"Playdate" Should they have provided lunch?

[phragmipedium]

When I was that age, my friends and I were not that structured to have a "play date" from 12-4 or any set time. My best girlfriend and I usually spent most of the weekend together, back and forth at each other's home - either catching rides with family members, walking, riding bikes, etc. We ate snacks and cooked our own lunches and no one's parents minded because it all evened out between the homes. My friend's parents never offered drinks or food because they knew we fended for ourselves by that age - it was a given that we were allowed to do that. When I was younger and in elementary school, it was more of a set-time visit, meals would be mentioned, someone would have to pick you up and drop you off, etc.

That said, if my child (at any age) was invited to someone's home for a set time and it fell near a meal time and meals were not mentioned in the invitation, I'd make sure they ate before they left and expect them to remember their manners regarding food among other things while they were visiting. While *I* would ask if my kid's guest had eaten, offer a meal, snacks, etc to my visitors or expect my older child to offer to their friends, that's not how it works in every home and I wouldn't make the assumption of someone else to do so.

That's kind of my rule of thumb with most things - I know I like to do thank you notes but not everyone does, I know I like to ask what I can bring to a party but not everyone does, I know I like to offer to help clean up after a get-together but not everyone does, etc. I just try to behave the way I was raised and would want to conduct myself, but not necessarily expect it from others or assume they do things the same way. People have different concepts of hospitality and what it means to be or entertain a guest.

 

[MichelleVW]

Most people who've posted don't seem to have realized the host son must have eaten before the get together, as he was not hungry for 4 hours. So, he didn't offer food or any snacks.

I think it would have been rude for the OP's son to say, "Hey, I'm a hungry teen. Got anything to eat or snack on?" She obviously raised him with the right manners to let the host lead. Just because "teens are always hungry" doesn't mean they can automatically raid someone else's kitchen if the host didn't say so at one time. Or to ask, if snacks weren't offered.

I really don't think it's rude for a teen to tell their friend..."hey, I'm hungry..." Kids do it at my house all the time!!

I have taught my kids to offer food to their friends, but I'm not going to prepare teenagers anything. They are on their own.

If they happen to be here at dinner time that's another story and I always make enough for friends, but I don't make my kids lunch, I'm certainly not making their friends lunch.

 

[OceanAnnie]

If someone invited me to their house from 12-4pm, I'd have expected some kind of food.

Me too.

Noon is lunchtime to me. I would've probably fed my child just in case, but most people I know schedule things avoiding meal times if they don't plan on serving a meal.

I offer food & drinks and/or set it out no matter what the age of the people that come to the house. That's just me. I'm surprised that food isn't generally offered (from reading this thread). We haven't had any starving kids after a get together, but I'll be loading ours up beforehand now, JIC.

 

[yoopermom]

I have a very open kitchen policy with DS15 and his friends (same ones he's had forever). His BF's mom is the same way, so I know he always gets enough to eat there.

He did used to have a friend, though, whose mom fed DS very skimpily, although that's how she fed her own family, as well (aka he went over at 4 pm for a sleepover, when I picked him up the next day at 10 am there was a leftover pot of buttered noodles on the table that she had served for supper, nothing else, and they never had any breakfast). I either sent a lot of food for him to share (bag of apples, box of granola bars, etc), or didn't let him go for extended periods of time after that to that house.

No teen will starve going four hours without food, although they might think they will!

Terri

 

[disney1990]

I didn't know that kids could go that long without food -- especially teenage boys. I would have expected snacks to be available, but probably not lunch per say.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm curious - for those of you who stated that you would expect food to be offered, do you have teens, or younger kids? Because as a parent of both, there is a huge difference in my involvment when they have friends over. When dd13 has friends over, I'm not here (whether I'm here or not).

 

[MichelleVW]

I'm curious - for those of you who stated that you would expect food to be offered, do you have teens, or younger kids? Because as a parent of both, there is a huge difference in my involvment when they have friends over. When dd13 has friends over, I'm not here (whether I'm here or not).

Exactly...I was wondering the same thing. When the girls were younger I made sure everyone was fed, but with teens they are on their own.

 

[Evil Genius]

With so many kids having so many allergies, and the pickiness of eaters these days, I don't think I would have served food either.

