Pregnant High School Senior Denied Attendance At Graduation Ceremony

[sam_gordon]

I couldn't find anything specifically noting that. However, her father was apparently on the school's board and was previously someone who voted on disciplinary cases. He apparently knows that there were some more egregious violations of the school's student code that weren't punished as severely as not allowing a student's presence at graduation. And on top of that a graduating class of 14?

https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...798cbc-4090-11e7-9869-bac8b446820a_story.html

Strangely enough, she's going to Bob Jones University. Their student code probably makes her previous school's code look tame.

Where does your linked article say the girl's dad knew about other violations? @luvsJack keeps claiming other kids were caught having sex and breaking the honor code. Is that true, or are people just assuming that it happened? I'm sure the girl knows others who have had sex, but that doesn't mean the school "knew". If she could show the school knew about other kids having sex and then letting them walk at graduation, THEN you're comparing apples to apples. Saying "other kids broke the honor code and just got ISS" isn't the same IMO.

 

[bcla]

Where does your linked article say the girl's dad knew about other violations? @luvsJack keeps claiming other kids were caught having sex and breaking the honor code. Is that true, or are people just assuming that it happened? I'm sure the girl knows others who have had sex, but that doesn't mean the school "knew". If she could show the school knew about other kids having sex and then letting them walk at graduation, THEN you're comparing apples to apples. Saying "other kids broke the honor code and just got ISS" isn't the same IMO.

Her father was a board member of the school and there's the following:

After the family appealed, Heritage said it would allow Runkles to finish the school year with her 14 classmates but she would not be able to walk with the other seniors to receive her diploma at graduation. The family believes that the decision is unfair and that she is being punished more harshly than others who have broken the rules.​

He was a board member and it's been reported that the family believes that she's being punished more severely than others. You suppose maybe that comes from dad knowing that from being on the school board?

 

[sam_gordon]

Her father was a board member of the school and there's the following:

After the family appealed, Heritage said it would allow Runkles to finish the school year with her 14 classmates but she would not be able to walk with the other seniors to receive her diploma at graduation. The family believes that the decision is unfair and that she is being punished more harshly than others who have broken the rules.​

He was a board member and it's been reported that the family believes that she's being punished more severely than others. You suppose maybe that comes from dad knowing that from being on the school board?

Would the school board actually be a part of any disciplinary action (like ISS)? There are a lot of assumptions floating around this thread. Is it possible the punishments were handed down in previous years so keeping kids from walking at graduation really wasn't even an option?

 

[Wendy31]

Where does your linked article say the girl's dad knew about other violations? @luvsJack keeps claiming other kids were caught having sex and breaking the honor code. Is that true, or are people just assuming that it happened? I'm sure the girl knows others who have had sex, but that doesn't mean the school "knew". If she could show the school knew about other kids having sex and then letting them walk at graduation, THEN you're comparing apples to apples. Saying "other kids broke the honor code and just got ISS" isn't the same IMO.

Right.

Due to my own past experience in a Christian school, I am quite sure there were others who had sex. But that doesn't mean that the administration (teachers, principals, etc.) had/have actual knowledge or proof of any others. You can't punish kids on rumors & gossip.

Getting pregnant is kind of irrefutable evidence. And, when the father of the baby doesn't go to the school, the punishment falls onto the girl who IS the student.

And, w/o seeing the actual "Code of Conduct," we can't know what punishment is listed for each broken rule. Getting caught w/ alcohol may be weighted differently than premarital sex. Sex is probably weighted differently than holding hands on the school bus or getting caught kissing in the supply closet.

But, again, all that aside, I think how this school handled this particular situation doesn't present a good testimony to (1) other female students who may find themselves in the same situation and (2) an observing public.

However, have there been other instances in prior years where students (for whatever reason) weren't allowed to walk at graduation?

Does the school say, "From now on, when a Code of Conduct is broken, we'll look at each instance individually."?

Again, if the Codes of Conduct say, "If you fail to adhere to these rules, you won't be able to walk at graduation," then, how do they tell this girl she CAN walk at graduation but tell a guy w/ marijuana in his locker that he can't?

But, if the Codes of Conduct have different punishments for different rules or say something like, "If you fail to adhere to these rules, you MAY not be able to walk at graduation," then, depending on what those listed punishments are, I think they could let the girl walk.

Address the broken rule as necessary at the time of the offense & then move forward.

I'm also curious as to how the situation would have been handled if she had gotten pregnant in her junior year.

 

[Wendy31]

Would the school board actually be a part of any disciplinary action (like ISS)? There are a lot of assumptions floating around this thread. Is it possible the punishments were handed down in previous years so keeping kids from walking at graduation really wasn't even an option?

No, in every day discipline issues, the school board would NOT probably be involved.

I would say, in unique discipline issues or very egregious discipline issues, the school board MAY be involved.

