Playdate "protocol"

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

How many times will you invite a child over if the offer is not reciprocated? I tend to have a 3 date limit. I know people work and have schedules, but if they can find the time to bring the kids to my house, why can't they find the time to have my kid?

Am I the only one that feels this way? It only happens with 2 kids my oldest plays with and she's been wanting one of them to come back, but I feel like we are being taken advantage of.

I always extend an invitation if my dd goes on a playdate.


Any thoughts.

 

[Bob Slydell]

If your kids love playing with the kids, I don't think I would have any type of "cut off", because that would, in essense, be penalizing your kids.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

I don't keep track.

 

[onecoolmama]

I dunno about having a cut off. To be honest..Iwould rather have kids at my house. I know what my kids are and are not allowed to do.

For example, my kids dont drink Soda, but one mom I know gives her kids whatever..she stuck coke in the baby's bottle.

So, I dont think I would have a cut off. But what do I know..my kids are little still.

 

[vald1977]

I actually prefer the playdates at my house - so no cut off.

 

[RitaZ.]

Some parents use these opportunities as "free babysitting", but for whatever reason they don't seem to reciprocate; maybe it's best that way. If the kids play well together and enjoy each other's company, that's what matters.

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by onecoolmama
..she stuck coke in the baby's bottle.

.

OMG!!!!! I've never heard of that before.

 

[wovenwonder]

I think that it is odd to even keep score?

Kids are ALWAYS at my house -- and I like it that way. I love the feeling of knowing my child is having a good time with friends but at the same time I never have to guess where my child is or what he is doing.

 

[CEDmom]

I can understand your frustration but there may be things going on in the home that you don't know about. If my DD had a playmate that she really enjoyed having over and the child was well behaved I wouldn't have a problem with them playing here all the time.

 

[Beth76]

That's a tough one. I (sort of) have the same dilema. My son is 3 and the kid next door is 5. They just started playing together, but outside only. If I'm out watching my son, the neighbors will just send their son out to play and for me to watch. He (the dad) even had the nerve to send his son over to ask my son to come out and play and ask if I'll watch them! It was super hot/humid and I was 8 months pregnant. I was ticked!! But, my son loves playing with his kid and they play well together. During the summer, my son doesn't get a whole lot of interaction with other kids. So, I keep doing it because my son loves to play with this "big kid". And it keeps him occupied so that I don't have to play with him. That sounds really bad, but at 9 months pregnant now, it's really hard for me to play ball (or whatever) with my son. At least this way, he has someone to play with.

 

[MOMTOMOOTOO]

I see some of you think I'm weird

I absolutely love having kids here and having 3 of my own there is at least one child here every day. Like alot of you, I prefer them to play here, but its hard to explain to a 7 yo, who wants to go play at "Janies" house this time that she wasn't invited. I mean as much as my oldest loves having friends over, she sometimes prefers to be the one going over.

 

[shortbun]

Don't keep track here either. Ds loves to go to others to play
but I'd rather have him here in many cases. Most of his friends
reciprocate in some way. I don't think you are weird and understand your frustration but some adults just know they are
not great with other kids around. I'd respect their judgement and
be happy to have their kids at my house.

 

[onecoolmama]

Originally posted by Hillbeans
OMG!!!!! I've never heard of that before.

I know right! But wait..you do know I was talking about Soda!

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by MOMTOMOOTOO
I see some of you think I'm weird

I don't think anyone called you wierd??

 

[dizagain]

I sort of know what you mean...I always try to invite kids over SOON after they have mine. I also love having kids here, though. Older DD has no neighbor kids to play with, so it's always a pick-up/take-home deal. Most of the girls she invites are great and I'm friends with their moms so it's easy. I just keep telling myself that if kids hang out at my house now, maybe they will in their teens when I will REALLY want to be the one watching them!!!

 

[Hillbeans]

Originally posted by MOMTOMOOTOO
I see some of you think I'm weird

I absolutely love having kids here and having 3 of my own there is at least one child here every day. Like alot of you, I prefer them to play here, but its hard to explain to a 7 yo, who wants to go play at "Janies" house this time that she wasn't invited. I mean as much as my oldest loves having friends over, she sometimes prefers to be the one going over.

I don't think you're weird...us Jerseyians stick together.

Seriously, I don't really do "playdates", but I have some friends over or I go to their house occasionally to let the kids play (my 3 YO is in daycare 3 days a week). My best friend has a 2 yo and I guess we're "exclusive" when it comes to playdates. I was in a Mom's group and they all treated me weird because I "worked FT" and they didn't and couldn't understand how I could put my DS in daycare. I didn't want to be judged anymore so now I just meet friends occasionally, and my 2 nieces every few weeks.

 

[onecoolmama]

I should have told you that..I absolutely have a friend that does that!

She does it with xmas presents and kids playing and I mean she notices when things dont get returned. I dont think it is weird at all. I just honestly prefer everyone at my house.

 

[castlegazer]

I dont think you're wierd. I just have not gotten there yet. I think I may feel the same way as you, but pondering this is filling me with 'what ifs' - like what if I don't like the parents and I really am uncomfortable with my son going to their house, what if they let them drink soda, what if...... Oh, man, I need to let go soon and I am so not ready!

I think when I was little I used to go to sleepovers at one girls house a lot - I don't remember reciprocating that often. I don't know if my Mom didn't like sleepovers or what, in fact I hadn't thought about it until now. I know that they were extremely wealthy - we were too but they were very, very wealthy, and had a play room designed specifically for sleepovers and we all went there a lot. I am glad her Mom didn't have a reciprocation rule because it would have stunk if we couldn't go there as often as we all did. Thinking about it that way, and not as the overprotective Mom that I am, I think have a reciprocation rule is not fair to your child if they really want to go play with that other child. I know it stinks for her when she doesn't understand why she can't go to their house, but maybe the invitation will come some time and then she can.

 

[aprincessmom]

I don't keep track. It's easier for me, actually, if they come to my house because then I don't have to drive DD all over town

Seriously, if DD has made a friend and they want to play together I really don't care which house they at play as long as they are having fun.

edited to add
DD is an only and most of her friends prefer to play at our house so they can play with just DD and not have include other younger brothers and sisters. One little girl who has 4 sisters under the age of 6 likes to come to our house to play because, as she told her mother "it's much more quiet and organized and none of the games have missing pieces".

Maybe the children feel comfortable at your house and the parents do as well...I'd take that as a compliment

 

[m&m's mom]

I completely understand that you do not want to be used as a baby sitter and I think that is legitimate.
I work so I don't have this but I would think if you are a SAHM and never get some time alone and all the kids are at our house that might increase your stress.
I think another advantage of having the kids come to your house though is you don't have to entertain the kids as much as if they were home w/ just you.