Recent Budget Threads and SAHMs

[DVCLiz]

I've been reading all of these recent threads about how people are feeling the pinch, looking for ways to cope with rising gas and energy costs, etc. and something has struck me. Several times in each thread, a poster will discuss her situation and state that she is a SAHM, works part-time, etc. One poster started a thread and said in her OP that she had never had a "leave the house and come back 8 hours with a paycheck" job. Others have posted about their frustrations making it financially with kids on one income.

So, my question is, WHY AREN'T YOU GALS GETTING JOBS AND EARNING MORE MONEY???? I'd really like to know. It is because:

You don't think you are qualified to get a job?

There aren't any jobs available in your area?

You feel so strongly about staying home with your children that you'll endure any amount of financial hardship to do it?

Your childcare costs would eat up any paycheck you could earn?

Other reasons??

Honestly, I don't care whether you work or not, really I don't. But I keep reading these posts about families that sound on the bitter edge of financial ruin, and yet there's a SAHM responding to the thread.

Also, is it truly worth it to put a family in such dire straits, with no savings, no retirement, no education for the future, to be able to have those years at home???? Again, I'm just curious how you all feel about it.

 

[njcarita]

I quit a fabulous job 11 years ago in a career I absolutley adored--
I was a Research Biologist for a major pharmeceutical company

I made twice as much as my husband and had all the benefits.

I can say that my husband and I have no regrets and we would make the same decision in a heartbeat.

My youngest is starting kindergatrten this year and we have no plans for me to go back to full time work--
I'll work part time at something-- but I want to be home for summers, I love volunteering at school I just love being home.

Yes money is extremely tight --- but its only money-- these years with my kids are priceless.

 

[mytwotinks]

We made the choice for me to stay home with our kids because it is the right thing for us to do, not the easy thing. I would never leave my kids in daycare and I will not go back to work when they are in school. The first thing that they will see after school is me! Honestly I think that the women in these posts aren't saying that they are going to go out and get jobs is because once you stay home with your kids it doesn't even cross your mind to go back to work and leave your kids in the care of someone who isn't mommy (or daddy )! It just isn't an option for us.

 

[Maybelle]

I continue to work part time because we couldn't make it outherwise, but I would stay home full time in a heartbeat if I could. My dd is 9 now. She is our only child (not by choice) and I will never regret one moment spent watching her grow up. I'll have the rest of my life to work, but she is only a child for a heartbeat. Any sacrifices that we make now cannot be compared with the benefit of time spent together.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

I quit a fabulous job 11 years ago in a career I absolutley adored--
I was a Research Biologist for a major pharmeceutical company

I made twice as much as my husband and had all the benefits.

I can say that my husband and I have no regrets and we would make the same decision in a heartbeat.

My youngest is starting kindergatrten this year and we have no plans for me to go back to full time work--
I'll work part time at something-- but I want to be home for summers, I love volunteering at school I just love being home.

Yes money is extremely tight --- but its only money-- these years with my kids are priceless

i could say this was me exactly except i only made a bit more than DH and only for about 4 yrs.

$$ will come and go, but your children won't. we are making it just fine, my Paycheck would just give us a bigger home (which we don't need) and extra money (which would be nice but is not necessary). We have savings for retirement/education and emergency and still vacation once a yr. we are frugal with groceries and stuff for the house and ourselves (except for my purse and shoe addiction) and the kids get all they need and most of what they want. We even have a savings for them to go to private shcool when they begin school if we so choose. This is our choice and i wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, i have a college degree and i am a SAHM, BUT i would never ever put my children in day care and would never put the burden on my parents or inlaws to watch them either. I have never missed a 'first' anything and was never rushed after my children came back from the hospital. My dd and ds are my top priorities in life and Dhs. He would love to be a SAHD, but i'm not ready to give up my spot yet maybe in a few yrs and if i can get a fab job!

 

[samanthacatangel]

I have a B.S. in Biology and am finishing up me Master's in Secondary Ed. - Science. I was a teacher for 5 years in NYC, and left when I gave birth to my DD. For us, it was very important to have one person stay home, and it would be easier for me to re-enter the workforce when my DD is in school full-time than my DH (he is an IT guy).

Unfortunately, I gave up 45,000/year (with more to come), contributing to my pension, SS, and I had MUCH better health insurance than DH. But it was a sacrifice we decided to make as a family, and I do not regret it. I think it was the best decision for us, and I think it was infinitely important for my DD.

Many of my friends have done the same - left a career to stay home with kids. Interesting, as we (mostly) had moms who worked. Its like the pendulum is currently swinging in the other direction, at least in my circle.

We did it b/c we have NO childcare help with family (my Dad works, my Mom moved to California from NYC, and forget about the father-in-law), and I WANTED to be home to see all of the "firsts."

