proper etiquette -bridal shower

[Hannathy]

I think the rudeness, tackiness, pushiness whatever you want to call it started when she ASKED you to hold it and has gone down hill from there. Have the shower you want, when you want to. By the way what kind of shower did she have for your daughter I might be inclined to hold the same kind since she seems to think of this as a I did it now you have to. If it was small and before and she protests I would sweetly smile and say well since you had one like this for "suzie" I knew you would love one for "Jill"

Boy I'm old I remember when showers where the bridesmaids, a few close friends and aunts, punch, salads and desserts! usually at a home or maybe a small room at church.

 

[horseshowmom]

Really? I've never known anyone who had separate showers for each side of the family.

It's just the opposite here. Usually, someone on the bride's side hosts a shower (for that side's family and friends), and someone on the groom's side does the same for that side.

DD's old BF was a groomsman in a wedding back in Dec., and the groom's family had a tool shower/cookout for him. Both the groom and the bride were there, and the groomsmen all brought dates. DD was still dating the old BF then, and she said it was a lot of fun.

 

[RUDisney]

We've always had both sides at the same shower, but most of the guests are from around the area. BUT, when my brother married his wife, all of the bridesmaids hosted a shower where I live and where she lived.

NEPA showers are catered affairs at a restaurant or catering facility. My SIL really wanted one like that. They are pricy since you have to pay for the caterer to prepare the food and the price usually includes use of the facility, etc.

We never expected that the price of the shower in her sister's home would cost MORE than the catered affair... for less people. To this day, I think we got the wool pulled over our eyes on what the real cost was. Everything was prepared by the bridesmaids except the cake. We all chipped in though, because it wouldn't have been right for someone to foot the bill for 20-30 pounds of chicken when someone else made potato salad. I love my SIL to death and I am happy to have helped to throw her shower. I just don't understand how a house shower can cost so much.

You need to throw the shower when YOU want to. If no one on the groom's side wants to throw a shower there, you can invite them to your shower and if the come, they come. I'm sure that some will travel, if the distance isn't too great. Others will opt to send a gift and their good wishes.

Gee, has SIL been this vocal about what she wants for her DD's day with her DD?

 

[Chicago526]

If you are hosting the shower, then as host YOU decide when it will be, in conjunction with the bride's schedule, of course (she has to be available that day for the party, afterall!). Totally tacky for SIL to tell you when the party should be.

My SIL asked me if she could host my shower. I didn't want one as DH and I didn't really register for much in the way of gifts (if people wanted us to give us a gift, we were hoping for money, we already have almost everything we wanted for our home already. No we didn't ASK for money, we just hoped for it!). I also didn't want my maids to go through that expense, as the dresses were a bit on the pricey side AND they were also throwing me a bacholorette party. So, I asked SIL if instead DH and I could have our rehersal dinner at their home. We still paid for all the food, but my brother and SIL have a much larger home and could handle the number of people who'd be attending. Also, my nephews were ring bearers and this way the could attend the evening dinner and still go to bed on time (and be at home with all there toys to play with so they wouldn't be bored by the "grown ups"). It worked out great, and I don't feel it was tacky for me to ask for that instead, when SIL offered the shower. So I'm giving the OP's SIL the bennifit of the doubt when she asked the OP to host the shower, there could be reasons we don't know about that make it okay.

Oh, and I hand wrote all my thank you cards, by myself. Took longer than I should have to send them, but I did get them all sent!

 

[Mickeyfaniam]

Mickeyfaniam, what is a Jack & Jill? Never heard of that!

A Jack & Jill is a party thrown for both the bride and groom together and guests (male & female) bring gifts.
The few I have been too were quite fun... rented hall, catered and a band/DJ to dance too... much like the reception. The ones I have been too were called "greenbacks" which required we give gift of money rather than a purchased gift
I Just thought they were "instead of" the shower

 

[RUDisney]

A Jack & Jill is a party thrown for both the bride and groom together and guests (male & female) bring gifts.
The few I have been too were quite fun... rented hall, catered and a band/DJ to dance too... much like the reception. The ones I have been too were called "greenbacks" which required we give gift of money rather than a purchased gift
I Just thought they were "instead of" the shower

Every Jack & Jill I've attended has been in lieu of a "torture the women only" shower.

 

[Stitchfans]

I agree with most of the others. If you are hosting it you should be able to say when it is and how many people.