Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[Bunless]

Not a parent, but a teacher of many ages.

I know that there are many spectrum range issues, that might cause a child to be picky. If your child is so picky that they refuse to eat anything other than high fat and calorie laden foods, and you think that it's a hopeless cause to get them to eat foods that are better for them, you should really take them to the doctor.

I also understand that a child's palette is underdeveloped as a defense mechanism that came with evolution. In the wild, bitter could mean dangerous to eat. So there is a natural revulsion to bitter foods.

As a teacher, you see many, many kids, and you don't see them through the love-colored glasses of being a parent... basically, you see them without the hard earned and rightfully so bias that a parent has. You see the difference between the students who have a healthy balanced diet, and the ones who don't. You know, while watching their food choices, who is going to be have food related health issues in the long run. They might appear healthy as a five year old, but if they are unable to change those habits that lead them only to high fat, sugar, and calorie laden foods, they will not stay healthy for long.

My heart goes out when I see parents struggle with their kids wants. Notice I said wants, not needs. Parents know what their kids want, and every parent knows (in today's world, their is no excuse for thinking that pizza is a viable, healthy daily food choice) what their child should be eating. It's that struggle to get the child to eat what they SHOULD instead of what they WANT that makes me root for and cheer on the parent, every time I see the kid pitch a fit. I always go up to that parent who stands their ground in defense of what is best for their child, despite of what their child wants, and I tell them 'be strong, you're doing good'.

 

[cheermom1]

What this all boils down to is if you don;t introduce the bad foods to your kids they won;t know the difference, i mean come on you have to introduce them to that kind of food for them to have the preference to WANT that kind of food.

I said it once I'll say it again your kid will eat what their parents ALLOW them to eat!!!

 

[lizandjason]

Not a parent, but a teacher of many ages.

I know that there are many spectrum range issues, that might cause a child to be picky. If your child is so picky that they refuse to eat anything other than high fat and calorie laden foods, and you think that it's a hopeless cause to get them to eat foods that are better for them, you should really take them to the doctor.

I also understand that a child's palette is underdeveloped as a defense mechanism that came with evolution. In the wild, bitter could mean dangerous to eat. So there is a natural revulsion to bitter foods.

As a teacher, you see many, many kids, and you don't see them through the love-colored glasses of being a parent... basically, you see them without the hard earned and rightfully so bias that a parent has. You see the difference between the students who have a healthy balanced diet, and the ones who don't. You know, while watching their food choices, who is going to be have food related health issues in the long run. They might appear healthy as a five year old, but if they are unable to change those habits that lead them only to high fat, sugar, and calorie laden foods, they will not stay healthy for long.

My heart goes out when I see parents struggle with their kids wants. Notice I said wants, not needs. Parents know what their kids want, and every parent knows (in today's world, their is no excuse for thinking that pizza is a viable, healthy daily food choice) what their child should be eating. It's that struggle to get the child to eat what they SHOULD instead of what they WANT that makes me root for and cheer on the parent, every time I see the kid pitch a fit. I always go up to that parent who stands their ground in defense of what is best for their child, despite of what their child wants, and I tell them 'be strong, you're doing good'.

Thank you for being an intelligent voice of reason. Well said!

 

[Cornhusk]

Well MY cat eats only organic cat food and can poop on the toilet YOU are raising your cats wrong jk

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

You're not more knowledgable than me because you have kids.

I will maintain that anyone who has raised a child knows more about child rearing than someone who just likes to talk about what they think they know about child rearing.

If you are one of the people I was referring to in my first post, and you're not trying to promote good eating habits in your kids, I know for a fact you're doing it wrong. And I will stand by that.

I'm sorry that you and others feel it's okay to treat me poorly because you don't agree with my opinion.

I'm not treating you poorly, in fact, if anything you are treating others poorly by passing judgements on parents of picky children by pontificating about how you think those parents should raise children.

I'm fighting the good fight to raise my kids with good eating habits. But its not easy and its a daily struggle and the 'advice' of someone who has mothered cats really isn't all that meaningful to me.

