Pregnant High School Senior Denied Attendance At Graduation Ceremony

[Westcoastwild]

Yeah I just know that any school can remove admissions and the fact that she has taken this all to the media an even stricter school may no longer see her as a good canadiate.

They could but I honestly don't think a Uinversity would bother. "Single 20 something mom" doesn't have quite the same shock value as "knocked up high schooler". Religious universities still have conservative codes of conduct, but they tend to get less hung up on certain things that would be a "big deal" at a religious high school. And she's also not someone they would need to make an example of- I think this girl's chief problem is that she was pretty high up in the food chain. It was about sending a message to the people who might have respected her as much as it was about punishment.

But I wouldn't want to be her as a freshman on campus at BJ.

 

[Kellykins1218]

Pregnant High School Senior Denied Attendance At Graduation Ceremony



So?

 

[AppleDumpling]

I think the school is certainly within their rights to bar her from the graduation. It doesn't matter if it's unfair or sexist; by attending that school, she knowingly chose to abide by their strict moral code. She also knew of their decision months ago. Frankly, I don't see it as a huge deal to miss the ceremony. It's not like they're refusing to grant her the diploma she earned.

OTOH, if they were truly Christ-like, they could show some compassion to this young woman. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Maybe a compromise would be to allow her to attend, but have her sit in the audience with her family.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

Yet the BOYS don't have ANY outward sign that they could have broken these same moral code. That's why the moral code of conduct are sexist and only ever punish the girl. If guys had any visible consequence of having sex, these moral "codes of conduct" would never exist. They are all about controlling women and girls, nothing more.

I don't disagree. Yet the parents willingly chose to subject their daughter to such draconian codes. Even the girl herself agrees with the policies. Be careful what you wish for. Don't cry victim when something you approve of for others happens to you.

 

[Julie's Haircut]

OTOH, if they were truly Christ-like, they could show some compassion to this young woman. "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." Maybe a compromise would be to allow her to attend, but have her sit in the audience with her family.

A different article stated the school offered her and her family that option, but that they declined.

 

[luvsJack]

I would think that sitting in the audience would be a little like putting salt in the wound. I could understand her not wanting to do that.

I just don't understand what the expected outcome of this "punishment" is. Is she supposed to learn not to do it again?

She broke a rule, I get that. But they really are being hypocritical to act as though she is the only one. I would love to know how many walking have been caught partying, having sex or whatever else is a part of that code.

It's really a shame that she is being treated as an outcast.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

School has rules, you broke them, then end.

Do I think they did the moral thing? NO That is my own opinion.

 

[luvsJack]

School has rules, you broke them, then end.

Do I think they did the moral thing? NO That is my own opinion.

But how often is it really that way? Do you honestly believe she is the only one caught breaking a rule?

I mean honestly, I would have never put my kid in a school that required us to sign a code but I guess they had their reasons. I just can't stand this black and white vision that cannot see the grey areas in life when it comes to rules.

 

[Colleen27]

On the drinking thing underage drinking/pre-maritial sex that doesn't result in a child are just he says she says events so usually handled much less strictly when found out at these schools. Teen/unwed pregnancy is known and everyone can see it so pretty hard to say prove it to the administrators.

But these days, that's not necessarily true. Plenty of behaviours that break the honor code are likely documented on students' social media accounts, if anyone cares to look, and many ultra-strict schools have honor codes that require students allow administrators access to those accounts upon request. But often when the offense isn't visible at a glance, no one looks too hard.

And frankly, I think anyone who denies that sexual "sins" occupy a different territory than other "sins" is being disingenuous. There's a private school near me that rallied around a young man who caused a fatal accident and was ultimately charged for his actions, even though he had pot in his system and failed a drug test in the pre-trial period. He was allowed to walk at graduation, monitoring ankle-tether and all. But pregnancy will get a female student "asked to leave" as soon as the administration becomes aware of it. I don't think that's at all unusual for religious-based private schools.

 

[Wendy31]

I attended a private Christian school from 1st grade all the way through 12th grade. We didn't have to sign a "code of conduct." However, there was a list of rules & expectations, & we had to sign that we had read the rules & the expectations & the penalties for breaking any of the rules.

Many of the rules/expectations had to do w/ conduct between males & females - touching, holding hands, ladylike/gentlemanly behavior, etc. The expectation was that there would be no premarital sex, but that couldn't really be policed away from the school's campus & school events. We also had the "no drinking/no smoking/no drugs" rules as well.

I honestly don't know what the school would have done had a girl become pregnant.

