Parents, Stop Giving In To 'Picky Eaters'!

[Colleen27]

I've seen so many parents post questions on these boards like, 'my two year old only eats pancakes and cheese pizza, where can we find these at Disney?'

(Excuse me while I hoist myself on this soapbox...)
Parents who give in to their kids' 'picky' food habits are doing their kids an incredible disservice. Healthy eating habits are formed in the first few years of life, and when kids are only given 'kids foods' like fried chicken fingers and pizza, guess how they'll continue to eat as they age?

I'm sure many parents will come back at me saying, 'but my Johnny won't eat any vegetables, and I don't want him to STARVE'! Guess what, Johnny won't starve. He'll eat what you give him. And when he's older, he'll thank you for loving him enough to set standards for his well-being. You are the parent. Do your job, stay in control.

I'd love your opinions!

Kids tend to dislike the unfamiliar. If parents enable this by letting anything that is rejected on the first/first few tries stay in the realm of unfamiliar, they're doing the kids a disservice IMO. And kids' menus just make the situation worse - when I was a kid and we went out for Mexican or Italian or Chinese, I ordered Mexican or Italian or Chinese. Now it seems like no matter where you go, every restaurant offers chicken nuggets, hot dogs, and grilled cheese so little Junior never has to venture even a baby step out of his comfort zone (and so Mom & Dad don't have to settle for places like Dennys or Applebees when they allow their kids to get so picky that ethnic food is out of the question).

And before someone asks I have three kids, one of whom did need some coaching to step out of the familiar/safe with her food choices. I'm not a childless woman opining on how best to raise kids. Unless a child has special needs, there's no reason not to "train" their palates in a more mature direction, and it has to start at home. If you cook real food, the kids learn to eat real food.

 

[jt'smom]

Are we talking about the same kid??? My son is the same way but he has Aspergers and he ALWAYS wanted to eat salads!! I figured out when he was little that I could tell him that if he cleaned his room or whatever I'd make him a salad!

Plus I know how hard it is to find 28x34 is what he needs, he is so dang tall!! Of course now he eats a lot more than that b/c I always made a lot of good veggies and always baked or grilled the meat. I have a preference for nothing fried just can;t stand fried foods I even bake my fries.

omg, this is too funny, mine son is an aspie too! maybe we DO have the same kid

 

[K and K's Mommy]

In the other hand, poor children are not picky eaters also, they eat what is available. The middle class children are the ones with the problem, also facing overweight....

This is exactly what I was going to post. I had the opportunity to feed some homeless families. The kids ate everything. We gave them a very healthy, balanced meal, and they tried and ate everything.

A couple of weeks later there was a "Colonial" dinner at my child's school in which I was a server. It is a VERY mixed socioeconomic school. The pickiest kids were definitely the higher income. One of my son's friends ate only bread. My own DS wouldn't have eaten much, but I made him take some things. The lower income kids ate the whole meal. I don't believe these kids are starving at home, but I also don't think the parents can afford to cater to their kids.

In my own family, my oldest is extremely picky. However, I have stopped catering to him, and he has improved. I used to make a peanut butter sandwich or have pasta (plain) for him. I haven't done this in a couple of years, and his eating habits have improved. I don't know why I started that. I know when I was growing up we were expected to eat what was in front of us. I do have two friends that make separate meals for kids and adults.

 

[PebblesMK]

There is a big difference between a child who has sensory issues or a weak stomach or whatever it may be, as opposed to a child who is catered to. My niece is almost two and her mom will only make her hotdogs or chicken nuggets. The mom claims that the child doesn't like anything else and will get really upset if I make actual food. The reason for the hotdogs, chicken nuggets, McDonalds is because it takes absolutely no effort at all for her to cook. My niece loves fresh fruit but that's too much work as well. It is getting to the point where my niece will throw her food/plate if it's not one of those staples. Luckily I have her a few times a week and so can give her new things to try and definitely don't cater to the mentality of her mother. Will my niece grow up to be a picky eater, yes, I believe she will- but it's only because she isn't given the opportunity to try anything and if she scoffs at something for even a moment, that 24gram of fat hotdog gets thrown into the microwave and thrown on her plate. This is what I believe the OP was talking about, not children who go through phases or cant handle certain foods or whatever the case may be. In my nieces case, her mother is straight up lazy and couldn't care less about nutrition or anything else.

