Promise Rings and Teens

[Plannergirl]

Wow what a walk in my own little memory lane

It seems when I was in HS a promise ring was all about a guy thinking he now had the right to get in your pants or control your life not much more than that.

Lavaliered now thats a word I had not thought of in a long time, ahhh the simple joys and dramas of greek life, can we go back now????

 

[RangerPooh]

Oh, and then there's the old frat/college progression of dating: lavalier, pin, engaged. Does that still happen?
:

I know that the fraternities/sororities here stil do the pinning. Each sorority/fraternity puts an ad in the school paper announcing who has been "pinned". It's cute.

I echo what many pp are saying, ask each of them what a promise ring means. He might be making a commitment to the relationship while she might take it as a pre-engagement ring. OT, but I think the show 7th Heaven just dealt with this issue. Anyways if he's set on getting her a ring why not one that has a stone other than a diamond? That way it can't be mistaken as a an engagement ring.

 

[disykat]

It seems when I was in HS a promise ring was all about a guy thinking he now had the right to get in your pants

That was my first thought. I'm glad I'm not the only one!

 

[RadioNate]

In my opinion it is a promise to get engaged. As a parent I don't think I would be excited at all about my 17 year old DD getting one.

Since I don't have a daughter, I would urge my DS not to buy a HS girlfriend that type of ring.

I think 17 is too young to be promising anything to anyone.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

I'm the recipient of a promise ring when I graduated high school. I had been dating him since October 5, 1982. Well, during my graduation practice I received my promise ring. It was an opal ring with two small diamonds on each side. Needless to say, to me, a promise ring meant that we would be married one day, which we were. We got married October 10, 1987 and I'm happy to report that we are still married.

 

[pearlieq]

What's a lavalier?

 

[XOoOoVEEoOoOX]

What's a lavalier?

I was just about to ask that same questio....heh, guess thats what I get for skipping college.

 

[Wish Upon A Star]

I googled it :

Lavalier - A lavalier is a pendant with one stone, suspended from a necklace

 

[KelNottAt]

What's a lavalier?

It's a little pendent-like-thingy in which a fraternity's greek letters are stacked like this:

A
B
C

When a frat boy is serious about his girl he gives his letters (lavalier) to her. She wears them on a necklace (usually).

A fraternity pin (I think) has the frat's crest in a tiny lapel pin. From what I remember, getting pinned is a real big deal. Pretty much says "future wife."

Experts, please correct where I'm wrong.

 

[RadioNate]

It's a little pendent-like-thingy in which a fraternity's greek letters are stacked like this:

A
B
C

When a frat boy is serious about his girl he gives his letters (lavalier) to her. She wears them on a necklace (usually).

A fraternity pin (I think) has the frat's crest in a tiny lapel pin. From what I remember, getting pinned is a real big deal. Pretty much says "future wife."

Experts, please correct where I'm wrong.

 

[chelle3807]

My DBF gave me a promise ring for my 17th birthday when we were in high school. We are now 21 and just moved into our first apartment. The ring did not mean a promise of anything. It was just a gesture from him to me. I still have the ring, but don't wear it too often anymore simply because I do not wear much jewerely.

 

[luvdzny]

Ha ha, we used to joke in my sorority that a promise ring meant the end was near! The end of the relationship, that is. It seemed like anytime someone got a promise ring, they ended up breaking up a few months.

DD got when she was 17 from DBF on their 2 year anniversary, I was happy about it. Sadly they broke a few months later!!!! That was 9 months ago, they just started seeing each other again about a month ago, they are not dating exclusively but they are spending time together again.
Your daughter is lucky to have such an understanding mom, I hope she enjoys her surprise.

 

[camreesmom]

I got a promise ring in hs also....my boyfriend at the time was going off to college and I was just a sophomore. I'm sure my mom wasn't thrilled about it at the time but she didn't make a big deal out of it. Needless to say, that boyfriend and I didn't even make it thru his freshman year of college. We did break up on good terms though and I still have the ring stuck somewhere. It had a little bitty tiny chip of a diamond in it.

 

[Kewz1]

I was given a promise ring. My then-boyfriend-now-husband was at West Point when we began dating. We would not be able to get married until he graduated which was over two years away. So, he gave me a promise ring to show his intentions. Keep in mind he was in NY and I was in FL. It meant alot to me that he did that.

We'll celebrate our 17th wedding anniversary in June.

Kristen

ETA -- I was 18 when I received the ring.

 

[ZachnElli]

It's not a big deal. I had one when I was in high school 20 years ago...we dated through high school but the relationship didn't last after we graduated.

Exact same here. And it was diamond, if you had a magnifying glass that is!

 

[shortbun]

We called it "going steady" and it's simply exclusivity until one of them decides to call it off. Honestly, they're obviously exclusive anyway, so no worries. I WOULD have 'the talk' again and stress a safe and healthy relationship is paramount. No sense in making a 'promise ring' into a teether, eh? I would ask each of them exactly what the promise was just to provoke thought.

 

[Muffy]

We called it "going steady" and it's simply exclusivity until one of them decides to call it off. Honestly, they're obviously exclusive anyway, so no worries. I WOULD have 'the talk' again and stress a safe and healthy relationship is paramount. No sense in making a 'promise ring' into a teether, eh? I would ask each of them exactly what the promise was just to provoke thought.

Excellent suggestion! I do plan to ask what the promise is...

 

[Cool-Beans]

Depends on what he is "promising" ​

Those who get promise rings that are "a promise to be engaged" are a waste IMO. Either get engaged or not. I personally think that a regular ring would be a big deal anyway. Not many buy rings w/o a relationship being serious (at least among my friends)​

That's what I thought, tooo. And ITA with you. Get engaged or don't. What the hell is a promise to get engaged?

I think these are just kids being silly, not serious young adults making plans for their future.

 

[rie'smom]

I think supporting them is a good idea. They're 17 and will be considered adults next year and can do what they want to anyway.
It's sweet that he wants to give her a Promise ring. No one knows what tomorrow will bring. They may break-up but they may not. If people chose to to always think that way,then no one would get married because after all,most marriages don't last. Live in hope.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

That's what I thought, tooo. And ITA with you. Get engaged or don't. What the hell is a promise to get engaged?

I think these are just kids being silly, not serious young adults making plans for their future.

What she said.