Relationship vent....yes another one :) Update Post 54

[CheshireVal]

I do have to say that I find it really refreshing that you are so receptive to the opinions/suggestions everyone has given here rather than argue and try to make excuses for this guy (which happens so often here on the Dis with threads like this!)

I think you know in your heart the right way to handle this. Good luck to you!

 

[bjgrazi]

I just gotta ask: why would you want to get involved with a guy that was living with someone and then starts something up with you? He'll do to you what he did to her. Do you really think they broke up and she was "just" living there? Come on get real.

okay I'm done being Dr. Phil.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

I totally plan on getting the money from him. He's good for at least that.
You guys are totally right though, and if a friend came to me with this situation I would tell her she's crazy!!
.

It's always easier to help others solve their problems than to solve our own, isn't it? You have already gotten good advice, just wanted to give a little to help encourage you to do right for yourself - you deserve it!! Don't hang on to this guy for too long 'cause you're missing out on having a good relationship with someone else. Good luck.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

i sent you a PM i hope you are ok

 

[noseybuddy]

I think I would stick with this thought.

Let's review:

~He didn't tell you he was living with someone
~He tells you that they are broken up, but she continues to live with him for months?
~You are not sure if she is still living there
~Spotty communication with you

I think it's best to think that a really good guy doesn't drag you into a crappy situation, he deals with his issues first.

Run as fast as you can from this. If he is really worthy, he will follow AFTER he gets his life in order.

I agree!!

OP: Don't you think you should be treated better then that? Don't settle for something that you know isn't right. Don't waste your time. Tell him to get his life in order, then give you a call.

 

[Disney Doll]

Just give me a minute, will ya?

This guy that I am kinda "seeing" (if you read my other thread, this is the one with the live-in gf...that I think is gone). Well we are kinda doing the long distance thing. Both decided that if we could live in the same city we think we have something really special. But the thing is, I can count on my hand the number of times I have talked to him in THREE weeks.

It sucks. I know part of it is his work schedule, but I think this is kinda extreme. I am frustrated and we are supposed to leave for Disney in 2 weeks. I really don't know what I want to do, but I am really stressed and upset about this today. In the past I have kinda "complained" about the lack of time we spend talking and it usually results in an argument and doens't get us anywhere, so this time I haven't said anything. Just kinda "wait" around for a text or a call from him. Yesterday he said he'd call me at 11 when he got out of work...I got a call at 12:40 (I was asleep) and we didn't really talk cause I was exhausted and he had to get up at 5.

Lol I am starting to wonder if it's me or if it's men...

Sweetie...in this case, it's you.

You have gotten yourself involved in a long-distance relationship with someone you know has a live-in lover. And let's be realistic...you "think" the lover is gone because??? Did this example of integrity tell you so? The man who was willing to get involved in a relationship with you in the first place when he had a live-in lover?

You do not have a relationship. You are having an affair. I would guess that the live-in is not gone...and since you live a distance away from him, how would you know....it's not like you can "pop over" and see what's up at his place, now is it?

You are being used. Lose this guy, now. You have no special relationship with him.

Think more of yourself than to tolerate bad behavior from men.

 

[Disney Doll]

I am so confused because deep down I think he's a good guy but it's a crappy situation....then I start to think I am just making excuses for him since I have such strong feelings for him.

Good guys don't lie, even in a bad situation. They still act with integrity.

And yes, you are making excuses for him because you like him. And worse yet, he's a rebound guy for you, so it's probably tied up a lot with your self-esteem and such.

Please dump him, spend some time single, talk to a counselor and figure out who you are and what you want.

If you are thinking that either all guys are bad or you are making bad choices, then you are making bad choices because all men are not bad. So learn from your past relationships and make better choices.

Time to take care of Mandy, figure out what Mandy wants, and then add a man to the equation....once you are strong enough to know that a guy who gives you half a look isn't worth the time.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Real long distance relationships are so hard anyways and with any doubts that start coming, they are practically doomed to fail. It would drive you crazy wondering who he is talking to, what he is doing, if he is with someone else particularly in close nude capcity. Say by chance that the gf(have you asked where she is sleeping by the way) does finally move out and he still isn't calling or texting the amount tht you want, then what?

I can say this not being in your shoes and it sounds so easy but why not just back off and give it time. Tell him or email him and say Hey when you get the girl out of the apt and decide you'd like sometime for me let me know but not before March or April. That would give you sometime to get your head straight and see things for what they are and not for the fun feelings that come with that new crush. I hope things get better for you, I know you have had a bit of rough time.

