Parents, why did you decide to have children?

[Ember]

And please don't post that you just knew, it was your only role in the world, etc. I don't doubt these reasons at all, and I respect them, but they're remarkably unhelpful... Did you have any concerns going into parenthood? How did you resolve them?

 

[aprilgail2]

I decided to have kids because I like them--I only had one but it just seemed that it was the next step in my life that I wanted to do. Besides---someone has to pick out a good nursing home for me when I get older!!

 

[JoiseyMom]

Am I a horrible mom if I say I just got pregnant...it wasn't planned?? I will add I was married .

Yes, had lots of concerns...like OMG...how do I do this. Can we afford this, how are we going to....add 1 million things here.

You just do it. I was young and married, in my early 20's and I adapted. I did what I had to do as a mom . It worked too...he is alive and grown up and engaged (oh, he cooks, cleans, irons and does laundry too!!). The other 3 are ok too .

Oh, I will add that the past decision I made as a parent was to divorce my first husband. Yup...no regrets. Best thing I ever did for my 2 DS's and myself!!

 

[mhsjax]

And please don't post that you just knew, it was your only role in the world, etc. I don't doubt these reasons at all, and I respect them, but they're remarkably unhelpful... Did you have any concerns going into parenthood? How did you resolve them?

For sure we didn't just know, in fact we were married for 13 years before we had our first. It was a constant worry for us, we were not sure we wanted any and in fact at one time, we stated that there was no way we would ever have kids. We could never really make the decision permanent and one day, OOPS, WOW big surprise. I messed up on my cycle calculations and yes I am VERY VERY regular. well that mess up is now 12 and we have a 10 and and 8 year old. Once we got started we just couldn't stop and I am so glad for that one little miscalculation, my world has changed completely, but for the better.

So I guess I really didn't offer any help because my decision was made for me.

 

[Scurvy]

We knew we wanted a child. I know that isn't helpful, but there really wasn't another reason - even though we were happy with just the two of us, we wanted to start a family and have a child of our own. We did not know when it would be the right time, but both knew that at some point we wanted to have a child.

I had tons of concerns! I wasn't sure I'd be a good enough parent, I was afraid I'd mess up somehow, I was afraid of all sorts of things. And as an added bonus, I don't just love babies - I've never had that baby envy that so many women get. I think most of them are kind of cute but I don't go as crazy over them as most women do. And once I knew I was expecting I did sort of get scared - I wondered if it was really the right time, if we were really ready for that kind of responsibility. But still we knew we wanted our child and once we had him we couldn't imagine not having him. I really think our lives are far better because of him than they would have been without him. I don't feel like being a parent was my only purpose in life, and I don't feel that different than before I was a parent - I'm still me, I just have a child now. But I feel like we were meant to have our son and I wouldn't change that for the world.

 

[ColoradoMom!!]

I remember facing this question around 27, happily married for 4 years, working at a job I loved. Life was SO good, I just couldn't get past it. I remember some comedian answered the same question to a concerned potential parent whether to have kids or just get a dog. The comedian answered, "Well, do you want to ruin your carpet, or ruin your life?"

Yes, misgivings are common. I had this great mentor teacher at the time who was nearing 50, and I asked her why in the world would I want children? She said you may not feel like you want to now, but you will be so glad you did when you are in your 40's. For some reason it made me feel a little better. And she was right.

So, like everyone else who took the plunge, we are so glad we did. It just adds so many more dimensions to your life - the whole being a different person for the whole experience. Plus, I love all the friends I have made who have kids my age. From the two MOPS moms I still hang out with 12 years later, to all the parents we have gotten to know at the ball fields, etc. Just know it is ok to have concerns.

 

[kilee]

Honestly (and let the flames begin)....I got pregnant. My son was an unplanned blessing. I didn't plan on having my son, at least not when I did......but I would never change a thing.

 

[staley7580]

Honestly (and let the flames begin)....I got pregnant. My son was an unplanned blessing. I didn't plan on having my son, at least not when I did......but I would never change a thing.

No flames from me! Thats what happened to me too. I learned WHY they tell you to use back up BC when you are taking antibiotics. But really.. once he was on his way.. I was thrilled. It was the twins that I was scared about. How on EARTH was I going to do that. How would we afford it.. everything was going to change. I was SO SCARED. I know it is cliche... But it works out. When you have a baby in your arms... its hard to imagine that there was ever a time you were unsure about having a baby. At least.. for me.

 

[emma'smom]

I wanted to have a family. I wanted all of those wonderful traditions that come with having kid (x-mas morning, ballet recitals, little league, etc).

Also, I discovered I pregnant right after 9/11. We were already planning for children, but living in NYC during that September added a whole new dimension to the situation. I was scared to death to bring a new life into a world that seemed to be falling apart, but also it seemed like it was the best way to keep living with hope that things would get better!

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Another, I got pregnant. We were not married, dh (then BF) was still in college and I was working in another city.
So I quit my job, moved back to college town, got married at the JP.

 

[NMAmy]

DD was a surprise. We'd been married for 5 years but it happened at a really bad time--my ex had just gotten out of the military, we were moving and both starting new jobs. Of course, I was freaked. We wanted to have at least one child but had not planned on having one right then.

We had the usual concerns--would we be good parents? Would we have enough money to take care of a baby?

