Pregnant High School Senior Denied Attendance At Graduation Ceremony

[eeyoreandtink]

Eh coming from the opposite side (other than gym class) dress codes are more or less about ensuring you were wearing the least offensive type of clothing.

Skirts being at a certain length or clothing revealing too much skin, pants that sagged and showed your undergarments, inappropriate words or suggestive words things like that, etc.

For me I would have personally hated wearing uniforms. They totally worked for you and hey all props but it wouldn't have alleviated daily pre-school stress for me as I didn't have any to begin with, nor did we have bullying issues regarding clothes (sure certain kids wore certain types of clothes but you weren't looked down upon if you got your clothes at X place vs Y place).

When my mom worked at JCP she heard all the complaints from parents who had to buy the uniforms for their kids a lot centered on cost and availability of places that had the specific type of uniforms the school wanted. Plus the parents complained about the amount of laundry they had to do or that they had to buy a certain amount of uniforms so as to keep the laundry amount down but then there was the whole "kids grow out of clothes" situation.

You were VERY lucky that you didn't see bullying over clothing at your school. It is pervasive and brutal most places.

 

[DaisyJ]

Its sad. She earned her diploma. I give her credit for finishing school.

Some churches are very strict with sex before marriage.

I had a bad experience with a leader and his wife. they were in charge of baptism, communions, confirmations and some other things. When I baptized my DD(I had her at age 26) they were nice until I said the words that Hubby and I weren't married. All of a sudden I was the worst person on earth! I bit my and didn't say a word and focused on baptizing my daughter. Then when DD went for 1st communion same thing(I chose not to get married) Hubby and I had jobs, a house and a good solid relationship. They made me feel like crap, called me a sinner and told us we didn't love our daughter because we weren't married. My daughter was standing there and when the leader looked at her and told her(she was 7-8) we didn't love her because we weren't married in the church. I LOST it! I looked them both in the eye and told them that, My hubby (finance at the time) and I Loved our daughter, we have a home, our relationship is probably stronger than most couples at the church, We don't drink, we don't cheat on each other and we are good people.
Then I said ," you look down on us because we aren't married and you wont accept us or forgive us but during sermon you tell us to forgive murders and rapist and tell us to forgive priest who have molested kids! I'm sure if God was standing here he would forgive me and accept me and my family! I walked out upset and in tears.

The married couple that were leaders sucked however the priest was a kind warm man. He accepted everyone and was loved by all. He told us as long as hubby love each other that's all that matters and when we are ready to marry he would counsel us and we wouldn't have to do the 6months of classes since we've already proved our commit by being with each other for almost 10 years. What a difference. In 2 months he married us. Almost 20 years later Hubby and I are still here stronger than ever.

I hope the girl in the story doesn't let this get her down. I hope it makes her stronger

She still gets her diploma.

 

[Magpie]

Its sad. She earned her diploma. I give her credit for finishing school.

Some churches are very strict with sex before marriage.

I had a bad experience with a leader and his wife. they were in charge of baptism, communions, confirmations and some other things. When I baptized my DD(I had her at age 26) they were nice until I said the words that Hubby and I weren't married. All of a sudden I was the worst person on earth! I bit my and didn't say a word and focused on baptizing my daughter. Then when DD went for 1st communion same thing(I chose not to get married) Hubby and I had jobs, a house and a good solid relationship. They made me feel like crap, called me a sinner and told us we didn't love our daughter because we weren't married. My daughter was standing there and when the leader looked at her and told her(she was 7-8) we didn't love her because we weren't married in the church. I LOST it! I looked them both in the eye and told them that, My hubby (finance at the time) and I Loved our daughter, we have a home, our relationship is probably stronger than most couples at the church, We don't drink, we don't cheat on each other and we are good people.
Then I said ," you look down on us because we aren't married and you wont accept us or forgive us but during sermon you tell us to forgive murders and rapist and tell us to forgive priest who have molested kids! I'm sure if God was standing here he would forgive me and accept me and my family! I walked out upset and in tears.

