Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[quandrea]

I think this is the proper board for this.

My 180 day mark is approaching in a week or two. My travel party is myself and my three kids--dd 13 and my son and daughter, both 7. Dd's best friend, also 13 and her mom (good friend of mine) will be joining us.

Staying at AK Kidani in a two bedroom following a one night stay at Universal. We will be at WDW for three and a half days, four nights.

My frustration comes from not being able to get my friend to set aside an hour or two to meet to discuss dining reservations, what parks we will visit each day and priority rides. She doesn't get that I'd like to build an itinerary in advance of the 180 mark. She says dd is stressed with end of school assignments (she goes til June 30). All I get is, "I thought we could do fast passes in the fall."

I understand that her daughter might be busy, but surely an hour over snacks to hammer out ADRs and what we basically want to do is not too much to ask?

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

 

[patty57]

How about asking the mom if she is agreeable to you making the plans for everyone for now? If she doesn't like what you plan, she can always change her plans when she is ready in the fall, or whenever.

 

[quandrea]

How about asking the mom if she is agreeable to you making the plans for everyone for now? If she doesn't like what you plan, she can always change her plans when she is ready in the fall, or whenever.

She isn't. Tried that. She keeps talking about submitting a list to me with what they want to do, comparing said list with us, approving the plans. But then she won't produce this list list or meet to discuss this list because her daughter is too stressed and busy (its grade seven for goodness sake)! I was a grade seven teacher--I know how it is!

 

[sharonabe]

I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

Does she really want to go? I get not understanding the need to do planning this far out, but this sounds like something more. As you said, setting aside an hour somewhere to talk about food isn't that hard to do. Could she have made a snap decision to join you and is now regretting or questioning it?

Either way, I would make ADRs for the 7 of you for everything you know you guys want to do. You can always drop people from the ADR. Adding people can be next to impossible.

 

[Mickey's Best Girl]

If I were in your shoes I'd let her know that I'm going ahead and booking dining etc. and if there is something she'd like to change in the future you two can discuss and see what's available at that point and perhaps make some changes. That way, when she does find the time to make a plan or two you won't be totally screwed due to unavailability.

It's your trip too. I think you're being way to lenient. And that's coming from someone who plans NOTHING but I know how important it to many folks here.

Good luck!

 

[quandrea]

Yes she really wants to go. I think that the whole thing stresses her out. She is a very anxious person in all aspects of life and any of the planning sends her into a tailspin. She asked me to come on this trip. Her daughter is an only child and it affords her daughter the opportunity to experience the parks with friends. Truthfully, I think she's going to be stressed throughout the process and trip. It's just her nature.

I think the stress about school year end is largely her own stress and not the daughter's.

 

[ENJDisneyFan]

I feel your pain. It is so hard to coordinate with a large group, especially first-timers. DH and I are traveling with our boys and another family in November. Before our 180 I made them sit down to at least give me an idea of which parks they want to see and if they are interested in character meals, etc. They are letting us do most of the planning, but it's a lot of pressure to "spend someone else's money". For example, my family will do MVMCP...but they are undecided due to the cost. I would normally book a TS meal for each day, they are more interested in packing lunches. I basically told her that I will plan the trip how I normally would, and they are welcome to come along or do their own thing. I've made all our ADRs for 9 but if they decide to make other plans I will adjust later.

 

[kwdw]

Just make your initial plan. Maybe book TOO MANY ADR's - so you have more choices when the timing gets closer. You are going on the trip, too, and have to make yourself sane. And reservations for 6 at some places are quite hard to get. She simply doesn't know that. Also - by booking too many - it will be clear as you start to talk that you intended to cancel some.

 

[MamaBelle4]

I would say, "Our 180 day mark is May XX. If you can't find time to tell me where you'd like to eat by then, I am just going to make reservations for my crew where we want to go. Our party is too large to try to get reservations past 180 days. We won't get anything good. If you can't decide by then, I'll help you make your reservations when you are ready."

