Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[J3nn78]

I have to agree with the OP and I have 2 preschoolers who WOULD be picky eaters if I allowed it and gave in to it. I simply don't. I think a big part of the nutrition and obesity problem in this country stems from this.

The rule in our house is you eat what is prepared for everyone. If they don't eat, they go to bed hungry and too bad. Let me tell you, that has only happened a couple of times. They learned to eat all types of food.

We do have one exception to that rule.My boys are each allowed to pick one vegetable that they do not have to eat no matter what. My oldest (5) picked potato (he does not like them in any form-even fries) and my youngest (3) has yet to pick anything. There are other things they are not crazy about, but they know they have to eat them. We do one bite of those things for each year old you are.

Children are not going to starve themselves. If you don't prepare "the only" thing they will eat and they have to eat what everyone else eats or go hungry, they will do it. Maybe not the right away, but they will do it.

 

[jodifla]

Op, I hope you have a daughter like mine some day.

She eats fruit, chicken fingers, fries, grilled cheese, pizza, french toast willingly. Anything else is a battle. I can't *make* her eat anything. We fought that battle once, that 'eat this or be hungry' and brought it out at every meal until she ate it. She held out two and a half days before *I* caved. She was 3 at the time. People who talk about 'making' thier kids eat something haven't met my kid. She refuses. She will go hungry rather than eat. We are unwilling to cater to her, so she goes hungry a lot. Our rule is if she tries two bites of one of the things on her plate she can have yogurt or a sandwich. Many days she simply refuses and just goes to bed hungry. It breaks my heart. I will not give her crap every day, though, we're at an impasse.

I have tried all the tricks. We have a graden, last year she planted the veggies and tended them. She proudly took her own grown potato to her preschool show and tell. She won't eat a veggie to save her life, though, even though we grow and cook them together (except tomatoes, which she loves). I put foods in front of her every night that she refuses, over and over again. So far we're not seeing any progress. Gosh, I wonder where she gets that stubborness from

Most of us are trying to do the best we can. One of the cardinal rules of parenting is not to judge since there but for the grace of God go I. BTW, my son... not picky at all, he'll eat anything. Same family, same way of being raised. I don't think pickyness is nurture, its nature. Catering to it is nurture. Until someone had parented a very picky child I don't think they can really understand. Its very well for some of the parents here to roll eyes and talk about what they will/won't allow, but they most likely haven't dealt with a very, very picky child.

Yep! Good post.

I'm always amazed at parents who think it's all their clever parenting that made their kids good eaters, and that anyone whose child doesn't everything isn't doing their job, that you can just be tough and "starve" them into it.

I don't think any of us with picky eaters prefer it that way. And we've exposed our kids to foods not just 10 or 20 times, but 200 or more times. And still, they won't eat what they won't eat.

Again, at 8, my son can more of a conversation about things and is trying more things with lots of encouragement. But I'd NEVER tell my kid to GO HUNGRY to prove a STUPID POINT! The two times I tried this BS tactic, I made him ill, and could have endangered his life.

 

[Colleen27]

wow....scary, guess I got a little complacent. They are 7 and 5 now, so hopefully nothing will come up in the future although I would think it would have by now?? not sure.

There's no guarantees. My DH has a life-threatening fish allergy. His dad is a fishing charter captain so he was literally raised on fish, eating it a couple times a week. His allergy didn't develop until he was a teen; from about 13 on his avoided fish because he had normal, mild allergy symptoms, but at 18 he had an anaphylactic reaction to an accidental exposure.

 

[Colleen27]

Not always true. My sister is a wonderful cook. Most nights they have a home cooked meal. She has 2 daughters, ages 11 & 7. The 11 yr old will try just about everything, likes tons of different things. Her 7 yr old will only try certain things. Same family, same upbringing, same meals--so who knows why one is picky when the other is not.

OH, I"m not saying it is an absolute. Nothing is in child-rearing, and I'm sure there were plenty of picky eaters well before the convenience food era. But I think a lot of the kids who are super picky now wouldn't be that way if they had more exposure to and involvement with real food, and even if they were, a picky kid who only wants plain chicken breast, unseasoned veggies, or whatever is a lot better off healthwise than one that only wants chicken nuggets and pizza.

 

[Polyluvr]

I have the same issues with my 2 boys-9,5. The 9 year old will eat ANYTHING- and I really mean anything! Sushi; every vegetable put in front of him, and will try anything new. The 5 year old will not eat a vegetable to save his life-adamantly refuses. We constantly offer and always put it on his plate. As a baby he ate all the vegetable baby foods and wasn't picky about anything till about age 3. He does enjoy fish/seafood and loves steak and potatos. Will eat all kinds of macaroni- We're Italian. But anything w vegetables-never.