The married couple that were leaders sucked however the priest was a kind warm man. He accepted everyone and was loved by all. He told us as long as hubby love each other that's all that matters and when we are ready to marry he would counsel us and we wouldn't have to do the 6months of classes since we've already proved our commit by being with each other for almost 10 years. What a difference. In 2 months he married us. Almost 20 years later Hubby and I are still here stronger than ever.

I hope the girl in the story doesn't let this get her down. I hope it makes her stronger

Your priest is the kind of person I consider truly good.

The religious or moral judgmental nonsense that some people (like those leaders you mentioned) engage in only serves to make them feel superior while driving others away. It accomplishes no good in the world. Spiritual leadership should never rely on shame or fear. Guidance should come from a place of loving acceptance.

Here in Canada we're struggling with the concept of forgiveness right now, because Karla Homolka - a convicted kidnapper/torturer/rapist/murderer of multiple teen girls who got an unreasonably light sentence due to her lawyer breaking the law (as in he moved evidence so the cops couldn't find it) - is now a married woman with three kids, attending a Seventh Day Adventist private school. Certain school staff, no doubt thrilled to have a chance to practice "forgiveness" with an honest-to-goodness serial killer, decided to allow her to supervise kindergartners on field trips and volunteer in her children's classroom. Without informing parents. Parents who objected were even asked to leave the school! When media got wind of it, they descended on the school, and we all got treated to the spectacle of a member of school staff screaming Bible quotes at them about forgiveness. Ick.

It wasn't until last night that someone in the school finally realized that it looks REALLY bad to have people with criminal records working with their kids. The leader of our more left-leaning party is now getting flack for suggesting that perhaps she's paid her debt to society and we should forgive her. Honestly, I can't quite get there. She literally got away with murder, and now she gets to parade around, smirking in interviews, and getting everything she wants out - children, house, husband, a University degree on the taxpayer's dime...

If she'd dedicated her life to charitable works, maybe I could be forgiving. But, as far as I can tell, she's done nothing to earn it.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You were VERY lucky that you didn't see bullying over clothing at your school. It is pervasive and brutal most places.

That assumes there wasn't anything else that kids weren't made fun of...like for reals clothes might not have been the issue but other things were..so yeah don't just say "oh you're sooooooo lucky". And I'm not naive to think that it isn't brutal in most places, but then again don't assume that there weren't other things going on in my area-clothes just weren't one of them.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Your priest is the kind of person I consider truly good.

The religious or moral judgmental nonsense that some people (like those leaders you mentioned) engage in only serves to make them feel superior while driving others away. It accomplishes no good in the world. Spiritual leadership should never rely on shame or fear. Guidance should come from a place of loving acceptance.

Here in Canada we're struggling with the concept of forgiveness right now, because Karla Homolka - a convicted kidnapper/torturer/rapist/murderer of multiple teen girls who got an unreasonably light sentence due to her lawyer breaking the law (as in he moved evidence so the cops couldn't find it) - is now a married woman with three kids, attending a Seventh Day Adventist private school. Certain school staff, no doubt thrilled to have a chance to practice "forgiveness" with an honest-to-goodness serial killer, decided to allow her to supervise kindergartners on field trips and volunteer in her children's classroom. Without informing parents. Parents who objected were even asked to leave the school! When media got wind of it, they descended on the school, and we all got treated to the spectacle of a member of school staff screaming Bible quotes at them about forgiveness. Ick.

It wasn't until last night that someone in the school finally realized that it looks REALLY bad to have people with criminal records working with their kids. The leader of our more left-leaning party is now getting flack for suggesting that perhaps she's paid her debt to society and we should forgive her. Honestly, I can't quite get there. She literally got away with murder, and now she gets to parade around, smirking in interviews, and getting everything she wants out - children, house, husband, a University degree on the taxpayer's dime...

If she'd dedicated her life to charitable works, maybe I could be forgiving. But, as far as I can tell, she's done nothing to earn it.