In the end, for me, it was just a leap of faith. I realized there would be great times and bad times and I wouldn't be able to control everything. It was much easier when I just let go of the worry and let in the joy of having a baby.

 

[suzanna1066@comcast.]

I had no experience with children and wasn't even sure I liked them. When I got pregnant, I worried the whole time about not being a good mother, not bonding etc.
When my daughter arrived, I was scared to death of her. However, when she was about a week old I was holding her and I burst into tears. It was a thunderbolt----I felt this incredible love and realized she was what I had always wanted. No regrets here.

 

[JPN4265]

And please don't post that you just knew, it was your only role in the world, etc. I don't doubt these reasons at all, and I respect them, but they're remarkably unhelpful... Did you have any concerns going into parenthood? How did you resolve them?

After seeing how bad the rest of the people were doing in bring in really bad examples of humankind into the world, we felt is was our duty to up grade the human species with a better example of mankind. So we had a daughter, and guess what, the quality of mankind jumped ten fold. We did our part to preserve the quality of mankind, others were not so lucky.

 

[antmaril]

My late husband and I adopted our son in 1987. I wanted to be a mother because I wanted someone to feel about me the way I felt about my parents.

 

[golfgal]

I just knew I wanted to have kids from the time I was a little kid. As for when we decided to have them--all of our kids were "planned"--well we didn't plan on having twins but you know what I mean, basically, our friends were all having kids and it seemed like a good time. I am glad we did it that way because we had a few friends that waited several more years and us having older kids, them having younger kids it makes doing things together much more difficult.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

It was simply part of our plan.

I just wanted that first year of marriage for us and then it was fair game.

We planned on 4 and that was touch and go for a bit after the 3rd. But we are no pregnant with our 4th.

Sorry if that isn't an answer that works for you. But it is the truth for our situation.

First baby was a "whatever happens" baby and the rest were planned with NFP. This is my 6th baby--and yes, the last 5 pregnancies were on-purpose. Though it is funny b/c with this baby, I have lost track of the number of people who thought it was okay to ask if this one was "on-purpose". I'm thinking about responding with..."would you like to see my fertility chart?"

 

[JerseyJanice]

I wanted to experience being a mother. I wanted to go through it all myself--pregnancy, child birth, caring for an infant, playing with a toddler, sending my child off to school, and now I have a teenager. He's in the high school marching band, and it's great! I love going to his performances and being part of the Band Parents Committee.

My only regret is that I had only one child. I wanted another, but it didn't work out physically. In 13 years, I have never once regretted becoming a mother though. It changed me in ways I never could have predicted.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I totally understand what you are saying, OP. I think I've asked some form of this question 10 times over to people.

My question was over and over just because I want children doesn't mean I should have them. Afterall our life is all kinds of screwy and wouldn't it be selfish to drag a child into this craziness?

I kept thinking how do we know this is right for us. Making the leap of throwing away birth control was so hard for me. Making a conscious decision to change our family into something else and not knowing how it would turn out.

We don't have children yet and hope to be blessed soon. My ultimate reason for wanting to have children, either from my body or ones we are meant to find already in this world, is that my husband and I have so much love in our household that it would be selfish to not share it with others and our love will go out and touch others. That's pretty sappy but it's true. We see other screwy parents that shouldn't have a plant much less a child and know we could do better. So it's time to put up or shut up.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I did always know I wanted to be a mother. Always. I have also always been the "mother" in any group. I cooked for my mom (who bought TV dinners for meals and could not cook) from about age 9 on up, I was who friends called when someone was in trouble and needed prettymuch any kind of help in high school, etc. I guess I alwasy knew I would enjoy being a mother and I felt/feel I could be a good mother and raise mostly happy, well adjusted, productive memebers of society.

My first child was born right after I turned 24. DH and I wanted to finish college before we got marreid and started a family but other than that we made a concious decision to have children while young. Yes, children can be expensive, but we figured if we were never used to having 2 incomes and no childrne to spend it on, we would not feel the lack of funds. We were pretty poor those first years (qualified for WIC but did not need it so we did not take it, etc.) but we were nit unhappy. We love the energy we have at our young age and we like knowing that are child free years will start in our 40s and DH's salary is big enough now that when that happens we will be able to really travel and enjoy that time more than we would have enjoyed "leaner" years alone had we held off on having the children.

I also worked in preschools from 11th grade through college. I took every child development class I could in highschool and asmany as I could make work with my major in college. I read the "parenting" shelves at the library from one side to the other (everything from Sears to Dobson) so I felt I knew more about how to parent and how to handle things than most people (not that i am or ever was perfect--but I knew no one is and I knew that was okay too).

 

[eeyoremum]

And please don't post that you just knew, it was your only role in the world, etc. I don't doubt these reasons at all, and I respect them, but they're remarkably unhelpful... Did you have any concerns going into parenthood? How did you resolve them?

Why are those comments unhelpful? It actually describes my experience. Some people just "know" they are going to be parents and be good at it. Some just "know" they will never be parents (like my teenager who hates kids).

It is a personal decision people who want kids should marry those of a like mind and visa versa.

I didn't give becoming a parent much though to be honest. I was married only 2 months when I got pregnant not planned but not prevented just when it happens it happens. I loved being preganant I love being a mum.

Parenting is the one thing in life I don't stress over. I know I am a good parent even when my kids hate me.

Good luck with your decision