Another question though: Why are you waiting for him to call you? Can you call him first or is there some specific hours that you can't? If this is true, then that should tip you off that something is up.

 

[helenabear]

I agree, I find it refreshing that you are willing to take advice and listen.

I do hope you have a wonderful trip with or without him! If you feel this can wait until after the trip, I personally see nothing wrong with that. Mostly because you haven't talked much in weeks. However, I did want to add that if he goes and it has the chance of hurting you on your trip, I would bring everything up before hand. That's something I didn't even think of before while I posted.

I agree with DisneyDoll too, you are strong enough to be on your own and find out what you need for yourself.

If you do find the right guy, you should never question like this again. Good luck to you and I hope you all have a wonderful time at WDW (no matter who goes)

 

[LBelle]

Well....I was all set to give you some advice but Disney Doll has already said it perfectly!!!!

You are being made a fool of. Plain and simple!!!

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I'm not saying this to be mean but it sounds like you're just the "other women" here.

I agree.

 

[MainStMandy]

Wow. You guys are awesome.

Lol, Disney Doll you hit it on the head as usual. I have had a constant battle between my head and my heart on this one. I know I deserve better. This is a guy from my past and it the timing was wrong the first time around so I walked away. We just reconnected and I though finally the timing is right.

They have been sleeping in separate room since August. The thing about the girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is that he has no reason to lie to me. It's not like we are living in the same time and he's keeping up with both of us, or that he visits often and wants a girl in each city, lol.

I really do appreciate all your advice and lack of judgment. I know we all make mistakes and I am really thankful that you have all helped me to try and see things clearer.

 

[LBelle]

Wow. You guys are awesome.

Lol, Disney Doll you hit it on the head as usual. I have had a constant battle between my head and my heart on this one. I know I deserve better. This is a guy from my past and it the timing was wrong the first time around so I walked away. We just reconnected and I though finally the timing is right.

They have been sleeping in separate room since August. The thing about the girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is that he has no reason to lie to me. It's not like we are living in the same time and he's keeping up with both of us, or that he visits often and wants a girl in each city, lol.

I really do appreciate all your advice and lack of judgment. I know we all make mistakes and I am really thankful that you have all helped me to try and see things clearer.

So.....................does this mean you will be taking me with you to WDW???

 

[noseybuddy]

.

They have been sleeping in separate room since August.
.

Well who knows if he is lying or not, but this really bothered me. When I was young I had a affair with a married man. He told me that he was not sleeping with his wife anymore, that they slept in seperate rooms. Well she got pregnant. I wanted to believe everything he told me. This went on for two years, until I finally wised up. This relationship changed my life forever, and not really in a good way. I was young and dumb and learned my lesson the hard way.

 

[lovemygoofy]

Wow. You guys are awesome.

Lol, Disney Doll you hit it on the head as usual. I have had a constant battle between my head and my heart on this one. I know I deserve better. This is a guy from my past and it the timing was wrong the first time around so I walked away. We just reconnected and I though finally the timing is right.

They have been sleeping in separate room since August. The thing about the girlfriend/ex-girlfriend is that he has no reason to lie to me. It's not like we are living in the same time and he's keeping up with both of us, or that he visits often and wants a girl in each city, lol.

I really do appreciate all your advice and lack of judgment. I know we all make mistakes and I am really thankful that you have all helped me to try and see things clearer.

I hope things get better for you soon. It's quite amazing to see someone so open and receptive to others opinions and ideas when they can be harsh and blunt but sometimes the kick in the butt you need. Good luck and have a wonderful trip.

 

[rie'smom]

Maybe he's seeimg a third person. If a guy will cheat on his live in girlfriend then why wouldn't he cheat on the "other woman"?

 

[noseybuddy]

Maybe he's seeimg a third person. If a guy will cheat on his live in girlfriend then why wouldn't he cheat on the "other woman"?

Yep, that's what my Dad said to me. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

[Alicnwondrln]

So.....................does this mean you will be taking me with you to WDW???

sorry i get that honor

 

[disneymama73]

I'm so sorry, hun. I know it's easier said than done, but try to move on.

 

[LBelle]

sorry i get that honor

Oh commmme onnnn!!!! I clearly called it first!!!!!