Recent Budget Threads and SAHMs

[Caitsmama]

Now this bugs. You don't get to call a woman's choice "wrong". Period. It's not your place to judge.

And it's also not your place to grant special dispensation to single moms who HAVE to work.

Just as it's not your place to judge ME, or my comments? AGain, that's all i am saying on that topic.. IF we want to discuss this, lets start a new thread as to not vary from the OP question.

 

[pearlieq]

Just as it's not your place to judge ME, or my comments? AGain, that's all i am saying on that topic.. IF we want to discuss this, lets start a new thread as to not vary from the OP question.

Please point me to where I judged your choice to be a SAHM.

I don't care what you do for your family. Stay at home. Go to work. Run off and start a new career as the flying Tinkerbell for all I care.

I just think it's awfully nervy to call any woman's choice "wrong".

 

[KristinU]

OK, remember girls, that this was not meant to be a SAHM/working mom debate. My question was:

Why do so many posters on recent financial threads refer to their money problems, and yet they don't or won't go get a job to make extra money????

If you all want to debate the home/working issue, please start a thread about it. But you're off topic for my original question!!!!

My apologies DVCLiz! I weighed in earlier on my family member. I'm also thinking that if we were in dire straights I'd take a 2nd job if I had to. I think the same question can be applied to working parents too. Would I miss my family time, absolutely, but if it meant keeping the lights on (or AC on in today's case - heat index is 102 here in CT!) then I would do what I had to do and make the best of the time we did have together. I'd know that it might not be forever but I'd do what I'd have to do at that moment and hope that my DS would understand as he got older and respect my decision.

OK, I'm done checking out this thread...hopefully it will get back on topic.

 

[Caitsmama]

Please point me to where I judged your choice to be a SAHM.

I don't care what you do for your family. Stay at home. Go to work. Run off and start a new career as the flying Tinkerbell for all I care.

I just think it's awfully nervy to call any woman's choice "wrong".

Ha. That is pretty good. I would LOVE to get a job as Tink!!!

Guess i am just "nervy".

Sorry.. didn't want to get OT.. but the tink thing did it for me.. I needed a good laugh!!
Back to the program!!

 

[LBelle]

OK, remember girls, that this was not meant to be a SAHM/working mom debate. My question was:

Why do so many posters on recent financial threads refer to their money problems, and yet they don't or won't go get a job to make extra money????

If you all want to debate the home/working issue, please start a thread about it. But you're off topic for my original question!!!!

I realize what your original question was intended to be...its just that towards the end of your OP you asked if there were any other reasons and I think we easily misconstrued that question. Sorry. ..we didn't mean to hijack your thread...it was an AWESOME topic!!

 

[Jaklackus]

For me at the time there was no available child care....DS#1 was part of the wave of post 9/11 babies. Ok there was one opening...just one...30 minutes away from my job that was already 30 minutes away from my house....they had limited hours and I would have to cut back to part time hours in order to accomodate the daycare schedule...let's not even discuss their twice a day diaper changing schedule..yeah really 2 diaper changes a day that was it.....my employer was already giving me grief over my prenatal visits and had strongly suggested that my husband take over child related emergencies after the baby was born....considering that my husband earned 3 times more than I did and worked 70+ hours per week....we were not going to throw away his career for my $20 an hour customer service job...the job market shifted and other companies were only paying $10 an hour for the same position. I was on every day care waiting list in a 40 mile radius.....I received my first call back 7 months after I had to quit my job. By that time DH and I had realized that I worked for the priviledge of being stressed and mentally abused .....transportation, clothing, office gift pools, higher tax bracket then adding the expense of daycare at $250 a week would leave us negative every month.

I started my own business from home and brought in some money from that(more $$ than working less daycare expenses...but usually not my pre-kid income)...and I will sell on eBay when things get nutty. We moved to a less expensive area of the country and even though daycare is alot less here in FL.....and I could probably get a customer service.banking/insurance job paying $20 an hour here.....it still doesn't make sense to jump the tax bracket for full time work...I am looking into part time just to have a constant income stream since my business runs either hot or cold...but DH still works a hairy schedule which is only slightly better than his last job. When the youngest goes back to school in three years then I will look into something through a gov't office in order to build up a pension(I'll have 30+ working years left)...at that point anything that I make will go right into savings.

