Polygamy, A Poll

[LindsayDunn228]

I believe marriage consists of one man and one woman, not one man and 7 women. I place a LOT of value on marriage and don't agree with polygamy.

 

[disykat]

I voted wrong - and feel absolutely no shame about being judgemental.

 

[kc10family]

IMO... I believe marriage consists of one man and one woman.
I don't care for extra "fun" on the side, I don't care for gay marriage. Then again I very well could be a prude. Again, it's just MO. I am not God and I don't make the rules.

 

[FreshTressa]

Lots of polygamy in the bible!

 

[sha_lyn]

Can you be monogamous with people you are in a polyamorous relationship with? Does that make sense?

Yes... in a way that is the difference between polyamerous and swinging

I voted no...I don't understand how the women involved could really be happy sharing a husband. Probably gives him a nice feeling of power and control...which he has.

Outside of religious "cults" it really isn't that way. As I said I know a woman with a wife and husband, a onetime married couple who each had committed relationships with one other person. they have since divorced and are in monogamous relationships with their other partner.
One friend was once one of 2 "wives" then the other "wife" got pregnant and insisted that the couple that was legally married divorce so that he could marry her and be in a monogamous relationship.

 

[Caradana]

Outside of religious "cults" it really isn't that way. As I said I know a woman with a wife and husband, a onetime married couple who each had committed relationships with one other person. they have since divorced and are in monogamous relationships with their other partner.
One friend was once one of 2 "wives" then the other "wife" got pregnant and insisted that the couple that was legally married divorce so that he could marry her and be in a monogamous relationship.

I imagine this taking place in Happy Acres Trailer Park, with a massive satellite dish and a 52" TV but no stairs to the front door of the single-wide, so guests have to lean in the front door headfirst and slide themselves inside on their bellies. I mean, dude. I know a wide swath of people and I have never NEVER encountered a tale as gossipworthy as that one.

Here's my kicker. With a solid sense of self-worth, a woman believes that she is more than deserving of the exclusive attentions of one man (or, one woman ... I'm at peace with gay marriage). To marry into polygamy is to settle for always having direct competition for love. It is to plant a seed of doubt in one's own heart. I could never be content with that, but if I were young and I'd lived a difficult life, I could see a polygamous marriage as an improvement over not feeling loved at all. I think this is one reason why we usually see polygamy involving very young women.

 

[FreshTressa]

I find it arrogant to think that the one definition of marriage and that is the one from the culture you were raised. It seems rather ethnocentric to believe that there is ONLY right way to live.

I think monogamy and marriage between just two people works best in our culture, but it is not the only way to live.

It is insulting to people all over the world who were raised in different cultures that have different needs.

Polygamy serves a purpose in some cultures. In fact, polygamy has been practiced since the beginning of time, and in many so called monogomous cultures, people were not faithful.

People do what makes sense to them in the situation they are in and with the values they were raised with.

Monogomy makes sense to me and fits for me. I could never feel comfortable wharing my man. However, if I were raised differently, I'm sure I would feel differently.

Like if a woman were raised in a tribal situation where men and food were scarce, it might make the best sense for her for survival to pool her resources with her sister and help her out to raise kids while sharing a man. It might be the only way the woman or her children to get fed. It is functional in that cultural system. When resources are scarce, polygamy makes more sense.

We have the luxury here of basing a marriage on romantic love. Not everyone has that option.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

I imagine this taking place in Happy Acres Trailer Park, with a massive satellite dish and a 52" TV but no stairs to the front door of the single-wide, so guests have to lean in the front door headfirst and slide themselves inside on their bellies. I mean, dude. I know a wide swath of people and I have never NEVER encountered a tale as gossipworthy as that one.

Yeah for real. Sounds like fodder for the Springer show.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Why do all polygamy relationships have to be one man and many women? Why not one women and many men?

 

[VSL]

Why do all polygamy relationships have to be one man and many women? Why not one women and many men?

I believe one woman + many men is polyandry (or something like that).

 

[mickeyfan2]

Outside of religious "cults" it really isn't that way. As I said I know a woman with a wife and husband, a onetime married couple who each had committed relationships with one other person. they have since divorced and are in monogamous relationships with their other partner.
One friend was once one of 2 "wives" then the other "wife" got pregnant and insisted that the couple that was legally married divorce so that he could marry her and be in a monogamous relationship.

Two of your examples ended with monogamous relationships, so the people involved decided that it did not work.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I believe one woman + many men is polyandry (or something like that).

