Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[mustinjourney]

I asked my brother if he wanted to join us (my DH and I) for part of our trip in the fall. My brother all too enthusiastically agreed that he wanted to go. But I told him up front before he booked, we are not changing any plans for you. Where we want to eat, we will eat. What we want to ride, we will ride. If you want to do something else, you are more than welcome, but we are not deviating. And he said he agreed to this. The main thing is that my brother and I have both been before, and my husband hasn't. So I want it to be special for him. I'm sure it's different because we're all family, though.

It's a lot easier to tell your sibling that...much harder to tell a friend...especially if it might impact your kid's friendships.

I guess one piece of advice would be to schedule in some unscheduled blocks of time that you can just roll with the punches and do whatever. That way if you want to split up, no problems. On the last two family trips we've done, some of the most fun times I've had were when I split off with my DD and ran around DHS and MK for a few hours each while everyone else went back to the room.

 

[MainMom]

Maybe so. I am doing it for our girls. They are best friends. My friend's daughter has wanted this trip for four years.

Can you have the daughter over without the mom and get some of her opinions? Or, if that's not possible, have your daughter ask her (text/Snapchat.)

 

[quandrea]

Can you have the daughter over without the mom and get some of her opinions? Or, if that's not possible, have your daughter ask her (text/Snapchat.)

No. Mom says the daughter is too busy/overwhelmed by school right now. Texting might work.

 

[Senk]

I feel like planning with friends is just so tough.

We are first timers going with other first timers in 17 days. I planned months in advance. Booked onsite, made 180 day ADRs, 60 day FP, etc. DH's best friend and his son are going too. We agreed to this last summer but friend just bought tickets last week. No plans. I offered to book FP for them and try to make some ADRs but he wants to wing it. Whatever is my attitude at this point. I have a feeling we'll hardly see each other.

My family will have a great tine regardless but I'm afraid his kid will miss out on some stuff that a little planning would make possible. We are close and I want him to have a magical time too.

 

[jodls01]

My extended family went to wdw for Christmas and I asked everyone whether they wanted CP or Trails End(picky eaters and diet issues eliminated many choices). When I tried to add one person to CP reservation from 12 to 13 I had to make a new reservation at a new time plus the new reservation changed our FP and dinner reservations. So make sure your ADRs are for entire party because you can always subtract from reservation. Luckily the CMs that helped me with FPs were very patient and helpful. We had thrill riders and non-riders in group so our FPs fell into 3 categories and logistics was a problem.

I didn't want the first timers to miss their "must" ride so I gave everyone a list of all the rides at each park and asked them to mark their "must" ride and to list their choices in order of importance. I had to explain how tier rides worked. I was surprised with teenagers' choices especially when everyone wanted to ride Frozen ride at Epcot. I was able to get FPs for Frozen ride and all the "must" rides.

Since everyone had cell phones I made sure that if anyone wanted to do something different from itinerary, that they were free to do so and they could rejoin group at any time. This happened with meal times and meal choices.

 

[robinb]

It's 11 hours and 4 pages later and you're still stressing about this? The friend's mom probably thinks you are insane to want to plan everything 6 months in advance. She doesn't understand why you are so insistent and it's simply not a priority for her. I would make your own plans for your family *and* their family at your 180 window without bothering them further. Then, when they get around to talking to you about the vacation you can move things around where you can but at least you will at least have something in place. I would also make sure you have one reservation for CRT and for GG since the mom wants a character meal but won't eat at a buffet (what about 'Ohana breakfast? Does that work?).

 

[ktlm]

Here is what I would do:

If she does not have time to give input, I would plan the ADRS without her and make them at 180 days. I would book enough seats for everyone. You can go to the ADR without her and they will not charge as long as someone shows up.

When she gets around to deciding what ADRs she would like or making plans with you, then you can see if what she wants is still available and if so, you can modify and change up the ADRs you booked.

That way, you start off with what you want booked. If she decides she doesn't want to do TS that is important to you, then you can just go without her and meet up after. If she decides she wants to plan and book ADRS, then either 1) you change things around to how you both decide, or 2) you look and it isn't available and you tell her she was too late, but that you have other things planned where she can join you if she would like.

 

[quandrea]

It's 11 hours and 4 pages later and you're still stressing about this? The friend's mom probably thinks you are insane to want to plan everything 6 months in advance. She doesn't understand why you are so insistent and it's simply not a priority for her. I would make your own plans for your family *and* their family at your 180 window without bothering them further. Then, when they get around to talking to you about the vacation you can move things around where you can but at least you will at least have something in place. I would also make sure you have one reservation for CRT and for GG since the mom wants a character meal but won't eat at a buffet (what about 'Ohana breakfast? Does that work?).