And, different discipline issues would probably be discussed during board meetings in a "we may need to change the wording of our Code of Conduct" kinda thing or "how are we going to handle this moving forward" due to any issues that came up during the school year.

EDITED TO ADD: LOL! I could have been this girl. First, my grandfather & then my dad were on the school board for years & years & years.

 

[bcla]

Would the school board actually be a part of any disciplinary action (like ISS)? There are a lot of assumptions floating around this thread. Is it possible the punishments were handed down in previous years so keeping kids from walking at graduation really wasn't even an option?

It's a K-12 school with around 200 students and he's on the school board. Whether or not he takes part in deciding the punishments or not, you don't think he would know how other kids were punished and for what? Maybe he can't give any specific examples for privacy reasons, but it's a pretty reasonable assumption that he would know if his daughter's punishment was more severe than others.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Her father was a board member of the school and there's the following:

After the family appealed, Heritage said it would allow Runkles to finish the school year with her 14 classmates but she would not be able to walk with the other seniors to receive her diploma at graduation. The family believes that the decision is unfair and that she is being punished more harshly than others who have broken the rules.​

He was a board member and it's been reported that the family believes that she's being punished more severely than others. You suppose maybe that comes from dad knowing that from being on the school board?

Would you expect anything less from her Dad? Of course, he's going to deflect from her situation by pointing out the transgressions of others. That shouldn't surprise anyone. It happens in politics & sports all the time. As parents, we have a habit of viewing things less harshly, when it's our kid's life that's affected. It's easy to judge other people's kids & feel they should be punished harshly, until it's your child that's "not so perfect". Parent's views can change completely, when their kid is involved. That's human nature. Most of us will fight for our kid. I know I would. I'd probably feel more sympathy for this family, if the Dad wasn't on the board of this very, restrictive school & assisting in punishing other kids. If he had a problem with the punishment given for breaking the code of conduct in this manner, why didn't he fight it, before his child was the one facing not walking in graduation? He was in a perfect situation to do that.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

This is exactly why I think religion is a complete joke. Way too much hypocrisy.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

This is exactly why I think religion is a complete joke. Way too much hypocrisy.

Not for everyone, but we don't want to go the religious route. I agree with you in some cases, but not nearly all & will now take a self imposed slap on the risk.

 

[sam_gordon]

Whether or not he takes part in deciding the punishments or not, you don't think he would know how other kids were punished and for what?

More than likely he heard from his daughter "Oh, Mary got caught drinking and she got ISS." What darling daughter doesn't know is what the school knows/discovered. Again, we have no idea if the punished kids were underclassmen where not walking at graduation was even a possible punishment. I'm still waiting for someone to backup the claim earlier in the thread where other kids were caught having sex.

 

[Westcoastwild]

More than likely he heard from his daughter "Oh, Mary got caught drinking and she got ISS." What darling daughter doesn't know is what the school knows/discovered. Again, we have no idea if the punished kids were underclassmen where not walking at graduation was even a possible punishment. I'm still waiting for someone to backup the claim earlier in the thread where other kids were caught having sex.

That's a good point. We had a lot of "educational" assemblies that the staff did because of rumors like that. Very few actual disciplinary incidents and they tended to be big things because it usually had to pretty big to be caught. They could really only punish if they caught someone in the act or had irrefutable proof. Pregnancy is their irrefutable proof.

 

[RedAngie]

Gee, what next. Make her wear a scarlet letter?

It's really a shame that she is being treated as an outcast.

I wrote an essay about Hester Prynne back in high school and it parallels this girl's situation.

Social banishment is really a position of choice when you knowingly and willingly violate your theocracy's norms and expectations, whether it's in Puritan Massachusetts or a small private school in Maryland.

 

[Wendy31]

I wrote an essay about Hester Prynne back in high school and it parallels this girl's situation.

Social banishment is really a position of choice when you knowingly and willingly violate your theocracy's norms and expectations, whether it's in Puritan Massachusetts or a small private school in Maryland.

This is quite true.

Growing up, I was scared to death to deviate from any of our church's & school's rules, norms, & expectations. I was scared to death to disappoint anyone (my parents, the teachers, etc.) & not live up to their expectations for me.

I witnessed the whispering when 2 people "suddenly" had to get married or had to move the wedding up or the whispering when girls who left the school later had babies before getting married.

I saw how the "good girls" were treated - the ones who made good grades, participated in the school's various extracurricular activities, dressed modestly, & obeyed all the rules... so I acted accordingly. I was quiet & dutiful & smart & popular & obeyed all the rules & never received any demerits.

But, honestly, it did a lot of damage to my psyche, & I've often said there should be a "Recovery Group" for those that survived that kind of environment.

 

[Boardwalk Jedi]

This is quite true.

Growing up, I was scared to death to deviate from any of our church's & school's rules, norms, & expectations. I was scared to death to disappoint anyone (my parents, the teachers, etc.) & not live up to their expectations for me.