There was a girl who was on the cheerleading squad w/ me, & she was not allowed to cheer during our junior year because of some boy-girl conduct rule-breaking. And, if I'm remembering correctly, most of it occurred off-campus & away from school - but, somehow, some of the teachers & then the administration found out about it. 2 boys were also involved - one was a current student & one was a former student. The boy who was still a student was not on any of the sports teams, & I think he was suspended for a few days (along w/ the girl), & they both received demerits.

The girl was allowed to return to the cheerleading squad during our senior year.

Regarding this particular school, I've read different things from both sides. I feel for the school because they do have rules, & there are consequences for choosing to break the rules. The guy in question is not a current student, so all the "punishment" falls on the girl which is unfortunate.

Does their "Code of Conduct" specifically state that, if a student is found to be in violation, he/she will not be allowed to march at graduation? Is that listed as a consequence?

On the other hand, I don't feel this particular rule (no sex) is really any worse than the "no drinking/no drugs" rule. This girl confessed (or was found out). I'm sure there are others who have broken the various conduct rules & have not been discovered.

In my mind, the school should have, at the time they discovered the girl was pregnant, dealt w/ the situation then - demerits & 2-3 day suspension, & then should have allowed the girl to graduate w/ her class.

However, this only really works if "no marching at graduation" was not listed as a consequence. If "no marching at graduation" is listed as a consequence, then they, perhaps, felt their hands were tied. In prior years, have some graduates also been denied marching at graduation due to not following the "Code of Conduct"?

Again, I feel for both the girl & the school in this situation. I also feel for the other girls who are observing. If we want girls to choose to keep their babies, then I feel we need to support the girls when they make the choice to keep their babies.

I read something the other day that said "A baby is a blessing - not a sin."

I do believe that the girl broke a "rule" (she had sex before marriage) - she didn't follow the "Code of Conduct" & there should be some consequence (demerits, suspension, etc.). But I think the school should have dealt w/ the one rule that was broken &, then, not continue to punish the girl.

Premarital sex was what broke the code of conduct - not the baby that followed. The baby is just the very real evidence. I don't think the girl should be shamed for "bearing the evidence." But, again, I feel for the school if "no marching at graduation" is listed as a consequence for breaking a code of conduct rule.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I would think that sitting in the audience would be a little like putting salt in the wound. I could understand her not wanting to do that.

I just don't understand what the expected outcome of this "punishment" is. Is she supposed to learn not to do it again?

She broke a rule, I get that. But they really are being hypocritical to act as though she is the only one. I would love to know how many walking have been caught partying, having sex or whatever else is a part of that code.

It's really a shame that she is being treated as an outcast.

Most likely they're trying to send a message to other students, as well as punishing her. If they let her walk, they would be opening Pandora's box. If this school allowed such an obvious violation of the code, they would have a battle every time anyone violated the code of conduct in the future. FWIW, I think many schools like this have ridiculous requirements, which is why I would never have sent my son to one. The parents knew what they were getting into. If this were happening at a public school, it would be National news worthy for good reason.

 

[DawnM]

I couldn't find anything specifically noting that. However, her father was apparently on the school's board and was previously someone who voted on disciplinary cases. He apparently knows that there were some more egregious violations of the school's student code that weren't punished as severely as not allowing a student's presence at graduation. And on top of that a graduating class of 14?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...798cbc-4090-11e7-9869-bac8b446820a_story.html

Strangely enough, she's going to Bob Jones University. Their student code probably makes her previous school's code look tame.

I know several good people who were kicked out of BJU!

 

[Westcoastwild]

Most likely they're trying to send a message to other students, as well as punishing her. If they let her walk, they would be opening Pandora's box. If this school allowed such an obvious violation of the code, they would have a battle every time anyone violated the code of conduct in the future. FWIW, I think many schools like this have ridiculous requirements, which is why I would never have sent my son to one. The parents knew what they were getting into. If this were happening at a public school, it would be National news worthy for good reason.

Yes. It is all about making an example of her.

And actually, I get that. Teenagers tend to see babies as cute toys and and if the school had not done anything to punish her, it would have normalized the situation thus allowing her peers to romanticize her pregnancy. It's not like they are unaware that teens have sex but they don't want any girls pregnant.

My only trouble with that is that it's also entirely possible they don't have sex Ed, although maybe I'm giving the school too little credit. My Catholic school did have it, and although abstinence was pushed, it's not like it was the only option they presented.

 

[bcla]

Oh, wow. Well, she hasn't learned anything about school choice apparently.

I have NO idea why you would complain about being punished for violating a religious school behavioral code and then GO ON to a conservative religious college. There is a reason I chose not to attend a Jesuit institution.