 

[TN Hockey Mom]

I was telling my DH about this subject this morning and he made a VERY good point. It's easy for someone without children OR for someone who doesn't have a picky eater to say that they would not give in to it.

Good for you if your child will eat anything and everything. Until you actually have a picky eater you can't say how you would handle it. We exposed our picky eater to all types of food, however, around age 3 he started deciding what he liked and what he no longer liked. As far as telling him to eat it or go without, I can honestly say he would go without.

I don't claim to be an expert on ALL children but I'm pretty sure I'm the most knowledgable when it comes to MY children.

His being picky doesn't inconvenience anyone but us.

 

[Dancind]

By working with her, and having some discussions with her about her fear of foods as she aged, she did finally start eating different things. We love going out to eat at Disney, as we both think of it as a place where she started eating more variety. Although she's still not a big veggie or fruit eater, she is one of the least picky eaters her age (13), and loves a variety of flavors and cuisines. However, the former fish sticks, chicken nugget, pizza kid now hates fast food and prefers freshly made things.

For us it was cruising. Our DD had sensory issues too, we now know she has Asperger's. For a while, it was white food only, chicken breast, mashed potatoes, cauliflower, pasta without sauce, cheese pizza as long as the sauce was undetectable. I think maybe some occasional broccoli. Never any fruit.

But for some reason, by age 11 and her first cruise, she would try new things. I guess because we told her she didn't have to eat any of it - it was "free". So she ordered freely and tried it all.

She's 19 now, still doesn't really eat fruit. Will eat almost everything else, or at least try it. Loves Indian food ( I remember a panic attack when we walked into an Indian restaurant when she was 5), sushi, Vietnamese, you name it. Has tried things I haven't. Sadly, after a childhood with almost no junk food, in college she tends to hang out with friends at Taco Bell, Carl's Jr. At least she still doesn't care for soda.

 

[2binak]

I was a very picky eater as a child but that's because I was (an still am) sensitive to anything spicy, even if too much pepper is used in foods it causes my mouth to burn. I was made to sit at the table for up to 2 hours after dinner was over with a plate of cold food in front of me in the hopes that I would get hungry enough to eat whatever was put in front of me. I would eventually get tired and fall asleep at the table. Never did this make me want to eat anything I didn't want to eat. If anything, it made me angrier and all the more stubborn about eating.

I have a friend who makes her children eat for breakfast, the things they did not eat for dinner the night before which to me is just nasty.

I have a 2 yr old and I will not do either of those things to her, but I also won't cater to her every whim. Luckily (for now) she is a great eater! She will try anything & she eats almost anything too. She did go through a phase last Summer where she didn't eat meat of any kind (pork, chicken, steak, ground beef, etc.) for 3 months. We'd still put it on her plate though. During that time, we gave her extra veggies, fruit, yogurt, pasta & cereal. One day, she just started eating meat again and all was right with the World once more.

If she becomes picky, her alternatives will be to eat more of the things on her plate that she does like or she'll get fruit, cereal, yogurt - hopefully she'll like some healthy alternatives. If she gets really picky, well, we'll cross that bridge if we come to it, but I know we won't be "starving" her into submission.

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

seriously though..I thought my oldest was picky b/c she has a hard time trying new foods...but OMG... my 2nd cousin is the WORST..I've never seen anything like it...The only thing the kids will eat are nuggets from Chick fil-a (they HAVE to be Chick-Fil-A kind) or she eats a biscuit from the Jimmy Dean frozen sausage biscuits---with no sausage... they call it a "Saucy biscuit".... that's IT...no joke... nothing else...she doesn't drink milk or juice either...only water. It's really bad... the child is thin and pale ....the girl's Mom is severely overweight... Can you say something to someone?? Is it telling them how to parent?? THis is their only child....

 

[jamimb]

I think if you have a child that is picky and won't eat alot but what they do eat is healthy that is fine but when you allow your children to eat un healthy processed crap because supposedly they won't eat anything else it's irresposible in my opinion. your just setting them up for diabetes and heart disease if not now then certainly later in life!

I sure there are exceptions like children with disabilites or sensory issues . I suppose it would be better for these children to eat something even if unhealthy as oppsed to eating nothing at all.

 

[cheermom1]

I think if you have a child that is picky and won't eat alot but what they do eat is healthy that is fine but when you allow your children to eat un healthy processed crap because supposedly they won't eat anything else it's irresposible in my opinion. your just setting them up for diabetes and heart disease if not now then certainly later in life!