Are you kidding me. I am all for forgiveness. But that is actively endangering the kids. Forget being asked to leave. I would have yanked my kids out immediately. That's reallly odd. Adventist school in my hometown had really, really strict guidelines of who could teach, substitute teach, and volunteer.

College friend of mine has a relative whose son is in jail because as a teen he molested a much younger cousin. The religious mother thinks that he's served his time and that all the restrictions the parole board may put on him are absurd. Because he is repentant, and because he "made a mistake". Uh, no. I get that she loves her son. What I don't get is why she would ever let the guy near her grandkids. (He's been in jail quite awhile. The official story is that the prison just does not give him the support he needs to "recover". I don't have much faith in the justice system but I probably share the parole boards skepticism over the idea that guy CAN be reeducated.)

 

[eeyoreandtink]

That assumes there wasn't anything else that kids weren't made fun of...like for reals clothes might not have been the issue but other things were..so yeah don't just say "oh you're sooooooo lucky". And I'm not naive to think that it isn't brutal in most places, but then again don't assume that there weren't other things going on in my area-clothes just weren't one of them.

NONE of that was implied in the ONE sentence I DID type. NOWHERE did I say there weren't other issues, just that you were lucky that clothing wasn't one of them. Most places, its a HUGE source of bullying. You are projecting a LOT into what was meant as a simple comment.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

NONE of that was implied in the ONE sentence I DID type. NOWHERE did I say there weren't other issues, just that you were lucky that clothing wasn't one of them. Most places, its a HUGE source of bullying. You are projecting a LOT into what was meant as a simple comment.

Not sure all the CAPS was needed? Besides you quoted something early on in a discussion that was already fleshed out and explained in-depth later on.

Apologies but your statement certaintly made it seem as though it was a godsent that my area didn't have clothing-based issued without regards to other things. Truly kids will find other things to make fun of so you may think I was 'very' lucky to not get made fun of for wearing jeans and a t-shirt but that doesn't mean other things in my area didn't matter such as who you hung out with, what activities you were involved in, etc.

Basically it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. And context is sorta important here. Another poster and I were talking about uniforms and how for them it meant they didn't get made fun of for clothing which they did when they went to another school that didn't have uniforms. I was explaining that for my area clothing such as wearing jeans and a t-shirt for a girl (because girls in their area didn't wear that stuff) wasn't an issue and thus wearing uniforms wouldn't be the route to go to solve something that didn't exist in my area;that doesn't mean there wasn't other things that kids focused on (which I touched on in later comments).

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Not sure all the CAPS was needed? Besides you quoted something early on in a discussion that was already fleshed out and explained in-depth later on.

Apologies but your statement certaintly made it seem as though it was a godsent that my area didn't have clothing-based issued without regards to other things. Truly kids will find other things to make fun of so you may think I was 'very' lucky to not get made fun of for wearing jeans and a t-shirt but that doesn't mean other things in my area didn't matter such as who you hung out with, what activities you were involved in, etc.

Basically it's six of one, half a dozen of the other. And context is sorta important here. Another poster and I were talking about uniforms and how for them it meant they didn't get made fun of for clothing which they did when they went to another school that didn't have uniforms. I was explaining that for my area clothing such as wearing jeans and a t-shirt for a girl (because girls in their area didn't wear that stuff) wasn't an issue and thus wearing uniforms wouldn't be the route to go to solve something that didn't exist in my area;that doesn't mean there wasn't other things that kids focused on (which I touched on in later comments).