But what do you want to bet that the father voted for harsher punishments for the kids who were let off and then when it came to his own little sunbeam, he experienced a 180 in opinion.

Actually I don't get that he thinks that there should have been harsher punishments. He knows what the violations were and what the punishments were, and it sounds like (after recusing himself from punishing his own daughter) he believed her punishment to be disproportionate compared to others. I heard something about a one day suspension for some egregious violations.

As for a Jesuit institution, I personally have attended one. I wasn't really subjected to a "Jesuit education" though since my grad program was largely separate from the undergraduate experience except for shared computing facilities and that I got a job grading undergraduate class homework. It was actually a pretty liberal set of policies considering. They certainly wouldn't have punished anyone for premarital sex or being pregnant outside of marriage. However, they did have a general principle that they wouldn't necessarily support the use of artificial birth control. I had a lot of time as a grad student (basically 8 units per quarter) so I remember being in the student union often. I remember talking to a student group that discussed sexual health. They weren't prevented from talking about birth control, but they weren't allowed to distribute any either. I remember this was around the time that students at the (Jesuit) University of San Francisco were suspended for handing out condoms. I asked one of the students if they thought about it given what happened at USF, and they said they knew it would get them in trouble.

I can't imagine any of that would be allowed at Bob Jones University.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Actually I don't get that he thinks that there should have been harsher punishments. He knows what the violations were and what the punishments were, and it sounds like (after recusing himself from punishing his own daughter) he believed her punishment to be disproportionate compared to others. I heard something about a one day suspension for some egregious violations.

As for a Jesuit institution, I personally have attended one. I wasn't really subjected to a "Jesuit education" though since my grad program was largely separate from the undergraduate experience except for shared computing facilities and that I got a job grading undergraduate class homework. It was actually a pretty liberal set of policies considering. They certainly wouldn't have punished anyone for premarital sex or being pregnant outside of marriage. However, they did have a general principle that they wouldn't necessarily support the use of artificial birth control. I had a lot of time as a grad student (basically 8 units per quarter) so I remember being in the student union often. I remember talking to a student group that discussed sexual health. They weren't prevented from talking about birth control, but they weren't allowed to distribute any either. I remember this was around the time that students at the (Jesuit) University of San Francisco were suspended for handing out condoms. I asked one of the students if they thought about it given what happened at USF, and they said they knew it would get them in trouble.

I can't imagine any of that would be allowed at Bob Jones University.

I'm not saying that he was unhappy with those other punishments. I'm saying that if it had been any other girl rather than his own daughter, I bet he would have voted for expulsion or at very least removal of privileges.

And yes, Jesuits (and Catholics in general) are generally less hung up on stuff than other religious based education. But after 12 years of catholic school, I wanted to be far away from the whole mindset. Banning a student group from passing out condoms is ridiculous to me.

 

[Wendy31]

I couldn't find anything specifically noting that. However, her father was apparently on the school's board and was previously someone who voted on disciplinary cases. He apparently knows that there were some more egregious violations of the school's student code that weren't punished as severely as not allowing a student's presence at graduation. And on top of that a graduating class of 14?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...798cbc-4090-11e7-9869-bac8b446820a_story.html

Strangely enough, she's going to Bob Jones University. Their student code probably makes her previous school's code look tame.

I had seen a couple of different articles referencing the girl's father being on the school board.

I had NOT seen that she plans to attend BJU. I'm actually surprised that she's been accepted.

In high school, I attended various sports camps at BJU, & the national academic & fine arts competitions is held on BJU's campus every year.

I know some of their rules have lessened over the years, but, when I was in school, most of us were always shocked & in a little awe at all the strict rules.

When I attended a sports camp, we were only allowed to wear our practice clothes in the gym. We had to bring a bag to change back into a skirt in order to walk back to the dorms.

In the dorms, students were only allowed to listen to either pre-approved Christian radio stations that did NOT play any contemporary Christian music or classical music.

They have (or had) a dating parlor, & there were very strict rules in place, & a resident monitor was always in attendance.

Yet the BOYS don't have ANY outward sign that they could have broken these same moral code. That's why the moral code of conduct are sexist and only ever punish the girl. If guys had any visible consequence of having sex, these moral "codes of conduct" would never exist. They are all about controlling women and girls, nothing more.

I don't think that's true in ALL private schools w/ codes of conduct.

Again, I grew up in a private Christian school, & we had lots of rules. And rules (& consequences) were applied pretty much consistently across the board. Yes, we had a dress code, & the dress code for the girls was probably stricter. However, admittedly, a lot of that is due to the variety in female clothing.