Its not discussing the topic that bothers me, God knows I talk about it with my other mom friends all the time, many of whom have btdt and can give me good feedback and advice. Its the tone. Perhaps the question phrased like, "parents why do you give in to picky kids?" or "Parents, how have you dealt with picky kids?" might have been less judgemental.

 

[Bunless]

I should also say, that there is a lot of compelling, anecdotal evidence of children who have spectrum disorders, behavioral issues (that might lead them to be very confrontational about not getting their wants in regards to food), and allergies, that, if their diet is changed, those issues improve. They might not go away, but they do improve.

And by changing, I don't mean just go eat a salad. There's a lot more to it than that. It's something that only a specialist can really, truly help with.

 

[lizandjason]

Well MY cat eats only organic cat food and can poop on the toilet YOU are raising your cats wrong jk

Now THAT is something to be proud of!

 

[lizandjason]

I will maintain that anyone who has raised a child knows more about child rearing than someone who just likes to talk about what they think they know about child rearing.



I'm not treating you poorly, in fact, if anything you are treating others poorly by passing judgements on parents of picky children by pontificating about how you think those parents should raise children.

I'm fighting the good fight to raise my kids with good eating habits. But its not easy and its a daily struggle and the 'advice' of someone who has mothered cats really isn't all that meaningful to me.

Its not discussing the topic that bothers me, God knows I talk about it with my other mom friends all the time, many of whom have btdt and can give me good feedback and advice. Its the tone. Perhaps the question phrased like, "parents why do you give in to picky kids?" or "Parents, how have you dealt with picky kids?" might have been less judgemental.

You are treating me poorly because you're completely discrediting my opinion because I don't have kids. That is really insulting.

If you are in fact 'fighting the good fight' then WHY would you have taken offense to my original post? As a parent who TRIES, don't you get upset when you see other kids whose parents don't care?

 

[MushyMushy]

What this all boils down to is if you don;t introduce the bad foods to your kids they won;t know the difference, i mean come on you have to introduce them to that kind of food for them to have the preference to WANT that kind of food.

I said it once I'll say it again your kid will eat what their parents ALLOW them to eat!!!

The trouble is, there are far more influences in a child's life than parents. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, television, movies, print ads, and I could go on and on.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

You are treating me poorly because you're completely discrediting my opinion because I don't have kids. That is really insulting.

If you are in fact 'fighting the good fight' then WHY would you have taken offense to my original post? As a parent who TRIES, don't you get upset when you see other kids whose parents don't care?

Well, I've never flown a space ship. That makes my opinion on how to fly a space ship pretty much irrelevant. I don't think that's something you should take so personally. I am a mom. I've been childess in the past. When I was childless I thought I *knew* about raising kids. Now that I have kids, I know that what I thought I knew was naieve.

I take offense to your original post- and really offense is too strong a word- because I would make the argument that its not up to anyone on the 'outside' to judge a parent unless the paret is being out and out abusive. We all have struggles. Some kids we are more stubborn and difficult than others.

Just wait until you have a child, if ever you do. Believe me, the mommy wars are brutal. Especially in anonymous forums like message boards. There are going to be people who have hystronics over every issue: breastfeeding, working, the kind of car seat to buy, when to turn your child forward facing, the type of food they eat, the type of school they go to, do you daycare or not, it goes on and on. None of it is constructive. If a parent asks for advice, that's one thing. If some random person without even the benefit of experience decides to pass judgement, then that person is adding thier's to a chorus of voices designed to judge and demean parents rather than support them.

No, I don't get upset when I see a parent who supposedly doesn't care about food. I have have friend, for example, who 'doesn't care' about her older son's insistance on eating chicken nuggets. She happily makes them in her oven for him daily and comforts herself that at least they aren't from fast food. But she's dealing with a difficult younger child going through some things right now, and she's dealing with issues with her ex and custody. She can only fight so many battles at a time. So, no, I don't pass judgement. There but for the grace of God go I. We - most parents- are doing the best we can.

 

[rie'smom]

Well, I've never flown a space ship. That makes my opinion on how to fly a space ship pretty much irrelevant. I don't think that's something you should take so personally. I am a mom. I've been childess in the past. When I was childless I thought I *knew* about raising kids. Now that I have kids, I know that what I thought I knew was naieve.