Yes, I got it. You WERE lucky it wasn't an issue for you. In most places, its HUGE one. It was the single biggest source of bullying, and the single biggest reason for physical altercations in school district before our district went to uniforms, because it isn't just about the clothes. It a manifestation of everything from socioeconomic issues to what popular culture says about the value of beauty. It's particularly vicious because it eats away at kid's self image, and for most of them it isn't something they have control over. I think that's why this particular form of bullying is such a hot button. If they choose, a kid can change their hairstyle or mannerisms that get them bullied, but in many cases they cannot do that with their clothing. Their parents simply cannot afford to keep them abreast of the latest styles. Uniforms were a godsend when they were implemented in schools here. It made a HUGE difference in everything from school climate to test scores, because kids were no longer worried about something they could not control. Did it eliminate all bullying? Definitely not, but it did make a huge positive impact on many kids. There are still things that kids get bullied over that they cannot control, but taking away the focus on what clothes people had on definitely reduced those.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Yes, I got it. You WERE lucky it wasn't an issue for you. In most places, its HUGE one. It was the single biggest source of bullying, and the single biggest reason for physical altercations in school district before our district went to uniforms, because it isn't just about the clothes. It a manifestation of everything from socioeconomic issues to what popular culture says about the value of beauty. It's particularly vicious because it eats away at kid's self image, and for most of them it isn't something they have control over. I think that's why this particular form of bullying is such a hot button. If they choose, a kid can change their hairstyle or mannerisms that get them bullied, but in many cases they cannot do that with their clothing. Their parents simply cannot afford to keep them abreast of the latest styles. Uniforms were a godsend when they were implemented in schools here. It made a HUGE difference in everything from school climate to test scores, because kids were no longer worried about something they could not control. Did it eliminate all bullying? Definitely not, but it did make a huge positive impact on many kids. There are still things that kids get bullied over that they cannot control, but taking away the focus on what clothes people had on definitely reduced those.

Honestly I'm not sure where you're going with this. It's already been hashed out and said over multiple pages and discussed with multiple posters chiming in.

I get it if you want to chime in as well with your experience sure but you're quoting me telling me I'm very lucky it didn't happen to me and yet I didn't say that it wasn't an issue elsewhere.

I did find this resource particularly helpful when reading over other people's responses: http://school-uniforms.procon.org/ I found it was a neutral enough resource. It touches on your comments regarding socioeconomic issues, financial aspects, self-image, bullying, etc as well as other topics other posters have mentioned.

 

[eeyoreandtink]

Honestly I'm not sure where you're going with this. It's already been hashed out and said over multiple pages and discussed with multiple posters chiming in.

I get it if you want to chime in as well with your experience sure but you're quoting me telling me I'm very lucky it didn't happen to me and yet I didn't say that it wasn't an issue elsewhere.

I did find this resource particularly helpful when reading over other people's responses: http://school-uniforms.procon.org/ I found it was a neutral enough resource. It touches on your comments regarding socioeconomic issues, financial aspects, self-image, bullying, etc as well as other topics other posters have mentioned.

You had such a hugely out of proportion response to a single sentence I posted, so I was trying to explain where I was coming from a bit better, as you clearly took it differently than my intent.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

You had such a hugely out of proportion response to a single sentence I posted, so I was trying to explain where I was coming from a bit better, as you clearly took it differently than my intent.

Well apologies as I didn't think it was a 'hugely out of proportion' comment that I made. At the same time you quoted me telling me I was so lucky, etc. I'm really not certain what your initial intent was.

So what if I wasn't made fun of for clothing or that my schools didn't focus on girls wearing jeans and a t-shirt..it doesn't mean that there wasn't other things. Which was my whole point in responding to you. Why does it make a person "lucky" and in the case of the other poster it was "you had such an easy time". It's such a blanket statement because it ignores any other aspect that goes on that kids can latch on to. It's one thing to share your experience and it's another to presume because someone didn't experience what you did that they were "lucky" or "had such an easy time".

 

[Magpie]

Well apologies as I didn't think it was a 'hugely out of proportion' comment that I made. At the same time you quoted me telling me I was so lucky, etc. I'm really not certain what your initial intent was.

So what if I wasn't made fun of for clothing or that my schools didn't focus on girls wearing jeans and a t-shirt..it doesn't mean that there wasn't other things. Which was my whole point in responding to you. Why does it make a person "lucky" and in the case of the other poster it was "you had such an easy time". It's such a blanket statement because it ignores any other aspect that goes on that kids can latch on to. It's one thing to share your experience and it's another to presume because someone didn't experience what you did that they were "lucky" or "had such an easy time".

