Paying to attend birthday party?

[powellrj]

A friend of mine, who recently moved here from Ontario, has a policy that the amount she spends on the gift is in proportion to the cost of the activity being planned for the party. Not sure if this is just her or is the norm where she grew up.

I think thats kind of rude too. I pretty much always send a gift valued at the same amount no matter what kind of party it is. The kids shouldn't be punished because they have a cheaper party and besides, how do we really know how much was spent. DD goes to slumber parties and many times its pretty basic videos and snacks while other parents go all out with crafts and meals. You really don't know until the next day how much was spent by the parents so how in the world would you begin to set a gift value.

 

[MrsPete]

Rude . . . throw the party you can afford to throw.

 

[KSchwagg86]

This seems crazy to me

 

[OceanAnnie]

Rude . . . throw the party you can afford to throw.

I agree. But then kids get wind of these parties and they want to go. It's their friends and it's simple as that. Hard to say no. So you're caught between a rock and a hard place. I think that's how those kind of parties get perpetuated.

Luckily I haven't had this scenario, but I wouldn't be surprised after reading about it here a few times.

OT- What's been bugging me is parents that host parties on holidays. Mother's day of all days. Valentines day. The list goes on. Why would they do that?!

 

[Liberty Belle]

This reminds me.

For DS's 15th (14th?) birthday, we let him invite four of his friends to go to King's Island (an amusement park about an hour or so away). We didn't make up invitations, but I had my son call his friends and ask them and then I talked to each of the parents. All of them asked how much their child needed to bring and I told them nothing, unless they wanted a lot of souvenirs. I told them that we were providing tickets, lunch, dinner, snacks, and a souvenir each. All but one of them seemed surprised and kept asking if we were sure we wanted to pay for it all.

I wouldn't dream of asking someone and then having them pay for all or part of it. That's just rude.

 

[Dizneydaz]

I don't think it matters where the party is held-the host pays all expenses. I totaled up what it cost me to throw DD9's first party (I think she was 4) and it came to somewhere between $20-30 a kid (only 4 invited) by the time I added up all the costs. And it was a small party, decorate your own cake, etc. that I baked. I would never have dreamed of having the parents pay towards the party. So I don't see what the difference is if you have it at home or away, the parents pay the cost.

If it's only costing them $7 for each guest plus food, that's cheap! Once I totaled up the cost of her first party I understood why parents throw them at commercial venues. Ends up being cheaper and there's no clean up required.

DD will be having either a 10th birthday this year or a Halloween party. Either way, I won't be charging admission. And it will most likely be here at home.

 

[aprilgail2]

I am still trying to get over the $25 gift for a kids party. In all the years we have been hosting and attending kids parties, I have never seen anyone other than family give that kind of a gift. Most seem to be in the $5-$10 range.

.

Around here, parties usually average $18 a head, and most give between $20 - $25 gifts. Dd8 got a $35 gc from a girl who I've never met! .

Thats about average here too- 20.00-25.00 is normal here . usually friends get 20.00 from us and her close friends get 25.00 or so for a party that is out someplace.

A friend of mine, who recently moved here from Ontario, has a policy that the amount she spends on the gift is in proportion to the cost of the activity being planned for the party. Not sure if this is just her or is the norm where she grew up.

We do that here too- parties just at someones house get a bit less.

 

[mrsv98]

This really chaps my hide...DD has had little parties and big parties and never would I dream of hosting a party and asking for money. If you need to do that then you need to scale back the party.

A few years ago our across the street neighbors invited us to their DD's party at an aquatic center where they had passes. It never occurred to me they wouldn't supply passes for the party so it was quite lucky we had enough money to cover the tix which were close to $40 for the three of us. Then we never received a thank you note either, but that is a different matter altogether....

 

[EMom]

Whatever happened to "Do what YOU can affort to do .... or don't do it!" This just seems to me like another example of "I want more, more, more so I should just be able to have it and find someone else to subsidize it!"

We have a winner!

Mommy only wants to part with $50 for a party, but wants to throw a $200 party. In other words, she has champagne taste on a beer budget. And she's got the gall to expect her "guests" to finance her child's birthday party. Good lord, when we became parents, I guess I labored under the delusion that MY child's expenses (including her birthday parties) were OUR responsibility. Silly me.....all these years I could have been making her little friends pay for Gymboree, Pump It Up, etc. What a dolt I am!

Let me be blunt. Telling someone they must pay their way to a child's birthday party is crass, tacky, uncouth and reeks of being raised in a barn. And those are the GOOD things I can say about that mother. If you can't afford to pay 100% of the cost of YOUR child's party, scale back until you CAN afford it. It's not the responsibility of your guests to pay for your child's party.

This would so irritate me that I would plainly tell the mother in no uncertain terms, "You cannot seriously expect me to pay for my child to attend your child's party? I have never heard of expecting the guest to pay their own way. I have always paid the entire cost of my child's parties and never expected any guest to contribute." And I'd stick to that and let the cheapskate know where I stand. I would not be too "embarrassed" to speak up when SHE is the one who should be mortified by her outrageous demand. If I just rolled over and said nothing, she'd think her actions were fine and dandy. And they are NOT.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

We have a winner!