I take offense to your original post- and really offense is too strong a word- because I would make the argument that its not up to anyone on the 'outside' to judge a parent unless the paret is being out and out abusive. We all have struggles. Some kids we are more stubborn and difficult than others.

Just wait until you have a child, if ever you do. Believe me, the mommy wars are brutal. Especially in anonymous forums like message boards. There are going to be people who have hystronics over every issue: breastfeeding, working, the kind of car seat to buy, when to turn your child forward facing, the type of food they eat, the type of school they go to, do you daycare or not, it goes on and on. None of it is constructive. If a parent asks for advice, that's one thing. If some random person without even the benefit of experience decides to pass judgement, then that person is adding thier's to a chorus of voices designed to judge and demean parents rather than support them.

No, I don't get upset when I see a parent who supposedly doesn't care about food. I have have friend, for example, who 'doesn't care' about her older son's insistance on eating chicken nuggets. She happily makes them in her oven for him daily and comforts herself that at least they aren't from fast food. But she's dealing with a difficult younger child going through some things right now, and she's dealing with issues with her ex and custody. So, no, I don't pass judgement. There but for the grace of God go I. We - most parents- are doing the best we can.

 

[Scurvy]

You are treating me poorly because you're completely discrediting my opinion because I don't have kids. That is really insulting.

If you are in fact 'fighting the good fight' then WHY would you have taken offense to my original post? As a parent who TRIES, don't you get upset when you see other kids whose parents don't care?

How in the world do you know that they don't care?

OP, I understand that you meant well. As a parent who did try when my son went through his picky phase, I do sometimes privately roll my eyes when I see someone post that their child will only eat chicken nuggets and fries. But I would never, ever go onto a message board (or walk up to them in person) and drag out my soapbox and lecture them on the proper way to parent their child. The fact is, I don't know that they aren't trying. I know it may not seem like they are trying from the post I read but unless I am a part of their daily lives I don't have a clue how hard they might actually be trying. Neither do you. They might have talked to their child's doctor, and the doctor could have assured them that most kids go through a similar phase and that it's nothing to be concerned about. They could be battling with the child over food every single day, and they just aren't willing to do that when they are on vacation.

And honestly, maybe you don't know as much about children and about parenting as actual parents do. Why would you? If you studied childhood development or elementary education you might know more about kids than many parents. If you studied medicine or you were a nutritionist, you might also know quite a bit about kids and their dietary needs. But if you haven't done any of those things, and you haven't been a parent yourself, it's unrealistic to think that you would know as much about kids as people who have done those things. Your ideas, while great in theory, might not work as well in practical application. That isn't intended to be insulting, and I hope it doesn't come across as though I'm trying to be. But the fact is, we don't all know everything about everything. If you haven't studied it or experienced it, you can't be expected to know it as well as someone who has studied or experienced it - whatever "it" may be. And that includes parenting.

It would be like someone who has never owned cats (but has seen lots of them) trying to give you advice about your pets. You probably wouldn't listen to them, unless they were a vet or had lots of other experience with cats. And that's understandable. It would be silly for you to listen to the advice of some random stranger who isn't an expert at the thing they are trying to advise you about. And even though I do know about cats, having both owned and studied them, I still wouldn't offer you completely unsolicited advice about your cats, especially not in the tone you used in your original post. That's because I think it would be really rude of me to presume I know your situation better than you yourself do, and it would be rude of me to tell you what to do when the situation in question doesn't affect me at all. You posted unsolicited advice to parents, phrased in such a way that you were telling them what to do, as though just following your orders would make their kid stop being picky. But you aren't a parent, and didn't mention being a doctor, teacher or nutritionist or having other extensive experience with children. Why do you expect that people will want to listen to your advice?

 

[2girlsmom]

OP, I realize that you meant well when you posted, and now feel beaten up on my a number of replies. So giving you the benefit of the doubt here, and in the gentlest way possible, please realize that kids will prove wrong EVERY theory and well meaning statement ever made, every single time. I think that is the basic reason so many posters have asked about whether had children way back in the beginning and then essentially laughed off in most cases and scolded in a few over your tone.