 

[TwinsinCA]

One of my big pet peeves (even before I had kids) is adults who won't TRY things. I mean I get if you have food allergies or it's a food that poses a health risk or something, but other than that how in the heck do you know you won't like it if you don't try it??? I think it's ridiculous!! And I think it's a sad and limiting mentality in general to go through life with!

I don't like mushrooms. Period. If I know something has mushrooms in it, I will not eat it. I don't need to "try" it to know that. I'm also an adult and think I have earned the right to decide what *I* eat. My body, my taste buds, my business. I don't care if anyone else finds it "sad" or it is their "pet peeve".

That is not to say I will never try anything new. But if it contains a food I don't like or a combination that I find disgusting (for instance sour cream on a potato? Put it on my taco? -- Pineapple alone is fine, but I do NOT want it on my pizza!) more likely than not I am not going to try it.

 

[Colleen27]

This topic always intrigues me. On many levels I completely agree with the OP. Oh- and I am a parent so I get the whole kid thing btw.
While I think that some kids do have issues with food (sensory etc.) I do not believe that any child can only eat chicken nuggets, hots dogs and pizza. Sorry but that is just catering to nonsense. That has nothing to do with being picky. Yes- there are foods that each of my children do not like. I never force them to eat things they do not like. They do however have to try everything. I don't allow them to just look at something and say "yuck."

Having a palate is one thing. Refusing to eat anything but junk is a preference. Sorry but you never hear people whining about their picky eater only wanting to eat apples, fresh veggies and lean meat. The alleged picky eater only wants fast food junk. That imo is what the OP was trying to say - although I could be wrong. On that level I do agree.

That's how I took it too, and I'll be honest - the kids I know IRL who are picky like that come from families that just don't cook. I've yet to meet one of these kids who has a mom who tries everything but still just won't eat more than a couple-few foods (and to be clear, I'm not doubting they exist but I don't think they're the majority of picky kids these days).

The ones I know are more like one of DS's football buddies, who only eats the things you'd find on a typical kids' menu - pizza (pepperoni, cheese, or meat lovers, not if it has mushrooms/peppers/onions/olives), hot dogs (but our kosher brand "tastes funny"), grilled cheese (white or soft wheat, no multi-grain bread), etc. He only eats a few veggies, corn and green beans (out of a can, he thought the fresh were "weird") cooked, carrot sticks and salad made with "plain" (iceberg) lettuce and tomatoes raw and only with rank dressing. A very "kid food" diet, not healthy or varied, but that's how he eats at home so that's what he's used to.

And I got the impression that those are the kids the OP was referring to - not kids with sensory issues or legitimate food preferences within a reasonably varied/balanced diet, but rather those who have been allowed to narrow their diet to a few favorite "kid foods".

 

[monkeybug]

I don't like mushrooms. Period. If I know something has mushrooms in it, I will not eat it. I don't need to "try" it to know that. I'm also an adult and think I have earned the right to decide what *I* eat. My body, my taste buds, my business. I don't care if anyone else finds it "sad" or it is their "pet peeve".

That is not to say I will never try anything new. But if it contains a food I don't like or a combination that I find disgusting (for instance sour cream on a potato? Put it on my taco? -- Pineapple alone is fine, but I do NOT want it on my pizza!) more likely than not I am not going to try it.

Well that's not what I'm talking about. I'm assuming you don't eat things with mushrooms, because you have had mushrooms and know you don't like them, not because you don't "think" you'd like mushrooms. (all though the way a food is prepared can make things taste completely different. I don't like peas. I think they are the devils spawn, but I always try dishes with peas that I haven't tried before, because who knows? Might like it! (haven't yet))
I'm talking about adults who refuse to eat things they've never had. I have a friend who will try nothing new. Ever. She won't try avocado (never had it), ground turkey (never had it), fish (never had it) or basically anything that's not made of ground beef, Velveeta, and something out of a box. That to me is ridiculous! And yes, sad!