Let me be blunt. Telling someone they must pay their way to a child's birthday party is crass, tacky, uncouth and reeks of being raised in a barn. And those are the GOOD things I can say about that mother. If you can't afford to pay 100% of the cost of YOUR child's party, scale back until you CAN afford it. It's not the responsibility of your guests to pay for your child's party.

Well, I guess there's no need for me to respond, since you said what I was thinking!

EXTREMELY TACKY. And no, we've NEVER had this at the many, many parties my kids have been to over the years.

 

[Mickeyluver37]

Around here, parties usually average $18 a head, and most give between $20 - $25 gifts. Dd8 got a $35 gc from a girl who I've never met! Of course, the COL here is one of the highest in the nation, so I'm sure that accounts for the differences.

This is pretty standard here, too. DS got a Wii game from a friend at a party last year, and I was a little surprised- it was a new release, too! If DS goes to a birthday party where he doesn't really know the kid or doesn't know what to get, the standard gift is always a $20 bill.

 

[starnightstarsky2000]

OMG!!!! I am with all of you I would NEVER expect a guest that I invited to a party regardless of what kind to pay for anything for their family unless they wanted something special. I mean really charging $7 a child to go a private pool party that you are hosting for your child is BS. I would totally give that parent a piece of my mind. Heck I understand times are tough but hey if you can't afford to throw a pool party for your children choose something cheaper or stay at home and play games at the house.

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

I don't see it as an issue. Almost every birthday I go to involves spending money. Just this year I have been to birthday outings that involved baseball games, chartering a boat, going to a restaurant, and a wine tasting. All of these were "pay to play" so to speak. Even just getting together at the bar costs money. Even friends of mine with kids have parties at water parks or amusement parks and they don't pay for everyone's admission.

Then you need better friends.

 

[Stacerita]

I guess I have had it happen so often it doesn't even register on my radar anymore. Its pretty common to have to pay something when the party is at a venue. My DD is 13 now and the thing to do is go to the movie and all the girls pay their own way and pay for the birthday girl too. Not sure who started this little trend, but I do know thats what they all seem to do now.

This seems more like the girls decided....hey lets go to the movies for so and so's birthday and lets treat her. In high school and college we did this. But it was something we all decided to do, not that someone invited us, then told us we had to pay.

 

[Goofyzgurl]

that is tacky....I got invited to a baby shower at a restaurant for a baby shower which the mom of the pregnant girl was throwing...the mom didn't want to make the effort to cook and all that but she wanted the gifts for her daughter...so we have to pay for our own food and the gift....tacky and lazy.

I've never asked the kids that i've invited to celebrate dd's birthdays to "pay to play." We have always incurred the cost of the party...heck why stop at making the guests pay for their way to your kids party, lets charge put a hat out so they can drop their change in it to pay for the cake and the gift from the birthday kid's parents too...People are getting lazy and rude.

 

[C.Ann]

People want to go all out for their child's birthday party (or a wedding or whatever) - make a huge splashy deal out of it, but they can't afford it.. So what do they do? Ask the guests to pony up for it..

Can the "Me" generation sink any lower?

Do what you can afford - don't ask (or assume) others are going to pay for it..

 

[dismom2]

I don't recall any children's parties where we were asked to pay our own way. I also think it's tacky. I've seen adults getting together and paying for their own way, but not kids (I have gone to some of those).

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Very Tacky!!! We hosted my sons b-day at a minor league baseball stadium a few years ago and paid everyones way. Including food, drinks, snacks you name it. The only thing I suggested to the parents was if they want to buy any gifts or extras from the gift shop or arcade then to have them please bring a few extra bucks. Even then a few kids dident have extra money and I handed them some cash so they would not feel left out.

 

[xanphylus]

I may be cheap as all get out when it comes to throwing parties and buying gifts, but I have never stooped to this level! My DD8 has had her last 3 birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese- my mom helps me out a little if we need extra pizza or something, but come on people- if you can't afford the party, don't do it! I would love to throw my DD a really cool party at say the American Girl shop or Build a Bear, but I can't afford it and I know it! I still throw her a kickin' party, but it's on our pending level and she still has a blast! And since mommy knows to go shopping through the whole year, and not just the week before her birthday, she gets lots of cool gifts that mommy didn't spend a quarter of the money it looks like she spent! Its all about planning and doing what YOU the mother of the birthday child can afford- not your guests!

 

[PolyndianPrincessJes]

They call me a guest at Disney World...they invite me with their enticing ads...and they still make me pay.

That's wrong, too.

DS's 2nd birthday was at home with a few of his buddies. His 3rd birthday was at a museum. His 4th birthday party was at a fun park. We paid for any and all costs for each of his guests (about ten per party). If I couldn't afford his birthday party at x venue, then I would move it. I would never dream of asking his guests to pay for his party.

He's also never been invited to a party where we've been asked to bring money. We've gotten some lower amounts ($3 or 4) at the fun park (you get cards to swipe to play the games), and we've refilled his card, but that's about it.