Parents - R rated movies for young teens

[mamacatnv]

I would respond. And most likely, I would have said watching the movie was fine, and thanks for asking. We let our 13yo watch plenty of R movies, there are only a handful I would have an issue with. Oh, and I don't think I would have read between the lines that you wanted people to say no for you. Just wouldn't occur to me.
Offhand, what's the movie?

This
I would have no issue with my 14 year old seeing an R rated movie - none. I can't even think of one I would say no too.

I would respond to the email because it was polite, I would not read anything into it other than you respect that other parents might have issues and leave it at that.

A couple of years ago, DD wanted to have a horror film night, the girls were only 12/13 and so I ran all the proposed movie titles by the parents prior to the event. DD really wanted to watch Silence of the Lambs, she had already seen it and really liked it. I do recall one parent saying no, so we switched movies. No harm, we found plenty of other ways to scare the panties off of them

 

[ZephyrHawk]

1) If you got that email, would you respond?

Yes. I'd tell you it was fine.

2) Would you read between the lines that this was also a teaching moment for the kid that his parents weren't the "only ones that had objections" or would you assume the parents really wanted to show the movie

I'd assume the parents were just being careful because other parents can be strict and they don't want to annoy their friends. I wouldn't assume that this was to teach the kid anything, nor would I assume that the parents had any opinions about the movie at all (other than that other parents might be concerned about it).

3) If you wouldn't respond, would it be because you didn't really care, or because you had concerns about the parent's level of common sense for even asking?

It would be because I didn't get the email. I wouldn't not respond when someone asks me to specifically. However, I suppose of the options you give it would be because I didn't care.

 

[JennaDeeDooDah]

I think you were being very responsible by sending the email. Personally, I would want to know if an R-rated movie was going to be shown to my 14-year old. My response would be to do a little research about the movie and then email back my opinion. In general, I do not allow my 14-year old son to watch R-rated movies. He does not need to see sex and nudity and be bombarded with F-bombs at his age. Of course, we are the parents who didn't take our boys to PG-13 movies until they were actually 13. There are plenty of other movies for them to watch. I don't think there's any need for young teens to venture into R-rated movies yet.

That's where I stand. I like that you made the parents aware of it. Not everyone parents the same and not all kids are the same. I'd appreciate the notice. If I didn't want my child to see the movie, I'd likely decline the invitation to attend just because I would not be comfortable with telling another parent that her party plans needed to change, though.

 

[Donaldswife]

Have these kids seen Point Break?

 

[design_mom]

Have these kids seen Point Break?

LOL!

I think you were being very responsible by sending the email. Personally, I would want to know if an R-rated movie was going to be shown to my 14-year old. My response would be to do a little research about the movie and then email back my opinion. In general, I do not allow my 14-year old son to watch R-rated movies. He does not need to see sex and nudity and be bombarded with F-bombs at his age. Of course, we are the parents who didn't take our boys to PG-13 movies until they were actually 13. There are plenty of other movies for them to watch. I don't think there's any need for young teens to venture into R-rated movies yet.

I agree. Our kids have seen a few PG-13s that we've pre-viewed and deemed OK for them, but as a general rule we follow the ratings. I don't think I'd be thrilled with the party being centered around rated-R movies, but we'd research the actual movie and make a decision before we told our son he couldn't attend the party. (I haven't seen that particular movie.) If we had objections, though, we'd just say he couldn't come, not "he can't watch the movie." My son would die of embarrassment if we were "those parents." I would have an objection... the question would be if it would be strong enough to make me tell him he couldn't go to his friend's party. But either way, I don't think it's a good idea when it comes to other kids (If you're okay with your own kid watching R movies, that's fine with me.)

Regarding getting responses to your e-mail: The wording in your OP sounds like you requested responses *if* a parent objected. If that's how your e-mail was worded, I might only respond *if* we had an objection strong enough to prevent us from letting him go to the party. If you asked "Please respond and let me know if your son has permission to watch the movie." then, of course, I would respond either way.

I do think it's nice that you're sending out an e-mail in advance though so at least the parents know what's going to be going on. I would be pretty annoyed if my son was shown rated-R movies without letting me know first.