 

[PearlySwan]

First I don;t thing the op was talking about the kids that have allergies or sensory issues. However my son is Asperbers and he WILL try any food b/c I have him do this and that is all he has known. How will he know if he doesn;t like it or have a sensory to it IF he doesn;t at least TRY it? That is what this whole thread has been about to have the kid TRY the darn food!

^^^ Cheermom1: You must be familiar with the saying "No two ASD kids are alike." Not all kids on the spectrum exhibit sensory defensiveness related to their palate. However, there seems to be an inordinate amount of those who do. Your child doesn't fall in that category and that's a good thing. I'm not saying people should throw their hands up in the air and give up offering a variety of foods to their 'picky' eaters. What I'm saying is that what may appear to be a 'picky' eater to some on the outside may not be an accurate depiction of the situation at all. I don't blame the parents for 'giving in' if that means the kid will eat something vs. nothing at all.

The book "Just Take a Bite" by Dr. Ernsperger and Dr. Stegen-Hanson was written for families of kids with aversions and 'eating challenges,' more accurately described as eating defensiveness or sensory integration dysfunction. We have a neighbor who's son had to be put on a feeding tube as he would refuse to eat anything. He is a year older than my son and is in the same size clothing as my son. Do I think my neighbor was giving in to a stubborn child? Absolutely not. She offered him healthy foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, healthy carbs, etc). This child has a genuine aversion to the texture of food in his mouth. They are now working with a therapist to address and hopefully overcome this problem. My own son suffers from sensory integration dysfunction and I can tell you he is a 'picky' eater when it comes to certain food textures. Some days are better than others.

 

[cheermom1]

I have one last thing to say and that is I see a big difference in my kids than I do in my step kids..The way I handled food with my kids is this-- I made a meal with several options of veggies, one meat, and told them this is dinner or lunch or whatever meal and it was their choice to eat or not. I never with held food nor did i force them to eat but a few times of them going to bed hungry made them believers that mom will not make me anything different and they started to eat. It was always their choice to eat. But if they didn't they did not get dessert IF we were having one, not always would I have one. Food was NEVER an issue in my house.

On the other hand my step kids were and still are catered too and they have a HUGE issue with food. They throw fits and refuse the food and expect me to make them another meal. After dh and I were married a few years they got the picture that step mom WILL NOT be a short order cook so dad does it.

The sad part is that this is why my 14 yr. step son weighs 150 lbs!! Their mom makes each kid their own meal for each meal. Another thing she does it that they HAVE to eat at 8am, 12pm, and 6pm period!!! If they are not hungry she still feeds them. I have noticed that b/c of this they eat when they are not hungry. I feel for them but I have tried and I can't do it if dh caters to them and we fight. I have chosen to let him deal with it.

As for my kids I will make sure they are healthy and not have issues with food. Like last night we had beans, corn bread, mashed potatoes, and salad, my kids ate it all!!

 

[cheermom1]

^^^ Cheermom1: You must be familiar with the saying "No two ASD kids are alike." Not all kids on the spectrum exhibit sensory defensiveness related to their palate. However, there seems to be an inordinate amount of those who do. Your child doesn't fall in that category and that's a good thing. I'm not saying people should throw their hands up in the air and give up offering a variety of foods to their 'picky' eaters. What I'm saying is that what may appear to be a 'picky' eater to some on the outside may not be an accurate depiction of the situation at all. I don't blame the parents for 'giving in' if that means the kid will eat something vs. nothing at all.

The book "Just Take a Bite" by Dr. Ernsperger and Dr. Stegen-Hanson was written for families of kids with aversions and 'eating challenges,' more accurately described as eating defensiveness or sensory integration dysfunction. We have a neighbor who's son had to be put on a feeding tube as he would refuse to eat anything. He is a year older than my son and is in the same size clothing as my son. Do I think my neighbor was giving in to a stubborn child? Absolutely not. She offered him healthy foods for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (fresh fruits and vegetables, lean meats, healthy carbs, etc). This child has a genuine aversion to the texture of food in his mouth. They are now working with a therapist to address and hopefully overcome this problem. My own son suffers from sensory integration dysfunction and I can tell you he is a 'picky' eater when it comes to certain textures.

I have said that the op and I am not talking about kids that have allergies or sensory issues. We are talking about the typical kid! But Yes I believe that if you don't make a big deal about food and have them at least try the foods it is better then only fixing what they THINK they will eat.