My children, and I have 2, have DRASTICALLY different taste pallettes. My oldest, who apparently takes after her father, eats as little meat as possible (still at age 12, I am reasonably certain that she will eventually be a vegetarian, which is fine when she gets there), also eats a handful of veggies by choice, LOVES anything starchy and loaded in carbs, loves most fruits. She is picky. At home we do require her to eat several bites of anything on her plate, but out to eat? And especially at Disney or places like that? I will happily allow her to choose the foods that are not a struggle, as long as those foods contain some source of protein, and at least some fruits/veggies throughout the days. Admittedly, the last time at disney getting much food of any type in her was something of a struggle, she would eat maybe a banana for breakfast, share a few bites of her sister's lunch (didn't want her own), and then eat maybe a total of 15 bites of food at supper. I would offer her treats in the park, ie ice cream or popcorn, etc. She would just have a bottle of water. My 2nd child, now, she will eat almost anything and everything. There are very few foods that she will even argue with us, as she also LOVES to try new foods and is especially fond of ethnic foods, ie indian, chinese, japanese...

I realize that I am not overall the parents that you referenced in the beginning, the fact is that even my picky child DOES eat other foods, and I certainly wouldn't whine about it. However, if you saw us at Disney, you might not realize that as it really is a matter of picking my battles. Oh, and fyi, she is my UNDER weight child, her doctor routinely tells me that if she wants high fat foods, I should ENCOURAGE that for her.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Guess what... we don't have a cat, I have never had a cat...

But, you know, I have SEEN cats...
And I am just so intelligent and well-meaning

I think I will start a post about kitty-parents (like you) and how they all should just PUHLEAZZZZZZEEEE stop doing it the way they are doing it, and how they are just so obviously doing it ALL WRONG.... etc.. etc.. yada, yada, yada...

OP, whether you truly realized it, you have indeed crossed a line.
You are in the wrong to create a post to pass negative judgement.
They are not your kids... does not directly or personally affect you.
I think you should be asking yourself why it is worth it, and why you are still here.

Give it up... Walk Away...

But, just know that the moment you ever have your own kid - you will find out that you were in the wrong here, and in a lot of other things you 'thought' you knew.

Good gracious, I can't believe this thead is even still here!

If the OP can't 'walk away', then everybody here should walk away and just let this thread die a respectable death.

 

[lizandjason]

Well, I've never flown a space ship. That makes my opinion on how to fly a space ship pretty much irrelevant. I don't think that's something you should take so personally. I am a mom. I've been childess in the past. When I was childless I thought I *knew* about raising kids. Now that I have kids, I know that what I thought I knew was naieve.

I take offense to your original post- and really offense is too strong a word- because I would make the argument that its not up to anyone on the 'outside' to judge a parent unless the paret is being out and out abusive. We all have struggles. Some kids we are more stubborn and difficult than others.

Just wait until you have a child, if ever you do. Believe me, the mommy wars are brutal. Especially in anonymous forums like message boards. There are going to be people who have hystronics over every issue: breastfeeding, working, the kind of car seat to buy, when to turn your child forward facing, the type of food they eat, the type of school they go to, do you daycare or not, it goes on and on. None of it is constructive. If a parent asks for advice, that's one thing. If some random person without even the benefit of experience decides to pass judgement, then that person is adding thier's to a chorus of voices designed to judge and demean parents rather than support them.

No, I don't get upset when I see a parent who supposedly doesn't care about food. I have have friend, for example, who 'doesn't care' about her older son's insistance on eating chicken nuggets. She happily makes them in her oven for him daily and comforts herself that at least they aren't from fast food. But she's dealing with a difficult younger child going through some things right now, and she's dealing with issues with her ex and custody. She can only fight so many battles at a time. So, no, I don't pass judgement. There but for the grace of God go I. We - most parents- are doing the best we can.

Well said. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[cheermom1]

The trouble is, there are far more influences in a child's life than parents. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, television, movies, print ads, and I could go on and on.

Still doesn;t mean the parents have to allow it!

 

[lizandjason]

Final Thought from the OP (climbing out of the trenches to wave the white flag...)