There are working moms, SAHMs and WAHMs....we all contribute something to our children, our communities ...heck if all stay at home moms went to work it might create more competition for me and then if the working moms stopped working there would be less discretionary income to be spent in businesses like mine......not sure why there has to be any judgement about anybody else's life.....but I guess that's the magic of the internet and discussion forums everyone can pass anonymous judgement on everyone else while their own lives get neglected during a 5 paragraph sharing of one's opinion.

 

[treboats]

Well, We made the choice for me to be a SAHM when my dd was born because i simply didn't want anyone else raising my child. Period. Your darn right, i will scrimp save, and pinch to be able to be there for my dd. And, you know, i was brought up the opposite.. I had a mom who was a workaholic, and i remember my grandmother taking me everyday.. I just didn't want that, i feel my mom missed alot.
Now, However, I totally understand if moms have to work because of a need to, say single moms or whatever..
However, i just think there aren't as many moms staying with their kids anymore, and it is showing in the way kids behave.
Lots of familys have 2 working parents, but also want the huge house, the 2 big SUV's and the vacation in the alps. (for example)
Yes, i could go and get a 9-5 job.. which i have - as i own my store, i am lucky enough to bring my dd to work if i need to. Which is the MAIN reason i opened my own business... if it weren't for this, i would definately be a wahm. Hands down.

Ok I normally don't respond to posts about SAHM or working Moms because I can't stand the debate but I always find them interesting to read. I must say HOLY COW this post is offensive. I am a working Mom I have a 7 year old with special needs a 20 month old and am expecting again. My kids are very well behaved and they know who the boss is my DH and I. My children love going to their sitters house who is a wonderful person that we have become great friends with since she started watching my oldest child. In fact we are guardians for her children should anything happen to her and her DH.

Contrary to what you say about children behaving badly because of their Moms not staying home with them the children who are the most rude and misbehaved in my subdivision are the ones who's Moms stay at home. I am by no means saying that all children of SAHM are misbehaved but I do find it completely offensive that you want to blame working Mom's for societies problems. My own Mom worked and I never got into ANY trouble and always was well behaved as a child. I have yet to miss anything for my 7 year old and am more involved in the school than the SAHM's that I know.

 

[DVCLiz]

I realize what your original question was intended to be...its just that towards the end of your OP you asked if there were any other reasons and I think we easily misconstrued that question. Sorry. ..we didn't mean to hijack your thread...it was an AWESOME topic!!

No worries (hey, that sounds very Aussie of me, soesn't it?) I just wanted to remind everyone that we've gone to almost 8 pages without the thread going down in flames, and there were a few posts getting a little close to the edge, so I had to give everyone a "Mom warning"!!!!

I worked full time for 20 years - no question about whether I could cut back, as I was the major bread winner and earned the larger salary, as well as all the benefits. It took DH quite a while to discover that he really didn't want the responsibility of a family, and that he believed he'd rather live by himself and pay minimal child support. Much later, after a stint as a single working mom (the absolute hardest job of all, hands down) my family circumstances changed and I'm now able to be a SAHM to my daughters, who are both school age.

I guess because I never had the opportunity to stay at home when my children were younger, I didn't see being a SAHM as the "career path" that many others do. We were always much too close to the edge for anyone to think about stopping work. When one of us did, it wasn't me!!!!

So I guess that colors my perception of the moms who've posted about being in financial difficulties and not working. I suppose I am a little judgemental in that respect!!!!

 

[DVC Sadie]

I've taught in day care centers, private schools and public schools for the last 14 years.

Over the years I've had both working parents and stay at home parents bring in sick children. They all have excuses why they can't keep the child home. Some are valid, but some are simply silly.

I've seen plenty of stay at home moms, who really need to get over themselves and get a job. If you have to go on welfare or apply for WIC in order to stay home, then your family can't afford for you not to work.

I don't understand the "I don't want anyone else to raise my kids" line. I've worked with hundreds of children, but I've only raised one, my son.

What a great post!

I, too, have seen threads about how high the basics are now for a middle income families and yet I still see how some people justify being a SAHM.

I agree with you in regards to being able to afford the LUXURY of being a SAHM. If a family needs WIC, food stamps or medical assistance then they need to go out and find a job because they are not in a position to be able to choose.

 

[mking624]

I just find it sad that people have to justify anything on here. No one owes anyone an explanation to people of the internet.

 

[LBelle]

:
So I guess that colors my perception of the moms who've posted about being in financial difficulties and not working. I suppose I am a little judgemental in that respect!!!!