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I think it was wrong of you to put the decision on the other parents. Have your party and who can come comes. Putting it out there like that puts the responsibility on the guests. If I didn't want my child to see that movie I would have just declined. I never tell people what they can do in their homes. I think it is good to let them know the movie shown but everything else is simply too much. You said that 23 people looked at it and hardly any repsonses. Maybe they also read the email and are chatting about it. I honestly would find the whole thing weird. JMHO YMMV.

 

[ICF]

Have these kids seen Point Break?

well played....

and for the OP --- yes I would respond if sent an email like that.

 

[Mkrop]

For the past 5 years, we've had an ongoing, normal, disagreements with my stepson about appropriate media. (R rated movies, M rated video games, etc)I tend to have stronger opinions, but, my vote is not equal to DH's, of course. However, for DSS's 14th birthday, since other kids were involved, I insisted on the following compromise:

DSS selected R rated horror movie. All parents were emailed name of movie and told that if anyone objected, the movie would not be shown and that any repsonses would be confidential. Granted, it's still two weeks to the party. However, out of 24 emails, in the past week, we have only gotton two responses. One was an ok. The other was a half hearted "I have concerns, but if I'm the only one, let me know and I might reconsider"

Honestly, I'm a little suprised. So, my question is:

1) If you got that email, would you respond?
2) Would you read between the lines that this was also a teaching moment for the kid that his parents weren't the "only ones that had objections" or would you assume the parents really wanted to show the movie
3) If you wouldn't respond, would it be because you didn't really care, or because you had concerns about the parent's level of common sense for even asking?

1) If I got the email, I would tell you the movie was ok or not after reviewing it. And I would RSVP a yes or no answer because I am not rude.

2) That thought that it was a teaching moment would never cross my mind. I would asssume you were cool with the movie but know certain parents have other views and did not want to go against other parents wishes.

3)I would always respond yes or no but I have noticed a steady decline in RSVPs in general or they all come at the last minute as if they are waiting on a better offer. I think more people are rude about RSVPing than care at all about your common sense.

I think you just want to prove to your DH and DSS that you are right.

We base thing on what the movie is about in our house not just the rating. We research or talk about it before our kids can go but now that our oldest has reached HS we are much less strict.

 

[marcyinPA]

I think you were being very responsible by sending the email. Personally, I would want to know if an R-rated movie was going to be shown to my 14-year old. My response would be to do a little research about the movie and then email back my opinion. In general, I do not allow my 14-year old son to watch R-rated movies. He does not need to see sex and nudity and be bombarded with F-bombs at his age. Of course, we are the parents who didn't take our boys to PG-13 movies until they were actually 13. There are plenty of other movies for them to watch. I don't think there's any need for young teens to venture into R-rated movies yet.

Same here on the bolded.

As for not getting responses- I think that's just common today (unfortunately). People rarely RSVP anymore.

 

[RachelEllen]

Thanks for all the feedback.

To the PP. I'm pretty confident I'm right!

We also base decisions on individual products, not just ratings. But when you are talking about other people's kids, I think the ratings are a safe, reasonable way to decide things. But, I'm pretty confident that out of a group of 25 parents, some, if not many would have concerns about the film.

I wasn't thrilled with the compromise, both because I agree it shifts a burden of responsibility to the guests parents and because I really don't want to be the household where that kind of media is ok. But, since it addressed my major concern, showing the film without permission, I agreed.
I mainly posted to get some alternate interpretations about the lack of responses. I definitely didn't expect that so many people would just declinethe party.

 

[Bluestars]

I think it was a good idea to send the parents an email and let them know the title of the movie and that it was rated R. I've been fairly relaxed with my kids when it came to movies. The content of the movie was more important than the ratings. I found some PG13 movies that were worse than rated R movies. We didn't allow them to see movies with a lot of sex, nudity, or extreme violence when they were young teens.

I looked at why this movie particular movie was rated R. My kids did not see movies like that when they were 14. I don't have a problem with other parents choosing a movie like that as long as we are told about it ahead of time and could decline the invitation.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2231554/parentalguide?ref_=tt_stry_pg

My husband and I have always been careful about what movies we went to when their friends were with us. I would never assume it's ok to take someone else's 14 year old to an R rated movie. Now that my youngest is 17, he can see whatever he wants to see. It doesn't matter to us.

 

[low-key]

my parents let me see R rated movies in my young teens and Im normal

 

[happygirl]

I think it great you are informing parents about the choice of movie you are watching, however I wouldn't respond the the email. My kid just wouldn't be there

 

[chloelovesdisney]

At 14yo I wouldn't be concerned about a horror movie. In 4 more years they can vote and join the military. I'd think this is really your husband's decision, it's his child's party. If he doesn't care I'd leave it be.