Not my argument, but I'd like to just pop in here and say that I believe we're all lucky in some ways and unlucky in others.

So I don't think it's an insult to say someone's "lucky". For me, it's just a fact. You were "lucky" not to be teased for your clothing. And, at the same time, you were clearly unlucky and were teased for other things. Your unluckiness in one area doesn't cancel out your luck in another.

One of the things I do, when I'm feeling particularly hard done by, is to count up all the ways I'm lucky. There's a lot! And I always feel better afterward. Because for me, "luck" is the same as "good fortune".

However, I have run into people who interpret "luck" as being something unearned. So, when someone tells them they were "lucky" they get offended, and think that all their hard work and sacrifice is being ignored or dismissed. They react to "you're lucky" as if someone has just called them "spoiled" or "privileged". To them, it's an insult. More than once, I've seen internet arguments over "luck" devolve into shout-y rage-fests.

I don't know exactly how you define "lucky", but I do know that "luck" can be a surprisingly controversial word.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Not my argument, but I'd like to just pop in here and say that I believe we're all lucky in some ways and unlucky in others.

So I don't think it's an insult to say someone's "lucky". For me, it's just a fact. You were "lucky" not to be teased for your clothing. And, at the same time, you were clearly unlucky and were teased for other things. Your unluckiness in one area doesn't cancel out your luck in another.

One of the things I do, when I'm feeling particularly hard done by, is to count up all the ways I'm lucky. There's a lot! And I always feel better afterward. Because for me, "luck" is the same as "good fortune".

However, I have run into people who interpret "luck" as being something unearned. So, when someone tells them they were "lucky" they get offended, and think that all their hard work and sacrifice is being ignored or dismissed. They react to "you're lucky" as if someone has just called them "spoiled" or "privileged". To them, it's an insult. More than once, I've seen internet arguments over "luck" devolve into shout-y rage-fests.

I don't know exactly how you define "lucky", but I do know that "luck" can be a surprisingly controversial word.

Thank you Magpie. I think you more clearly explained what I was trying to.

I didn't see a point in telling someone "you're lucky" or "you got off easy" in the context that we were all talking about.

Perhaps if the statement was more like:

"I'm glad that you didn't see bullying over clothing at your school. It is pervasive and brutal most places. However, I realize there is likely something else kids found to make fun of people for or focus on" I would have had a different reaction.

And for me lucky definition varies from context to context. In this case I would find it rude to say "Well I was fortunate enough to not be made fun of for wearing jeans and a t-shirt as a girl;sorry you were so unlucky/unfortunate" and that is likely why telling me I'm lucky or got off easy didn't sit well with me-if it isn't a focus on clothes it's a focus on something else.

 

[Colleen27]

Completely fair. I dislike the lack of sex education in particular. And actually, I really don't care for the whole morality clause. I'm not defending the school.

But I kind of had a knee jerk reaction to the girl. She agreed to a student code, willingly broke the student code, and is now protesting the fact that she was punished for this. There's a few posters here who make it sound like all teens have unprotected sex and that just happens. No. She made a choice. It may have been based on some miseducation, and it may have been in the heat of the moment, but it was still a choice. She sounds like a smart kid, and I'm not going to deny her agency by assuming that she had no idea that the were consequences to having sex.

Just a nitpicky little note - not all pregnancies are a consequence of unprotected sex. Teens are the group most likely to have user-caused birth control failures, and considering where this particular girl went to school she may well have lacked the knowledge to effectively protect herself.

The principal has a martyr complex. There is no bullying going on. Of course it's all how it looks.

Yep. He comes across as the "war on Christians" type, IMO.

When my mom worked at JCP she heard all the complaints from parents who had to buy the uniforms for their kids a lot centered on cost and availability of places that had the specific type of uniforms the school wanted. Plus the parents complained about the amount of laundry they had to do or that they had to buy a certain amount of uniforms so as to keep the laundry amount down but then there was the whole "kids grow out of clothes" situation.