Sometimes finances are tight, but I do hustle on eBay which helps, and I know how to budget what I have. We make it a priority to contribute 10% into DH's 401K plan, I save enough income to have a "cushion" for the expected unexpected expenses, and we do not want for anything. We definitely do budget, shop on sale, yada yada yada and are lucky enough to have some financial help from family. We never ask for any money, but we have been given very nice gifts and appreciate them immensely.

We also went into my leaving work with us being debt-free (except for our home.) We own older cars with no payments, no collision insurance (big savings) and I actually have more life insurance now than when I was working!

So I do not think by staying home you always throw your family into financial dire straits. If this is a priority for you to raise your own child, you learn how to work with what you've got.

On the flip side, if we were in financial jeopardy, I would probably go back to work as I have an education, and would be able to find a job in my field of Science teaching. It would not be fair to put the entire financial burden on DH if he was struggling terribly as the sole breadwinner, but it would be HARD to leave my DD. I am glad at this point I do not yet have to, I love having my "classroom of one."

 

[Brooknwdw]

One poster started a thread and said in her OP that she had never had a "leave the house and come back 8 hours with a paycheck" job. Others have posted about their frustrations making it financially with kids on one income.

So, my question is, WHY AREN'T YOU GALS GETTING JOBS AND EARNING MORE MONEY???? I'd really like to know.

I started the above mentioned thread...it was to give ideas to those who are obviously struggling, according to the recent threads I have read.

I myself have not had to work a "real" job because my husband makes enough money to support us. We are not materialistic people and I am naturally frugal.
Because I want to, I make extra $$ creatively...ways that are fun to me and keep me home with my kids. I do it for total extras like trips to Disney..I like contributing that way. But yes I am proud of the fact that my kids have always had me at home...they've never been in day care a day in their life.

I thought I would pass some ideas along if anyone wants to read it, its still on the first page.


I too have wondered why some of these people (who are feeling so strapped) are not doing SOMETHING for extra money..the point of my thread was anyone can make money.

 

[txgirl]

I know this thread is headed to the furnace, but I'll put my two cents in on this one.

I'm not sure that those who have talked about *feeling the pinch* or *looking for ways to cope* would equate to "dire straits" or "no retirement". There is a huge sacrifice for some people when they make the choice to parent their children full-time and from home. That sacrificial choice comes with benefits that far outway the negatives. *STILL* that doesn't make the "negatives" non-existent and there are still struggles and hardships that those families endure (just as families endure hardships when both parents work and there are adjustments made to overcome those hardships)

Our decision for me to stay home and raise our children (both while they are small and still be here for them when they go to school) has a cost, but for *us* it is definitely worth it. Does that mean we don't struggle with the same issues as families who have two incomes? Absolutely not We hope and pray that we are doing the absolute best by our kids. When it is weighed at the end of the day, there are no regrets for this choice and for us there would be regrets if we did it any other way.

Now after all that is said and done I have done COUNTLESS things to bring in money and I think that is always an option (keeping children, cleaning houses, working at our church MDO and preschool, selling everything from Pampered Chef to Discovery Toys ) I have never been above trying to bring in a buck but never taking on a full-time position that would require our babies to spend the majority of their waking hours away from me. It's my hearts desire and I feel like it's right for us. I have learned so much from this board and I know that it's not right for everybody.

 

[DVCLiz]

I started the above mentioned thread...it was to give ideas to those who are obviously struggling, according to the recent threads I have read.

I myself have not had to work a "real" job because my husband makes enough money to support us. We are not materialistic people and I am naturally frugal.
Because I want to, I make extra $$ creatively...ways that are fun to me and keep me home with my kids. I do it for total extras like trips to Disney..I like contributing that way. But yes I am proud of the fact that my kids have always had me at home...they've never been in day care a day in their life.

I thought I would pass some ideas along if anyone wants to read it, its still on the first page.


I too have wondered why some of these people (who are feeling so strapped) are not doing SOMETHING for extra money..the point of my thread was anyone can make money.

I wasn't picking on you, Brooke, honest! I didn't know what your personal circumstances were, obviously. I just remembered seeing a thread with "never had a job" and "making extra money" together!!!

So far, it seems that no one who is really feeling an extreme pinch has responded. And it also seems that the primary reason is the desire to be the one to experience all of "the firsts." I see a lot of day care bashing, too. Interesting...

Carry on, ladies. I think this could be a compelling thread.

 

[Brooknwdw]

Now after all that is said and done I have done COUNTLESS things to bring in money and I think that is always an option (keeping children, cleaning houses, working at our church MDO and preschool, selling everything from Pampered Chef to Discovery Toys ) I have never been above trying to bring in a buck but never taking on a full-time position that would require our babies to spend the majority of their waking hours away from me. It's my hearts desire and I feel like it's right for us. I have learned so much from this board and I know that it's not right for everybody.

