Parents with more than one child....

[bsnyder]

how do you deal with conflicts when you need to be at something special for more than one child at the same time?

Do you attend the event based on it's overall "importance", or based on which child cares the most whether you attend?

 

[poohandwendy]

Usually my DH will go to one event and I will go to the other. We have three kids and there has never been a time that all three had a special event on a specific night, but if there would have been, my mother would have gone to it.

 

[AZKathy]

Usually we split the duties. DH will go with one child and I will go with the other. The problem we get is if our third child has something at the same time as the other two! Then, we usually do an SOS for grandma to help out.

 

[bsnyder]

Does it matter to your kids which parent goes to what?

 

[Fan2CSkr]

We let the kids decide which one of us, me, DH or my MOm will go. This usually makes everyone happy. Its GOOD thing it doesnt happen often!

 

[LisaNJ25]

Does it matter to your kids which parent goes to what?

Hubby and I split.. it depends on the event. I usually go with my daughter and he goes for my son.

 

[poohandwendy]

Does it matter to your kids which parent goes to what?

Sometimes they will make a request for me (don't tell my Dh), but it usually comes down to what is more practical. Like if it is easier for him to go to one because of where it is, or something. And I try to spead myself between the events, to be fair, when this comes up.

 

[DVC Jen]

Gotta split up. It is really the only thing you can do in a situation like that. It breaks your heart.. but ya gotta do what ya gotta do.

 

[Nancy]

I once drove back and forth between 2 schools to hit both. DH couldn't go because of work, so I wnet to the middle school and then to the highschool. Then back to the middle school and back to the high school. Never again because I pretty much missed both with all the driving back and forth.

 

[minkydog]

My DH & I rarely both go to the kids' events. One of us has to stay home with Christian(he's sweet,but he's too disruptive ). THere have been a few rare times when neither of us can attend. There is no other family nearby to take our places.Oh well...I feel bad when it happens, but our kids understand that sometimes we can't work things out any differently.

 

[Christine]

OMG!! I was going to post this same thing today.

My DD (14) and DS (11) are never really in any activities that require that we "be there." They do Tae Kwon Do and that's about it. We have finished with soccer games and such.

But, once a year my DS participates in his school's band festival. It is this Saturday and 2:30. My DD is an understudy in a high school play. They are having the understudy show at--you guessed it--3:00 this Saturday. I really, really, really want to see my DD's show. Watching an elementary school band festival is painful. But my son seems so heartbroken that I might go to DD's play (and my DD pretends not to care what I do) that I have to go to the band festival. My DH works on Saturday, so I will have to send the grandparents to my DD's play. I can't have NO ONE showing up.

It really bugs me though. I think: What kind of karma is this? My kids have ONE thing that they do all year and they end up being on the same day at the same time?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We split up too or may base it on importance. Depends on the event. If younger dd is doing something "new" and other dd is playing a concert that we have been too many times we we both go to younger dd's thing.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

We would go to which ever child was behaving the best at the time....

Just kidding. We'd split up, too. We have 4 kids, but there's a 12 year spread, so there was never a time that all 4 kids had events at the same time and never really a time that all 3 did. There have been lost of time that 2 kids had events at the same time and it would depend on the event. The main discussion was who would bring our youngest child when he was young (we both wanted out of that duty )

My DH coached our son at baseball, so he obviously had to be at those games (without Jake). Now that Jake is older and my DH is coaching his t-ball, that will be my DH's priority. When there isn't a conflict we try to both go to all events (or at least to as much of the event as we can), so it means a lot of activities.

But yes, we do base it on importance. A routine activity does not get the priority that a "special" one-of-a-kind activity gets.

 

[Dan Murphy]

I do remember those days, Bet. I think we split.

 

[luvflorida]

We would go to which ever child was behaving the best at the time....

Just kidding.

haha! My answer was going to be- We would go to the event of the child that we liked best.

Seriously, we never really had this problem because of the age differences of our kids. We would both attend any and all events that came up. If husband was traveling on business, then I would go alone. There were a few times, however, that husband would stay home with the youngest because we just knew that she wouldn't last throughout some of the events, especially if they went late into the night.

 

[Breezy_Carol]

We had this big time 4 years ago with an awards banquet at high school the same time as eighth grade awards at the middle school. I actually inquired to find out which kid was getting an award and then DH and I split up with him trying to get to the second one on time.

Christine, can someone video record the one you can't get to?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

haha! My answer was going to be- We would go to the event of the child that we liked best.

I was debating between my answer and that answer! Now I know why I like you! We're honest...

 

[luvflorida]

But, once a year my DS participates in his school's band festival. It is this Saturday and 2:30. My DD is an understudy in a high school play. They are having the understudy show at--you guessed it--3:00 this Saturday. I really, really, really want to see my DD's show.

I'm going to guess that you have always attended your son's yearly band festival. It sounds like the understudy show is a huge deal for your daughter, and I don't blame her for really, really wanting you to see her in her show, or for you to want to go.

Maybe you could explain the situation to your son so that he could understand why you want to go to his sister's show instead of the band festival. Good luck working out the situation!!

 

[Mimi Q]

DH and I split up and try to videotape the event we miss.

 

[Christine]

I'm going to guess that you have always attended your son's yearly band festival. It sounds like the understudy show is a huge deal for your daughter, and I don't blame her for really, really wanting you to see her in her show, or for you to want to go.

Maybe you could explain the situation to your son so that he could understand why you want to go to his sister's show instead of the band festival. Good luck working out the situation!!

No, this is the first year for the band festival. He is in 5th grade and that is the first year for advanced band (only advanced band attends). So, it's a *first* for him.