please tell me I did the right thing

[sparklynails23]

OK. I thought the tournament he was promoting was on the day of your surgery. I guess it wasn't. He just decided to golf with his buddies instead of hanging out with you after your surgery, and it was knee surgery, so you probably needed help getting around. Yeah, you did the right thing. He isn't husband material.

 

[Disney Doll]

You did the right thing.
Now don't worry about him being sad, especially since he wasn't particularly worried about you having surgery. He's a big boy. He'll live.

 

[tonilea]

Don't settle. You deserve a man who gives 110%. (Of course, you have to be willing to do the same - and it sounds like you are)

 

[DebbieB]

I have a brother who is selfish. He has been divorced twice. I don't see him often, when I do he gets on my nerves with talking about himself. When I was introduced to his second wife before they were married, I knew he was going to hurt her. I felt like telling her to run but I didn't. It lasted 2 or 3 years and ended badly. He has been engaged twice since then! Both of the times he broke it off. I didn't meet either of them. I can't figure out what draws women to him. 15 minutes with him and I would be running out the door, he is so self centered. He has a 15 year old son and is always yelling at him and demeaning him. That would be a major clue to me.

 

[Handbag Lady]

You did the right thing. The only way you'll really realize it is when time passes and you end up with THE Prince Charming and you compare the two.

When I was rushed to the ER with a failed gall bladder, my husband was right there by my side the entire time, until they kicked him out overnight. The next morning (when I was having my emergency surgery), he was in my room before I was awake, complete with a packed over-night bag with my Kindle and iPod and jammies.

Yes, it wasn't life-threatening, but he was there for me. I couldn't imagine him playing golf instead. (or playing bass guitar, which is my husband's passion).

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Eh, it depends what the surgery was. Promoting a golf tournament usually is planned months in advance, so if you scheduled your wisdom teeth surgery on the same day, then you were the one being selfish. If you were having tumors removed, he should have made time, no matter the commitment.

When you are promoting a golf tournament, it's pretty standard to play, too.

Does he have a golf addiction? Is all of his "selfishness" centered around golf?

Not an excuse at all. If someone you truly love has surgery, of any degree, you are there and not golfing... or anything that doesn't physically hold you back.

People die all the time from routine surgeries.

 

[PatsGirl]

Run, don't walk

I looked past so many red flags with my ex that I think it may have destroyed my ability to trust again. Geez, how many times do some of us have to be shown we aren't worthy before we start believing it? I could tell you stories but this is about you and your story

Know that you deserve better, go out and get it, and NEVER look back.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

He is not the guy for you. Let him go. You have to have honesty as the foundation of a relationship and he fails in that dept.

Also if he was not honest about this, I am sure there are many things he is lying to you about.

You just finally realized how serious his "red flags" are.

You gave it a shot and he showed you who he is.

 

[a1tinkfans]

OP: You did the right thing!


YOU deserve to be treated with respect, you Deserve that. Someone that cherishes you! It is always easier to look back at the "what if's" but in your heart you KNOW you did the right thing.

Don't call don't write, move forward....just around the corner is someone that deserves to have you in their life. Someone that will be there for you in good times and the bad times! Someone that recognizes you for the good person you are!

Try and find something "new" for this phase of your life, a new hobby or one that always interested you, but you never thought you'd have the opportunity/time/$ to explore. Like photography??? Sign up for a hobby/class for something you're interested in, and guess what...like minded people will be in there too

I think you need to "heal" and just take some Me time, you made a tough decision, you DO deserve better and I want to WISH you the very best!!

 

[diesel]

Just keep repeating to yourself "I deserve better". And you do.

 

[Rora]

You did the right thing. YOU deserve so much better. He IS selfish. Hang in there, the right person for you is right around the corner... Please do not call him up that call if it comes at all should come from him and even then you should search deep before accepting it.

This.

OP- you did the right thing. Sending good thoughts and hugs your way!

 

[Gigi22]

Good for you OP! The moment I saw the difference in your ages, and that the problem with the guy was his selfishness and lack of consideration I agreed with you completely. Chalk one up to experience, and move on.