With two kids at schools that have uniforms, I really hate them. They're expensive if you buy new, you do twice as much laundry because the kids change right after school, and they don't negate the fashion or brand concerns unless they're super-specific because there's still variation in brand, price, and cut to meet generic "polo and khakis" uniform rules.

DD15's school is going to a very, very detailed (specific item numbers through a specific store) uniform next year in part because of this - kids pushing the boundaries with skinny-cut dress slacks, making fun of those who wear the "wrong" brands and styles, etc. And if I was choosing a high school now, it might be a deal-breaker. The new uniforms are REALLY expensive, IMO ($60 shoes, $85 blazer, $65 skirt), especially for those of us who are working class and stretching to afford private school in the first place. And some of the changes seem almost designed to weed out scholarship families and those just barely affording the tuition - the cut and crest of the blazer is staying the same but now it has to be "dark charcoal" rather than black, there used to be a choice between two plaids for the skirt and instead of narrowing it to one of those they chose a third plaid in the same color scheme. (And that, not any code of conduct, is my private-school pet peeve... They act like school families are made of money!) But fortunately it only applies to incoming freshmen and future enrollees, not to current students, so we won't have to contend with the new rules.

The real shame of it is that the PTO spent a fair bit of time and money installing closets for a uniform exchange less than a year ago, and now the school board has rendered every piece of clothing in that space useless to incoming students.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

With two kids at schools that have uniforms, I really hate them. They're expensive if you buy new, you do twice as much laundry because the kids change right after school, and they don't negate the fashion or brand concerns unless they're super-specific because there's still variation in brand, price, and cut to meet generic "polo and khakis" uniform rules.

DD15's school is going to a very, very detailed (specific item numbers through a specific store) uniform next year in part because of this - kids pushing the boundaries with skinny-cut dress slacks, making fun of those who wear the "wrong" brands and styles, etc. And if I was choosing a high school now, it might be a deal-breaker. The new uniforms are REALLY expensive, IMO ($60 shoes, $85 blazer, $65 skirt), especially for those of us who are working class and stretching to afford private school in the first place. And some of the changes seem almost designed to weed out scholarship families and those just barely affording the tuition - the cut and crest of the blazer is staying the same but now it has to be "dark charcoal" rather than black, there used to be a choice between two plaids for the skirt and instead of narrowing it to one of those they chose a third plaid in the same color scheme. (And that, not any code of conduct, is my private-school pet peeve... They act like school families are made of money!) But fortunately it only applies to incoming freshmen and future enrollees, not to current students, so we won't have to contend with the new rules.

The real shame of it is that the PTO spent a fair bit of time and money installing closets for a uniform exchange less than a year ago, and now the school board has rendered every piece of clothing in that space useless to incoming students.

You bring up a point I hadn't thought of earlier- school costs to begin with. Obviously with public school there can be a lot less financial burden on the parents compared to private but uniforms can still create more of a burden. And that sucks for your school with those who are attending on scholarships or those barely affording it and have little more to give.

There's a link I posted a few posts ago: http://school-uniforms.procon.org/ and I did find it neutral enough. Anywho one of the cons was this:
"The push for school uniforms is driven by commercial interests rather than educational ones. Americans spend around $1 billion on school uniforms every year. [43] [74] Retailer J.C. Penney Co. says school uniforms are "a huge, important business for us." [44] In 2003 alone, uniform company Lands' End spent $3 million on marketing efforts directed at public schools and districts. [14] Multiple studies used to promote the effectiveness of uniforms were partly funded by Lands' End, and at least one of those studies is "so wholly flawed as to render itself useless," according to David L. Brunsma, PhD. [14] [32] In Aug. 2013, Reuters reported that retailers were "sensing their opportunity... stepping up competition in the uniform aisles and online. Walmart has set up 'uniform shops' or temporary boutiques within some stores." [74]"

Now one of the pros for uniforms did speak to cost as it can be lower for uniforms so I think it really depends on the area, the normal spending habits of the family on clothing to begin with, the cost of the schools the students are attending and what the schools expectations are for uniforms.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Just a nitpicky little note - not all pregnancies are a consequence of unprotected sex. Teens are the group most likely to have user-caused birth control failures, and considering where this particular girl went to school she may well have lacked the knowledge to effectively protect herself.