 

[dizcrazee]

seriously though..I thought my oldest was picky b/c she has a hard time trying new foods...but OMG... my 2nd cousin is the WORST..I've never seen anything like it...The only thing the kids will eat are nuggets from Chick fil-a (they HAVE to be Chick-Fil-A kind) or she eats a biscuit from the Jimmy Dean frozen sausage biscuits---with no sausage... they call it a "Saucy biscuit".... that's IT...no joke... nothing else...she doesn't drink milk or juice either...only water. It's really bad... the child is thin and pale ....the girl's Mom is severely overweight... Can you say something to someone?? Is it telling them how to parent?? THis is their only child....

Oh my goodness, is that really all she'll eat? That's very scary! I think I would have to say something to the mom. I would try to come across as very gentle and concerned, though, since she very well may be extremely defensive about this.

 

[Arielle22]

I am a picky eater. I really am a plain eater. I don't like lots of sauces, herbs or spices. I also despise vegetables.

My mom lived by "eat what I made or else go hungry" and I remember not eating dinner because I didn't like it.

With my dds I tried serving veggies (DH does eat them) and both dds will eat them. My younger dd was even a vegetarian for a few years (I tell her she must have been switched at birth).

I wish I would enjoy (or even eat) veggies. I have tried and can never get them down. However I am 44 years old and at my last checkup everything was fine (except for losing some weight) so I guess I am not doing too bad.

 

[jamimb]

I am a picky eater. I really am a plain eater. I don't like lots of sauces, herbs or spices. I also despise vegetables.

My mom lived by "eat what I made or else go hungry" and I remember not eating dinner because I didn't like it.

With my dds I tried serving veggies (DH does eat them) and both dds will eat them. My younger dd was even a vegetarian for a few years (I tell her she must have been switched at birth).

I wish I would enjoy (or even eat) veggies. I have tried and can never get them down. However I am 44 years old and at my last checkup everything was fine (except for losing some weight) so I guess I am not doing too bad.

The only thing that would worry me about a child not eating fruits and veggies is that they are such a great source of antioxidants. Antioxidants fight free radicals that cause cancer. and they are loaded with vitamins and minerals.

 

[busyshrew]

I once, quite a while ago, borrowed a neat little book from our local library. It was older (written in the 1960's I think?) so it was very practical, matter-of-fact, and it described different "food types" categories that many children fall into. I thought the book was fun, and I remember thinking, AHA!! That's my DD!!!

The food types, from what I can remember were:

1) Prefers white food : usually white rice, mashed potatoes, white bread...
2) Prefers brown / fried food: chicken fingers, fries, anything breaded, toast...
3) Eats everything and everything but has a hard time stopping
4) Cycle eater: eats very well one day, followed by two, maybe three days of "snacking on air"
5) Sauce eater: wants sauce on everything (ketchup, dips, cheese sauce)
6) Texture eater: won't eat crunchy. or the opposite, won't eat squooshy.

If anyone has read the book, do you remember the title? I SWEAR I'm not making this up. I really did read this book.

 

[LuvCuteBoys]

This affects you how?

 

[Minnie]

Would you believe that my husband actually gets up in the middle of EVERY night to feed them their 'wet' food? The 'little one' (who is 6!) jumps on him and bites his ears until he gets up. This is a regular occurrence at 2 am. And keeping the little darling out of the room isn't an option...we can't figure out how to stop him from whining and scratching at the door. Luckily I sleep like a log right through it!
Having kids is not an option for us because my DH would give them EVERYTHING they'd want, and I'd be the 'bad guy'!

This struck me as very ironic.... "Parents stop giving into picky eaters!" but you can't even stop your DH from giving into your cats????

 

[jamimb]

This struck me as very ironic.... "Parents stop giving into picky eaters!" but you can't even stop your DH from giving into your cats????

So now the OP's DH is a five year old boy who can't make his own decisions?????
I'm not my DH's mother! He is an adult and will do what he wants. Im sure it's the same with the OP. Sheesh!!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

So now the OP's DH is a five year old boy who can't make his own decisions?????
I'm not my DH's mother! He is an adult and will do what he wants. Im sure it's the same with the OP. Sheesh!!!

I think the irony is in the fact that they are both raising a living being (be it feline or human) and with the OP's adament stance, in her own household it is an issue, at least for the cat. She also alludes (all though it is a joke) that it is a potential problem if they had children. So further irony in that other parents will get lectured, but that it may be a potential problem in her own household.

In our household--we do try to agree to a certain extend on how to feed all the children....humans, felines, and rabbits. But sometimes it isn't all that easy depending on the invidual living being.

 

[Minnie]

So now the OP's DH is a five year old boy who can't make his own decisions?????
I'm not my DH's mother! He is an adult and will do what he wants. Im sure it's the same with the OP. Sheesh!!!

OP says "WE can't figure out how to stop him from whining and scratching at the door".... But OP wants to tell parents how to raise their children.... and that's not ironic