 

[mjkacmom]

Well, which are you taking exception with, picky eaters, or the foods which the parents are feeding to their kids in the threads you read?

I don't believe the two are always connected. You can have a child who is a picky eater who will only eat, for instance, carrots, whole grain pasta with tomato sauce, chicken, and apples. Those are healthy foods. It's not impossible to provide a picky eater with a balanced diet, depending on what you feed them.

I think a bigger contributor to the obesity epidemic in this country is the lack of exercise, the portion size, and the amount of as well as what they're eating.

THIS! Most picky eaters I know eat a couple fruits, a couple veggies, a couple protiens, and a couple whole grains. Their diet is just as balanced as those who eat a variety of these foods. I think most kids go through eating phases, when they eat certain things (this is based on experience, experience the OP obviously does not have).

I wish I was a pickier eater - then I wouldn't need to lose the 20 pounds I need to lose, and would be nice and skinny like my 3 pickier ones!

 

[Colleen27]

The only way my kids are picky is that they are so used to home made food, they complain about processed. They won't eat boxed macaroni and cheese or spaghetti o's (I tried during a snowstorm with trader joes brand), they don't like boxed cookies, and they don't like frozen nuggets or pizza. I don't blame them, I prefer the home made version too!

That's a problem I've had from time to time with mine too. Especially with mac & cheese - my DH makes great homemade mac & cheese and that's what my kids think it should taste like. None of the three will eat Kraft at all! My 8yo was so happy at California Grill because they have "real" mac & cheese on the kids' menu that she said we have to go back there on every trip.

My toddler has a weird pickyness - she won't eat breaded foods. At all. She'll take a bite and then immediately push it out of her mouth. She'll tolerate fried fish or chicken fingers if you peel off the breading, but the kid has never eaten so much as a single chicken nugget. If we go out for fast food, we order her the smallest burger on the menu because she just doesn't do fried/breaded.

 

[Rora]

I think I morphed into a picky eater as an adult. As I child there were certainly things I didn't want to eat and didn't eat but I was a very adventurous eater. Nowadays my DH jokes that all I eat is is "bread, dessert and corn".. which is actually true.. . It's terrible. For reasons I can't explain, just nothing else sounds good to me.

OP- I agree. Giving into picky eaters typically is just creating a life style of picky eating for them. Although my situation isn't quite the same, I wish I wasn't picky!

 

[Colleen27]

She was also smart in that she taught us to cook at a young age. This gave us some ownership in the meals that were served. My sister and I (one year apart) would peruse our kid friendly recipe books, make our grocery list and then she would help us shop. We then cooked the meal..with Mom supervising from the safety of the living room. We found out first hand that preparing a meal that our family ate made us feel really good. My brothers also had their cooking night and we all loved it, especially the dessert that we always made as part of the meal. It was fun to deny our parents dessert when they chose to "not like" more than one thing on the plate. To this day, everyone in our family eats ( and cooks) well.

That was part of my approach with my pickier middle child. She has cookbooks and her own measuring spoons/cups and the cookbook games for her DS, and she's much more willing to try something new if she has a hand in cooking it. She also loves to garden, and getting her out there growing the broccoli and brussels sprouts and cauliflower made her a lot more excited about eating them - rather than being reluctant to try things that she's heard are yucky, she looks forward to eating the things she's grown.

 

[monkeybug]

THIS! Most picky eaters I know eat a couple fruits, a couple veggies, a couple protiens, and a couple whole grains. Their diet is just as balanced as those who eat a variety of these foods. I think most kids go through eating phases, when they eat certain things (this is based on experience, experience the OP obviously does not have).

I wish I was a pickier eater - then I wouldn't need to lose the 20 pounds I need to lose, and would be nice and skinny like my 3 pickier ones!

With all due respect, it's based on YOUR experience, many people may not feel the same way. Of course the OP doesn't have the your "experience", she's not you. You don't have to have a kid to know picky eaters, and it doesn't make the people with a different experience any less knowledgeable than you.
In my experience most parents with "picky" eaters have kids who only want to eat what I would classify as junk.
This doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong of course. It just means we have had different experiences on this particular topic.