Yep. He comes across as the "war on Christians" type, IMO.



With two kids at schools that have uniforms, I really hate them. They're expensive if you buy new, you do twice as much laundry because the kids change right after school, and they don't negate the fashion or brand concerns unless they're super-specific because there's still variation in brand, price, and cut to meet generic "polo and khakis" uniform rules.

DD15's school is going to a very, very detailed (specific item numbers through a specific store) uniform next year in part because of this - kids pushing the boundaries with skinny-cut dress slacks, making fun of those who wear the "wrong" brands and styles, etc. And if I was choosing a high school now, it might be a deal-breaker. The new uniforms are REALLY expensive, IMO ($60 shoes, $85 blazer, $65 skirt), especially for those of us who are working class and stretching to afford private school in the first place. And some of the changes seem almost designed to weed out scholarship families and those just barely affording the tuition - the cut and crest of the blazer is staying the same but now it has to be "dark charcoal" rather than black, there used to be a choice between two plaids for the skirt and instead of narrowing it to one of those they chose a third plaid in the same color scheme. (And that, not any code of conduct, is my private-school pet peeve... They act like school families are made of money!) But fortunately it only applies to incoming freshmen and future enrollees, not to current students, so we won't have to contend with the new rules.

The real shame of it is that the PTO spent a fair bit of time and money installing closets for a uniform exchange less than a year ago, and now the school board has rendered every piece of clothing in that space useless to incoming students.

Fair. That's completely true. But my point is that generally at 17, the kid knows basic biology. And she knows that premarital sex is against the student code. Not only was she counting on not getting caught, she likely knew that no birth control is one hundred percent. Even religious, sheltered kids know that. I mean, one of the reasons that the Catholic Church is relatively quiet these days about birth control is not due to the fact they think it's moral to use. It's due to the fact that many married women still want to have sex but don't want more kids and the priests have learned to not to touch on that topic. Chances are that the girl's parents use birth control and she knows about it. My mother is the most prudish woman I've met, she never talked about it, but still I knew they used condoms.


I feel your pain about the uniforms. I don't get the people who says it saves money. Or that it stops bullying. Kids in schools with uniforms bully their classmates over everything from how old the garment is, to the fit of the pants or the brand of the polo shirt. Kids can definitely tell the difference between Ralph Lauren and Walmart.

The blazer thing is ridiculous. I was really glad that they didn't require blazers. The plaid was bad enough.

 

[Westcoastwild]

You bring up a point I hadn't thought of earlier- school costs to begin with. Obviously with public school there can be a lot less financial burden on the parents compared to private but uniforms can still create more of a burden. And that sucks for your school with those who are attending on scholarships or those barely affording it and have little more to give.

There's a link I posted a few posts ago: http://school-uniforms.procon.org/ and I did find it neutral enough. Anywho one of the cons was this:
"The push for school uniforms is driven by commercial interests rather than educational ones. Americans spend around $1 billion on school uniforms every year. [43] [74] Retailer J.C. Penney Co. says school uniforms are "a huge, important business for us." [44] In 2003 alone, uniform company Lands' End spent $3 million on marketing efforts directed at public schools and districts. [14] Multiple studies used to promote the effectiveness of uniforms were partly funded by Lands' End, and at least one of those studies is "so wholly flawed as to render itself useless," according to David L. Brunsma, PhD. [14] [32] In Aug. 2013, Reuters reported that retailers were "sensing their opportunity... stepping up competition in the uniform aisles and online. Walmart has set up 'uniform shops' or temporary boutiques within some stores." [74]"

Now one of the pros for uniforms did speak to cost as it can be lower for uniforms so I think it really depends on the area, the normal spending habits of the family on clothing to begin with, the cost of the schools the students are attending and what the schools expectations are for uniforms.

