with her. And I had been seeing other people, we weren't dating exclusivley.

This is a dishonest person. Seriously, exclusive or not...a live-in girlfriend is definitely on the 'need to disclose' list.

 

[powellrj]

just to be the devils advocate here:


Why would you want to be with someone who hasn't been honest with you? He has lied to you and I think we can assume he has lied to his GF. Why would you want someone like this.

 

[helenabear]

I can see why you are frustrated. Personally I do not like people who lie to me or hide things from me. I wouldn't stand for him not telling about the girlfriend. Unless it isn't serious (living together implies otherwise) talking about a significant other is just something you do. If not it makes me feel like someone is hiding something.

Since you cannot see what is going on, I wouldn't trust this guy. Enjoy your trip, but after you get back, I would "sit him down" and tell him how you feel. If you have strong feelings for him, he needs to know that.

If he doesn't want to be serious, take that as a sign to move on.

No sense in destroying your trip though. However, I'd make him pay for the dining plan if he does show up. That's kind of $$$ to just pay for someone who you aren't 100% seriously involved with.

 

[padams]

You need to move on and find someone better. I know you want it to work out but you need to step back and look at the situation as objectively as you can. If a friend told you this story about her, what would you say to her?

 

[Hercules10]

Lol I am starting to wonder if it's me or if it's men...

You're allowing a horn-dawg to play you like a fiddle. Not all men are horn-dawgs.

 

[MainStMandy]

I can see why you are frustrated. Personally I do not like people who lie to me or hide things from me. I wouldn't stand for him not telling about the girlfriend. Unless it isn't serious (living together implies otherwise) talking about a significant other is just something you do. If not it makes me feel like someone is hiding something.

Since you cannot see what is going on, I wouldn't trust this guy. Enjoy your trip, but after you get back, I would "sit him down" and tell him how you feel. If you have strong feelings for him, he needs to know that.

If he doesn't want to be serious, take that as a sign to move on.

No sense in destroying your trip though. However, I'd make him pay for the dining plan if he does show up. That's kind of $$$ to just pay for someone who you aren't 100% seriously involved with.

I totally plan on getting the money from him. He's good for at least that.
You guys are totally right though, and if a friend came to me with this situation I would tell her she's crazy!!

I am going on the trip, with or without him and then go from there. I need to stop stressing about whether or not he's calling me or texting me. If he does than fine but if not, maybe the whole situation is not important to him.