Planning with first timer friends--FRUSTRATED!

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think this is the proper board for this.

My 180 day mark is approaching in a week or two. My travel party is myself and my three kids--dd 13 and my son and daughter, both 7. Dd's best friend, also 13 and her mom (good friend of mine) will be joining us.

Staying at AK Kidani in a two bedroom following a one night stay at Universal. We will be at WDW for three and a half days, four nights.

My frustration comes from not being able to get my friend to set aside an hour or two to meet to discuss dining reservations, what parks we will visit each day and priority rides. She doesn't get that I'd like to build an itinerary in advance of the 180 mark. She says dd is stressed with end of school assignments (she goes til June 30). All I get is, "I thought we could do fast passes in the fall."

I understand that her daughter might be busy, but surely an hour over snacks to hammer out ADRs and what we basically want to do is not too much to ask?

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

Would it be possible to split up at times too (I would probably plan on this just in case things get too dicey while there)? Maybe your daughter and her daughter could have the opportunity to spend some time together if the mom doesn't feel like joining in.

It sounds like she's not quite the planner you are which is totally fine but a decision should be made on her part--either let you plan it all or give some input.

If you can't get her to give some input I would go ahead with what you guys want to do adding them into the plans with the understanding that you gave them the opportunity to give input and they missed that opportunity. I do agree that it's your trip too.

Perhaps she's just worried knowing more details about the trip would make her even more stressed or feel overwhelmed.

 

[loves to dive]

We don't plan anything except room reservations, we just like to roll with it. We have taken new people with us (usually my son's girlfriend or finace or now ex-wife) and we pretty much tell them we are going to try to show them what we enjoy but if they know of something they might enjoy just tell us and we will work around it. We have never had any problems getting same day ADRs or even same day FPs but we are normally no larger than 3 adults. If someone is new, there really is no way for them to know what they might want, so you do your thing and if they decide they don't like it, you either change on the fly or let them do their own thing.

 

[Nancyg56]

She does not get it, and is probably way overwhelmed. I would just tell her that you understand that her life is crazy right now so you a making plans for the group, including dining reservations. When she has time she can add to those plans, and if possible you will make changes. If not, the plan stands. Tell her that if there is something that she absolutely does not want to do you need to know now so yu can make an alternate arrangement. Period.

This is your trip as well as hers, and honestly, if she will not assist in the planning your decisions trump hers.

 

[shm_helene]

Why?!!

I think she is overwhelmed by it all...truthfully I'm not sure. I'll get them purchased before them. They like to be very unplanned and just do wha tthey want. It's going to be interesting to say the least

 

[brockash]

I think this is the proper board for this.

My 180 day mark is approaching in a week or two. My travel party is myself and my three kids--dd 13 and my son and daughter, both 7. Dd's best friend, also 13 and her mom (good friend of mine) will be joining us.

Staying at AK Kidani in a two bedroom following a one night stay at Universal. We will be at WDW for three and a half days, four nights.

My frustration comes from not being able to get my friend to set aside an hour or two to meet to discuss dining reservations, what parks we will visit each day and priority rides. She doesn't get that I'd like to build an itinerary in advance of the 180 mark. She says dd is stressed with end of school assignments (she goes til June 30). All I get is, "I thought we could do fast passes in the fall."

I understand that her daughter might be busy, but surely an hour over snacks to hammer out ADRs and what we basically want to do is not too much to ask?

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

I'd just make them and make the ADR's for all, fastpasses for all etc., plan out the park days and then send her an email stating what you have planned and let her know she's more than welcome to change anything she'd like (I wouldn't give her access to your fastpasses or ADR's though), just to let you know and that you'll see what you can do explaining that Disney really requires advance planning to ensure ppl. can get what they want etc.

If she's a first-timer she probably doesn't understand this and honestly it may be too overwhelming for her to even try to wrap her head around and she may prefer just to go with whatever you think is best.

 

[quandrea]

I'd just make them and make the ADR's for all, fastpasses for all etc., plan out the park days and then send her an email stating what you have planned and let her know she's more than welcome to change anything she'd like (I wouldn't give her access to your fastpasses or ADR's though), just to let you know and that you'll see what you can do explaining that Disney really requires advance planning to ensure ppl. can get what they want etc.