I don't know about other schools, but uniforms were only a "problem" to my parents because we wouldn't wear them outside of school. In the case of most of my classmates, they had a LOT of clothes. Maybe their uniforms were 1/8 of their wardrobe. Very minor expense compared to the cost of extracurricular activities anyway- dance, swim, team sports. I lived in a mid sized town and everyone I knew did extracurriculars, so I wouldn't think a basic uniform would be a burden. A annoyance, and an added expense, but not actively a burden.

I am wondering how public schools enforce or support it though. Subsidies? Scholarships?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I don't know about other schools, but uniforms were only a "problem" to my parents because we wouldn't wear them outside of school. In the case of most of my classmates, they had a LOT of clothes. Maybe their uniforms were 1/8 of their wardrobe. Very minor expense compared to the cost of extracurricular activities anyway- dance, swim, team sports. I lived in a mid sized town and everyone I knew did extracurriculars, so I wouldn't think a basic uniform would be a burden. A annoyance, and an added expense, but not actively a burden.

I am wondering how public schools enforce or support it though. Subsidies? Scholarships?

I don't think kids wear their uniforms 100% of the time all the time though I could see if going to certain functions they would or if they go to places just after school.

As to burden..as I said it just depends on family to family, and other variables. I can't really tell one person "oh it's not really a burden, is it?" because I don't know their situation. Clearly the other poster found uniforms a financial irritation as well as all the complaints my mom would hear.

As for how public schools support it? I would think most just tell parents "uniforms it is" similar to how enrollment fees work. The only ones I would think that would get assistance are those who qualify for things like reduced or no cost lunch. I don't know from experience though so I don't know for certain. It could depend on place to place district to district too. I know at least for enrollment fees the district I am in states "Student fees may be reduced or waived for students who qualify based on financial need." So uniforms could follow that process. It still wouldn't mean it could be a burden to a family..just depends.

 

[mummabear]

I've always wished for this to happen, but sadly it doesn't. The public school system is being pushed to fill in the gaps left by sub-par parenting. We teach health, child development, cooking, and now they are pushing for 'life skills' classes for all students. What are the parents responsible for?



Schools are responsible for students from the moment they step foot on campus in the morning until they arrive at a destination after school. then there are school activities that fall under the school watch, and as someone else mentioned, illegal activity that makes the student a high-risk concern and has to be dealt with. So schools are responsible for students a good deal of the time they are not in their homes.

So then I doubt this school had authority over her at the time she was having sex right?

Like you, I don't control what my children wear or what hairstyle they choose,

And are you ok for your kids school to choose what hairstyle they have?

Yes, I got it. You WERE lucky it wasn't an issue for you. In most places, its HUGE one. It was the single biggest source of bullying, and the single biggest reason for physical altercations in school district before our district went to uniforms, because it isn't just about the clothes. It a manifestation of everything from socioeconomic issues to what popular culture says about the value of beauty. It's particularly vicious because it eats away at kid's self image, and for most of them it isn't something they have control over. I think that's why this particular form of bullying is such a hot button. If they choose, a kid can change their hairstyle or mannerisms that get them bullied, but in many cases they cannot do that with their clothing. Their parents simply cannot afford to keep them abreast of the latest styles. Uniforms were a godsend when they were implemented in schools here. It made a HUGE difference in everything from school climate to test scores, because kids were no longer worried about something they could not control. Did it eliminate all bullying? Definitely not, but it did make a huge positive impact on many kids. There are still things that kids get bullied over that they cannot control, but taking away the focus on what clothes people had on definitely reduced those.

The socioeconomic issues/parents affording the lastest styles isn't solved with uniforms, kids can tell who has 2nd hand uniforms/not the latest style of uniform, they can tell who has the designer shoes, the backpack, the watch, any of the other gear kids take wear or use at school.
As far as haircuts some school dress codes are in fact controlling those

 

[sam_gordon]

So then I doubt this school had authority over her at the time she was having sex right?

She gave them that authority when she enrolled.