 

[shortbun]

Darlin' you know you did the right thing. True happiness will find you but not in this relationship. He's a selfish, immature, sexist creep: the kind of guy who's with you when there's nothing else he'd rather do. Want to be 2nd fiddle to his fun for the rest of your life? I thought not. Move forward. Don't call him.

 

[Tinkermommy]

Here is one of my favorite quotes:

Who you are speaks so loudly I can't hear what your saying. Tagore

I often think of this when evaluating whether I want someone in my life or not. It really speaks to me that someone's actions conveys their true feelings/wants/motivations/etc.

OP, you know what is right. Would you want someone to treat your daughter (hypothetically) like this?

I know this hurts right now, but it will hurt later and possibly more people (children) if you continue with him. It's not easy, but in the long run you will find someone who will be a true partner.

 

[bettymae1121]

Yes, you did the right thing! It hurts now but you WILL be better off in the long run.

 

[java]

So, did I do the right thing by breaking up or would I be stupid to call him up??

Yes and yes

 

[n2dzny]

I know I keep saying this but I really appreciate your responses.

I just told my aunt about our break up and she reminded me of a few things that I had forgotten. She also told me not to worry cuz he is prob not hurting as bad as I think.

Anyway, you all are bringing up good points.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I broke up with my boyfriend of exactly a year.

A little background:
he is 42, I am 30. he is divorced, (ex left him for woman), I have never been married.

We dated for a year and during the course of the year, I did notice some things that I didnt like, some red flags I guess they are called. But I did what I know I shouldnt have & I ignored them. Mainly him being selfish and self-serving to a point that it turns ppl off, even his family who love him very much.

I fell in love with him but all along knew the red flags were there. Had a couple of convos with his sisters (who love him very much but know how he is) and they told me that I shouldnt be with him. (they saw how he was doing me)

Well, in March I tried to break up with him, I told him that I was going to and he talked me out of it. He told me that he would change the things that needed to change and he did; I immediatley saw great improvements. But after a few months, I could slowly see his selfish ways creeping back up. (I know that I can not change him, that is a red flag that I ignored)

The latest thing that happened that let me know that he is selfish and will always be selfish and I am not willing to put up with that level of selfishness was last Fri, I had surgery. He told me that he would not be able to be with me because he had things to do (he lives 2 hrs away and was promoting a golf tournament). I found out Sun that he played golf Sat. What upset me about the fact that he played golf is that he knew all along that he was going to play, he just led me to believe that he was coming until a few days before then he started telling me that he had too much to do (I believe his golf buddy confirmed that he could play, so he went with golf). It made me realize that I am not a priority for him and I will NEVER be. I love him and if he had surgery or anything, I would have soooo been there for him. He has a lot good qualities and I do love him, I just can not be with someone who dont make me a priority (within reason, I know that jobs & kids sometimes have to come first, but I hope you know what I mean) Also, there are several other red flags, this just happened to be the one that made me say "no more". I broke up with him Mon.
My friends and family all like him but NO ONE felt like he was "the one" for me. My parents and sister honestly wanted to like him, but they never could get past his selfishness. (before I broke up with him, I thought I knew how they felt, but after I broke up with him, they all told me that they were glad cuz they were afraid I would be *blinded by love*) I really liked his parents, dev a wonderful rel with them and his sisters. It is kinda hard on me too cuz I havent spoken with any of them since I broke up with him.

So, the reason I am doubting myself is because I do love him (love is blind, I realize that and I am trying to do something that will save me a lot of heartache in the future) and I know I hurt him and I want to get in my car and drive to his house (even though I havent been released to drive yet) and ask for forgiveness and hope that he will take me back (which I think he will). He was blindsided, he had no idea what was about to happen.

Part of me says that he is a big boy, he will be ok, but the other part of me hurts so bad for him. Since my family feels the way they do, I dont show emotion in front of them, but it does hurt.

So, did I do the right thing by breaking up or would I be stupid to call him up??

Yes, you did the right thing.

 

[eliza61]

Famous old saying (or at least according to my grandma)

Never make some one a priority who considers you an option!!

and

A leopords spots do not change, they only get bigger

bottom line,
You are not a priority with him and he's 42 so the chances of him changing are slim to none.