If she's a first-timer she probably doesn't understand this and honestly it may be too overwhelming for her to even try to wrap her head around and she may prefer just to go with whatever you think is best.

I'm going to work on an itinerary this afternoon once I'm finished homeschooling. I'll send it off to her. I think it will rile her up but the fact is, I need to work out a rough plan before ADR day. I'll just let her know she can respond at any time. I'll report back. Thanks to all who have helped out today!

 

[ZoZo]

Just make your initial plan. Maybe book TOO MANY ADR's - so you have more choices when the timing gets closer. You are going on the trip, too, and have to make yourself sane. And reservations for 6 at some places are quite hard to get. She simply doesn't know that. Also - by booking too many - it will be clear as you start to talk that you intended to cancel some.

I think this is a great idea! Although it would be a lot more work for you, you could make ADRs for a bunch of breakfasts, lunches and dinners, knowing you can cancel some.

I have to say, this doesn't bode well for your trip. If this is the way she's acting now, during the should-be-fun planning stages, what will your actual trip be like? Yikes!

 

[bumbershoot]

She asked me to come on this trip.

This changes much of my attitude. This is her trip and you were asked along.

Now, were you asked simply because your kids are friends, or because you're more of an expert?

If it's the former, can you handle a trip done at her planning pace?

If it's the latter, she could be reminded that you were asked for a reason and you would like to do that reason.

I'm not pushing it with her. I figure I'll just make the ADRs I like and we will go from there. I get this push back every step of the way. A few months back I let her know it was time to book flights. She was thrown into a stress ball over that. Flights now are approaching $900, so I called it right.

Booking flights that far out makes me shudder. Wording makes me think you're in Canada or beyond, so I get it a bit more, but still.

And even with flights was it 100% necessary to travel together? If flights were good I would have booked it and told her.

If it's her first time, will she really have a big preference over what parks to do when or even really know what rides are a priority?

She might; she might not. Our first trip we had done our research and knew a ton.

At this point I'd like to tell her, "You want say over everything we eat, see and do, but you won't tell me what it is that you want to eat, see and do."

I'd just say it.

I have no doubt that any plan I make will be heavily scrutinised and perhaps vetoed.

Is that her personality?

What I have to do is just plan it without her and hope there isn't anything big she suddenly brings up.

I'd go that route.

Unless you're booking all prepaid stuff it hurts no one to make plans and adrs. When she has the time, you find out what she wants. And with her there, do the process to make those arrangements. If they can be done, yay! If they can't she'll see that. And new plans will have to be made. Maybe your plans will be more liked if that's the case.

 

[quandrea]

This changes much of my attitude. This is her trip and you were asked along.

Now, were you asked simply because your kids are friends, or because you're more of an expert?

Bumbershoot, not sure if this quoted well, but perhaps I was unclear. I was not asked along. She asked if she could join us in our trip. We travel frequently as dvc members and she asked if she could tag along on one of our trips so her daughter would have companions in my three kids.

Didn't quote well. Please expand blue box. My response is at bottom of box.

She was adamant that we travel together. She is afraid to go alone.

 

[rg35]

Honestly, it sounds like you are incompatible travel partners (at least for Disney) and this trip may not have been the best idea.

Since you're already in deep, I think you should plan out as you see fit, knowing the restrictions in place (i.e., no buffets). Family style is served by waitstaff, so I think that would eliminate the "germ issue" and you'd be safe with Garden Grill.

 

[mickeymom629]

DH and I did an adult trip with another couple years ago. We got together to discuss and they wanted me to plan it all. Long story short, when we were actually on the trip, there were SO many times where they spontaneously said they wanted to do something and it conflicted with my plans TOTALLY. Not wanting to look like I couldn't be flexible, we went along with what they wanted and I got angrier and angrier as the trip went on because their choices meant long waits for restaurants we didn't have reservations at, sitting on the grass at baseball game at ESPN spring season (DH and I are NOT baseball fans) even though I had asked if they wanted me to get tickets MONTHS in advance, missing the Flag Retreat ceremony because...oh well, I really need to get over this by now Let's just say, there were so, so many things that trip...But the last straw was on our last night, after Wishes, (I think it was EMH at MK) they wanted to go so they could watch the Emmy's on tv back at the room and DH was about to leave too (with the hordes of people!) and I just said, you all can go but I'm staying and I'm going to use our fp for BTMRR and enjoy being here. DH said he'd stay, and my friends did too. I can't remember all that we did but it included watching the castle at the end of the night.