I witnessed the whispering when 2 people "suddenly" had to get married or had to move the wedding up or the whispering when girls who left the school later had babies before getting married.

I saw how the "good girls" were treated - the ones who made good grades, participated in the school's various extracurricular activities, dressed modestly, & obeyed all the rules... so I acted accordingly. I was quiet & dutiful & smart & popular & obeyed all the rules & never received any demerits.

But, honestly, it did a lot of damage to my psyche, & I've often said there should be a "Recovery Group" for those that survived that kind of environment.

Good post. While sex is certainly a huge responsibility it's a natural part of a mature relationship and engraining in someone's brain that it's something they should feel guilty about is awful.

While my mom's church was similar to your experience, I went to an urban high school with a high poverty rate and a few girls who did get pregnant each year. We even had a daycare for teen moms who came back to finish their education. This did not cause any students to recklessly have sex in my opinion. Seeing those young moms schedule their classes around going to the the childcare room, miss after school stuff, and have a kid attached to them when they came in the morning and left school in the afternoon was a far bigger deterrent to unprotected sex among the rest of the school population than any preachy, holier than thou religious school "contract".

 

[mamacatnv]

I really dislike these types of schools but that is a whole nother post that is probably not allowed.
She may not have had any choice in where she went to school and therefore really no choice in signing the honor code.
Her parents should have pulled her and transferred her to a public school if walking at graduation was that important to them.
They didn't and the school is private, they get to make and enforce their own rules. There is no someone was wronged as the headline suggests.

Doesn't matter what anyone else did, she is obviously pregnant which is a clear violation of the no sex rule and the school is not going to allow her to flaunt this transgression by allowing her pregnant self to march across their stage. Sure, others have probably marched across while pregnant and I can guarantee that some have walked who have had sex, but I would assume no one was obviously pregnant when they took that walk.

While I do not agree with these types of honor codes and rules, it is a private school, one her parents sent her too and now, they all must live with the consequences.
Its a ceremony, she will get over it. I'd be way more concerned about her living in that kind of judgmental environment. I'd worry about her getting the support she is going to need to be a young single mother.

 

[mummabear]

Getting pregnant is kind of irrefutable evidence.

Pregnancy is their irrefutable proof.

Well I don't know.
There is that whole virgin mother thing.

 

[bcla]

I really dislike these types of schools but that is a whole nother post that is probably not allowed.

I've attended Catholic schools before, so I have maybe a little idea of that type of education. Our curriculum in elementary schools was pretty much identical to that which we would have found at a public school with the exception of a daily prayer and maybe 20 minutes on a religious topic at the end of the day. It wasn't overly dogmatic, but then again they weren't trying to be. My grad school experience was pretty non-religious.

However, I do remember once my HS chemistry teacher brought in a science book that was meant for use at certain non-public schools. He was reading of parts of it like "You've got to be kidding me." I don't think he was an atheist, but he thought it wasn't really teaching science.

 

[piccolopat]

My problem with this is that the girl's father was on the school board and the policy wasn't a problem until it applied to his daughter. He should have worked to change the policy on behalf of all the students, including standardizing the punishments for violations, long before his daughter got caught. I understand the desire of the school to have a moral code, but maybe the school should consider a more compassionate and equal treatment approach. If everyone caught having premarital sex faced the same consequences, I wouldn't have a problem but that doesn't appear to be the case here. After all, her "sin" was having sex, not deciding to have the baby.

 

[sam_gordon]

If everyone caught having premarital sex faced the same consequences, I wouldn't have a problem but that doesn't appear to be the case here

Based on what? Her claims? Her father's claims? Or some actual facts?

 

[Westcoastwild]

My problem with this is that the girl's father was on the school board and the policy wasn't a problem until it applied to his daughter. He should have worked to change the policy on behalf of all the students, including standardizing the punishments for violations, long before his daughter got caught. I understand the desire of the school to have a moral code, but maybe the school should consider a more compassionate and equal treatment approach. If everyone caught having premarital sex faced the same consequences, I wouldn't have a problem but that doesn't appear to be the case here. After all, her "sin" was having sex, not deciding to have the baby.

Right!

I'm just flat out not believing that pregnancy has never been an issue in front of the board before. Either the guy was exaggerating his involvement with the school or the problematic policies did not bother him a bit before his daughter was the concerned party.

I think the daughter and father sound both a bit entitled. But I at least feel sympathy for the daughter. I think every word out of the father's mouth is likely hypocritical BS. Would he be so outraged over the unequal discipline of an average/struggling student? Or say the kid's boyfriend attended the school, and was also under the threat of expulsion? Would he be defending him as well?

Somehow, I think not.

Honestly, my Catholic school was rigorous academically, and I knew several people with deep faith who did live their lives accordingly. But I also knew a lot of parents (and a few kids) just like these people. Anyone who breaks the rules deserves consequences unless the rulebreakers are themselves or their children. That's the problem I've got.