 

[quandrea]

I feel your pain. It is so hard to coordinate with a large group, especially first-timers. DH and I are traveling with our boys and another family in November. Before our 180 I made them sit down to at least give me an idea of which parks they want to see and if they are interested in character meals, etc. They are letting us do most of the planning, but it's a lot of pressure to "spend someone else's money". For example, my family will do MVMCP...but they are undecided due to the cost. I would normally book a TS meal for each day, they are more interested in packing lunches. I basically told her that I will plan the trip how I normally would, and they are welcome to come along or do their own thing. I've made all our ADRs for 9 but if they decide to make other plans I will adjust later.

This sounds like a good approach. My friend talks about how they don't eat on holiday. I told her that we book TS due to my daughter's allergies. Then I told her about The Plaza and their lighter choices and she thought, "Mmm...maybe." She wants one character meal but won't do buffets. I figured--Garden Grill--but now am second guessing because it's family style and that may not suit either (it's a germ issue). Anyway, without her I will carry on on my own and try to let it roll off. Having this forum to vent helps.

 

[AllieBoo]

If she can't set aside an hour to join in the planning, then I would go ahead and just plan everything the way I wanted. If it's her first time, will she really have a big preference over what parks to do when or even really know what rides are a priority?

 

[ZebraDomeCrazy]

I feel your pain! We took another couple with us a few years back, who were first timers. We had the opposite problem. I wanted their input, so I would be sure that they got the best of THEIR vacation. We are Dvc owners, and go often. I couldn't even get them to look at a menu to help pick restaurants. My girlfriend kept saying, "you guys are the experts, we trust your decisions ". Ugh, that was a lot of pressure on me! So, looking at the calendar, I figure you are going in November. If you waited until her daughter is done with school, you'd still be at 5 months out. I don't think you will have trouble booking anything at that point, unless you have a very coveted adr. That being said, I would make a date with your friend NOW, for July 1st, to sit down and take care of this. If she refuses to make a date for that time, I would just make the plans myself now, and let her deal with it. It's your vacation Too!

 

[Cinderella94]

Sorry OP, this sounds like a nightmare. Book what YOU want and no harm can be done if you delete them later whenever she decides she's ready and hopefully you can get good reservations.

 

[quandrea]

If she can't set aside an hour to join in the planning, then I would go ahead and just plan everything the way I wanted. If it's her first time, will she really have a big preference over what parks to do when or even really know what rides are a priority?

What you say is entirely reasonable. It's how plans are shaping up for a trip with a long time friend. She says, "Just plan it. I'll join you guys. You know what you are doing."

For the trip with friend and daughter, she won't give input at this point, but wants significant control over the plans. She talks about "approving" choices, working together to make dining, fast pass arrangements but then won't meet. It is truly frustrating and a difficult situation to negotiate diplomatically. At this point I'd like to tell her, "You want say over everything we eat, see and do, but you won't tell me what it is that you want to eat, see and do."

 

[Cinderella94]

For the trip with friend and daughter, she won't give input at this point, but wants significant control over the plans. She talks about "approving" choices, working together to make dining, fast pass arrangements but then won't meet. It is truly frustrating and a difficult situation to negotiate diplomatically. At this point I'd like to tell her, "You want say over everything we eat, see and do, but you won't tell me what it is that you want to eat, see and do."

I do think you should say that. Maybe she doesn't understand that time is of the essence, but you do. Either say that, or book what you want as soon as your windows open. Or both.

 

[Lothlórien]

At the rate things are going, I think my biggest concern would be you guys leaving this trip and no longer being friends. If she is that much of a stress monkey and cannot even give you an hour to chat, I would fully expect the same behavior on the trip and perhaps a lot of waffling.

She sounds like she may be passive aggressive, which is not how you come across at all. If she wants control over something she has no experience with, I am sorry to say, but I do not see anything good coming from this.

From my perspective, you have only 2 options....
1 - you get pushy and tell her you need decisions to be made now (kinder words of course)
2 - you do your own planning for the total number of people in the party and if she wants to do her own thing....let her

 

[cazzius]

This sounds like a good approach. My friend talks about how they don't eat on holiday. I told her that we book TS due to my daughter's allergies. Then I told her about The Plaza and their lighter choices and she thought, "Mmm...maybe." She wants one character meal but won't do buffets. I figured--Garden Grill--but now am second guessing because it's family style and that may not suit either (it's a germ issue). Anyway, without her I will carry on on my own and try to let it roll off. Having this forum to vent helps.