I don't think that you are being judgemental at all in respect to the situation you describe. I agree wholeheartedly with you...if you simply are not making ends meet by having 1 SAHParent then of course they should both be employed! There is no excuse for not providing for your children to the best of your ability.

 

[disneyfan'ole]

This is a very interesting thread...I have read all 8 pages. This is a debate that will never be resolved and I respect both positions. I work outside the home but am lucky that I only work 2-3 days a week. I love my job. I am a paramedic in a very busy emergency room and my husband is a firefighter and only works 8 days a month. So we kinda have the best of both worlds. When our daughter was first born I stayed home and when stir crazy. But then I went back to work and we alternated watching alexis because of the day care costs. Then after her 2nd birthday we put her in daycare for socialization 1-2 days a week. Now she is in preschool and loves it and I love my time alone! (especially if DH is home ) When we have another....I am going back to work right away. I really do love my job...and I work with great people.

 

[DVC Sadie]

KristinU , I want to explain somewhat. I have NO problem with working moms.. none what so ever!! I AM ONE! However, i have problems with moms who ship their kids off to daycare 5 days a week from 7am-5pm, just so they can go to work to afford the higher life. To me, that is wrong. PLEASE , keep in mind, i am NOT talking about school age kids, who are in school from 8-3pm, in that case, of course you should work if you want! Why wouldn't you? I would go nuts in a house all day by myself? But, i think it is HUGELY important to have at least one parent there when the child gets off the bus, I think "latchkey kids" are a big problem in our country.
And, please remember, if you are a single mom, or you HAVE no choice but to work, then i totally understand.. that is a different situation.
However, i guess from reading posts there are also women who just don't feel they are "cut out" for a sahm life, And on the other side, if you feel working makes you a better mom deep down inside, than you would be if you stayed home, then by all means do it.. It has to be what's best for the child.
i am just a firm believer that usally what's best for the child is to have a parent home with them in their early (pre-school age) years.. from baby until school age.

My comments are: I just think too many people in this country are afraid to cut corners and do without here and there to stay home with their kids. I hear lots of adults say that they can't afford to be a SAHM, (Which is kinda the opposite as this thread!LOL ) And that bugs me! Because half the time, it is not cuz they can't afford to.. It's because they don't want to "live without" the huge house, suv's .. etc.

All I can say is WOW. This post sounds so condescending and mean spirited.

I did not see one remark that said that the working moms just wanted to buy the large tv's, suv's and such.

I see nothing wrong with being a SAHM if you can afford it or being a working mom.

For us it was very important for me to work so I could help contribute into our retirement fund, our savings fund (in the case of a emergency) and our sons college fund. After we fully funded everything did I have a choice to be a SAHM or continue to work.

 

[TallyLassie]

So, my question is, WHY AREN'T YOU GALS GETTING JOBS AND EARNING MORE MONEY???? I'd really like to know.

I have a friend that is a SAHM. To answer your question, I think she just doesn't want to work, even part time. She likes to be able to volunteer at her child's school, go to lunch with friends, etc. She also has a great husband that helps a great deal with the housework.

 

[kinntj]

I just find it sad that people have to justify anything on here. No one owes anyone an explanation to people of the internet.

I agree! This thread is silly. just

 

[DVCLiz]

I agree! This thread is silly. just

Then you should certainly feel free to ignore it.

 

[kldmom2000]

I was working as a clinical Medical Asst. (degree in Biology) before I became a mom. In order to make a decent wage, I'd have to commute to Boston-I'd leave the house at 6am and would return home around 7:30pm due to the traffic (my hours were 8:30-5:30 but the traffic was BRUTAL). Between what I'd spend on gas, uniforms, daycare, etc., we'd be in the red-why would that make sense to have someone else watch my children if I was not making any $$$ to contribue to our household and in fact it would cost us MORE for me to work? My take home weekly pay would have been LESS than what I'd be paying out in other expenses related to travel and daycare. I would never see my children (and neither would DH as he's self employed and works from 3:30am-6:30pm Mon-Saturday) We waited 6 yrs after we were married in order to feel secure enough to have me stay home. We thankfully don't have any debt save for our mortgage and 1 car payment. My student loans and credit cards were paid off just before I quit my job to stay home. We don't have a huge savings, but we have 2 months' salary in there and we have quite a bit of life insurance and a college fund for the girls-all we really need to work on now is a retirement savings-that is something we do not have yet...... I try to budget when I can so that I can raise our girls and enjoy this time with them-I'd have it no other way.