No, I wouldn't respond to your email. I'd let my 14yo decide if they want to go to the party or not and rsvp to your stepson.

 

[mad madam mim78]

I'm realizing my parenting is extremely liberal. I'm 99 percent sure my 9yr old has seen that movie.

 

[mad madam mim78]

At 14yo I wouldn't be concerned about a horror movie. In 4 more years they can vote and join the military. I'd think this is really your husband's decision, it's his child's party. If he doesn't care I'd leave it be.

No, I wouldn't respond to your email. I'd let my 14yo decide if they want to go to the party or not and rsvp to your stepson.

 

[MinnieLovesMickey12]

I would have researched the movie to see why it was rated R. I actually tried to look up Grave Intentions 2 on Common Sense Media which is the site I use for detailed movie reviews and that movie isn't even on the site. SO my guess is that it is a very low budget movie and probably has sexual content. If I couldn't find out more info on why it was rated R then I would probably decline the invitation.

I allow my kids to watch some R rated movies but not if they have graphic nudity and sexual content. I am also in the camp that I really don't think it is healthy or appropriate to let tweens and teens watch movie where grown people are having sex.

I also agree with a PP that I think you are just sending out this email hoping others agree with you that the movie should not be shown.

I don't agree with what all my stepson's mom allows him to watch. She lets him watch True Blood and that series has some of the most graphic sexual content of any series on TV. But she lets him watch it. Then says he can't get on the internet because they can see porn on the internet. That is a total contradiction.

If this party were going to happen at MY HOUSE then I would have just as much say about it as my husband has, stepson or not.

I would have researched the movie myself and if it didn't have nudity or sex in it then I would have told them it is OK to watch and I probably wouldn't have even emailed any parents.

 

[mad madam mim78]

I would have researched the movie to see why it was rated R. I actually tried to look up Grave Intentions 2 on Common Sense Media which is the site I use for detailed movie reviews and that movie isn't even on the site. SO my guess is that it is a very low budget movie and probably has sexual content. If I couldn't find out more info on why it was rated R then I would probably decline the invitation.

I allow my kids to watch some R rated movies but not if they have graphic nudity and sexual content. I am also in the camp that I really don't think it is healthy or appropriate to let tweens and teens watch movie where grown people are having sex.

I also agree with a PP that I think you are just sending out this email hoping others agree with you that the movie should not be shown.

I don't agree with what all my stepson's mom allows him to watch. She lets him watch True Blood and that series has some of the most graphic sexual content of any series on TV. But she lets him watch it. Then says he can't get on the internet because they can see porn on the internet. That is a total contradiction.

If this party were going to happen at MY HOUSE then I would have just as much say about it as my husband has, stepson or not.

I would have researched the movie myself and if it didn't have nudity or sex in it then I would have told them it is OK to watch and I probably wouldn't have even emailed any parents.

I believe the movie is actually "grave encounters 2".

 

[scrapquitler]

I would appreciate the heads up about the movie that you intend to show. However if I objected to it, I would not call or email you to discuss it or explain my stance about the movie. Instead I would just decline the invitation and keep the reason to myself.

 

[RachelEllen]

I don't think I'm hoping other parents will agree that it shouldn't be shown. I'm more assuming that parents will agree with me that it shouldn't be shown. Seems like a no brainer to me that out of a group of 25 parents, at least some would object to this movie. Someone else posted a link to a parental guidance page for it, and it's pretty out there even for an R rated horror flick. That's why this is a compromise. If I had my way, we just wouldn't show it..

It's ultimately not up to me what DSS is allowed to watch. And, if no one attending's parents have any objections, then, while I may not be thrilled with the idea, I'm not going to actively object to it being shown to kids our house. It would be different if it were something that had the potential to be actually dangerous or harmful in the moment, but since its not, Im willing to let it go if all the parents are ok with it.

In the conversation with my husband leading to this compromise, I did bring up the fact that some parents just may decide not to let their kids come to the party. And DH did bring that up to DSS when he was given the choice of having the email sent out or selecting a PG-13 movie. But, if this thread is any indication, we may have underestimated how many parents who objected to the movie would just RSVP no.