If she really wants a character meal but is concerned about the germs, I think (correct me if i'm wrong) the only real option in Cinderella's Royal Table. I wonder if you spoke to Garden Grill and explained that she had issues with food they could do her a separate skillet? Maybe get her the vegetarian option as I think they comes in a separate dish so as not to touch the meat?
I'm supposing here though as have never done this myself.

I agree with what others have said, just make your reservations that you want, and even a few spares for the full group number, and then when you do finally get her to sit down and plan you can show what you already have, but let her know these can be cancelled if there's something she prefers that you can get an ADR and swap for.

It's your holiday too, you don't want yourself and your kids missing out because she's being flaky.

 

[sunflowerblooms]

I know you are meal planning right now and I feel your stress but I wanted to make the suggestion that you get them started on selecting which rides they want to go on so you can get your park days and FP plans sorted sooner than later. When I went with my extended family of 7 (4 were pretty much park newbies) I had everyone fill out their ride preferences (I can't find the excel spreadsheet I used but hopefully you can find something online) in numbered order of importance and also indicate which rides they would not ride (Kali river rapids was one - no one wanted to get wet). I was then able to plan park days and FPs for everyone with a high level of confidence that I was accommodating everyone the best way possible. This will also give you an opportunity to discuss if the girls will want to do some rides by themselves (good to know if your friends daughter will be allowed to go off on her own with your DD). And will give you more time to sort out touring style - rope drop, mid day break, evening park, late start etc.

My ADR advice for what it's worth - book your priory ADRs focused on want you want to do, if your friend does not want to join you then so be it but this is also your vacation and frankly you sound like you have done everything in your power to get her on board to go over everything.

And another for what it's worth - after the trip with my extended family they all said they understood why it was so important to fill out the ride preference sheet months before our vacation (I think they thought I had jumped the vacation planning shark) and since I had their days planned (thank you Touring Plans) so well they were able to carry on when my DD and I had to take two days off from the parks because of strep throat. So she might not get it now but hopefully she'll get it after the trip. Good luck. Sending you happy Disney vacation planning vibes.

 

[quandrea]

I know you are meal planning right now and I feel your stress but I wanted to make the suggestion that you get them started on selecting which rides they want to go on so you can get your park days and FP plans sorted sooner than later. When I went with my extended family of 7 (4 were pretty much park newbies) I had everyone fill out their ride preferences (I can't find the excel spreadsheet I used but hopefully you can find something online) in numbered order of importance and also indicate which rides they would not ride (Kali river rapids was one - no one wanted to get wet). I was then able to plan park days and FPs for everyone with a high level of confidence that I was accommodating everyone the best way possible. This will also give you an opportunity to discuss if the girls will want to do some rides by themselves (good to know if your friends daughter will be allowed to go off on her own with your DD). And will give you more time to sort out touring style - rope drop, mid day break, evening park, late start etc.

My ADR advice for what it's worth - book your priory ADRs focused on want you want to do, if your friend does not want to join you then so be it but this is also your vacation and frankly you sound like you have done everything in your power to get her on board to go over everything.

And another for what it's worth - after the trip with my extended family they all said they understood why it was so important to fill out the ride preference sheet months before our vacation (I think they thought I had jumped the vacation planning shark) and since I had their days planned (thank you Touring Plans) so well they were able to carry on when my DD and I had to take two days off from the parks because of strep throat. So she might not get it now but hopefully she'll get it after the trip. Good luck. Sending you happy Disney vacation planning vibes.

I'm trying to get them thinking about rides. It's not working. I hear what you are saying though.

 

[Veronique]

I think a good strategy would be to send her the shortest possible question at the time with a deadline and the "consequence" if she doesn't answer (in a friendly way):

"We have to book TS at X date, do you have a special request or do I go ahead and choose our favorite? If you don't have time before X date, that is what I'll do so we won't miss out on hard to get reservation "

I used 2 or 3 crowd calendar to plan (essentially I only avoid THE most busy park according to the crowd calendars, unless I have hopper).