As a girl, I never felt any more or less controlled than any of the guys.

 

[bcla]

I'm not saying that he was unhappy with those other punishments. I'm saying that if it had been any other girl rather than his own daughter, I bet he would have voted for expulsion or at very least removal of privileges.

And yes, Jesuits (and Catholics in general) are generally less hung up on stuff than other religious based education. But after 12 years of catholic school, I wanted to be far away from the whole mindset. Banning a student group from passing out condoms is ridiculous to me.

I dunno. His comments to the press sound to me as if he thought that her punishment was more serious that he would have wished for anyone else.

I do remember talking to someone who graduated from Georgetown. His take was that the Jesuits might give you one chance to make up for a mistake but otherwise wouldn't take anything. However, I was going to a school in California, so it was tempered with a more local approach.

 

[bcla]

I had seen a couple of different articles referencing the girl's father being on the school board.

I had NOT seen that she plans to attend BJU. I'm actually surprised that she's been accepted.

In high school, I attended various sports camps at BJU, & the national academic & fine arts competitions is held on BJU's campus every year.

I know some of their rules have lessened over the years, but, when I was in school, most of us were always shocked & in a little awe at all the strict rules.

When I attended a sports camp, we were only allowed to wear our practice clothes in the gym. We had to bring a bag to change back into a skirt in order to walk back to the dorms.

In the dorms, students were only allowed to listen to either pre-approved Christian radio stations that did NOT play any contemporary Christian music or classical music.

They have (or had) a dating parlor, & there were very strict rules in place, & a resident monitor was always in attendance.



I don't think that's true in ALL private schools w/ codes of conduct.

Again, I grew up in a private Christian school, & we had lots of rules. And rules (& consequences) were applied pretty much consistently across the board. Yes, we had a dress code, & the dress code for the girls was probably stricter. However, admittedly, a lot of that is due to the variety in female clothing.

As a girl, I never felt any more or less controlled than any of the guys.

I won't go over the specific religious nature of the school, but Bob Jones University definitely had a strict take on enforcing their own idea of cultural norms. They were of course most controversial for their student conduct code not allowing interracial dating, and not allowing unmarried black male students for a few years. And their resistance to any kind of accreditation made it a bit hard to sell that a degree would be more useful.

Still - they're a really small school with a lot of press over what many consider to be overly strict and possibly even racist cultural overtones. As far as schools with similar (although not as extreme) "conduct codes" goes, Baylor or BYU have a considerably larger influence in terms of the number of graduates. I guess Baylor is getting a lot of grief over how they covered up the transgressions of their athletes.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I won't go over the specific religious nature of the school, but Bob Jones University definitely had a strict take on enforcing their own idea of cultural norms. They were of course most controversial for their student conduct code not allowing interracial dating, and not allowing unmarried black male students for a few years. And their resistance to any kind of accreditation made it a bit hard to sell that a degree would be more useful.

Still - they're a really small school with a lot of press over what many consider to be overly strict and possibly even racist cultural overtones. As far as schools with similar (although not as extreme) "conduct codes" goes, Baylor or BYU have a considerably larger influence in terms of the number of graduates. I guess Baylor is getting a lot of grief over how they covered up the transgressions of their athletes.

Byu is the main example I was thinking of. I knew a lot of Mormon kids in college so I've seen BYU's student code and dress code. It's stricter than my Catholic high school lol.

I actually know nothing about BJU but was rather assuming its academic emphasis was bible studies. There was a very small college in my college town that basically taught the classics according to the Bible. So basically liberal arts without the liberal. It's debateable if that's useful- but it's debateable if most degrees are useful.

Makes for a very weird environment though. The people I met who attended that college or BYU were either very, very sheltered, or delusional and pretentious. Made for some interesting conversations. A friend worked with one of the latter, so we went to a "party" in which they took turns reading "racy" bits of Shakespeare and commiserating over their Latin instructor. My friend walked out of there feeling stupid and I told her that it was pretty much the less interesting equivalent of an English grad student party- less interesting because those kids collectively knew less about Shakespeare and Latin than one grad student and alcohol wasn't involved. I've got to be pretty tipsy to tolerate a gathering of English majors

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

This school sounds peachy, I tell you. Yes she should be able to walk. Finishing high school is an accomplishment and schools really aren't there to control a kid's private life. Yes, it stinks that she got pregnant, but maybe the school should knock off the puritanical view that sex before marriage is sinful and this girl would have been more aware/responsible in choosing protection in case she ended up having sex.

As for BJU...sounds like a place where delusional parents send their kids to be controlled as adults.