 

[sara74]

I don't understand the "I don't want anyone else to raise my kids" line. I've worked with hundreds of children, but I've only raised one, my son.

Still reading and just got to this one! I have to give you a big thumbs up for this comeback! Whenever I have gotten that line from a SAHP I feel as though all of my parenting is being discounted! And I'm only working outside the home 3 days a week! The "I don't want anyone else to raise my kids" line seems a bit self righteous to me. Divisive remarks like that don't serve anyone!

Thank you Disneyjunkie, for verbalizing from a caregivers point of view!

 

[mking624]

The only time I feel the "I don't want anyone else to raise my kids" is acceptable is when people other than the parents are having more of an influence on the child than the parents are. I'm talking about when I see situations where the kids are in daycare all day long and the parents only see them long enough to say goodnight and to take them to daycare the next day. Those situations bug me...there's no parent/child relationship building whatsoever with that. My mom used run a daycare business from her home and she was very adamant about making sure the kids she watched were there no earlier than a certain time and were there no later than a certain time. She didn't want to raise someone else's kids..and she wanted the time to raise her own.

I don't think that you are being judgemental at all in respect to the situation you describe. I agree wholeheartedly with you...if you simply are not making ends meet by having 1 SAHParent then of course they should both be employed! There is no excuse for not providing for your children to the best of your ability.

But see the problem here is that you're assuming the parent staying at home will be able to find a job that will meet those needs and have all that income to go towards those needs. What about transportation to and from the job? Whether it's public transportation or driving, money is being spent. Some might say walk. Some people aren't close enough to jobs that they can walk. Some might say ride a bike. What if they don't own a bike? Then you have to spend the money for that. Or you might own one, but what if you're working night shifts (which I'm not going to advocate being out on a bike by oneself alone) or winter comes (especially if you live in an area where icee storms hit)? Then there's the cost of clothes for work. Depending on where you're working, some require a specific type of dress code or uniform...and what if you don't have clothes to meet that dress code? What if you have to pay for your uniform? And then there's the cost of having someone watch your child. Not too many people are willing to do it on a regular basis for free. If you're working full time you might have some extra income at the end, but if you're working part time...forget it, all your income is going to those expenses that weren't there prior to taking on that job. People say "get a job to make ends meet" like the money will just magically be there just because a person has a job. I've only seen a few people point out what I'm pointing out to show it's not as easy as it sounds. And yet there are still posts here that say "why don't you just get a job?" How much do you think those on the side jobs pay? And are you really taking into consideration the extra expenses it would take for a SAHP to become a parent who works outside the home?
It's easy to say "get a job"...not as easy to take into consideration all the factors that it will effect.

 

[nuzmom]

To the OP:
There was a pretty good response MANY pages ago to why don't SAHMs that complain about their financial situation just "go get a job"? It all comes down to where they want to draw the line in the sand. That's an individual decision and varies with the situation. Maybe it doesn't "pay for them to work". Or maybe those SAHM's who are in dire financial situations are willing to go through that to remain home with their children. That's their call. It doesn't mean they can't ask for financial help on the DIS board.

Here's just a few things to consider.
What if their husband (or other family member) won't watch the children for them to work a minimum wage job?
What if they don't have a high school diploma (or GED) and so jobs are scarce?
What if they have a medical condition that prevents them from working?
Just throwing a few things out there because I think the assumption is that it would be EASY for them to go get a job and maybe that's not a good assumption.

Having said all of that - I left my professional job 4 1/2 years ago, I made 2x what my DH made. We had gone through day care and at home care for our children. I quit work when I went to pick up my 9 month old and he was tied down in his crib with receiving blankets. It broke my heart!!!! My DH and I decided that what was best for OUR family was for me to stay home. I now homeschool my children and the current plan is for me to stay home until they both are in college.

My children live in nice home and get to enjoy disney vacations, however, we are always looking for ways to cut expenses and my children may not have the possesions that other children do. I have to admit that I enjoy reading all the threads on how to cut back on spending. We are also "spending" my retirement fund (we determined that my DH's more than takes care of us). Because we really struggle to stay out of debt, I became an independent consultant for a company to have some income. You see, where my DH and I draw the line may be different than someone else.

I think that stayed on topic