My original post was well-intended but came across as rude, pushy and judgemental. Something about what a person said in another thread really rubbed me the wrong way, and I reacted immediately to it with that post. I should have edited the post a long time ago, and I should probably still do that. To those of you who took offense, I can now completely understand why you did.

As one poster just said, parents are constantly judged. And you can't always fight back in 'real life', but you can certainly do it on a chat board. I can't blame you for reacting the way you did, nor should I have taken offense to it.I can't say I wouldn't have reacted the same way if I had been in your shoes.

Even though this is a virtual community, it is a community like any other, and I now understand that should have worded my original post COMPLETELY differently.

If I am blessed with children, I will not forget this experience and hopefully it will help me be a better parent. As far as good food choices go, I can tell you that I am preparing a nice, big humble pie for myself.

Thanks, everyone. I hope you all continue to raise happy, healthy children, and I will forever be in awe of how you do this thing called 'parenting' day in and day out. I wish you peace and joy on the journey.

 

[ZeitgeistDuck]

Thank you for understanding. I really do appreciate that.

 

[lizandjason]

Thank you for understanding. I really do appreciate that.

Thank YOU, and everyone, for the insight.

 

[binny]

OP, I realize that you meant well when you posted, and now feel beaten up on my a number of replies. So giving you the benefit of the doubt here, and in the gentlest way possible, please realize that kids will prove wrong EVERY theory and well meaning statement ever made, every single time. I think that is the basic reason so many posters have asked about whether had children way back in the beginning and then essentially laughed off in most cases and scolded in a few over your tone.

My children, and I have 2, have DRASTICALLY different taste pallettes. My oldest, who apparently takes after her father, eats as little meat as possible (still at age 12, I am reasonably certain that she will eventually be a vegetarian, which is fine when she gets there), also eats a handful of veggies by choice, LOVES anything starchy and loaded in carbs, loves most fruits. She is picky. At home we do require her to eat several bites of anything on her plate, but out to eat? And especially at Disney or places like that? I will happily allow her to choose the foods that are not a struggle, as long as those foods contain some source of protein, and at least some fruits/veggies throughout the days. Admittedly, the last time at disney getting much food of any type in her was something of a struggle, she would eat maybe a banana for breakfast, share a few bites of her sister's lunch (didn't want her own), and then eat maybe a total of 15 bites of food at supper. I would offer her treats in the park, ie ice cream or popcorn, etc. She would just have a bottle of water. My 2nd child, now, she will eat almost anything and everything. There are very few foods that she will even argue with us, as she also LOVES to try new foods and is especially fond of ethnic foods, ie indian, chinese, japanese...

I realize that I am not overall the parents that you referenced in the beginning, the fact is that even my picky child DOES eat other foods, and I certainly wouldn't whine about it. However, if you saw us at Disney, you might not realize that as it really is a matter of picking my battles. Oh, and fyi, she is my UNDER weight child, her doctor routinely tells me that if she wants high fat foods, I should ENCOURAGE that for her.

omgosh I could have written verbatim! My 11 year old DD eats exactly that way! She actually gags when given meat and has since she was a baby. I went through a vegetarian stage and if she wants to do the same I am all for it. Now my 15 year old DS OTOH will eat meat but very few veggies, which is why I hide them in their food


My youngest DD will eat anything you put in front of her, at least she would until she started this school 3 months ago. Now one of her friends has her convinced that she doesnt like anything. She will still try it and then make up her own mind but she used to eat anything! Maddeing to say the least.


Honestly, OP, you came across as very demeaning and confrontational which is why I would guess youre getting a lot of flack from parents here.

Parenting is HARD WORK. I was a nanny for years, a live in nanny, I still had no idea until I had my own kids how tough it is. You make the best decisions you can and, as long as you are keeping your kids best interest at heart, everyone needs to be ok with that. This is tough enough without being degraded for whatever we are doing or judged every time sees us screw up.

And frankly, whose business is it if I choose to take my kids to McDonalds once in awhile for a treat? If thats the only time you see my kids and see them eating crappy food its such a small window into our every day lives that you really have NO idea what is going on.