I was pointing out that everybody seems to think that only men can have more than one wife, but it does not go both ways.

 

[jonestavern]

Yes, most definitely, in certain cultural settings polygamy makes sense for all the reasons OP noted-(and at times,one woman with many husbands also has served a society's goals)

Equally,polygamy can also be an outgrowth, in certain cultures & eras, of one gender's, generally, superior physical strength serving the biological drive.

In American society romantic love, as a reason for marriage, was not generally accepted until the late 19th early 20th century, and then not amoungst all classes. Of course, some folks were always able to have the dutiful/practical unions dovetail with their romantic desires , but this didn't happen too often nor was it the ideal, or for that matter, thought to be very wise! -Our great grandmothers' idea of marital emotional love was not always what we have in mind either
Ah, how I would soon grow to respect & love a hubby that helped me slop the hogs & chink the walls out there in our little house on the prairie!


Jean

 

[disney50fam]

I voted "WRONG" even though my religon did it a LONG time ago,
I still wouldnt want to share ok I can share my food, clothes ect... But NOT my MAN!!!!

 

[jekajekalynn]

I voted "Wrong" too.

However, I wished I had HBO to watch that series... As I often wondered what happens in that kind of household.


For some reason a Bud Light commercial comes to mind: Ahem..

It had Cedric the Entertainer in it, and he somehow got to have his wishes come true (Genie.. or something else, I don't remember that part). So he wished himself on a desert Island with two beautiful women, think what any typical male would think.

However relality set in when instead of doing sexy and groveling things he was expecting , the two gals spent the whole time arguing with each other and whining to him about fixing the tent made of coconuts and other things.


So in the next scene , we see that he 'fixed ' his wish, and now he was alone on the island with some beer, a bbq gril, tv and a dog.

 

[punkin]

Two of your examples ended with monogamous relationships, so the people involved decided that it did not work.

I personally know of two families who did this. Neither really worked.One ended in divorce and the other has switched the second "wife"

Neither family is religious. In one case, there were two "wives" for the husband and in the other case, the wife had a husband and another "wife."

BTW, neither were trailer park type of people. Very bright and educated.

 

[SeattleRedBear]

I voted really wrong, because every time I have seen or heard of polygamists, they are men who have total power/control over the women married. And many times these "women" are extremely young.

I agree completely. I don't disagree with the idea of polygamy (as I've known two sets of three adults, one without children, one with one child) who managed to keep a relationship going for a number of years (the one with the child is still going, the one without broke up after about 10 years). But I completely disagree with what is traditionally practiced as a polygamous marriage in that the relationship is not consensual (where it's basically abuse of young women). That REALLY angers me!

 

[MrsKreamer]

It's not for me, but I think some people like. Just like any marriage as lon as it is consenting, who am I to judge.

I told Dh, why on earth would any man want two women in bed..."Hold me" "Can we cuddle" "Let's talk about our feelings" "What are you thinking about"...

 

[sha_lyn]

BTW, neither were trailer park type of people. Very bright and educated

Igor Dana's comment. It just shows her uneducated opinion of the south in general and me specifically.
Funny thing is I never mentioned where any of these people were from originally, or where they lived when it happened. I'm sure it would surprise Dana to learn the specifics.
One case took place in the metro area of NYC, another in England. One that took place here involves people from England, Fl, MA and GA. All are well educated, well employed home owners.

 

[disykat]

I find it arrogant to think that the one definition of marriage and that is the one from the culture you were raised. It seems rather ethnocentric to believe that there is ONLY right way to live.

I think monogamy and marriage between just two people works best in our culture, but it is not the only way to live.

It is insulting to people all over the world who were raised in different cultures that have different needs.

Polygamy serves a purpose in some cultures. In fact, polygamy has been practiced since the beginning of time, and in many so called monogomous cultures, people were not faithful.

People do what makes sense to them in the situation they are in and with the values they were raised with.

Monogomy makes sense to me and fits for me. I could never feel comfortable wharing my man. However, if I were raised differently, I'm sure I would feel differently.

Like if a woman were raised in a tribal situation where men and food were scarce, it might make the best sense for her for survival to pool her resources with her sister and help her out to raise kids while sharing a man. It might be the only way the woman or her children to get fed. It is functional in that cultural system. When resources are scarce, polygamy makes more sense.

We have the luxury here of basing a marriage on romantic love. Not everyone has that option.

I think most people answered the poll not from a global or historical perspective, but rather a "here and now" perspective.