My point is, plan what you want to do and DON'T alter what you do on the trip unless you deep down really want to. Let her do what she wants when you are actually there if she doesn't want to do what you planned, or do what she wants if it sounds good to you.

I love my friends, but I will never travel to WDW with them again.

ETA, you might want to discuss this with your children and let them know that you hope they will follow what you have planned.

 

[AllieBoo]

[QUOTE="
bumbershoot said: ↑
?
She might; she might not. Our first trip we had done our research and knew a ton.

I'm guessing that since she's too busy/stressed to spend an hour discussing the trip with her friend, that she hasn't done much research on her own either.

 

[quandrea]

I'm guessing that since she's too busy/stressed to spend an hour discussing the trip with her friend, that she hasn't done much research on her own either.

She says she has read Birnbaum's.

 

[DaniMoon]

I hear you on the flights. I booked in January for our June trip. JetBlue pricing came out at it was $50 cheaper a ticket than I flew in 2013 and 2015. I relayed to my brother and SIL that I thought these were good prices. They insisted they could do better closer to our trip. Well, they just booked a couple weeks ago and are paying $550 more for the same number of people. Of course, then my brother said, well your kids get a cheaper rate cause they are kids. Um, no, that's not how it works.

I wish you the best and that you can get through the planning and trip and still be on good terms.

 

[quandrea]

I hear you on the flights. I booked in January for our June trip. JetBlue pricing came out at it was $50 cheaper a ticket than I flew in 2013 and 2015. I relayed to my brother and SIL that I thought these were good prices. They insisted they could do better closer to our trip. Well, they just booked a couple weeks ago and are paying $550 more for the same number of people. Of course, then my brother said, well your kids get a cheaper rate cause they are kids. Um, no, that's not how it works.

I wish you the best and that you can get through the planning and trip and still be on good terms.

Thanks so much. Our flights were $400 per person. Same flights are now nearly $900 each.

 

[Amelia :)]

You are the DVC member, so I assuming you're using your points? She is tagging along on your trip! Please don't let her ruin it for you. You're trying to give your friend a lovely 1st trip and it sounds like she's just being awkward. At this point I would honestly reconsider the whole thing.

 

[Lothlórien]

Honestly, it sounds like you are incompatible travel partners (at least for Disney) and this trip may not have been the best idea.

This, 100000 times.

 

[Elizabeth Smith]

I asked my brother if he wanted to join us (my DH and I) for part of our trip in the fall. My brother all too enthusiastically agreed that he wanted to go. But I told him up front before he booked, we are not changing any plans for you. Where we want to eat, we will eat. What we want to ride, we will ride. If you want to do something else, you are more than welcome, but we are not deviating. And he said he agreed to this. The main thing is that my brother and I have both been before, and my husband hasn't. So I want it to be special for him. I'm sure it's different because we're all family, though.

 

[cmarsh31]

I had a similar planning experience in Feb.. I asked, I suggested, I booked what my family wanted. Later they tried to add a few things, but for a party of 10, it wasn't an option. Once we got there and my planning actually made it less stressful (and they saw the hordes of people waiting to ordejnch at BOG and waiting hours to ride dumbo), they actually understood why I was so insistent.

 

[Nancyg56]

We included the little family on our street one trip. Now I am not sorry, but I would think long and hard about doing this again. Mom was never able to take a moment to listen to any plan. Not one thing. She was ill prepared, and miserable. And broke because she never saved a dime for the trip.

My DH picked up the tab for almost the entire trip for all of us, my DD and I shopped for the kids and made sure they were good but if you cannot take a second to discuss dining, etc, you are not prepared for the costs associated with vacations. Like tips and the beverages.

OP- I would just make sure that when you make your plans, and I sure would make them, I would send Mom a spreadsheet of the estimated OOP costs associated with the trip. Tips, etc need to be discussed ahead of time or you might end up having to make up the difference, or not leave enough.