Not stressing about it. Replying to people who are kind enough to give their thoughts. Just thought I was being respectful of other people's time and thoughts.

 

[Westcoastwild]

I think this is the proper board for this.

My 180 day mark is approaching in a week or two. My travel party is myself and my three kids--dd 13 and my son and daughter, both 7. Dd's best friend, also 13 and her mom (good friend of mine) will be joining us.

Staying at AK Kidani in a two bedroom following a one night stay at Universal. We will be at WDW for three and a half days, four nights.

My frustration comes from not being able to get my friend to set aside an hour or two to meet to discuss dining reservations, what parks we will visit each day and priority rides. She doesn't get that I'd like to build an itinerary in advance of the 180 mark. She says dd is stressed with end of school assignments (she goes til June 30). All I get is, "I thought we could do fast passes in the fall."

I understand that her daughter might be busy, but surely an hour over snacks to hammer out ADRs and what we basically want to do is not too much to ask?

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

She sounds kind of like a friend of mine. so...

1. Main concern would be finances. Can she afford this trip? Did she say yes to Kidani because it sounded cool or because she can realistically afford it and it's what she'd pick on her own? My friend will say "oh, we should stay there, it sounds cool" but it's not something she would book merely based on price. Champagne tastes- cheap beer budget.


2. Second concern is that she wants input but is not supplying that input. it probably won't get better after June 30. My friend will say that she's super busy. In reality she just doesn't want to look at logistics until a week before the trip, when I've figured out logistics and I'm not going to change things.

No. Mom says the daughter is too busy/overwhelmed by school right now. Texting might work.

Like let me just call BS. Isn't this kid a friend of your daughter's? There is No Way that seventh grader has totally cut herself off from social media and friends. Put your daughter in charge of contact. Your daughter can call or text or facebook the kid and fish for info. If the kid has no preference, just get your daughters input on what the kid would like.



I'm not going to join the chorus of you shouldn't go on this trip. But I think you need to take a good long hard look at if you can afford the trip- especially the lodging- on your own. Because she may dislike planning BUT if she's like my friend, it's that she has no intention of buying her tickets until September because she can't afford to. Are you absolutely certain she HAS bought her tickets? Both plane and park? You can book ADRs but not FP without tickets, right?

I think the chief problem with booking even the ADRs is because it is very possible she doesn't know her food budget yet. she may like table service or character dining in theory, but when it gets down to it, she could splurge on table service that first day and then want to back out of everything else the minute she realizes how much stuff adds up.

Maybe prepare your kid for the idea that if she wants to stick with her friend the whole time, she's going to have to sacrifice her own favorite meals. Or, she's going to have to be prepared to be "mean". Because I definitely do not think you should open yourself up to any possibility of covering their meals just to maintain harmony.

 

[Cinderella94]

Please don't put the daughters in the middle of this. I fully agree that this situation is ridiculous and something needs to be done, but if it's going to make things more tense, please don't get the daughters involved fishing for info.

 

[Westcoastwild]

Please don't put the daughters in the middle of this. I fully agree that this situation is ridiculous and something needs to be done, but if it's going to make things more tense, please don't get the daughters involved fishing for info.

I didn't mean fishing in negative sense. Not gossip. Just get the daughter to touch base with her friend and see if there's something the kid really wants to do. Or food preferences. That would be good to know if you're making "just in case" reservations.Unless I missed something, the girls are friends and therefore must talk right?

 

[Shanti]

I think this is the proper board for this.

My 180 day mark is approaching in a week or two. My travel party is myself and my three kids--dd 13 and my son and daughter, both 7. Dd's best friend, also 13 and her mom (good friend of mine) will be joining us.

Staying at AK Kidani in a two bedroom following a one night stay at Universal. We will be at WDW for three and a half days, four nights.

My frustration comes from not being able to get my friend to set aside an hour or two to meet to discuss dining reservations, what parks we will visit each day and priority rides. She doesn't get that I'd like to build an itinerary in advance of the 180 mark. She says dd is stressed with end of school assignments (she goes til June 30). All I get is, "I thought we could do fast passes in the fall."

I understand that her daughter might be busy, but surely an hour over snacks to hammer out ADRs and what we basically want to do is not too much to ask?

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

Flights are often cheapest 2-3 months before travel, fyi.