 

[Green Tea]

I would have expected 13 year old boys to fix their own lunch on a Saturday afternoon.

 

[taximomfor4]

I think since the kids are 13yo, I wouldn't expect lunch to be served. Even for my younger kids, if they are going to a friends house, unless they were invited over specifically for a meal, I tell them they'd better eat something before they go.

And when my teen dd has friends over, I make her a completely independent hostess. I don't get involved, at all, in what she is offering/not offering her guests.

My 11 yo dd is always off to some friend or other's house. Sometimes she stays as long as she thought, sometimes she comes home and has already eaten, sometimes she comes home earlier than expected because she got hungry (or whatever). I asked her about this issue this morning, this thread got me curious. She said sometimes her friends' moms invite her to stay for dinner (she calls and asks us). But the moms never offer drinks/snacks. The friends sometimes offer, but never the moms anymore.

So middleschoolers in her circle seem to be nearly independent hosts/hostesses as well.

 

[wvjules]

I agree, it would have been rude for my son to ask for food and he never would have done that. Even if the parent said help yourselves, he wouldn't have.

Then he wouldn't have eaten even if lunch was offered?

Did the friend eat anything? I can't imagine 4 13 year old boys not eating ANYTHING for 4 hours.

 

[nutterbutter2010]

If it were from 11am-3pm or something like that, then yes I would think something would have been offered. But from 12-4, no. If it were my house, I would probably have asked if they wanted a snack, but thats about it.

 

[jodifla]

Anybody who is at my home that long gets offered food and drink.

It's common courtesy.

 

[punkin]

Anybody who is at my home that long gets offered food and drink.

It's common courtesy.

Ditto!

I feed my DD's friends all the time.

 

[Wall-E1]

When my fourteen year old, young adult male has acquaintances over for an afternoon social gathering, accepted protocol would dictate offering tea and crumpets after the first ninety minutes of interaction amongst the participants of said social gathering.

 

[themilesfamily]

I swear, I don't know what's normal or proper anymore. The kids in my neighborhood are 5-9 years old and the FIRST thing they say when they walk in my house is, "Can we have a snack?" (chimed loudly in unison)

I like the tea and crumpets idea. There aren't nearly enough tea and crumpets served in the U.S. today...

Seriously, though, when my DD goes over to somebody's house it seems like they always have a little something regardless of the time. I wouldn't expect her to be fed a meal. But I would be surprised if she came home after four hours and she'd had nothing to eat. Not upset, but surprised. Usually the kids break out the fishy-crackers, an apple, or a cookie or two.

When I was growing up it was, "no snacking between meals." But that doesn't seem to be the case anymore. It seems like a much more "open kitchen" environment in most households. And I don't mind that. I think the "no snacking" rule as a kid just made us crave those goodies all the more -- heck, I still ended up fat.

Bottom line, if a kid were at my house for four hours, I would offer them something if they hadn't already asked.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Anybody who is at my home that long gets offered food and drink.

It's common courtesy.

Agreed!

 

[disneydreamersx4]

Most definitely would have served lunch! That mom was awful to let those boys go hungry!

 

[Tink888]

My boys are 12 & 14, when they have friends over, I don't serve anything. My kitchen is pretty open, if they're hungry or thirsty, they can help themselves, just don't break open the steaks and start grilling.

Sometimes I'll ask if they want something but mostly I leave them alone. I will serve breakfast for sleepovers and I'll always extend a dinner invitation.

I think it depends if their friends are neighborhood kids too. In the summer for example we'd have neighbor boys over here all day long. I'd always have drinks and snacks in the kitchen so they could help themselves but no way would I be serving those kids lunch everyday. They can go home for that and come back.

When my boys go over someone's house, I don't expect anything either. I figure if my boys are hungry, they'll tell their friends. If they don't eat and are starving when they get home, it's no big deal to me, I know it won't kill them and they can just eat here. Gosh, if my boys ate at someone else's house they way they eat here, I'd expect a food bill when I picked them up.

 

[Tink888]

Most definitely would have served lunch! That mom was awful to let those boys go hungry!

Really? At that age boys are hungry ALL the time and old enough to speak up. Now, if that Mom had stood guard in her kitchen and refused all food and drink then yeah, that's awful, but not to offer it, sorry I just don't think that makes a person awful IMHO.