 

[luvsJack]

I dealt with many picky eaters when working in child care. I even had one little boy that would not eat goldfish crackers because, he said "I don't like fish" Most parents just sent the child on and said he/she will eat something from what you fix or be hungry, that his/her choice. And those kids always really did eat something everyday and didn't go hungry. Amazingly most of them got to the point that they pretty much ate anything we fixed for lunch.

But we did have exceptions. One kid's mom sent his lunch every day: a cheese sandwich with the crust cut off (bread and a slice of cheese only), cheetos and a orange and he drank orange soda (apparently he liked the color orange ). That was it. Period. Everyday. His father said he ate the same thing for supper. This child looked so unhealthy! After he was with us about a year, the state policies changed and we had no choice but to serve him the same lunch we served the other kids and we couldn't allow him to bring in his lunch. Within about 3 weeks he was trying the food the other kids ate and finding out that he liked it! Best of all, he started looking like a healthy little boy.

 

[Took]

Nor do I - "forcing" is different than "catering".. The food was placed in front of us.. We could eat it - or not.. However, if we chose not to, mom wasn't going to hop up from the table and make something else for us..

Barring the previously mentioned medical issues, a "picky eater" would be one who sits down to a meal consisting of 5 or 6 items and insists there is nothing there that they "like"..

Same in my home. None of us if picky. Maybe, we wouldn't have been anyway. No way to test that, but we were never 'catered' to.

Also, in response to the Haiti kids' situation, I think that incident is an anomoly as MANY other stories indicate that truly hungry people will eat anything.

 

[Took]

That was part of my approach with my pickier middle child. She has cookbooks and her own measuring spoons/cups and the cookbook games for her DS, and she's much more willing to try something new if she has a hand in cooking it. She also loves to garden, and getting her out there growing the broccoli and brussels sprouts and cauliflower made her a lot more excited about eating them - rather than being reluctant to try things that she's heard are yucky, she looks forward to eating the things she's grown.

This sounds just right. Maybe, it's that we don't teach our kids to cook much any more that's the issue.

 

[monkeybug]

That's a problem I've had from time to time with mine too. Especially with mac & cheese - my DH makes great homemade mac & cheese and that's what my kids think it should taste like. None of the three will eat Kraft at all! My 8yo was so happy at California Grill because they have "real" mac & cheese on the kids' menu that she said we have to go back there on every trip.

My toddler has a weird pickyness - she won't eat breaded foods. At all. She'll take a bite and then immediately push it out of her mouth. She'll tolerate fried fish or chicken fingers if you peel off the breading, but the kid has never eaten so much as a single chicken nugget. If we go out for fast food, we order her the smallest burger on the menu because she just doesn't do fried/breaded.

That's funny! I'm like your toddler!! I will try breaded things, and there are certain things I like breaded (parm. chicken for one) but for the most part I end up peeling it off. For what ever reason the breading on most Chinese food actually makes me sick! Weird!!

I have to say that after years of making macaroni and cheese from scratch, I have to agree with my kids that the boxed kind is kinda' gross! We end up at a lot of buffets at Disney, and sharing our counter service with our kids, because they prefer the grown up food to the kids options. It's not that they don't like chicken nuggets and pizza, they just like the homemade kind!!

 

[mjkacmom]

With all due respect, it's based on YOUR experience, many people may not feel the same way. Of course the OP doesn't have the your "experience", she's not you. You don't have to have a kid to know picky eaters, and it doesn't make the people with a different experience any less knowledgeable than you.
In my experience most parents with "picky" eaters have kids who only want to eat what I would classify as junk.
This doesn't make one of us right and the other wrong of course. It just means we have had different experiences on this particular topic.

But I actually have children! And as a parent, I'm around children all of the time. Before I had children, I also assumed that picky eaters were the way they were because of their parents. Then I gave birth to some. My picky eaters did not just eat junk, but did have limited food items that they would eat. I was really surprised, because DH and I will literally eat anything. I truly believe it is a physical thing, and as they get older, I see them finally growing out of it. I also think some kids do have sensory issues - my poor sister was flamed for posting a youtube video of her dd trying to eat a potato, as she was crying and gagging. My sister has now learned her dd has sensory issues.