 

[quandrea]

Flights are often cheapest 2-3 months before travel, fyi.

Not from Canada. I fly to mco about five times per year. Flights are usually high upon release, drop briefly and then steadily climb. This is especially true at busy times of year. I find six to eight months ahead is often the sweet spot.

 

[5DisneyNuts]

We included the little family on our street one trip. Now I am not sorry, but I would think long and hard about doing this again. Mom was never able to take a moment to listen to any plan. Not one thing. She was ill prepared, and miserable. And broke because she never saved a dime for the trip.

My DH picked up the tab for almost the entire trip for all of us, my DD and I shopped for the kids and made sure they were good but if you cannot take a second to discuss dining, etc, you are not prepared for the costs associated with vacations. Like tips and the beverages.

OP- I would just make sure that when you make your plans, and I sure would make them, I would send Mom a spreadsheet of the estimated OOP costs associated with the trip. Tips, etc need to be discussed ahead of time or you might end up having to make up the difference, or not leave enough.

I haven't read all posts carefully, so I don't know if others mentioned this, but Nancyg56's jumped out at me. This is so important. The planning is one thing and you have gotten really good advice. What about the finances? This will ultimately be the most important thing and she must be on the same page as you. If you make reservations at CA Grill, you have to make her aware of the costs, IMO.

I agree with others when they say most people have no idea that WDW trip planning starts at least 6 months in advance for some and is pretty important depending on when you go. Look at crowd calendars,
sketch out you plans, have dining reservations with options...in the long run she will either appreciate it or she won't, either way you have a plan.

 

[5DisneyNuts]

Flights are often cheapest 2-3 months before travel, fyi.

Not at Thanksgiving based on my airports and previous years experience. Sounds like the OP is talking about late November early/mid December, so if that is the case you may be right. Although I think it is hard to predict based on how airfares for all airlines have been all over the place all year.

 

[ShellieMimi]

Flights are often cheapest 2-3 months before travel, fyi.

JetBlue JFK > MCO are cheapest the day they release and it's all uphill from there.

 

[IrishNYC]

I would just make the ADRs you think will work best for what everyone wants, then when she finds the time to discuss it you can either say, "oh good I'm glad I already booked that one, because I knew it would be hard to get," or "hmm that's all booked, good thing I booked this other one just in case" and explain you can keep looking for more deseriable options, cancel, or split up when she's not pleased. At least you know you'll be happy, and maybe when she decides in July that she wants to discuss ADRs and you can't get BOG or Ohana, she'll realize you did the best you could.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

Sorry OP, that sucks. Wish I could offer some advice but I just don't travel with people who are like that.

 

[MickeyWaffles]

Here is what I would do, echoing others thoughts:

-The only thing that matters right now is ADRs. Book a few options for each day.
When she's ready to revisit, see if anything she wants is available. Otherwise, oh well. She can choose from what you already booked. And she's never been there so she has nothing to compare them to!

-Priority rides can wait until further down the road, closer to your 60 day.

-Don't get too frustrated. It will just be a very different trip for you. Try not to overschedule because that can be very overwhelming for first timers. I'm not sure what your touring style is like but a strict schedule sometimes stresses out first timers who want to lollygag taking it all in or go on a ride they walk by that isn't on the schedule.

You have lots of time until your trip to get it all sorted out. Do what you can solo now and worry about the rest when she's ready to plan. I suspect she may never be ready to plan in which case that will work out much better for you! Good luck!

 

[Nancyg56]

I haven't read all posts carefully, so I don't know if others mentioned this, but Nancyg56's jumped out at me. This is so important. The planning is one thing and you have gotten really good advice. What about the finances? This will ultimately be the most important thing and she must be on the same page as you. If you make reservations at CA Grill, you have to make her aware of the costs, IMO.
.

It can be an uncomfortable conversation, but a very necessary one. Our trips include dining, a lot of dining. WE are used to Disney costs, and tried to make our friend aware of them so she could plan. We gave up trying to discuss Disney planning, she said she could not "focus" on it. She reneged on every aspect of the financial commitments she made, so we picked those up, but not even enough money for her share of the tips and beverages? $300.00 for the three of them for a week.

The OP's predicament seems to be similar to the one we were in, and while we all make our own choices in how we handle awkward circumstances, it seems to me that unless the OP is prepared to take on the costs that may go unpaid, she better have the conversation prior to leaving. We knew ahead of time that we were paying for the majority of that trip, and we did it for the girls, but we made that decision as it became clear that Mom was just out of touch with this.