This is it in a nutshell!!! I too have always been creative & energetic when it comes to making extra $$ while still being at home.

And I would certainly do more so if the "dire straits" were kicking in!

 

[DVCLiz]

I know this thread is headed to the furnace, but I'll put my two cents in on this one.

No flames from me!!!! So far, the responses seem to have been from normal middle class families who can make it on one paycheck, with or without some careful budgeting.

Plus, it wouldn't be much of a thread if I launched into either a defense of or an attack against one side or the other!!

I probably should go back and read those threads again - but I'm too lazy. The impression I got, though, was that many of those posters were in a paycheck to paycheck situation. I assumed that there weren't college funds, or retirement savings, etc. if that was the case.

 

[txgirl]

No flames from me!!!!

No, no flames from anybody. I was kiddin' (a little) Usually any thread that has the SAHM acronym gets all the momma's a little fired up. Maybe this one will be different!

 

[Brooknwdw]

I wasn't picking on you, Brooke, honest! I didn't know what your personal circumstances were, obviously. I just remembered seeing a thread with "never had a job" and "making extra money" together!!!

So far, it seems that no one who is really feeling an extreme pinch has responded. And it also seems that the primary reason is the desire to be the one to experience all of "the firsts." I see a lot of day care bashing, too. Interesting...

Carry on, ladies. I think this could be a compelling thread.

Yeah..I don't get it. Maybe the right ones aren't on the computer tonight because I thought those were some pretty good ideas for some "strapped" folks. Most could be started really quickly, too.

Oh well, I tried... Even something simplistic like cleaning houses, mowing lawns, helping the Elderly, selling crafts, clothes on consignment, etc etc could buy a weeks worth of groceries or something.

 

[btmfdr]

We made the choice for me to stay home with our kids because it is the right thing for us to do, not the easy thing. I would never leave my kids in daycare and I will not go back to work when they are in school. The first thing that they will see after school is me! Honestly I think that the women in these posts aren't saying that they are going to go out and get jobs is because once you stay home with your kids it doesn't even cross your mind to go back to work and leave your kids in the care of someone who isn't mommy (or daddy )! It just isn't an option for us.

Amen, Our situation as well....

And I'm always filled with pride when she references she is a SAHM....

 

[tinaluis]

When DH and I decided to have a third baby, we decided that one of us would stay home full time with our children and it was/is DH. It really was a no-brainer for us -- I work for someone who values my contributions and treats me very well and DH was with a horrible company. It's taken a little getting used to, but DH has been home just over 5 years and we've managed pretty well. Would we have more $$ if we both worked? Of course, but it wouldn't be worth it for us. We stress a little when things like property taxes and gasoline go up, but we are both committed to having one of us here full time so we do what we have to do to make ends meet. If we were in "dire financial straits" we'd both work. We'd have to. As long as we can continue to pay our bills, put food on the table and raise happy, well-adjusted, (relatively) healthy children on one salary, that is our "pot of gold" at the end of the rainbow. It is what works for our family. I just wish we'd had such vision and clarity to live on one salary while we were both working. All the money we could have saved. OUCH!!!

 

[StephMK]

I'm a SAHM feeling the pinch and I think about going back to work all the time. I imagine most families are feeling the rising prices to some degree. Whether it's less disposal income or less $ for the basic bills, most must see something w/the way prices are going up. It's scary that I'm used to seeing $3 gallons now but with my DH's 1 hr each way commute, we're really feeling the increase. We still contribute to Roth's & 401k but the monthly budget does feel it.

I work PT at my son's preschool & that's 1) because I love it 2) it does help w/a little $ & tuition 3) not pinched enough to make the sacrifices for more work. I've done FT & PT in an office & do look at going back quite often. It certainly would ease the pinches & I don't feel my kids would suffer being away from me. What would suffer is my frame of mind, during the school year, it's busy enough juggling 3 kids & we don't even do tons of teams/activities either. I do plan to do something during school hours when they're all in full day school next year. We'll play catch up at that time for some financial goals we'd like to work on.

I've looked at PT making more but by the time I factor in daycare for my PK son, it's a wash. Even some FT would not bring much considering the cost of FT summer care for 3. I could go back to my previous career & make great $, but it's deadline driven and became very stressful. Each job I've considered, DH has found excuses why it's not a good idea. Since he's started a new job w/long hours, we've found it's easier so far to feel the pinch & know we have options if the squeeze gets too tight.

Right now, we kind of live by the financial person that says - put all your energies into one person really putting in their all at their job (something to that effect) It's worked for us so far. At his old job, DH was always able to take any OT(paid) that came up because he never HAD to be home. Similarly, at his new job, he can put in the OT (unpaid ) but is making a great impression that will hopefully have great long term effects. He was able to stay super late for a deadline yesterday so their group qualified for a nice bonus.

Whew, sorry for the book!

