Registry Etiquette

[tinkerkel2u]

Good Evening future Dis-Brides & Dis-Mooners! I have a question...my DF and I are going to have a Disneymoon in May of next year. According to "Ms Manner" type advise, it is said that you do not put registration info in wedding or reception invitations....only in shower invitations. Here is my delimna....I do not have any close friends where I live, and me and my DF plan on an "escape" wedding to Orlando and Disneymoon. We will be throwing a reception party ourselves when we return. I know for a fact that nobody will be giving me a shower Would it be horrible to note our disney registry in the reception invitations? Since I had to look it up, chances are, nobody invited to the reception would know it wasn't proper etiquette to add it (hey, all his friends are cops, they aren't the most PC bunch!) (I can say that because I work in law enforcement too!) We are going to be "eloping" with my two teenaged sons. Romantic huh? Actually, we have some romance planned too, after we fly them back home.

Thanks for your responses....please be kind!

 

[Donald'sGirl]

I think it would be ok. I am actually writing no gifts on my home reception because my sister is having a shower for me and inviting my extended family that won't be invited to the wedding (they all agreed they are ok with this since it is "against" etiquette rules.) since I want a small wedding.

HTH!

 

[kingLouiethe1]

How about you build a wedding website, which is what we did. You can put that on your invitations if people want more information they can look there, and oh by the way the registries are linked to in the website.

 

[Ember]

Please don't do it. You invite people to celebrations, not gifts. Honestly, some people won't mind, others will find it very rude. Gifts and their selection are up to the giver, not the receiver. Personally, I decline invitations with gift instructions enclosed. Spend your time thinking about the party you're throwing and the person you get to marry, if people wish to know where you are registered, they'll ask.

Edited to add - Having a link on your wedding website is a modern way to handle the situation, while still being polite. A guest can choose to link to your registry, or not, so it's no different then them asking. Either way, they're getting the information because they choose to have it, and you don't look focused on the gifts you think you should get. Kudos to the bride who suggested this!

 

[Lynn5700]

How about you build a wedding website, which is what we did. You can put that on your invitations if people want more information they can look there, and oh by the way the registries are linked to in the website.

I think that is a great idea! Also I have read in many magazines that yu should hav e a family member tell other family members and let the word get around that way too.

 

[tinkerkel2u]

Thank you for the suggestions. Unfortunately, I don't see myself as a "website" type of bride. To say our ceremony is going to be very low-key and casual is an understatement. I don't know what I'd even PUT on a website.

The whole registry idea initally was set up to just have a sort of "savings account" for us both to add extra money to, to save for the trip. By no means are we fishing for gifts, I just thought it would be a convenient way for gift-giving should someone choose to do so. I know I hate guessing what to give someone. Someone who chose not to give a gift, JUST because proper ediquette wasn't followed, wouldn't be someone we would normally associate with anyway.

 

[Tabetha]

I have to back up Ember - I wouldn't put a mention of your registry in the invitation.
If people want to know where you are registered, they will ask. That's what I always do.

 

[IndyBride]

Also, the knot has a registry search function. It searches for registries that people have so people could find it on that. Although I'm not sure if it works for Disney registries.

 

[SarahInMN]

I have to agree: don't put registry info in the invitation. I have been invited to weddings where brides have done this and I am always horribly offended by it.

As other people have mentioned, a website is a great way to sidestep this issue; we have a section on our wedding site addressing gifts. We do not want gifts but have set up a "donation registry" where people can donate to charities/organizations of our choice in honor of the wedding. I always go to people's websites for registry info.

If you really don't want a website, well, then people will ask you or your family where you are registered.

 

[Ember]

We do not want gifts but have set up a "donation registry" where people can donate to charities/organizations of our choice in honor of the wedding.

Sorry to go OT:

I just wanted to say that this is such a selfless and generous thing to do! Your marriage to the person you love will be making the world a better place! What a fantastic way to start off! Did the charities you chose have any special meaning to you?

 

[tinkerkel2u]

Thanks to all of you for your gentle guidance.

I guess I'm a little behind the powercurve on this one. You see, most of DF's friends are male cops (mostly single), they are as likely to go to The Knot, or any other wedding webpage, as I am sprouting wings. I'm in law enforcement too, (the only female amongst 9 men) so it's pretty much the same here. Heck, my DF just gave me a wonderful gift....a Smith & Wesson .38 Special. I'm sure at our reception there will be no shortages of handcuffs.

I appreciate your responses....maybe as an alternative to your suggestions, I can post our Wedding Page in American Police Beat.

But then again, maybe handcuffs aren't such a bad idea.....

 

[prncess674]

If the cops are unlikely to check a wedding website they are also unlikely to go to a store such as Bed, Bath and Beyond to purchase and wrap a gift. If people want to give a registered gift they will ask where you have registered. If you decide to go against etiquette that is your perogative, but just note that it is considered in poor taste and SOMEONE will notice.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

You can do whatever you like BUT, don't be surprised if you end up on etiquettehell.com. I love reading that site, and I see two things quite a lot:

1.) Honeymoon registries
2.) Registry information in invitations.

Those seem to be the big no nos when it comes to registry etiquette.

 

[SarahInMN]

don't be surprised if you end up on etiquettehell.com. I love reading that site, and I see two things quite a lot

I love that site too! Many years ago one of my friends and I submitted an invite from one of our medical school classmates. It did get posted and she and I were both super excited.

 

[tinkerkel2u]

OMG!! etiquettehell.com?!!! That is just too funny!! Maybe I should try my hand at working for the Etiquette Police, instead of law enforcement that Protects and Serves...it sounds much more serious and rewarding. I could write tickets for people wearing white after Labor Day!