 

[LBelle]

Maybe I shouldn't be contributing to this thread as I'm not quite sure if it is about HOW some of us SAHMs earn a little extra $$$ OR if it is just about WHY some of us have made the decision to be SAHMs

All I can say is that for us, I know that we are VERY lucky that DH's job has afforded me the LUXURY of being a SAHM. Though I don't think I really ever thought it would be something I would have done as long as I have. But here is MY reason for our choice:

Don't know how old all the kids are of all the previous posters, but ours are pretty 'grown up' - we have 3 sons - almost 21yrs, 18yrs and our 'baby' just turned 10. I have worked VERY part-time (dabbling OCCASIONALLY with my Realtor's license) since just before he was born. I don't think I ever envisioned still being at home today..but I've now seen first hand through raising the older guys through the 'tween'/'teen'/high school years the benefit of having a parent at home full time. As I was at home with the 'baby' before he started school, I saw a LOT of "stuff" going on with the older guys and their peers and all I can say is that I was happy to be able to be here in order to nip things in the butt right away, whereas SOME of my working mom pals SEEMED to have a harder time navigating these crucial years. I can't count how many times I've been told how lucky I am because I KNOW what my boys were doing, where and with whom, simply because I was in a position TO KNOW!! I see that everyone talks about being home with young kids/babies for all sorts of good reasons but as your kids get older there comes with it a different type of "firsts", etc. and I believe that a parent is as much needed then as when they were little, in some cases it is MORE important. Obviously it goes without saying that this DOES NOT MEAN that 'latchkey' kids turn out badly in any way just because they have 2 working parents and that there are, I'm sure, TONS of kids with a SAHParent that are nothing but trouble....we'll never really know the hows and whys of it>

Maybe I got lucky, ...who knows?....but because things went pretty smoothly for the most part we like to think that it COULD have something to do with being 'around' for their teen years. I guess that, for us, it means I've got about another 8 years or so on THIS FULL-TIME JOB!!!

Sorry to ramble on, just wanted to throw out my theory!!

 

[robinb]

I am a SAHM because I can. My husband has a great job and no, we don't even feel much of a "pinch" on a single salary and I gave up $65K per year 7 years ago. I enjoyed staying at home with my DD while she was in pre-school and now I enjoy staying at home for myself. I could start a new job next month if I wanted to, but I don't and my husband (so far ) goes along with the program. I work part-time from home selling books on Amazon.com which pays for my Disney trips.

I have to say that if we were financially unstable in any way ... if we had credit card debt or if we had problems paying the bills I would be working in a heartbeat. Then again, I had a career which I have kept updated. I can take care of myself and the rest of my family "just in case". We have a small house that we bought 13 years ago and when we bought our last car we made sure that we bought a cheaper one. OK .. I felt a slight "pinch" in trading in a Saab and buying a Mazda, but that was the duel-income Robin doing all the feeling. The single income Robin thinks having a new car is cool even if it isn't Swedish.

I am concerned about many of the SAHMs who have nothing to fall back on. Sure, staying home with the kids is important ... that's why I made the choice I did. But being able to stand on your own two feet is important too. With so many marriages ending in divorce, I worry about what some women will do when it happens to them.

 

[pearlieq]

Maybe I shouldn't be contributing to this thread as I'm not quite sure if it is about HOW some of us SAHMs earn a little extra $$$ OR if it is just about WHY some of us have made the decision to be SAHMs

From the way I read it, it's neither.

I don't think the OP is asking anyone to defend being a SAHM, explain why they decided to become one, or explain how they make it work.

I think she's asking why SAHMs who post here obviously in dire straits (not just feeling the pinch or looking for tips to make ends meet, but in REAL trouble) don't automatically seek employment.

It does seem to me to be one of the first things to do in a financial crisis, but I can imagine (and I gather the OP can imagine, too) that some women don't think the same way and I wonder what their reasons are.

 

[ptrbryant]

I'm a SAHM and a homeschooling mom (which involves more expenses and $0 salary) because that's what DS needs. DS never really spoke until he was 4 and we'd been very concerned about autism. As it turns out, he's not autistic, but has an auditory processing disorder. We tried having him in a small Montessori pre-school and he simply could not absorb oral directions enough to engage in tasks fully. We're now starting 5th grade and he's doing quite well academically (as backed up by standardized tests), does TaeKwonDo 3 times a week and has a good group of friends.

It was never in the plan, but I have no doubts and no regrets about our decision. DH works very hard and has a salary that allows us to meet our needs. For extras, I try the eBay/yard sale route. The university he works for has an excellent matching plan for retirement, but my retirement contributions ended when I stopped working. I've thought about what I could do to earn a bit of income, but it's a lot of work to creatively and enthusiastically teach each day and fine tune lesson plans in the evening and try to have some time for DH and myself.

Karla B.